lifeilluminatd

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

Most people didn’t take the time to study him long enough to catch all the tiny little hints that were buried in his behavior. That was the gift that was his anger, his weapon that managed to keep most away from want, away from the curiosity that was often sparked by those who were more inviting with themselves.

He could still name all his great loves on a single hand, remember just the way their mouths moved when they said his name - and they were special. They had been let in, let in deep enough to leave a wound - which every single one of them had, but he was probably better for the lesson. Granted, Vihaan didn’t see it that way. Instead, for each person that missed the chance that was his sentiment, there was another wall. By now, he’d become the best kept secret in this entire town.

It didn’t matter now though, there was a coldness that had seeped in, intending to drown him peacefully in it. The irony was probably in the fire that burned within, but not bright enough, not strong enough to thaw what had already frozen over. It was too late, in every foreboding sense of the phrase. After the last one, he was far past salvation and redemption.

“Some would say there is strength in the way you aren’t afraid of making a fool of yourself, of the way you find joy in things that often hurt first. They wouldn’t be wrong, either.” He pointed out with an observant tone, appreciating the way that Alder was still very willing to throw themself into the fire, to burn at the chance for love, be it romantic, platonic, or otherwise. Maybe not love, perhaps that was the wrong word. It was more like experience, but either way it was an admirable quality, one the dragon had long since lost.

“The scales will always favor my sister and I, but we all know that’s because we’re more than willing to destroy the ones that don’t.” It’s a fact, and he speaks it like such. He’s grown out of the old, dead habit of trying to make himself sound like less of a monster. It’s tiresome, and it doesn’t serve him. Maybe it’s the acceptance he’s gifted here, or maybe it’s just plain lack of reason to care anymore.

“I don’t even think I can help, there are some things, some words you can never come back from. Which, I know may sound foreign to you, but it’s a reality that I hadn’t expected. Thank you, though, as if I needed another favor to be added to my debt with you.” Humor, again, touched the conversation on his end with a bit of a laugh, one that didn’t sound half as bitter as he felt.

The wounds people carried were not simple things, they knew only from a distance where some of the dragon's could be found and it would been unkind to reopen them only for the sake of gaining the knowledge. So Vihaan could guard his secrets and they would only listen when he offered them now and then, never fully knowing the story but not needing to; most of what they needed they already saw in how it had effected their friend and how it continued to. There was no way to make a wound heal faster, time was not always kind with that either, but there was some merit in simply being there for when that support was needed. In a way it was the least of what they could do, they always longed to do more, but no more than they could reclaim the missing parts of their own past they could not undo the painful ones the dragon felt. It wouldn't have been fair to steal away regardless, Alder knew better than most that feeling anything, even pain, was often better than looking into the void of simply having nothing in the spaces were memories once had resided. 

"There are moments I wonder if it is a sort of desperation." They confessed in a light tone, far easier to speak of their uncertainties in humor than feel the full weight of them. "I've lost more than I'll ever know, sometimes that's a blessing and other times I feel it when I think about people lost to time that I cannot have back." It was strange notion that perhaps only those like Vihaan would understand, the ones who lived lives endlessly long. The dragon had countless people and memories behind him but mortals and sometimes even other creatures met their end and left only memories. "But I am a fool and I'll keep doing these things, you're right, life is hardly worth being a part of if its' not indulged for all it can be, is it?" The smile had returned, they could not dwell on anything too heavy for long, not when there was enough good to find reasons not to.

There was no judgement, both Vihaan and Citali were friends and their pain had been obvious more than either likely might admit. Alder did not need the reasons to know the two had fought for what they had in the world and for each other.  "Perhaps, you know I'm not fond of that choice but I also have never known what the choices were for either of you so it's not my place to say much about it. I just know I would rather have the two of you here, safe and relatively sound, than to have you anywhere else.” It was a simple thing to say, at least it was for them, because it was never a difficult thing for Alder to remind others of the value they held to them.

"Words can be dangerous, sometimes more than actions, they certainly can leave a deeper wound. But words are not people and sometimes they're worth far more to us than any mistake they might make in a single moment." They offered as an observation but it was only that, the dragon did not need advice nor was he seeking it. "I'll ask nothing else about it if that's what you prefer. But it's a wonderful day and, really Vihaan, if you're going to carry on in such a dismal mood I'll find something absurd to subject you to on sheer principle." They countered the laugh with something near to a grin, it was no weak threat; if nothing more could be done to ease their friend's pain then they would find some manner of nonsense to distract them.

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

He did laugh at the mere suggestion that Alder couldn’t imagine what it was like to be sentimental. They were far more capable of that than he was, at least outwardly. Vihaan’s sentiments were hidden, never to be seen over the high walls he’d built around them. They were weaknesses, after all. This he knew to be true because it was what his father had taught them, a lesson that had been beaten into the two siblings from as early as either one of them could remember. The memory, even now, had a certain ability to bring forth a wince - but he managed to deny it the satisfaction at the last minute. Instead, he took some kind of solace in the fact that the man would have said he and Citali were one another’s weaknesses.

Well, he would have said that, had they let him live. But, that story was currently  million miles away. Instead, he reached up to allow fingers to play idly across the ring that was around his neck - the one piece of jewelry that was given consistency in his wardrobe. “It’s not that I don’t have sentiment, It’s just rather selective. It’s wasted when you are handing it out to everything, didn’t someone say that less was more?” There was an almost playful grin offered to the other, shaking his head as that hand moved. 

Fingers reached up to comb his hair away from his face, listening to the range of emotions that were offered in the statement. “At what point do you think they stop having value, then?” The question was meant to be a surprisingly deep one, and he wondered if they would grasp exactly what it was he was asking. It was more toward the repetition of the same lesson - the same loss, the same hardship, repeated over and over again became torture, after all. It didn’t matter how hard, or how often you learned it - sometimes, he believed, it just didn’t have to be that way. 

It wasn't as though they wore every emotion outwardly, a few of the ones that would have caused those around them to worry were carefully tucked away because time had taught what the limits were to what they could handle alone. Past those limits, yes, it was time to seek out people they trusted for help but up to that point they carried on with optimism. Too few people reached it easily and they didn't judge, every life had pain to it and sometimes it was a heavy burden, which was all the more reason to try to cultivate some good there for those they cared about. 

"Of course not, I've never thought you lacking in it." Alder smiled, at times it took looking deeper to find, yes, and overlooking some of the anger that burned bright in the dragon, but it would have been unfair to claim Vihaan was without such things. After all, the way he cared for his sister was more than proof enough there was a warmer heart buried deep, somewhere in a spot that pain had tangled up in wisps that made it difficult to reach. Vihaan had occasionally been short with in his anger even with them but never truly unkind. "You just have better reservations over these things than some of us, I make a fool of myself all the time for the sheer pleasure in it. Though I do have to admit frustration has been my vice of choice lately." Humor at their own expense, yes, because less was certainly not an ideal they followed. Little right or wrong in either way though, was there? Only two different ways of handling what life demanded and what it gave. 

"It's difficult to appreciate a feeling if it's all you know, a double-edged sword I suppose." They had to agree to a point, that the shallow well created from knowing only hardship or happiness made for a life that fell drastically short of what it should have been. "Swords are weapons, some people are determined to fight wars they don't need to, or have forgotten how to stop fighting because they were never given the choice to until they were and by then it's second nature." The tragedy in life was that the troubles it brought could often fell all consuming, that was where the lines had to be drawn. "The scales don't always tip kindly, or at all. But, eventually you have to tip them for yourself if that's the case." 

There was a sideways glance towards Vihaan, wondering what was nipping at him and what thoughts had him so lost that day, but the dragon never gave simple answers and Alder never was able to say as little as they would with other people because conversations were so involved. "Whatever is on your mind today I know you can't let it go but you will let me know how I can help, if I can?"

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

Usually, Vihaan wasn’t one to be constrained within his office. His time in the council chambers only served to further irritate him, most days. People were full of stupid questions he didn’t want to answer, or petty problems he had no intention of solving. He hadn’t taken the position so that he could run around fixing every broken thing in this little town. No, instead he took the position because he and his sister answered to no one - and they needed the power.

“That’s a fair assumption until you remind them all about the blackout.” He didn’t hesitate to bring it up again, even though most people seemed content to dance around it, as if, if it weren’t mentioned perhaps it would promise to never happen again. Vihaan wasn’t foolish enough to believe that, and he’d already set a plan in motion to make sure that they were not powerless again - at least not the dragons. Regardless, it didn’t matter right then and there. He knew what Alder was trying to do, and he appreciated them all the more for it.

Then mention of snow managed to cause nose to wrinkle. Even being of the water, he’d never been a fan of that kind of cold. Maybe it was because of the way everything turned to ice, or maybe it was because it reminded him of a past with his father he was still trying to forget. Whatever the reason, that was definitely not weather he missed, not at all.

“I was never fond of the frozen tundra, but I think you’re sentimental about the way it clears out the streets, the silence when you step out in the middle of the night to blankets of it, and the aesthetic of being curled by the fire, or whatever it is they write all the Christmas songs about.” He’s Grinning now when he says it, laughing almost at the tail end before shaking his head again, shaking off the entire snow thing and instead focusing on them. It’s easier to deal with someone else’s shit sometimes, rather than your own.

“Do you find it hard to maintain your peace, even out there tucked away from everything?”

 Still a complicated subject for them, the blackout, much as they were hesitant to admit the twinge of guilt that came with knowing there might have been a way to gauge what would happen. The fact was, even more uncomfortable, was they hadn't gotten any warning themselves. Too often those visions were always buzzing in the back of their skull, ignored more and more often, but something that large would have been impossible to shut out the static. 

"I thought, at first, that I was so determined not to make things worse that I avoided knowing it would happen but I don't think there was any warning." It was a confession that only at handful of people at most might have heard because Alder held no certainty in if it was because the darkness was stronger than their own visions or if that power was fading with lack of use. The later was a personal concern as lack of purpose meant an end of existence with it. "But in the end most everyone got through it as best they could." Vihaan and Citali, no doubt, had been gripped with anxiety so Alder said nothing of sympathy for those who had found those days feeling more like freedom. 

"I can't imagine being sentimental." They pointed out with a chuckle; that didn't sound like them at all, did it? What was the harm in such things though when they brought warmth and pleasant moments with them? "Perhaps it's both, you may be right; there is something calming about the snow. I don't remember holidays though, that human life is entirely lost and solitude after never made holidays appealing." The words were not spoken with a sorrowed tone though, and it did tip into humor. "Clearly that's a habit I should return to, plastic reindeer, pine trees and the lot of it." 

The question caused them to glance at Vihaan, no need to ask the same question to know how much the dragon struggled with that himself. "I rarely feel away from everything, and certainly never far from everyone, even out there. But peace is where you find it, my friend, and it's different for everyone. Sometimes finding it requires a step outside of what a person knows and taking chances." Alder had learned to accept that people had their own needs when it came to such things and no easy answer existed. "I wouldn't say I don't have frustration like anyone else though, worry, disappointment and all the rest of those emotional complications. I prefer it that way. I wouldn't trade those moments, they have value too."

[lifeilluminatd]

Anyone you've got your eyes on?

“I guess that depends on what you mean? Yes, but these things are complicated, unfortunately. In some cases more so than others.”

[lifeilluminatd]

lincoln-kelsey‌:

Lincoln, moving his way out down the street, took a couple steps back as the body that’d nearly collided into his spoke up. He blinked up at the other, circling a bit when he realized he had them facing the sun. He stepped closer to them, offering a smile as they looked over the other’s features. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Are you?” 

No harm done then, it was rather doubtful that something so simple as walking into someone's path could be that bad. It was humorous that the other man asked though, as if he might have caused damage simply by being there. "Yes, of course," more an effort to be polite than anything else as they spoke and thought at first the stranger had moved to leave but discovered it was only a shift of position to evade that light. 

There was something nearly familiar, only a passing sense though, and not like the feeling of shattered memories so they must have simply seen him around town at some point.  Nothing they could place, but how many people roamed the town any given day, with that number always rising? It was never easy anymore, other than a few people who had been there as long as themselves or far longer, to guess at who had called the place home and who was still adjusting. 

Something did strike a cord though, one they could not place, and it wasn't a simple one. The thought was going to linger, Alder was not one for intrusive curiosity but every so often it sparked. "I don't think I know you, but you're definitely familiar for some reason." Best to be honest about it, in some cases the easiest way to gain answers was to confess when they were being evasive.

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

Vihaan had been working more often than not as of late, this much was true. He found it easier to pour himself into tasks that seemed truly meaningless compared to dwelling on his own situation. This was the first time he’d gone so long without speaking to his sibling, and it proved she really was his other half. The fact was one that made him ache, the first time he’d really felt the emptiness that had been left by the piece of him that was in her.

He wasn’t about to go sharing the details of that particular personal endeavor, though. That was a pain that he would carry on his own, as their family affairs had always been private. Some things you were only meant to share with one person, and Citali was it. She would always be it, even if they never got over this. However, his mind was pulled from the laments of his disaster, and instead focused on the moth.

“That’s a trick question.” He finally offered, the tug of a grin pulling at the corner of his mouth, like a child who had been caught with their hand directly in the cookie jar. Maybe he was a little too easy to read these days, or maybe he always had been when it came to Alder. They were far more perceptive than most, he would give them that. Perhaps that aided in his fascination, or his appreciation. Whatever it was, whatever those feelings he avoided were.

“We both know I have, but if you were intending on a distraction, talk of my bad habits isn’t a good place to start.”

"I still hold out some vague hope that you don't spend most of your time here, one day I might actually be right." Alder countered with a mild chuckle to accompany the words, knowing full well how much Vihaan devoted so much time to that singular focus. In part that came from wanting to make sure he knew first everything that was going on around town, both of the siblings had far too much invested to let much slip and Alder thought that to be one of the driving factors to their focus just a little less than the actual well being of the town. Reasons aside though things were accomplished and Alder couldn't really judge motives, nor did they care to. 

Again, they found themselves trying to twist the negative around while Vihaan chased it, even in jest. "It's not a bad habit, exactly, you do plenty of good with it. But a break now and then won't leave the town falling apart." The smile had returned, subtle that time around, perhaps sparked by the allure of the world outside those doors as they shouldered one open and that first step was met with a few blinks to clear the sunlight from sensitive eyes. 

No direction in mind, it often seemed their steps turned by some automatic pull towards the gardens. Something about the world outside had always held an appeal, the hum of life to it perhaps, free of walls that at times felt too confining. It was absolutely a day to put that aside and indulge wandering, soaking in the summer before it stretched into the crispness of the coming autumn. 

"Do you miss snow? It sounds odd, I know, to say that but I think that's one of the things I've missed the past few years." Alder was careful with idle conversation, never knowing if their words might turn against them later on, but something had to counter Vihaan's silence and it felt like a small risk for his sake. "Now that I've said that if we have some random blizzard I'll refrain from talking for a few weeks." They couldn't help the joke, one that would be understood only in the presence of a few like the dragon who knew how those stranger powers worked. "It's just the experience more than anything, it's a peaceful feeling; something we could all use more of." The words trailed away, strange as they were in that hot afternoon, they couldn't unravel Vihaan's troubles for him, could only listen if he wanted to offer them and if not fill in the empty spaces with something else.

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

Listening to them talk was a stark reminder of the hope that he’d lost the minute that he’d gotten news that his own light had finally burned out. It was that same sort of optimism that carried through with them, the contrast had always been something that Vihaan appreciated. He knew now that it wasn’t something he could have, hold. It wasn’t palpable anymore, but it was there to be admired. Like one of the greatest masterpieces - walking, talking works of art. Alder was no different.

He was amused by the light undertone to the humor though, it was easy despite the fact that everything else had been entirely too hard lately. He finally reached out for the glasses that had been abandoned on the desk in front of him in his all too predictable fit of rage, and placed them back on his face. It was habit by now, not that he really needed them. Maybe some part of his subconscious said that they were homage to his sister.

“Perhaps that’s what I’ve been looking for then, the excuse.” A grin that could be as dangerous as it was charming was flashed toward them, before he was obliging with the way chair was pushed back from desk. Today seemed to be one of the days that he would allow the other to linger in his company, test his own will power, and maybe remind himself of that very reason he’d put the lines in place as they were, to begin with.

Alder was, apparently, a test to the will of several people and otherwise unaware of it, as it never really occurred to them that the friends they held close and found endearing found their presence to be a struggle against whatever determination they had over personal darkness. The irony in that was a humorous one, or would have been had they known, because the very design of their being was crafted in darkness, far from the light. They saw no reason to lament it though, nor to allow it to dampen who they were with what; choices were what it came down to. And for the people they knew, well, they had faith in them enough to not doubt choices even if the ones made might not have been the ones they would have. It was a matter of space, giving people their own and respecting that within that space dwelt both the good and the bad just as with anyone. 

That smile turned brighter with the acceptance of invitation, always a gamble to if the dragon would allow himself a little freedom, but that much settled Alder was already on to the task of distracting their friend from whatever woes Vihaan would only speak of when he decided to, if at all. 

"Just as well, dealing with too much runs anyone down." Alder had respect for those on the council but also thought them a bit mad to throw themselves so deeply into such exhausting burdens. Admirable for the sake of others though, yes. That coupled with Vihaan's personal weights to carry made those sympathies stir for the man. "You've been here all day, haven't you?" Knowing the answer already, Alder was on the move, towards the first doorway offered; because the sun still shone and the air was still warm, and far fresher than in that stale place.

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

There were very few people in this world that could manage to calm him, or that he would agree to be calm for. The primary one would be his sister, but it seemed that Alder was a close second. They were one thing that deserved a little more temperance, a little more of a delicate touch than he was usually willing to give. This was probably why he had trained himself to stay away, to keep it at an arms length. The exception to the rule never ended well for him, they were often too pure to be tainted by his own baggage. 

That however, didn’t mean he didn’t feel some kind of odd kinship. Maybe that was the wrong word for it, because it meant a little bit more than most would have given to that particular one. It was the loss of the sponsor, the loss of his own fiancee, that had led him here. It was easy, really, when you had all the dots to connect. 

There was a pause, a long one, while he composed himself to the best of his ability. The malice had been washed from his face after a few solid tries, looking up at the moth. 

“Very much so.”  It was honest, an honesty that could only be afforded to so many. “Have you always been in the business of saving those who rarely deserve it, or did I make some sort of exception list I didn’t know about?” The question came with a perk of his brow, only the slightest tease inserted into the commentary.

"I think people are, mostly, able to save themselves, with the occasional reminder." It was only a hint of humor, as it was also true; there was little substitute for what a person could do standing on their own two feet. Very rarely did people need more than just some encouragement. "Though I would argue that I hardly think deserving it is really an issue." Something seemingly a popular opinion among their friends; that quick leap to be so judgmental of themselves. It was always the ones with the most on their shoulders though so it was forgivable; never easy to see the good with that much weight to carry. Some, like Vihaan, continued on regardless of the burden and that was admirable, even if it wasn't always done gracefully. 

Still, anger that had a place, it granted some strength even if it wasn't the sort that Alder themselves depended on but couldn't fault anyone for it, so long as it didn't carry too far. Too eager to see the good, perhaps, but it was a conviction that never failed them. Led to trouble on occasion? Yes, but people were worth trouble now and again. 

"You need a break, my friend, and I really don’t mind being an excuse.” They chuckled and took a step back in that effort to urge Vihaan away from that spot, sometimes just stepping away in the physical sense could help shake off frustrations. 

[lifeilluminatd]

Rather than spending all day at the shop, which did happen more often than not until both the daylight and the evening hours had melted away, Alder had left the crowded shelves and the endless pages for a short while. The midday sun was a bit more intense than they cared for but it was a pleasant day, the summer hadn't yet begun to fade and the Bayou air was heavy with the wandering scent of flowers from the nearby gardens; the distraction of it was enough to make them misplace a step or two in walking. One misstep put them directly in the path of someone passing by, entirely by mistake and stopped just short of bumping into the stranger. 

Very barely short as Alder was left standing there, lunch in hand via bag in one and the other palm lifted just enough to offset the small jolt in contact to keep the other from stumbling. Personal space was an issue with many people in town but it seemed a fair trade right then to keep someone from getting knocked off balance. Hand dropped once again after, tucked out of the way with a mild apology. "Sorry, didn't see you. Are you alright?” That sun in their eyes could be quite the problem really, even then they had to blink to refocus enough to get a clearer view of the stranger. 

@lincoln-kelsey

[lifeilluminatd]

vihaan-x‌:

The more they continued to speak, the more he was sure they were the embodiment of a walking, talking headache. The thought had been the only one occupying head space for what felt like forever. Eventually, what little patience that he possessed had run out. There was a moment pause, before hand snatched glasses off his face. The free hand rubbed at temples, only to come up short on composure anyway. 

“Whatever it is that you’re trying to get at, you sound like you missed too Rosetta stone’s to fucking articulate it correctly. You have the next five seconds to either spit that shit out, or get the fuck out. I would suggest the latter, personally.”

On occasion Alder had seen most of the people they knew in less than..comfortable mental states, stress wore a person down over time and it was impossible to expect anyone not to feel the strain. Sometimes even the simplest things could tip the scales, sometimes it wasn't simply one thing but a handful that combined together left raw nerves in their wake. Too close to the surface, it wore skin thin and tension would snap, one way or another most everyone hit a limit. It was just a way of trying to cope, venting, and while it was the way they preferred it wasn't uncommon. Ultimately in most cases it was forgivable, rarely did the other person mean any real harm under all the frustration. They thought that still to be the case overhearing the conversation, not really listening to it except that the obvious gritted tone had gradually bled into Vihaan's voice and that had snagged their focus.  

"Excuse me." They offered a smile to gloss over the intrusion, giving the unfortunate soul trying to skirt back from the dragon's mood a chance to escape before those words took on even more bite than they already had. As suspected there wasn't a question asked, only a swift retreat that left the two of them standing there alone. 

Eyes turned back to Vihaan after the other had left, there was a hint of concern to the lift of their brow when they spoke, quietly so as not to draw more attention to the already tense state the dragon was in. "You looked like you needed a moment." Something was clearly hitting a thin nerve with Vihaan but rather than ask they waited to see if it would be offered, sometimes people grew more tense with trying to explain and it was generally best not to press it, let them just catch their breath instead.

[lifeilluminatd]

wynne-fairchild‌:

Wynne offered a grin and a soft laugh to Alder, head tilting just a bit with the expression, before turning back to his books again. “I think you may be the only one that could do that, my dear friend.” 

He found himself once again thinking of how grateful he is for Alder in this small town, a quiet, steadfast support when things in Folie could get so big and loud. When the last of the books on his cart set safely on the shelves, he looked to Alder and started guiding the cart back toward the front desk. 

“How is the shop doing, after all this madness?”

A great deal of the truth in Wynne's words came from the fact that the man was not very eager to let anything else be the case, and while Alder was perfectly happy to be his friend they did sometimes wish that Wynne was more willing to allow people close. It wouldn't have diminished their bond in the least, not when Alder was so comfortable in what that was, but loneliness was a painful sort of thing they didn't want anyone they were close to suffering. Wynne was a quiet person, withdrawn by nature, and some part of that was understandable with the secrets he chose to keep but the town was full of people guarding their secrets with such care that they were walled inside their own words. Perhaps one day, until then they would just have to make certain Wynne didn't retreat too much. 

"Oh, I don't know, surely someone is around here long enough to keep you company? People still read." Or at least to some degree, though it was also very true that most people no longer picked books over scrolling through their phone to do those things. Some of that change might have been the reason for the job though, knowing how Wynne thrived on silence lately.

Following him back to the front desk, Alder stepped out of the way as they spoke. "It survived, still cleaning up spots but most of those were my own doing while I was trying to make sense of what was happening. Hopefully not something we’ll have to deal with again," Ever the optimist, Alder wanted to believe it to be the case, that the blackout was only a fluke and was over. They could have known, perhaps, the humming of visions untouched always in the back of their mind, but it was too much of a risk to take, yet.

[lifeilluminatd]

whats your favorite song?

“Most of what I listen to is classical or something along those lines, I like music in the sense of sound more than words. There are a few older Celtic songs I enjoy though, I feel like I’m making myself sound old saying that.” 

[lifeilluminatd]

whats your o face look like

“I haven’t really seen it since I was on this side of the situation, heh. Though I suppose it’s as absolutely ridiculous as anyone else, as tends to be the case with such things.”  

[lifeilluminatd]

undeadfelix‌:

         It’s been a while since Felix has seen them out in public. Not that he hasn’t looked. He has. But they both tend to keep to themselves. It works better for them. But now, with their sponsor gone, Felix finds himself wanting to break that truce they called all those years ago. He wants to know Alder again – a part of his past that he’s actually proud of. Their time together on his farm in North Carolina an actual bright spot – the reason he ever became a sponsor. He knew he could foster hope. He could help those who needed it.

      But he still doesn’t say anything to them – cautious almost to a fault. He doesn’t want to send their life into a tailspin. He wouldn’t forgive himself for that. Not that he forgives himself of much anything. Instead, he sits at his table and watches them drink cup after cup of coffee. If his heart still beat in his chest, Felix might actually get sympathy palpitations. After the second cup, he swears he’s going to get up and tell Alder to knock it off. It can’t be good for the cryptid.

        But he says nothing. Felix stays tucked in the corner going over schedules and paperwork. Even checks his phone a time or two to handle some business. He swears he’ll pluck up the courage eventually. Lost memories don’t mean they were filled with trauma. At least, he hopes now. Alder’s sponsor’s words echo in his head, no matter how time has passed. He can’t forget, never wants to hurt. Not anymore. 

      Then his attention turns to the sunglasses skittering to a halt near the outside of his foot. It was as if the divine were interfering with their interaction. Then they are there, looking down at Felix as they slip on the sunglasses. The red eyes never bothering him. Not when it turns out to be his favorite color. “Evening.” He bows his head as form of greeting. “An odd time to be putting on sunglasses, but I suppose everyone has their own eccentricities in this town.” He stands then and offers his hand. “Felix.”

The strange side effect to coffee, Alder has swiftly discovered, is a sort of hum under their skin and an energy that seems very misplaced in spite of feeling pleasant. It must be the reason, they decide, why people enjoy such things because the overly focused frame of the world around them certainly has an appeal. Just perhaps not one to indulge too often since coming down from it is going to drag lethargically along with it and Alder doesn't care much for tired sensations when real sleep is never something they actually indulge. It will, however, be an interesting idea to test in learning the after effects of that caffeine rush being spent out and one that is bound to be unavoidable so they may as well approach it with some optimistic curiosity. 

Glasses already in place but hand still lifted to them, they pause with the question and offer a smile. It could be written off as a habit, certainly, there's really nothing that makes them uncomfortable with others seeing the way that red glow comes from sparse light reflected but other people at times find it eerie and that is not the feeling they want to instill. Just a small precaution then, hardly important, for the sake of others. Many things fall to that, just as many to actual quirks, but the other man doesn't seem to even notice it beyond that the motion had taken place in front of him.

The feeling is there, if only for an instant, sometimes they feel it when coming across strangers and there's never certainty if it's old gaps in memory or simply that on some level some aspect strikes up the almost-reminder of another person buried in the empty spots where the past used to lie. Best left unmentioned because too often people mistook their curiosity for something unnerving. 

The thought was pushed aside with the greeting, not wanting to be impolite as they take that hand in a shake before nodding and having to speak, even if it is only a short response. Words didn't carry as much weight but with the return of power so to was the caution still lingering. 

“Well, it comes off as odd to some.” The explanation is brief, accented by a vague motion to the sunglasses before the arm drops once more and an introduction follows soon after since the man went to the trouble of standing. “Alder.” 

[lifeilluminatd]

Z - Zones (what are their erogenous zones? what spots on their body should be touched, bitten, kissed, when someone wants to get them in the mood?)

Alder is highly tactile, no real reason for it beyond just the fact that they enjoy contact with intimacy and very much return it. Most any spot is fair game, and likely to gain a reaction in the right mood, but they’re particularly sensitive around their neck and shoulders. Back of the shoulders, nipping or kissing, hits all the right buttons faster than anything. Ribs, too, are a spot that hits intense notes, they’re not even remotely ticklish but something about that area is very sensitive. It’s more the type of touch than the location for Alder, brushing contact is what usually does it. Kissing, biting, it’s all fine in the heat of the moment but actually getting their attention? Sometimes just a purposed run of fingers over any exposed spot of skin is enough to make them shiver. 

[lifeilluminatd]

👻- For something that scares or disturbs them, but they refuse to tell anyone

What scares Alder the most is, at the core of it, other people. It’s not a fear of them but for them. The world is a demanding place, a cold and at times cruel one, they’ve experienced that much for themselves and it’s a terrifying thought what it can do to otherwise sound people. Having seen some they’ve known lose themselves to dark thoughts it’s never been something Alder has dealt well with. At their own center is darkness, it’s just the design of the creature they are, but they’re not afflicted with that darkness under the surface because of how they strive not to be. So knowing that some people suffer so badly and at times lose those battles? It does disturb them, it scares them, because they can’t shield others nearly as much as they would like to and it’s a painful sort of fear never knowing if those they care for truly are safe or not and to voice those fears would be like saying they doubt the people who are important to them so they have to keep silent. It’s a very difficult battle to fight, always holding their breath and trying to hope for the best when it comes to knowing how truly fragile some are even if they refuse to admit it.

[lifeilluminatd]

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Compared to otherwise? It’s safe to say Alder is more vocal during sex, but they don’t really talk much regardless. Sounds, yes, most of which aren’t a conscious effort half as much as being eager in the moment. They make an effort if prompted to communicate and are vocal but far more than that are tactile, so it’s a trade off; they can’t do both and between the two they want contact far more than conversation. They’re definitely the encouraging type though, coaxing and praise are entirely a thing for them. When there’s something they like, or don’t, they’re not shy about making that known.