liliputkalin

[liliputkalin]

went to our regular coffee spot & got to chat with my favorite barista (already a win) but then she mismade my drink and when i was like “phghhhh im so sorry this is missing Ingredience” she put the necessary ingredience in AND made a new one from scratch…… im off 2 entire cold brews brother

[liliputkalin]

Beautiful siblings insider trading and money laundering

[liliputkalin]

Signs you may need to take a break from ao3/tumblr for a little bit:

an author/blog being “mean” to your favorite character causes you uncontrollable anger

an author/blog being “mean” to your favorite character feels like a personal attack on you

a fic makes you depressed for several days (not just sad, but uncontrollable crying, depression, despair)

you feel like your mental health is hinging on the outcome of a WIP or cliffhanger

you’re making threats, death threats, etc on anon or leaving abusive comments

you’re unable/unwilling to block/mute people who cause these reactions

[liliputkalin]

‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves A stately pleasure-dome decreed. And what rough beast, its hour come round at last, Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

[liliputkalin]

I do not know how to write overstim. Time to find some binghe/shizun fics.

i started the next smut thing with dagur. this time in english ╰（‵□′）╯

[liliputkalin]

to pretend that horrible people cannot make good art is another way to conflate beauty and talent with integrity and morality. the works of monsters are best examined with knowledge of the author in mind but art is not inherently reflective. human beings are creative, and habitual liars- it'd be stupid to pretend art must always be a portrait of its creator

[liliputkalin]

[liliputkalin]

The location of the sex shop I worked was a haven for spiders. We had tall ceilings and skylights and unused storage rooms. It was a spider paradise. We quickly sussed out which coworkers to call on in case of emergency. The Dorito lady was a solid ally for spiders but absolutely petrified of moths.

But there’s actually a hierarchy of fear. Most people don’t realize. The person least afraid is the one forced to deal with the bug in question. If coworker B was scared, but coworker A was petrified, well coworker B was gonna have to screw their courage to the sticking place because by the law of fear they were the most competent person on scene.

Thus enters Rick. Rick first appeared in the back storage room. This room doubled as a second bathroom so we went in on a semi frequent basis. The girl who’d gone in to pee shot out again gibbering with fear about the biggest spider she’d ever seen had just run across her boot.

We sicced Dorito lady on it. She returned, shaking her head. “He was squatting on a power cord where it plugs in. I couldn’t get a clean shot at Rick.”

“Rick?”

She shrugged. “Spiders that big need a name. Seemed like a Rick.”

Rick, freshly named, became a store menace. I’d normally say this was probably a case of multiple spiders being mistaken for one but everyone who encountered him swore up and down there could be no mistake. This spider was massive, fast, and distinct. A gladiator among arachnids.

I never encountered Rick. His exploits grew in the telling but the theme was consistent: no one could kill him. He’d hunker in places that no one could reach and dart away when a strike missed. He also chased off the more faint hearted, charging them in bold dashes. There could be no benign cup transplant to remove Rick from the premise. He was not leaving.

The saga of Rick continued for two months. Not seeing him was almost worse, a fearful wariness when going to the bathroom or stepping into quieter areas. I waited with dread, hoping my eventual run in would have me on shift with Dorito lady to protect me.

It was not to be. There was a girl the same who hated my one moment of singing that was absolute piss-herself scared of spiders. She’d slam straight into a panic attack and couldn’t think or speak. And so it was that one night on shift, I heard her scream.

It was unmistakable. I was in the front window turning off the open sign. Through an obstacle course of mannequins and lingerie I performed an acrobatic sprint out of the window, darting up to find her quivering at the front counter, fully crying. I radiated calm at her and said, “Just point.”

I knew it was Rick. Our destinies were intertwined and we had always been pulled toward the inexorable battle that was drawing nigh.

Her hand raised to point to our sandwich board sign at the front of the store. So Rick had the metaphorical high ground. There was no quick easy strike on the slanted signs surface.

I armed myself and marched into battle, my knuckles white on my chosen weapon. I would do this, because I must. Because there was no one else. And because I wanted to close and go home.

I saw Rick immediately and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen a bigger spider since. Outside of a tarantula, he was truly the most massive spider I’ve ever beheld outside a zoo enclosure or terrarium.

We regarded each other. Rick launched off the sign toward me and I stomped my foot reflexively, making him pause in his charge. Then I raised my weapon. Anything else, I believe Rick could have evaded. He’d bested most of the store thus far. But I had chosen chemical warfare.

I doused the shit out of that spider with cleaning spray, stunning him with a barrage of chemicals. While he froze, choking on the unexpected deluge, I dropped a paper towel over him. My foot came down.

I felt his exoskeleton crunch and I can feel it still to this day. The shattering was as of bones and I truly mourned that we had been forced into senseless war. If only he has cleaved tighter to the shadows. If only he’d crawled willing into a cup for relocation. I released a full body shudder of horror, fear, and adrenaline as I stepped back.

I took several quivering breaths. I donned a veneer of calm and tidied the battlefield of it’s corpse then went to reassure my coworker that all was well, while internally I still shook.

You fought well, Rick. I hope you sired many more monstrous children to haunt retail workers in the years to come. Rest in valor, you monster.

[liliputkalin]

Sun Shadow (my beloved?)

But all I want to do is get out and see the world

[liliputkalin]

literally hate whenever my textbook starts with a "We know that..." like no bitch we fucking don't

[liliputkalin]

3 buttons required so you don't want to kill yourself on tumblr

[liliputkalin]

I'm late but happy 10th birthday show that changed my life and continues to shape it to this day :)

[liliputkalin]

i started the next smut thing with dagur. this time in english ╰（‵□′）╯

[liliputkalin]

its been five years and two chairs and this table is still too big for meeee. why im so small. why it was made for tall people in our republic.

[liliputkalin]

its been five years and two chairs and this table is still too big for meeee. why im so small. why it was made for tall people in our republic.

[liliputkalin]

Me, waking up at 5 am in a sweat: What if Wind Blossom didn’t in fact fuck up. What if whers are the natural state of things and you have to make the six limbed telepathic creatures known as dragons, into being dragons by pure inelegant force. What if nature wants them to be whers like nature wants crustaceans to be crabs. What if there is one step and it is wher. What if wher is what peak performance looks like. Carcinization? No. Wherinization.

My cats at 5 am: I am going to make destructive noises just out of your line of sight until you feed me, you weirdo