Welcome to my kink checkpoint ted talk. Instead of saying "No touching unless I give you permission," might I recommend the more possessive "Do not trespass on my private property." This has been my dirty ted talk.
kneeling at a lover’s feet not only as a trained, obedient mutt but also as in : i will do anything and everything you ever ask of me, simply because it is you asking, because i belong to you, to your whims and desires; i can be good, i can be loyal, i will be whatever you want me to be—just ask. please ask.
I’ve organized some of the things I need from aftercare (in person or long distance) into 4 components, and thought it could be helpful for others too! I’ve put some examples for each, but it will of course look different for everyone.
1. Physical Care/Needs -
Wiping away tears
Helping up from floor
Getting a warm towel
Soothing bruises
Getting a glass of water
2. Physical Comfort/Affection -
Gentle kisses and hugs
Holding eachother tight
Breathing with eachother
Cuddling and/or napping together
Brushing fingers through hair
3. Scene Validation -
“That was so fun/sexy”
“That felt so good when you ____”
“You were such a good ____ for me”
“I love the bruises/marks you gave me”
“Thank you for (carrying out some fantasy) with me”
4. Human Affirmations -
“I love you; I care about you”
“I’m so grateful to have you in my life”
“I always have a great time when I’m with you”
“You’re a wonderful/kind/etc person”
Mentioning a non-sexual part of your relationship that you like, or reiterating that you value eachother as more than just a sub/dom(me)
I think that this can work whether you have a deeper connection or a more casual play partner! I always feel best when all of these components are covered during aftercare.
These things can obv be done in person, and I think it’s also really important to give this kind of care when you’re long distance, even if it’s just through words after sexting… for example-
“When we were done, I would help you up and wipe away your tears, bring you a warm towel and make sure you’re ok. Then I’d love to cuddle, with your head on my chest, and give you forehead kisses while telling you how good you made me feel and how wonderful of a person I think you are.”