lillilover

[lillilover]

September 25, 2020: On the sawmill, on the way to Connecticut, a drive I’ve done hundreds of times. This song came on and I almost skipped it, but instead I said to myself “Okay I’ll do this.” And halfway through I was sobbing because I love my boyfriend, I love thinking about any type of future with him. It’s also terrifying, and I feel like he could find someone so much better than me. I know one thing right now... I love this man and I can’t wait to keep doing this life with him.

[lillilover]

I started dating a guy. He hides me cute little dinosaurs to find, it makes me smile. He loves flowers, but he loves me more. He is sweet and kind and awkward. He kisses me on the forehead. He calls me beautiful, darling, and lovely.

It feels so good, but it’s so hard.

We fight, and everything in my wants to be ruthless and nasty like everyone in my family. It’s stitched into my DNA.

And he has so much pain, I want arms to feel healing.

I think this where it starts; I break generational curses now. I’m so tired, he holds my face up when I can’t stop crying, and he has made so many tears fall down my cheeks. It’s all of it all the time. Some nights there are no words for how I feel, just tears.

But Jesse just squeezes me tight and let’s me just be.

Tumblr I have a boyfriend, and it doesn’t feel awful. I feel incredible.

[lillilover]

What's your Instagram

@lilliloves

[lillilover]

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk through my garden forever.”

— Alfred, Lord Tennyson

[lillilover]

I won’t let it become what it was, but I can’t deny I like the sex. He worshipped my body, and I want to feel like a goddess. My tan lines need someone to run their fingers over them. Almost a year later and it seems like I’m missing my Malibu dream boat.

[lillilover]

When he looked me in the eye and said, “my god you’re beautiful...” I felt nothing.

[lillilover]

by pablomerchanm

[lillilover]

Stopping in for a little post. I’m glad the love of my life is my best friend. It doesn’t hurt anymore, because when you love someone with everything you have, goodness unravels. It only takes me three big squeezes and a couple of tears to say, “see you later” to Ben.

I’m thankful he stuck with me. I’m thankful he holds my heart safe. I’m thankful he is loyal.

[lillilover]

Dreamy flowers // Instagram / Website / Prints

[lillilover]

Lilacs, Part 7 // West Mountain Road, MA

[lillilover]

初秋#01

[lillilover]

by chymomore

[lillilover]

wildflowers on a Sunday

[lillilover]

by Richard Revel

[lillilover]

Superbloom

Diamond Valley Lake, California

instagram

[lillilover]

sanguine

instagram

[lillilover]

I wish people would understand the crippling feeling I feel when he said, “I love you.”

They were right, it should feel good.

It should take your breath away, not suffocate you.

Fill you, not weigh you down.

Ease your body, not send a shiver down your spine.

It should taste true, not like a bitter guilt.

You should want to say it back, not swallow your tongue.