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Haiku #3:
Still think about you
But I’ll never tell you that
Do I cross your mind?
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Haiku #2:
Happy it happened
Glad that we fell out of love
Alone I will grow
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It's hard to believe that it has been almost 27 years since the beginning of my time on Earth. The first thing that comes to mind when I think of my age is the usual "time moves so fast." But it is really fascinating how it moves at a different pace for each individual. I envy those who don't allow themselves to dwell on their failures and don’t procrastinate towards building a better future for themselves. Some have a vision and go after it with no hesitation, seemingly progressing in life faster than everyone else. Appearing fearless to the timid crowd. Others, like myself, are unsure of what they want. Finding themselves in constant cycles of the same emotions and actions. It seems that the most successful people are the ones that have gotten so sick of their habits and finally right the ship to pursue their dreams. I hope to be more understanding of myself and others. Everyone is in a different place in their own timeline, therefore we all have a different perception of the universe and time as it passes. We all face our own battles and take losses. True character is shown in times of adversity and it is up to you to choose if you will respond negatively or persevere.
I think that I'm starting to understand the key to truly loving yourself. To begin the journey at all you need to hit rock bottom. You have to lose that relationship, friend, car, job, etc... That moment of self reflection is the beginning of the process. It's the big bang. It's the birth of a new universe that is completely foreign to you, waiting to be explored. Your perception of everything has changed and along with it so has your reality. But no universe is fully constructed in its early life. It took time to grow and expand. Everything has to cool down in order for something new to blossom. When the dust settles you can finally see clearly. So clear that all of the emptiness that you have felt will be viewed as the space necessary to create. Your ideas and energy will start to gain momentum. Stay committed to trusting the process and the stars will align. The clarity of your newly found self-righteous conscience will allow you to observe the constellations that lie above you. The foundation and vision are set. You will inevitably learn more about yourself than you thought possible during the climb to your destination. It is not always easy to resist the forces that bring you down. Failure is a part of this new journey too. With each loss comes not a reason to let the gravity of your emotions stop you, but an opportunity to sharpen the sword for the next battle. Never let defeat derail your shot for the stars. No one ever reached them without overcoming many obstacles and being called crazy. The appreciation for our own defeats derives a mindset that launches you out into the new worlds of self love and respect. When you've arrived, it is imperative to stay humble. To the observer where you started/launched, you are now shining bright above them for everyone to admire. Just as you once did. Your energy is contagious and that admiration could be the inspiration for another soon to be bright shining star to begin their own journey. Focusing on your own happiness will unlock a unique mindset with a different perception of everything going on around you. Self love is contagious when you comprehend that it comes from the hard work and sacrifice to get to the finish line, not fulfilling what you initially set out to do. We are not able to love every part of someone or something else until we love every part of ourselves.
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My first stab at Haiku:
Hatred in surplus
Forever feeling nervous
What is my purpose?
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It’s been almost 6 months since we’ve spoken. Yet still not a day goes by where I don’t think about those late nights with you. Some days I can only remember the good things and experience the grief of your absence. Some days I can only recall all of the bad times and how much you made me question who I was. I felt that it was the right decision to leave you and that place behind. I initially thought my regret would be that I was employed with you at all, but as time has passed, my departure is only a decision that I now mourn. I am so thankful that I made the spontaneous decision to ask for a job right before Christmas 2022. I am so thankful for all of the laughs and smiles that we shared. I am so thankful for all of those happy memories that I have of you. I know that our time together was shorter than we had wished and went by way too fast. but I wouldn’t trade that feeling of happiness that I had when we were alone for anything. I’ve come to appreciate that feeling and have realized that no monetary value could ever be enough to match it.
I wish that I could have been more understanding of you and myself. There were so many things that I could have said or done to prevent the downfall of our friendship. I often wonder what you are up to. I wonder how much you’ve probably grown. If you think about me often or at all. If you’d ever talk to me again or look at me the same way that you did when we first met.
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Restless in bed sobbing at the early hours of the morning. Saturday night gave some prolonged unspoken closure that I needed to know. In the moment I was so happy that I finally saw her again and that we had a long talk where she told me everything that I wanted to hear. We kissed for a while and it was great to pretend like nothing ever happened. I walked you back to your friends and then we said our goodbyes. I couldn’t help but turn around to look at you as you walked away and think that it was probably the last time that I’d lay my eyes on you. Following the conclusion of the night, the hangxiety spoke some truth to me. I have realized that I’ve been a lot happier and growing slowly on my own again without her and my old job in my life. My drinking and drug habits have been cut down over 90%, i exercise and monitor what I put into my body now, and I’ve been able to sleep more consistent at night without having to worry about if she’s safe. There’s an emotional barrier that I’ve been avoiding but the time has finally come to cross. A feeling of somber is inevitable when making the decision to completely cut out and erase someone from your life who you still care for so much. But at this point, it is unfortunately what has to be done. My intentions are nothing but the best for the both of us. In order for us to grow, emotionally and mentally, that means we don’t exist in each others lives anymore. The memories we made will always be there, locked away in our minds, and time will heal all. I hope that one day she will realize her worth and how she is even more beautiful inside than what we all see on the outside.
Hey, It was nice while it lasted. Until we meet again ❤️🍇
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At this point I have no idea what’s going on, I’m just enjoying the ride
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There is nothing worse than liking a girl with hoe tendencies
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I don’t know how many times I can let a girl destroy me before I end up in the grave
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