lifeofadmd - Tumblr blog

[lifeofadmd]

Hi. It's been quite a while. But now I'm back.

Now I'm pretty sure, I only write whenever I am sad or feeling down. Anyway, let me recap what happened in the last few months.

Dec 5, 2021 I received a random friend request, I checked the profile and saw the he looks pretty decent. I remember saying to myself, "Kung kani muchat, mu reply ko." He said Hi, I said Hello, and the story went on.

Dec 6, 2021 We decided to meet up and have dinner. He picked me up at the clinic, and we drove a few minutes to eat dinner and have coffee. Mind you, this was my first time meeting with a stranger outside a mall.

Dec 7, I went to Manila. I decided to fly back on Dec 9 via Davao to meet some friends. I told to come visit us to meet my friends. He drove 3 hrs in the middle of the night and drank til we passsed out.

Fast forward to May 28, 2022, him and I got official.

Now, just 2 months into our relationship I'm already doubting myself if I made the right choice. He's a nice person, yes, but I just realized that he lacks so many things that I search for a partner. 🥺 I think I might have been love bombed. 😅

I'm so sad right now. It's our 2nd monthsary but he did not even greet me. He didn't even made even just one special gesture to make this day special. Not even a tiny bit. Even just a simple message would suffice. But no, nothing. 😭

On our 1st month, it was me who greeted first. So this time, I want to know if he will remember or even just greet me. So what I did, I sent food to his office yesterday to feed them because they have overtime work. I even told him that it's an advance monthsary gift and said happy motmot. It was a heads up that our monthsary's fast approaching. Still, there was none.

Haaaaaaayyyy. For months, I've been very vocal that I crave physical intimacy, but he would always "reject" my advances. I even told him that I want to receive a love letter or any message. Still, there was none. Sometimes I can't feel like I have a boyfriend. It feels like he's just a friend, or a companion. Just someone who's willing to drive me around. Huhuhuhu

Idk, maybe I'm just mababaw. But I don't know what else he can offer in this relationship. 😭 After years of being single, I've become quite independent, so I thought a "companion bf" would suffice... But I just realized now that I need someone who I can a healthy competition in life, someone who pushes me to become better and at the same time tries soo hard to match the energy I'm giving towards my career. Someone who's smarter and better than me in many ways. Someone who can provide well for our future family. Someone who we can depend on. Someone who'll be the best and most romantic partic, and the best and most responsible father to our future kids.

I don't know if I made the right choice. And if I didn't, I hope I can realize it sooner and be able to correct and choose whatever is better for me and my future.

[lifeofadmd]

Hi. I've got a story to tell about what happened the past month.

One random Sunday morning (Dec 5), I received a facebook friend request from a guy who's somewhat good looking, I scanned a little bit on his profile and said to myself, "If this guy chats me, I will reply."

I waited 3hrs before accepting his friend request, and few mins after he sent me a sticker saying hello. I then downloaded the same set of sticker and chose a random sticker to send. From there, our conversation srarted and never ended up to now. Hihi.

I had a scheduled class in Manila the next week and I had to be there by Tuesday, so when he asked me to meet up for dinner just a day after we started talking I immediately said yes. Lol, that's a first. I thought to myself that I should give this guy a chance since he seems like a good person, and the vibe we have is good. Also, I know I'll be busy in Manila and my planned laag to Davao, so there's a good chance I'll get tired or forget to contact him while I'm away and miss the opportunity to get to know him forever. I get tired easily lol.

We met up on a Monday night, he picked me up from my clinic. His officemates want him to back to the office just after picking me up and I said to myself, "If he decides to return to the office, I will just go to the mall and never talk to him again." Good thing he decided to stay. Lol.

I let him decide on where we should eat dinner. He chose Altori Restaurant, it's located few minutes away from the heart of the city. And since it was our first meeting, I send my live location to my friend Aries and informed him of my dinner plans with someone I just met. Hahaha. He also picked what food to eat since I'm too indecisive, lol.

There were a few things I noticed while on a date with him that looked like green flags.

1. He's a gentleman. He opens doors for me. He lets me walk ahead of him. He makes sure that I feel comfortable when I'm with him. And all of his little gestures points out that he's been raised well by his parents.

2. He paid for dinner. After our meal, he stood up and said, "Mag bill lang ako." then went straight to the cashier to settle our bill. It's the first time I experienced going on a date with someone without that awkward moment after eating on who will pay or how we'll divide the payment for dinner. Idk, it's just hard to explain but all of the dates I've been to has that awkward cloud of thought "mag share ka sa bill", but it was completely absent with him.

3. He has a kind heart. His thoughts and intentions Re pure.

4. He's a confident guy. I can sense his confidence, but I know he is not hilas.

5. He got me a flower for our first date. It was a rose. I find it really cute that he took the time to look for a flower even on the first date. Hihi

I could go on and list more, but these are just the top 5.

I think on my part that our first meeting was not awkward, it felt like I've known him for a long time already. The vibe was there. I can sense that he really wants to know me and he studies my actions and behaviour so he'll know how to treat me and how act around me. The effort. 🤗

Anyway, I'll continue my story the next because I got a lot of catching up to do. Hihi.

P.S. After our first date, I already know that I'll see him again and again and again. 🤣

[lifeofadmd]

Why do I always find myself gravitating back to you?

I don't know what's in you that makes it extremely hard for me to dettach. Haaaay. I've known you since 2019, so it has been 2yrs+ already, but despite all the sht that has happened, I still want you back. Is this what people say as trauma bond?

I just want to breakaway from you and all this drama. I know my self worth, I know that I deserve so much better than what you had offered, but I still don't act like it. I still miss you, your hugs, kisses and the way you stare straight into my eyes. I could get lost in your eyes, and drown with all the emotions that I have. Huhuhu.

Chan, do yourself a favor and distract yourself from what you are feeling. Wake up, and better your self in every way you can.

[lifeofadmd]

Hello.

3 weeks had passed, and I'm still here reminiscing about the things we did and what we had together.

I did it for 10x in a span of 2 months. If its something that made me happy enough to repeat it 10x times, then maybe it's something I shouldn't regret, right? Repeating it over and over again means it made me so happy that I've been wanting to do it all again. Hehe. That's it. I've had my own share of fun. I shouldn't be so greedy. I should be happy with what he made me experience. Yes, I should not regret something that me happy in the past.

Okay. Enough with the monologue. Hehe. Go, Chan. You'll be happy and contented and with less regrets soon. I know you'll have peace.

[lifeofadmd]

Hello. I still haven't cried, and I don't know why.

I finally talked to E last night. I told him that I knew about what he was lying and hiding from me. I didn't get a straight confession from him, tho. I kinda had a monologue when I "confronted" him. He said he was too siya to talk, and he would just explain everything thru chat. I shed a few drops of tears while talking, but when I saw that he didn't, the tears stopped immediately. Lol

When I went home, he messaged me and said there was nothing he's sorry about except hurting my feelings. For verbatim, here it goes, "Wala naman koy dapat iask ug sorry except sa paghurt sa imong feelings, be. I just want to tell you na I’m leaving all those shit behind. Is it still healthy for you that I’m around?"

Then I told him "pa blind-blind lage", so he explained about what happened between him and A. He said that on the morning of Oct 3, something happened between them that resulted to pregnancy. He knew by the 24th, and A had a check up with the doctor by Nov 3 to confirm the miscarriage.

I still have a hard time understanding both of them. I think they are both liars. Haaayy, or maybe E is still lying? The timeline just doesn't sit right. A started hinting about the pregnancy on Oct 11. Unless you are really expecting, it usually takes 3 weeks since conception to have a thought about pregnancy since by then you will have missed your period. Not by just a week. Haay. But she was indeed pregnant.

Anyway, the truth is something really happened between them, she was really pregnant, and they was an overlap between us two.

I was expecting this to happen, but I didn't think he'd get her pregnant, much more have a miscarriage.

I just don't know what to feel. Why am I supposed to feel in this situation??

We are not committed anyway, and there was no talk or whatsoever about our setup. But we're sweet with each other, and he always say that he wants to commit to me and have a relationship.

Maybe I've conditioned myself that there will really be a time that he will leave me, and it just happens that this how the things unfolded. Wow. So much had happened. There's so many things I should feel, but I don't. What have I become?

As of now, I don't feel hurt.. Maybe I'm not sad, too?? I just don't have a term to describe my feeling. What I'm sure of is I am lonely and I miss our daily routine thru chat. Tanga jud ko. I still want things to continue, I just want him to put an effort. But same with my ex, he's not putting anything on the table.

Things have unfolded the way they did, and maybe I just need some time to process everything. Til then, I will slowly try to adjust to my new boy-less daily routine hahahahahaystttt

[lifeofadmd]

Hello! I'm writing yet another katangahan post. Haaayyy. So I have things that I really need to think about.. Here it goes..

Since I've been checking A's twitter posts from time to time, I noticed that she had been hinting about pregnancy for a few weeks already, but I was just turning a blind eye.. Then later on, she hinted about a miscarriage. I was thinking that maybe E was not the father because they've broken up for quite some time now.. But just tonight, E said that his cousin's gf miscarried. And he also said that it was his cousin's 2nd time getting someone pregnant, the first one was aborted by the gf. In my head, I thought "Ah, same sila. Got someone pregnant but lost the baby", because I know he got someone pregnant during his younger years.. Then when I checked E's twitter, I saw a post saying, "Daghana nahitabo in just a week uy. Unsa kaya nawng sa among angel no? 🥰 Too bad I didn’t get to meet you, my love." I did not know what to feel. This post confirmed that he really got A pregnant, but miscarried. Huhuhuhu. Then I realized, that maybe when E says a story about someone, it might be his story being disguised as someone else's.

Last week, he also said that his friend V had an emotional breakdown because of the things that's going on around him.. And he was consoling him. Maybe that story was the other way around, maybe its him thats having troubles and its V that's consoling him. 😭😭😭

Haaaaayyyy. A liar is really a liar. He's still the same E, a pathological liar. Maybe he's just getting better in lying, because even though I still catch his lies from time to time, I didn't think he could hide something this big from me. Huhuhuhu

Haaaaaaayyyy. Earlier today, I believed him when he said "I am clean and faithful." huhuhuhuhu. That really made me think that he was not the father. 😭

I did some investigation, and I figured out that A was expecting her period around Oct 4. She also drunk alcohol last Oct 9, but may have only known about the pregnancy the day after. She lost the baby around the last week of Oct. And you know what hurt me?? The thought that the baby must've been conceived during the middle of Sept. According to my calendar, E and I started getting intimate last Sept 13. Huhuhuhuhu. So he was really not "faithful" as he claimed to be. Haaaayy. My heart sank. 😭 I don't know what to feel. I've been turning a blind eye for quite some time already, because of the bare minimum attention that I've been getting from E. Huhuhuhuhu

I need more than just a dukol this time. 😭

[lifeofadmd]

Drafting a message for when I have the courage to talk to E and cut ties with him.

Hi, be. You know I'm happy when I'm with you. You make me feel pretty, you make me feel loved. You also make me feel special in your simple ways. Maybe you are wondering why I'm telling you all of these when you always say na wala koy klaro kasturya when you mention about being official, and you hate na tinaitago ka.. It's because I know, be. I know that you are still not over your ex. I know that you're still talking and meeting with A. You invite her to family events still. I've been your rebound before, and even though I hate to admit it, it hurt my ego and self esteem a lot. After a lot of healing, I was able to bounce back from it.

But I fell in your trap again.

I'm worth more than just a rebound, be. I deserve a love that's whole, a love that makes me feel safe and secure. Not something like this. I'm 27, and I think I'm old enough to stop playing games already. I can't keep on playing this game with you, when I know I'm bound to loose. I'm not as emotionally stable as you.. Even if you are far from being one. Lol. I have a feeling that you talk to a bunch of other girls, too. Lol. I hate this feeling. I hate having thoughts like this.

I've been cheated before and it's not a happy experience. I'm still recovering from all the trauma and trust issues that I got from it. I can't take any more chances and be cheated with again. So I'm cutting ties with you. Thank you for the roller coaster ride of emotions. I hope you mature and stop playing with other people's heart. You claim to be a religious person, i hope you'll practice what you preach.

And oh, I still catch you lying btw. A crap ton of times. I just let it all slide, just so you know. You're still the same old, lying and fckboy E.

Ciao.

[lifeofadmd]

Hiiiii. I'm back!

I just have a sudden realization. So last May-June, I was always grumpy, saputon and says a lot of curse words. I was talking to "E" that time as a friend (yes, only a friend lol), and I told him what I noticed to myself for the past few weeks/months. He said maybe the reason why I always say "yawa" is because there's a "yawa" in my life. In a snap, I was able to pin point who's the yawa in my life that time. It was the hilas pilot/forex trader guy. I immediately cut ties with him and in an instant found myself being calm and composed again.

What I realized today is that I'm having troubles with my mind again. My heart is heavy. I am sad. I am jealous. And I feel like i don't appreciate my self worth... The reason maybe because I'm letting someone make me feel this way. And that reason maybe E.

I actually felt like this way back the first time we started talking/dating. Always uneasy, and always thinking "Is my standards too high, or is this really just what I'm worth?". I was able to somehow overcome all that when our communication stopped.. And now that we're talking again, all of it came back.

Maybe it's really time to cut ties with E again. And I'm also thinking he's the reason why I don't have a boyfriend yet, because I'm still entertaining him and he's being a hindrance. I'll try my best to talk to him directly after my birthday. I just don't want to celebrate my birthday with a much heavier heart than what I have today.

Haaaaayyyst. I just want peace of mind. I want to feel safe in my person's arms. I want to feel loved without thinking that he may be thinking about some other girl while with me. I want to feel genuine love. I want to feel secure. Huhu. Lord, please. Pagbigyan mo na ako.

Huhuhu. Pray for me and Wish me luck.

[lifeofadmd]

I feel lonely.

I'm on self quarantine again because I just came home from the wedding of a friend. During our 3day stay in her hometown, my friends brought their respective partners.. Except me and Rian. However, Rian has his own SO, too.

Even if I always say that I'm not jealous, at the end of the day, I feel sad that I have no one to call mine. Wala lang, I'm happy when I'm with my friends and their partners, but the moment we separate ways. The feeling of loneliness starts to creep in. I just want to cry, and cry, and cry some more.

Anyway that's it for now.. Ohh, one more thing. I left my charger in the clinic, so I can't use my cp to kill time til I fall asleep. Lol. Goodluck to me. Hopefully I won't die of boredom.

I was supposed to meet with E tonight. He promised me he'll skip work to spend the night with me. But things happened in their workplace/household that made him unable to come to me. Haaaayyy. I went out of work at 5pm because I thought I have someone to spend time with, pero wala pala. I stayed in the mall from 5-8 to kill some time. Went shopping, had 30mins sit and rest massage, ate my dinner, then went back to the guesthouse I'm staying for 3 days and 3 nights.

[lifeofadmd]

Hello. I have anxiety again. And it's because of E.

Things are starting to get a little bit serious now. The way he talks and acts are so much different now than how he used to a few weeks back. The past week, we met daily from Monday to Saturday. Even though he had a busy schedule (he has to work at 5-9 and that's my only free time), he would still find a way to make some time for me. That made my heart a little soft.

The last time we dated (2yrs ago, lol), he would often cancel the last minute because of some "urgent" matters. So the way he acts now is so unlike him. At least that's how I used to know him. (Yeah, I know I was a stupid girl because I still gave him my time even though he acted like that. And I still am. Lol)

Anyway, because he's starting to show a different kind of interest in me now, I'm starting to panic a little bit because I don't want to fall for him. Not in the state that he is in now. A quick check on his and his ex's social media would immediately give away the idea that they still have some sort of communication. I don't want to be a rebound again. 😅 I'm tired of getting hurt. And I can't afford another heart break.

I'm aware that I am stupid.. And I want to breakaway from my stupidity. Huhuhu.

Haaaay. I just need one more sign, then I will gather my courage and find a way to express the feelings that I have now, this crippling anxiety that's starting to consume me.

One more!! Then I'll do it. I've had my fair share of happiness with him. I should stop asking for more cause the moment I'll fall (simbako), the hurt from the heartbreak will be multiplied a hundred times.

[lifeofadmd]

And here I am, still sad. There's this dark clpud hovering above my head again. I don't know what's the problem, but my heart feels heavy.

I wore a dress and put on some make up to feel pretty, but I am still sad. Huhuhu. What do I have to do now.

Someone please help me. Someone save me.

[lifeofadmd]

Hello, I'm back again and I'm currently having a meltdown.

Wala lang, I just feel like the financial burden I'm carrying is too much. There's so many things I want to do, but I have to be selfless. I need to provide for my family's needs. Sunod sunod lang jud ang gastos the past week, maong murag galisod najud ko. I can't even type in straight English now, because I can't think straight.

Aside sa na quarantine ko sa Mnl, when I got back home, Alliah welcomed me with "Wala na baya tambal si Nanay, te, di sah daw siya magpalit kay wala kwarta." 🥺 So I did what I had to do, I bought her a month's supply of her medications (10k). Then came out monthly bills. I paid for electricity, water and Internet connection (15k). Also, Willian went to Davao to review for his board exams, so I have to give him a little bit of allowance (3k). Then, the Snow's rear aircondition broke down and we had it fixed for 12.5k. Good thing I gathered my courage and ask kuya Ryan for help, he gave me 10k. I jokingly said to him, "tabangi ko kay kahilakon nako." Just this night, Kuya Ian said that he needs money for his enrollment for the review center. 5.4k to be exact. That's when I broke down. Nadayunan akoang kahilakon gaina buntag. Huhuhuhuhu. I don't want Nanay to be stressed, so I said that I'd be the one to pay for his tuition. Huhuhu.

Wala lang, murag di man dapat ko mastress kayo kay kwarta lang man ni. Pero nagapatong2 na ang frustrations nako sa life. Ahhhhhhh. Tabangi ko, Lord. Please help us and continue to bless us and please sustain our needs. Nag sunod sunod rajud akoa problema, mao guro it got too much and I had to rant. Huhuhu

Wala nako ginatuyo, pero I was talking to E when I'm having the meltdown. So sa iya nako na share ang a little bit of the frustration. Huhuhuhu. At least I was able to rant a little bit and I got to release some of the heavy feelings in my chest. Maayo nalang jud para di ko madayunan kabuang.

I really need to consider seeking professional help.

[lifeofadmd]

Annyeong! It's my first day back home and I've had mixed feelings throughout the day.

Upon check out, I somehow got sad because I will have to go back to Nanay's house which means I'll lose my "independent" status and my "freedom" Lol. That means no more bebe time after the last 3 consecutive days. Hahahaha. I haven't had enough yet. Huhu. Anyway, I need to snap back to reality.

Everything felt normal inside the house, except that Alliah clearly missed me so much. Haha. So cute! She was vocal on how much she missed because I was away for too long. 🤣 She said that she was like a child who was suddenly left by her mom. She also got so lonely because she got no one to chismis with. How cute! 🤗

Later in the afternoon, I brought 1month supply of medicines and milk for Nanay. I'm happy that I was able to provide for Nanay's needs this month, and she was very happy too. 🥺 We also fetched Alliah's bf, Andrei, fresh from Mnl and Dvo. Finally, after more than 5yrs of being in relationship, they already got the courage na magpakilala kay Nanay. 🤣

Jimycah, Willian's gf, also visited us. We're celebrating the village's fiesta today, btw. Wala lang, somehow I felt sad and lonely lang. My 2 manghud bought their partners in our house today, and I got no one. 😅 Hahahaha. After entertaining them for a while, I got sleepy and went to take a nap. Lol. Naluya yata ko kay wala koy pares. Or maybe, all the tiredness from the past few days has caught up. Haha

I also shared to my siblings the "50k scenario" that I had. Lol. This mouth of mine. Murag nagmahay ko gamay. I don't think it's a good thing that I keep on sharing regarding my finances to them 😅 Anyway, what's done is done.

That's it for today. Today's still a happy day. 🤗

[lifeofadmd]

Hello! Today I'm happy. Hihi

I've been stressing about my monthly bills for quite some time now since I've been away and was not able to work for almost the whole month of September. Mind you, the most basic that I need to pay monthly is 50k. I kept on thinking when and where can I get the 50k for the monthly bills in the clinic.

After more than a week, I returned to work earlier (Oct 1).. And you know what?! I had patient who wants to have 4-units Zirconia bridge. After the procedure, she placed a 50% downpayment which is equivalent to 40k. Later in the afternoon, one of my ortho patients paid another 20k. 🥺

God really provides, He knows that I need and I've been praying for the 50k but He gave me more than what I asked. 🥺🥺🥺 Thank you, Lord!!!

I also bought lunch (Mandarin), dinner (Papart Sisig) and dessert (Mintea) for my staff. Hihi. I just to celebrate our litte success against Covid-19. Me, because I had covid scare 2x in Mnl, and Diane, who recently recovered from the disease.

And.. I met up with E again 😅 I know, its a bad decision. But I just had to include that here. Because he made me happy tonight. 🥺 He catered all my pabebeness, clingyness and needyness tonight. Huhuhu. This is what I meant when I said that he's a good type of fboy 🤣

Tomorrow I'll finally go home and be with my family. I miss them so much, but I'm also happy I got to experience the independent living/dorm life once again even if its just for 3 days.

I enjoyed my little taste of freedom!! Thank you for today, Lord God. 🥳💕

[lifeofadmd]

Hi. I haven't written in quite some time.. And now I'm back.

I noticed that I only write during my lows and rarely during my highs. Ehehe. Guess what I'm feeling today?

Yup! I'm sad. I've been super sad and lonely the past few days. I'll update you on my recent endeavours. Hehe

So I enrolled in online Orthodontics classes, and now we're almost done with the course I still haven't learned anything. Paid more tjan half of the course's fees, but no assignment was ever done. Haay. What am I doing with my life.

I also enrolled in Implantology classes around the same time (between July and Aug for classes). Yup! I thought I could handle both. Lol. We had face to face classes during the 1st week of Sept, and we had a covid scare when the results turned out positive but turned out thay the specimens were just contaminated 😅 We returned last week, Sept 22 for implant insertion, and yup, we had another covud scare 😅 Dr. Marlon's RT PCR results turned out positive, and as direct contact we have the moral obligation to quarantine and then take another swab test again. My supposedly 3day stay got extended to 8days, which really drained me emotionally and financially.

Anyway, other than that I've been dealing with a lot of obviously wrong decisions. I got in contact again with "E" a few mos back. That's after he left me to go back with his ex 🤣 Things started getting rocky again between them, and they eventually broke up. He started hitting me up again, and I found myself giving him time and attention, too. Lol. I've been so deprived with love that I got happy that someone was finally giving me some sort of validation that I've been craving for so long.

So yeah, months past and we started flirting again. I know I should not trust him, and I'm aware that E should only just be a temporary fling. But that's the thing with the "good" fboys, it's hard to hate them when they are always good to you. Haha! I'm so marupok.

Fast forward Sept 13, the time I went back from Manila. I had to self quarantine in a hotel for at least 3days and have a negative antigen test results before I could go home. That's when I found the perfect opportunity to be alone together. Well, I thought hard before doing what I did. I know in fact that I will somehow regret it in the future, but I still did it. And I did it again last night, and today. I felt happy, I felt contented, I felt validated, I felt beautiful, and I felt sexy. But when he left, I felt so sad, and lonely, and all sorts of negative feelings again.

You know why I felt that way? Because I know that he's still not over his ex. 🙂 I know that they are communicating again. I found traces about that in their social media. I have a feeling that what happened last time will happen again. But I still did everything. Hehehe. I know I prepared myself for this. But I'm still sad. Super sad. And lonely. He's been distant for a few days already, and I've noticed several changes in the way he communicates with me. Similar patterns that I've experienced with my ex and him the first time he left. Haaaayyy.

In this times, I really need someone to talk to. I need someone to share my experiences and to ask honest opinions. I already know what I have to do, but it's hard doing it by myself. Huhuhu.

Anyway, I also had the gut feeling that he was with her before he picked me up last night. 🙂 And I think that they will see each other tonight, too. Idk. I don't wanna ask. The last time I asked, my heart got shattered to a million pieces. I already got the hunch and the clues, but still, I'm choosing to ignore. Lol. Without any confirmation, somehow you can still fool your mind about your current situation. Ignorance is bliss. And I'm choosing happiness, or some sort.

I know I'm stupid, I know I'm dumb. I've become addicted to the temporary high in the constant wave of lows. 🙂 Someone please, dukla ko.

[lifeofadmd]

Hey, everyone!!

Today was such a tiring day! I catered 11 patients, when normally I can only cater 4-5. Plus I did Odontectomy on a horizontal tooth impaction on the morning. Wow, I must be a superwoman! Haha

Anyway, all the hardwork paid off.. Because today is payday! I actually gave myself a salary. Yehey! Happy first payday check to me! 💕

Also, I gave myself a 5% salary increase compared to my previous employer. Hahahaha. I'm my own boss, so I make my own rules! 😂

I'm just happy. Hihi. I feel like a boss btch. 👑 To more victories! 🥂 No matter how big or small. TyG! 🙏

[lifeofadmd]

Hello!

I'm back again with my emotional drama and sht.

I checked my fb memories, and I saw pics that triggered bad memories. I decided to check their fb page.. And then check mine. After few minutes of thinking and overthinking, I finally decided that it's now the time to delete our pictures together.

It's a bittersweet moment. With every picture, I remember the good memories we had on that exact moment. Snippets of our life together flashed back in my head. I wonder if he still thinks about us, too.. Like the way I think about him, 'us', and the way things were. Those moments still make me smile still up to this day, but in a split second, that smile will always turn to a sharp needle pricking on my chest.

Most pictures I deleted without hesitation, but a select few made me think twice. Even if I deleted all the pics we had together, I still can't erase the fact that he was part of my life for 5yrs.. And those years are one of the happiest of my life. I will forever be thankful for him because of that. I felt ol sort of feelings and emotions because of him. Learned a few things. And grew up a lot.

So I decided to save a few good memories.

I don't know if my brain is just playing tricks with me, but I vividly remember that he was the reason for many of my smiles and laughters. I just wonder if I'll ever find a love who'll make me feel so secure and at peace. Hay.

I hope I will. And I hope that love will last a lifetime.