lifeofatangerine-blog

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[lifeofatangerine-blog]

What do I expect from you I don’t get to be upset, I shouldn’t even be allowed to get butt hurt over repetitive nothingness

Our encounters are limited to maybe a few hours every couple weeks and any other encounter in between is strictly confined to viewing each other’s snapchat stories

We’ve reached the point where direct conversation via phone has pretty much become a taboo along with what our relationship use to be

there’s really no point in calling us ‘friends’ because we really aren’t anymore

.. but occasionally there will be a brief moment where things are like how they were and it’s just us– for a split second

it’s ironic because I don’t mean sexual tension it’s hard to explain

it’s almost a state of recognition between each other like

‘hey I hear you, I’m here’ ..

It gets me every time, and because it never even has to be about anything specific makes it all the more heart wrenching.

I don’t know if you ever feel that way with me and I’ll probably never get to know.

Every now and then I feel like such a loser because I’ve fallen so deep into something so minuscule and that’s why I overcompensate by being such a bitch when I'm around you, in some twisted way I’m trying to make up for how I feel about you deep down because you don’t deserve it, I feel the need to treat you worse than I should just to stroke my ego and keep my pride from deteriorating.

I don’t know whether I should be sad or relieved that you’re probably quitting.

And at the end of the day no matter how I stretch it, flip it inside out or reverse it the conclusion I always come to is the same, no I don’t know what I want from this anymore but the fact remains, I miss you.

Even if we tried to make everything go back to the way they were it’d be impossible because even though I don’t blame you for anything it doesn’t erase the damage and hurt that’s already been done

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

I don’t know which part of the day makes me want to punch myself in the face more

the fact that I couldn’t fully enjoy my pho because sitting less than two feet away from me was a perfectly nice guy I turned down/friendzoned

or

the fact that I’m still at a place where I want to show up while you’re at work so I can ensure even for a moment I’ll be on your mind

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

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Everything is temporary.

3 words that completely changed my life once I fully accepted them (via bl-ossomed)

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Develop a strong opinion about yourself so that you are not deceived into believing what other people say about you.

Unknown (via kushandwizdom)

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

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i’m obsessed with my space & alone time so if i wanna spend time with you or talk to you consistently, just know you’re special.

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

[lifeofatangerine-blog]

…I like simple things, books, being alone, or with somebody who understands.

Daphne du Maurier, The Lover  (via h-o-r-n-g-r-y)