lifewouldbebetteronmars - Tumblr blog

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Boss can i go home early some shit is happening in my fandom and im a pretty active person in the community so my presence is needed

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Oh don’t worry CK, I have so many just from this one night-

I also have like ten million other little cousins so here’s other anecdotes from them too

Me, after 3 put him on the potty for the last time before bed: Did you go poopy or just pee?

3: I went poopy

*after I take him off the potty*

Me: Buddy you didn’t go poopy

3: Yes I did

He insisted he pooped for like ten minutes after this. He did not. He doesn’t know the difference between peeing and pooping

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

5: Can I have popcorn? *asks me every five minutes for almost two hours*

Me, two hours later: Okay I’ll go pop the popcorn

5: I don’t want popcorn anymore. I want ice cream

She had just asked me for popcorn five minutes earlier

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

6 is a different cousin, I usually spend the night at her house

6 @ 11 P.M. when I’m asleep: *stroking my arms* Goodnight Riley

Me: *wakes up* Goodnight 6

*this morning*

6 @ 6 A.M.: *stroking my arms* Good morning Riley

Me: *wakes up and doesn’t see 6* Wtf

I know you like kids so here’s some things my little cousins (5 & 3) have said to me while I’ve been babysitting them:

“Magic is real. Do you know why?” (5)

“Why?” (me)

“Because people don’t have babies. All they have to say is that they don’t want babies and then they don’t and that’s magical.” (5)

“Alrighty then.” (me)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You can’t drive.” *giggles* (3)

“Yes I can.” (me)

“No you can’t.” (3)

“Neither can you.” (me)

“I’m little. I can’t drive.” (3)

Yes these sound a little too full for sentences but some of it is paraphrased

I LOVE YOUR LITTLE COUSINS SO MUCH DO SEND ME MORE OF THESE ANECDOTES

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

buddie + the sh*t eddie says that sounds like it's from a romance novel [buck] requested by anonymous

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

RIP, "The Man of the Hole." We never knew your date of birth or name.

And after what we did to you, we didn't deserve to.

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

i’d like to draw everyone’s attention to this portrait of a dog that’s in bella swans bedroom

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

RILEY

IVE HAD THE MOST SHIT FEW WEEKS BUT I WEJT RO A GARAGE SALE ON MY WAY HOME FROM WORK AND FOUND THE EXACT CALCULATOR I NEEDED FOR THE SATS FOR A DOLLAR

OMG YES WAGNER!!!

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Eddie is definitely not straight because of how bad he fumbled Ana Flores

Facts

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Grumble grumble…

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

wilsons wiki is so funny

whats that one phrase? sometimes a man hurts every woman in his life because his true soulmate is another man HAHA

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Pride and Prejudice characters + being a mood

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Btw is your bday soon????

My birthday was last week actually-

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

I just want a powdered donut without jelly

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Btw is your bday soon????

My birthday was last week actually-

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

My calendar said Passover started a few days ago and I was like omg I forgot to tell Wagner happy Passover-

In correction to my last ask: happy late passover!!!

Nah you’re good lol Passover just started a few hours ago

Jewish holidays begin and end with the sun setting so sun-down today from sun-down tomorrow is Passover

But thanks!!!!!!

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Thanks CK!!!

Btw is your bday soon????

My birthday was last week actually-

[lifewouldbebetteronmars]

Btw is your bday soon????

My birthday was last week actually-