lilliangoose

[lilliangoose]

i just destroyed every road that leads to rome

[lilliangoose]

[throws a meat cleaver at you and misses] [throws a meat cleaver at you and misses] [throws a meat cleaver at you and misses] Dude stay still jesus christ [throws a meat cleaver at you and misses] [throws a meat cleaver at you and misses] [throws a meat cleaver at you and misses]

[lilliangoose]

I'm in it now! And by it heheheh ... let's just say I mean your lap >:3

[lilliangoose]

sodom and gomorrah? I hardly sodom and g'know 'er.

[lilliangoose]

Wizards in a fantasy setting are trying to invent audiobooks.

They tried enchanting the ink in a book so that the words would read themselves aloud but all the words in the book spoke at the same time at a volume that blew out the windows in the tower. They trained a tiny invisible spirit to read the words instead, but it was too tiny to turn the pages on its own, and because it was too tiny to have an imagination it read everything in a flat, emotionless voice.

They tried enchanting the book to come to life and read itself, and this seemed like it was working until around the hundredth page, when it became clear the book was changing the story it was telling to its own tastes. When pressed, the book said that it found the political intrigue in the story written on its pages boring, and that in its opinion the story should be about the witch and the baker, two side characters mentioned in one chapter of the story, fucking. The wizards begrudgingly agreed with this, but still considered this version of the spell a failure.

[lilliangoose]

They call me a no nonsense kinda gal 'cause I will not harbor japes, jests, chicanery, or even light malarkey in my presence. I do however dispense nonsense and have been known to partake in the occasional flim-flam (in the right company), so when people first meet me, my reputation of course preceding me, they find this title to be ill-fitting.

But being the no nonsense kinda gal I am, I don't put much stock in titles. I abhor titles. I have read naery a book for my inability to get past the first line on the cover. I have never, and will never, own property for fear of a title passing into my hands. I just don't take that kind of nonsense.

[lilliangoose]

They should invent coveting your neighbor's goods where everybody just gets everything. Plagiarizing your neighbor's goods.

[lilliangoose]

More songs should have happy little chirps in them. Like little contented robots joining in song. It would just brighten things up so much.

I am pro bleep blorp. Make me happy :>

[lilliangoose]

Ow ow owie owie ow

[lilliangoose]

Well well well. How the wheels on the bus have gone round and round

[lilliangoose]

Me when I fucking

GET YOU

[lilliangoose]

[lilliangoose]

[lilliangoose]

[lilliangoose]

Recreated exactly as I saw in my dreams...

[lilliangoose]

all respect to the violent femmes but nothing compares to the disappointment of hearing that a band is called the violent femmes and then it’s four normal dudes… i’ll never forgive them

[lilliangoose]

the first person to turn an apple to sauce... what hubris. no other fruit gets this treatment. well, except for the wretched tomato. but that's a punishment, because the tomato is morally corrupt.