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#Quarantine

This whole thing with what is happening in the world with this Pandemic has been nothing but chaotic.

People misunderstanding the severity of this situation. Coming from a healthcare standpoint this is something very important to educate yourself on instead of assuming what is going on through others social media. As well as how the public news is portraying it to be.

It is something to be aware of and take the proper precautions to protect not only yourselves but others as well. Be aware, be educated on what is going on. Use proper forms of information from either the CDC or WHO websites and not just reading or listening to others because they may not be well informed on what is actually going on.

For those who actually have issues with depression, like myself, this is not a great time for any of those who suffer with depression. Yes, people will tell you that “things could be worse” or “at least you’re not sick” it’s all things that people say because they don’t understand the mentality of those who have issues with depression. It’s a tough time for those who suffer with this, especially now. Being alone with your thoughts on a constant basis and not being able to really express yourself of have a healthy outlet.

For me it was the gym, and now with the pandemic it’s been hard not to allow myself to get absorbed within my own mind and allow myself to overthink situations.

Yes, I still make time for my physical health by doing home workouts and going for a jog outside to get some sunlight as to avoid Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). BTW, this is a real thing, people who don’t allow themselves to go out in the sunlight can develop a type of depression because they lack exposure to natural sunlight. So I make it a point to go outside for at least an hour while still practicing Social Distancing so I don’t suffer with not only my depression but allow myself to get affected with SAD.

I don’t know what it is about myself that I find something to always be sad about. No matter how much I practice to find self happiness and not allow myself to get caught up in my emotions, it’s like it is so difficult to get over that hill.

I tend to think that I should see a physician in regards to my sadness that gets overwhelming at least 3-4 days a week because it can affecting my activities of daily living and I know long term this can not be healthy for myself. But I always push it off because I don’t want to admit to myself that I may need to be medicated to help alleviate this feeling of impending doom.

It’s always been so difficult for my to reach other and talk to people because I am truly ashamed by my feelings of negativity and sadness.

I hate being THAT person that brings people down because of my own feelings. I know what it’s like to just allow myself to drown in negativity and I wouldn’t want others to ever feel the way I do. Most people can’t even imagine me ever feeling this way because I don’t talk about it.

I don’t know how to really talk about it in person to others..

I know that’s my own downfall. I know that I should be the one to reach other when I needs help, but I just can’t. I freeze every time I get a hint of courage to talk to anyone about it.

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If you stop. You'll die. So keep going.

I read this quote from somewhere recently, but can't quit remember from where. This intrigued me, and made me think a lot about what has happened in this last year of 2013. 

A lot has happened...

Some events that I wish to forget and some that I wish would have been extended.

I am now at a place in my career where I'm actually semi content as to where I want to be. Better than where I was about a year ago. I'm still looking to further my career due to the actual goal that I have set for myself. I still feel as though I'm not exactly where I want to be, I'm getting somewhere. 

But working in the field that I chose to be in, isn't what I exactly what I had expected. 

Currently I'm employed in a long term/ rehab center. Not saying that this job isn't a good experience, but it is very stressful. Being told that I am working in the toughest station in the entire facility isn't soothing. I've been working for about a month now and it hasn't necessarily become any easier. There is always new things that come up that I have not experienced in my clinicals in school. Everything that I learned in school is only a fraction of what actually happens on the floor. 

I'm still learning to adjust as times goes on. I'm unable to produce a good routine due to the fact that I'm a floating nurse. Being trained in multiple stations gives me both an advantage as well as a disadvantage. I'm glad that I get to experience so many different types of people with multiple diagnosis and different types of behaviors so that I can learn to adapt to them. But I will not be able to build a well balanced routine with each station that I work in because I'm moved around so often. Trying to remember each residents routine that they go by daily is what is the most difficult thing for me to adapt to. I need to be able to adjust in a way that can help each resident in the most optimum way. 

I need to be strong and be able to get through at least a year of working to obtain the experience that I need to further my career and go back to school. Even though I just started I am now looking into other schools to obtain either my ADN or BSN. All in all I want to end up with my BSN so I can reach my major goal. 

Having the support of my boyfriend is what keeps me going. He stays strong for me and always helps me to relieve any stress that I may have while still giving me the faith to believe in myself that I can do this job. Working in a nursing home is a lot harder then I thought it would be. I hope that I can adjust to it soon so that I can learn to adapt and not stress about it so much. Worrying about what can happen on my shift that may keep me at work for more than an 8 hour day (which easily can turn into a 12 hours work day). 

I need to keep going to survive in this career that I have chosen. Nursing is no joke and is by far a very stressful job. Dealing with different types of people, learning to cope with others attitude, being empathetic while knowing where your boundaries are with each resident. Knowing where you stand and knowing that you can't always please everyone. Knowing that even when you do your best, it may not be enough. Being the person that deals with the upset family member and taking all their grief. Being understanding while still being firm with what needs to be done. learning to be compassionate but not sympathetic. Knowing that you need to be able to handle any situation that happens during your shift. 

Nursing is not for the weary. I give a lot of respect to other nurses who have been in this career for many years, and I give a lot of respect to the new nurses who can continue standing believing that all of their hard work is still helping someone.

As I was told by a fellow co-worker, "All nurses have to be partially insane to be able to work in this field." 

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In case you’re having a bad day…here are some puppies sleeping with stuffed animals.

(Credit: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. A note on the first puppy: At 5-1/2 weeks old, Daisy was mauled by a larger dog. As a result of that attack, she lost an eye, hence the stitches. Daisy is now 6 months old and doing well!)

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part 2 of my unfortunately ongoing series, “levi’s face on pugs”

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Note to self:

You should not wish bad onto anyone that has done wrong to you... Be humble to yourself and remember things happen for a reason. The past is the past, the present and the future should be your concern.

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Women Vs. Women

Has it every occurred to you that women are sometimes come across as hypocritical? Though I know almost everyone is, it just seems more prevalent when it comes to women. There was a time in history where women banded together to form an organization to fight for women's rights, to stand next to each other to fight for what is right. They believed women should be strong individuals, they should have pride, self-respect as well as be respected. Many strong individual women have fought for women's rights, to be treated equally as men. Women's rights still remain but the characteristics as well as the self-respect a women should hold as diminished. I know what you're probably thinking... what does someone like me, a 22 year old female know about a women's self-destructive way of living? Well it has recently come to my attention that though there are still many strong women out there in today's society working hard, making money, going to school, working just as hard as a man though there are women that are basically giving women a bad name. Even some who are hardworking who give off the impression that they can do things on there own have altered ego's which can really affect a women's image. I know at my age, it's accustomed to go out shopping, going out to parties, clubs (Vegas in particular). But is really worries me because a lot of these girls are actually ruining their own image. May I remind you I am not referring to all women in the world, just a reference to what seems to be a majority. A lot of these girls go out and party, and when they go out and party they tend to wear clothing that is exceptionally revealing. Yes.. they say they are going to the club for a girls night out.. but what man would not look at a group of girls wearing skin tight dresses that fall right below a girls back side? What these girls wear are actually non-tasteful dresses that make them to appear as if they don't have any self-respect. Though many of these women could really be out with their girlfriends having a good time, they could all be educated women that are very successful.. yet men don't see that by just looking at these types of women. Physical appearance is a big part of a women because what they wear is basically what they think of themselves. I'm not saying girls that wear "clubbing attire" are sluts or whores, they could totally be far from it, but why do women feel sexy in skimpy clothing? What makes a women feel good about showing themselves to strangers? Another thing that is self destructive to women is the fact that women always have to gossip about other women. Yes.. I know.. men also gossip but that has almost become a normality among some men because women do it so much that men are starting to catch on as well. Many women go behind each other's backs and complain about each other. They all talk about each other no matter what the subject is about they always tend to talk about other women, and for some strange reason it tends to be negative things. Gossiping always leads to more gossiping and what is being said usually gets around even if you only told one person. It seems women tend to gossip about other women they are intimidated by, women that are prettier of uglier then them, smarter or dumber then them, women are just constantly gossiping to make another women look bad. Why do women even do this? Shouldn't women be on a equal playing ground? Who cares if someone is smarter or dumber then you? Who cares that someone is prettier or uglier then you? It isn't going to make you any better then that person to talk negatively about them. This issue can and usually turns other women against each other which leads to other issues. I understand women will be women and within this tremendous population of women, there are still individuals, people who are different and don't apply to the things I have mentioned. For those who are different and are self respecting women who are strong and independent, continue to do what you are doing because it is to only better yourself because you should be your only concern not other women. I try to live this lifestyle and let other women do as they please because they don't need to be involved in my life. Unless they are part of my family or my group of friends. Even then I try not to think negatively about them nor do I gossip about them. Living a life where you are the most important is key but remember that even if you are happy with your life there about many women who aren't happy with your life and will either try to wholeheartedly help you or make it even worse "just because.. they don't like you."

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The pasts present

I find it strange, usually my blogging ideas come from when I simply sit in a coffee shop and observe different types of people. Usually I tend to gain multiple ideas of what to write about just for sitting here for even a couple minutes. For today I want to talk about the wise as well as the ignorant that live in today's society. In today's norm population within this coffee shop there tends to be more people within the older generation (about 50-70). I find it strange to think about what these people tend to talk about. I always wondered what I would talk about when I got older and listening to them talk about their lives was exactly what I thought. These people talk like your average teenagers and young adults, though their choice of words and the alteration of sentences are significantly different. When listening carefully their language seems more refined and lacks what we call normally call luster. To an ignorant young adult and elderly person that speaks is thought to be boring and not worth listening to because they lack the enthusiasm that young adults normally have when conversing. But when you take the time to talk to the elderly I'm sure you can gain so much information from them. As people normally say, the older you are the more wise you are. I do agree with this statement because I find that as you get older you experience more in life and are able to tell people about your experiences. But as is has happened from generation to generation, people don't like to listen. When people are young they tend to be stubborn and ignorant and think that what they know is what is best. I know from experience, I would often disregard what my parents would tell me because I didn't want to hear what they had to say because I thought what I thought was best. Or I would take what they would say and totally just think "Oh, they don't know what it's like now, it's different from what they are used to because times have changed." Though now that I'm older I understand what they are saying yet I still see that there are still things that I could teach my parents because things have changed yet there are still valuable things that they can tell me. Ignorance is nothing that should be embraced but should be broken due to the things that can cause. For instance many children that are in junior high or early high school are not ignorant about sex but they forget the consequences of what happens when you have it. I don't know what goes through their minds when they go around being promiscuous but do these kids really know the consequences  for what they are doing. Many young teens are getting pregnant as well as obtaining many types of STDs. I know that children learn about sex at a pretty young age because we want them to be aware of what is going on but is it really what is best? No matter how much you tell them that they can get pregnant, no matter how much you threaten them about getting an STD many teens are still doing as they please. Is it because they are stubborn? Or is it because they are ignorant? Honestly, no matter how much you try to inform them about what happens they don't want to listen. I find it to be because they are not aware of the fact that many people that are older then them have ever gone through exactly what they go through. Peer pressure, stress (weather it be at home, work, school, friends, family), someone out there someone who is aware of what these kids have exactly gone through exists but children don't want to listen (not all but many young adults as well as teens). The elderly like to talk to people because a lot of them are lonely and are just like anyone else, they need to socialize with other people. And needing social interaction isn't bad because at ever age a person needs to have some sort of social interaction. So take the time and listen, no matter where you are, if you get the chance to speak with someone that had something to say just listen openly without any bias and you may learn a couple things. Don't be closed minded and try to limit your own ignorance, because ignorance seems to be what is challenging many people. I know from a lot of different encounters that ignorance is really annoying, weather it be because I myself am ignorant when it comes to certain subjects but when it comes to an individuals life-style to be ignorant it really seems to be self-destructive. Is being ignorant really something to live by and to praise?

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Hospitality and the Homeless

Have you ever looked around and realized the population of poverty has increased over the years? Over the many years of living in my small town (it's actually relatively large but still small compared to the silicon valley's cities) that the population of people in poverty have grown significantly. But what is the cause of some of these people's unfortunate circumstance? Is it due to their own choices or due to the increasing unemployment rate? My mother always states that these homeless people are at fault because they didn't take responsibility for their own lives and didn't work hard enough in life to succeed. But is that really true for all those who are starving? I honestly don't know what to make about people who are unfortunate.. I do have pity for them but who is really to blame? Them or the lack of jobs and opportunities for them? For people that have sucked up their pride to ask for money just to buy themselves food because they have lost everything in their lives, I wish I could really help because maybe they have tried their best but still haven't been given the opportunity to better themselves. But there are people who have become homeless and hungry due to their own actions of drug or alcohol abuse are at fault for their own doing. These people actually don't do any good for themselves but instead suffer due to their own choices in life. I don't want to sound cold hearted at all because I wish I could help those in need but when these people ask me for money it's like I don't know if they are gathering money for food to survive or money for the next hit of cocaine. Though it really is difficult to differentiate between the different types of people who hold out their hand to you. Some may appear rude and aggressive when asking for a hand out, while others are shy and closed out but make signs to ask for help. I understand that money is hard to come by because we all have things that we need to pay for but does it really hurt to give money to some of these people? So many people are in disgust because of people who are homeless. They are shunned by those who possess money (not all but many). Many people talk bad about those who are unfortunate and blame them for their own hardships. But don't people realize how hard it really is to ask for money? It takes a lot of courage as well as pushing so much pride to push aside to ask for handouts. Well I know how hard it is for me to ask for money anyway.. I see how some people react to those who are homeless and sometimes is really breaks my heart to see these people disregard them and only think that it's their own fault they are in the situation that they are in. But for me I feel like if I can help I'll try to help as much as I can. I got this idea from a friend a couple years ago, when I see someone who is homeless and is in need of help I prefer to give them food instead of money. This will at least help them to sustain themselves even if it is just for a little bit. I try to carry food with me, even if it just a bag of chips or something just to help out. I know many people who go out to eat and always cary leftovers out, why not give it away to someone who is need? If you have some canned food in your pantry that you really don't want anymore why not donate it? If there are clothes that you haven't worn in years why not donate it to a homeless shelter? There are many people in need as of today, but there are many people who really don't care because they aren't in the situation. And I know that sometimes is it hard to give away things (including food, money and clothing) but really consider helping and lending a hand in your community. Find local shelters in your towns and donate to them because they are doing a lot of help to those in need. Try not to be skeptical to those who are homeless. Find out information about community centers that help those in need and refer people to these places because sometimes all these people need is an opportunity to better themselves and maybe one person can help change a homeless person'e perspective in life to really try harder to succeed. I know as I grow older and actually get a better career I would like to donate more to these community shelters because what they are doing is really helpful. So try to lend a hand, and don't disregard homeless people. Wouldn't you want to be helped if you were homeless? If you were in the state in need? Just think about these people and put yourself in their situation.. sometimes it truly is sad and sometimes is truly is their own fault but realize that these people are people just like you more or less they would want to be treated as well as you do.

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Dear Mental Status

Recently due to my current situation, I've been finding myself to be in an incomprehensible state of mind. this occurs intermittently throughout a day to where it is starting to affect my state of mind. It's annoying as well as bothersome to think that my own thoughts get interrupted by my subconscious. Continuously shoving my subconscious away from the thoughts that should be of most importance to me. I don't know how many times a day I have to force my mind to think elsewhere, how many times a day I subside my thoughts that I try to keep in secret.

This is slowly building and growing to be more bothersome to me. I know it sounds childish, this problem of mine. But I feel as though I have to get this off my chest, somewhere I can vent because I feel as though I do not have that support system that I used to hold so near to my heart there for me anymore.

I've always tried to remind myself to not allow my happiness to become dependent on one single person but this constant nag that I used to believe in has been broken. I've fallen deep into that trust, that love and happiness to where I felt that I became tangled in a beautiful kind of love. I allowed myself to fall deeper and deeper into that ocean of trust and bliss but sadly I feel like someone has pulled me out of that deep ocean causing my heart to go into shock due to the sudden change in climate.

Rebuilding myself from the ground up is something that needs to be done to develop an immunity to this rush of heat. From being in a cool type of love where I allowed my heart to be engulfed within your cool hands, you suddenly released your grasp as my heart shifted from the deepness of your love to float to the surface where the sun began to heat my heart.. You said to grow as an individual yet kept me still floating on the surface, kept me wondering if you would ever hold my again. Yet you keep me floating, flowing along the surface of the water watching me but not fully engaged like you used to.

Now as I pitter along the outskirts of your life waiting for your call, I find myself developing what feels like negative emotions towards your decision. Your decision to keep me tied by your side without looking at me, without a word you kept me tied down. Your words of "I don't know what I want." I don't want to develop any negative emotions towards the love we shared, I don't want to grow bitter towards your decision. I respect it but I feel like it's hurting me more then you. Why not let me go if you don't even wonder if you want to be with me.

Waiting is something I'd gladly do with the assurance of your love in return, but without any type of guarantee how can I peacefully wait on the shore for you?

Sometimes I wonder if I should be the one to end it to let my mind be at ease.. to allow my mind to rest from this constant nagging of "what if?" All I ask was reassurance from you, to allow me to love you but that's not enough for you..

Due to my constant negativity that I stowed upon you, you decide to leave me hanging by a rope.. not knowing if you'd return to pull me back up.. instead I still waiting here holding so tightly to where my hands have built blisters.. yet you haven't returned.

Am I ignorant for waiting? Does waiting prove to you that I love you or not? How am I suppose to evaluate this situation clearly while my mind is still running a million miles an hour..how can I focus on other things?

You seem find without me so why don't you leave me? Why don't you cut the rope from where you stand to allow me to fall so I can stand on my own again...

People say "it's either he wants to be with you or not" I couldn't give this as an ultimatum to you because I wanted to believe in us, that us would find it's way back together.. but everyday is getting harder and harder to believe that you would come back..

I wish my mind would just rest... I wish my mind would calm down..

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THINGS A GIRL WISHES HER BOYFRIEND KNEW:

I want you to hug me from behind, unexpectedly.

I want you to give me your hoodie when I`m cold.

I want you to hold me and keep me warm.

I want you to cuddle with me and watch movies together.

I want you to kiss me in the rain.

I want you to hold my hands and play with my fingers.

I want you to play with my hair.

I want you to take amazing photos with me.

I want you to come to my house and meet my family.

I want you to lay on my bed with me and just hold me.

I want you to let me dress you up and make you look silly.

I want you to watch sunrise with me.

I want you to give me piggy back rides daily.

I want you to kiss my nose.

I want you to wipe my tears away.

I want you to tell me that you miss me already even if we were together five minutes ago.

I want you to drop everything and hug me tight.

I want you to take me on a picnic.

I want you to snuggle with me in the movie theaters.

I want you to squeeze me as hard as you can when you hug me.

I want you to smile every single time you see me.

I want you to know how much I love you.

I just want you.

THINGS A BOY WISHES HIS GIRLFRIEND KNEW

I want you to let me play with my/your hair.

I want you to accept my compliments.

I want you to listen to me sometimes.

I want you to smile for me (guys love their girls smile).

I want you to hold my hand unexpectedly .

I want you to tell me silly jokes and pick up lines.

I want you to watch Pixar/Disney movies with me.

I want you to try to play video games with me.

I want you to tell me silly stories.

I want you to sing and dance randomly with me.

I want to take pictures and make couple videos with you (even though guys may not show it, we enjoy taking pictures and making videos).

I want you to not make fun of my little imperfections (sometimes it gets to us).

I want you to kiss me.

I want you to bite my lip occasionally (I cant speak for all guys, but damn it feels good).

I want you to tell me you love me.

I want you to tell me you missed me when we finally get together.

I want you to accept me for who I am.

I want you to love me unconditionally.

I just want to spend time with you.

I need you to know that I love you so much.

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Totally cried

The two kind of guys. A common issue.

Every girl should watch this.

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