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Why the fuck did Amazon just send me and this one other guy in our building a free sample package of Coke Zero

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indie/pop singers will see a lively, classic song and be like "is anyone going to cover this in a shitty whisper voice?" and not wait for an answer

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full offense but some of y’all just have to let people enjoy things

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😳

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I’m the kind of person who wastes inventory space in games carrying around useless items that mean something to me or my character

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Evil Shakespeare be like: MacDeath

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Guys please stop calling hot people “daddy” or “mommy”. Sigmund Freud is getting too strong and is trying to break out of his casket.

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My most toxic trait is hating when other people are in the kitchen

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I find myself getting less and less ambitious the older I get.

When I was graduating high school I wanted to do great things and be super famous and change the world.  Now I just want to hang out and not bother anybody.

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trying to get money from your parents after getting into a fight with them:

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me

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when ur parents start talkin shit about ur personality

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dog: BARK

me (with the same tone and volume): WHAT

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when u wake up at 3am and forgot to put ur water on ur nightstand