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I recently discovered this book, A mindful year. It’s like having a therapist m, everyday—without spending a dime. So I try to engage daily.

Today April 24, the therapists said move toward things you love.

I am slowly picking up my camera and take more photos

Reading instead of scrolling

Being present than worrying what could have beens

Shrugging off little things that doesn’t fit my daily schedule

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can’t recount the times I has e to uninstall shopping apps on my phone.

Digital detox is really a work out. I mean, you need to work hard just to get yourself OUT OF IT. It’s hard because everyone is on it. And fomo can get tricky.

One month of no orange or blue app, I was feeling okay. It felt liberating to not want things. But the minute I install it, it’s as if I ‘need’ this and that. I have hundreds of “add to cart” items which I eventually removed because I actually don’t need them. At. All.

So, it was a trial and error.

Now, I only buy stuff that I can’t get my hands on here in the city or cdo. And then when stuff gets delivered, I delete it and digital detox era is happy again.

This is an appreciation post to my impulsive buyer self. I don’t have vices—I just have this weird and impractical hobby of buying all sorts of stuff which is a total contradiction of minimalism.

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Why am I very good at catastrophizing?

A simple change in the room temperature, a little ache in the body—my train of thoughts would automatically go wild.

This happens often a week before my monthly period. Hormones are messed up.

Change the narrative.

Treat it like a passing cloud.

And just exhale the bs.

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Almost a month to really avoiding social media.

Life has been more quiet.

Less distractions.

Unaware of the whereabouts of people except for a chosen few who still texts me thru my mobile number and not messenger or any socmed platforms

Ramadhan has been quite peaceful. Just enjoying doing chores at home and discovering milestones of my son. He sings nowadays. He likes singing and reenacting stuff. He makes silly faces too.

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Little goals.

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I feel like Brittany in Brittany runs a marathon

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I asked my husband if he agrees with me.

He said, you need not ask. You’re the one always disagreeing.

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I’m grateful for my husband because despite our major differences, he still chooses to be with me.

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It’s a nice feeling to be off social media. I have one friend whom I can talk to—a blessing.

I have my husband—my constant. Still a blessing.

I have a son—who makes my world light up and explode at the same time. Still a blessing.

And that should sustain you, too.

These titles, these accomplishments on paper? Might not be on your list but no one is recognizing full time motherhood as a badge of honor.

They only see the hustle, the awards, the recognition of other people..

I’m not fascinated with that.

Where I am now is where I am meant to be.

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My ortho took one molar tooth earlier today. Ha! I am very conscious about my teeth and I’m afraid I will be wearing braces again… at this day and age pa ano?

Anyway, it’s just an option.

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Deactivated my instagram account because doom scrolling hasn’t been helpful.

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Graphic not mine.

I was always cynical about myself. My abilities. My plans.

And I had trust issues. Still do.

This year, i just wanna let myself be comfortable with the truth. That life isn’t always a smooth flowing river. That there will be uncomfortable situations. I cannot just stay away from things. I need to live in it and be more accepting of life. The dynamics have changed. And change is constant. And I should be more conscious of the fact that as we go thru changes, it can be challenging which makes you, molds you into a better and stronger version of yourself.

Talk a little nicer to yourself. Everyday.

You don’t wait for the world to be in motion with you. You go thru the motion and be.

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As we age, our circle of friends gets smaller and smaller.

At first, I thought it’s a bad sign. I somehow looked at it as something negative but it turns out, it is actually a good thing.

The problem isn’t always you. Actually, there isn’t any problem at all. It’s just a matter of perspective.

I don’t hate friends whom I haven’t talked to for ages. They’re once my constant source of interaction but as we age, our outlooks, dynamics, visions differ and some we grow old with and some we grow apart.

Is it really a bad thing? Am I a bad person? No. That’s the natural flow of relationship. Not everything stays the same. One friendship may survive the peaks and valleys of your life, yet some stays for a season and then disappears or disconnects on the next.

I was once this always on the go, always inviting my friends. Honestly, I always initiated the hanging outs, the lunches until I grew tired of always reaching out because at some point I felt like it’s a one sided friendship. If I don’t invite them or pay for the bill, then I won’t be hearing anything. If I don’t initiate or pick them up, they will be too busy to hang. I moved on from it and at first, it sucked. I felt lonely and made me question my personality. But actually, we actually grow and our concerns varies and our schedule would most of the time differ. It is okay. And it should be.

The only friendship that stood was my friendship with Allah SWT. In whatever circumstances I am in, He was there. All through out. The bad the good and the in between. And Alhamdulillah for this grace.

Anyway, we have no stable internet which concerns me because I have a class on weekend. It’s past 11PM. This is why I’m not fascinated with afternoon naps. It disrupts my sleeping time.

Anyway, might as well do a brain dump.

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Tried reading my law books again. To begin again.

Bittersweet.

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My husband bought me kobo for reading.

And I should be committed. Now that my son’s help is back, I can sneak in few minutes daily. Yes.. because seeking knowledge and reading has been my escape.

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New Year, new level of temper.

Maybe lower it down.

Because I’m really short tempered.