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Happy Valentine's Day, @frootloopsl :3

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Unknown // Suzanne Scanlon

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"we need more mental illness representation in characters!" and yall couldn't even handle Light Yagami.

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Yes.

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Random Images I Have Saved, pt.1

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Light's Real Diary, Entry #3

I wish something had happened today that was worth writing about. But nothing did. And I don't want to literally just write down how my day went, for a few reasons.

First of all, it would be boring. Nothing of note happened today. Nothing of note happens most days. Even when I was busy acting as Kira, something interesting wasn't happening to me every single day. My average day looked about the same then as it does now... with a few hours of writing down criminals' names tacked onto the end. (I spend that time reading now.)

Second, there are three "elephants in the room" that I'm deliberately avoiding talking about in these entries. Even though this series is about honesty -- even though I'm starting to realize you all wouldn't judge me (much) -- the person I find the most difficulty being honest with has always been myself.

Third, I want to interest you. I want my thoughts to be enjoyable to read, to contain some kind of poignant insight or dramatic character analysis. But I guess, if you wanted self-awareness, I'm the worst person to ask for it.

That'll be all, then.

-Light

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I love other narcissists so much. I admire you like I admire my own reflection. There is something so unique about connecting to another person with NPD, the eroticism of stroking each other's ego and the mutual understanding with no need for explanation.

I wish you all the worship, recognition, and power you deserve. But most of all, I wish you to find peace, whatever that means for you.

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

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I hate asking for supply or attention.. it feels infantilising... like fuck yes I really need attention and praise rn I feel like shit, no ones talking to me I don't feel like a completely real person and I made a small mistake so someone telling me I'm good would be fucking great rn..

But I hate pity gifts.. or being humoured... like I don't mind people thinking my life is hard if it gets me sympathy (let me off easy yes pls) or admiration (did xyz despite the barriers) but pity? I fucking hate it.. people giving me attention because i explicitly asked for it feels like a consolation prize, they should just gove it to me when I show up, they should just give me a compliment because i gave them one and thats the polite thing to do..

I have no issue with fishing for compliments or implicitly asking for attention (randomly dming people "im bored" or random questions) but something about having to admit that to the person im asking it of...

Attention or a compliment that i asked for isnt real it just feels like the other person is placating a child (me) ... ugh...

Idk ill probably either post some art or make some relatable™️ posts to milk those sweet sweet internet points

-🔍🎭

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I mean. Factually, yeah. I CAN do what I want.

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Lantern

Kyoto, Japan 2016

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i'm sort of between graves right now

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To people who are kind for selfish reasons, I love you.

To people who are kind because it makes you look good, I love you.

To people who are kind because you get supply out of it, I love you.

If every kind thing you do is against your nature and the way you are wired, I love you. I see you. Your effort is noted and I’m proud of you.

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people who are good and kind and uplifting and say and do nice things for other people, solely for the purpose of gaining attention or upholding your reputation, i love you, and you still are good people.

i don't care if you're seething with anger or jealousy or hatred inside whilst you do the nice things. you're still a good person. i don't care if you're constantly criticising the other person in your head whilst you do nice things. you're still a good person. i don't care if the entire time you help someone or say something nice you're constantly thinking about yourself or how much you want them to say something nice back or only doing the good thing to get praise or for your own sense of achievement. you're still a good person. i don't care if you're messy or find it extremely hard to do nice things for others and in general. you're. still. a. good. person.

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The fact that some people think that Misa Amane from Death Note did nothing wrong or was somehow better than Light Yagami is very confusing to me. Some of you really calculate gender into your moral assessments. If genders were reversed, people would not be so eager to defend Misa Amane or overstate Light Yagami's moral transgression. I see this as a reflection of the prevalent view of morality as politeness and progressiveness, sometimes just in-group signifiers that seem relatable.

Reactions I have observed to Death Note characters seem to support this hypothesis. The main trio are all liars and manipulators and have committed crimes; they are all egotistical and willing to sacrifice other people's interests for the sake of their game. Arguably, Misa exhibits the least remorse or moral self-awareness out of the three, especially in the manga, where Light has a more significant mental breakdown after using the Death Note.

But Misa is an adorable, approachable goth girl, sweet and relatable. L Lawliet is a cute, soft baby because he's autistic and unthreatening, never mind the torture. I think in actuality the most offensive crime that Light Yagami commits in Death Note for a modern audience is being a misogynist and being unrelatable. More people would side with Kira's cause if contemplative and quiet L were the one wielding the Death Note instead of Light, who is unapologetically arrogant. You know, the worst thing a person can be.

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there is no greater joy on this earth than Making Lists, Categorizing, & Sorting

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death note is a funeral for all. i wish that was acknowledged more frequently. whether they physically die or not, each individual is irrevocably changed due to the presence of the numinous-- the presence of kira. even the shinigami, supernatural beings, are forced to alter their fundamental nature in response to a god's wrath. the moment the note is picked up, the world itself changes to make space. i feel it's special, that a single act can announce the indistinguishability of baptism and death. ubiquitously, too.