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little bit of Jewish history: for several centuries, Jews didn’t have fixed, hereditary surnames. they went by “Name son of Father” or similar. Ashkenazi Jews mostly didn’t start taking on surnames until the 18th and 19th century, when surnames were made a condition of being recognized as citizens of modern nations. and apparently there was one Jew in Germany who thought hey, if we’ve got to take it a surname, let’s make it a damn good one.

so this is the name he picked:

Wolfe­schlegel­stein­hausen­berger­dorff­welche­vor­altern­waren­gewissen­haft­schafers­wessen­schafe­waren­wohl­gepflege­und­sorg­faltig­keit­be­schutzen­vor­an­greifen­durch­ihr­raub­gierig­feinde­welche­vor­altern­zwolf­hundert­tausend­jah­res­voran­die­er­scheinen­von­der­erste­erde­mensch­der­raum­schiff­genacht­mit­tung­stein­und­sieben­iridium­elek­trisch­motors­ge­brauch­licht­als­sein­ur­sprung­von­kraft­ge­start­sein­lange­fahrt­hin­zwischen­stern­artig­raum­auf­der­suchen­nach­bar­schaft­der­stern­welche­ge­habt­be­wohn­bar­planeten­kreise­drehen­sich­und­wo­hin­der­neue­rasse­von­ver­stand­ig­mensch­lich­keit­konnte­fort­pflanzen­und­sicher­freuen­an­lebens­lang­lich­freude­und­ru­he­mit­nicht­ein­furcht­vor­an­greifen­vor­anderer­intelligent­ge­schopfs­von­hin­zwischen­stern­art­ig­raum

and the fun doesn’t stop there. roughly translated, this name means “Ages ago, there were conscientious shepherds whose sheep were well tended and carefully protected against attack by their rapacious enemies. Twelve hundred thousand years ago there appeared before these first earthmen, at night, a spaceship powered by seven stone and iridium electric motors. It had originally been launched on its long trip into stellar space in the search for neighboring stars that might have planets revolving about them that were inhabitable and on which planets a new race of intelligent humanity might propagate itself and rejoice for life, without fear of attack by other intelligent beings from interstellar space.”

and then this gentleman’s great-great-grandson was given a 26-word “first name” featuring names beginning with each successive letter of the alphabet: Adolph Blaine Charles David Earl Frederick Gerald Hubert Irvin John Kenneth Lloyd Martin Nero Oliver Paul Quincy Randolph Sherman Thomas Uncas Victor William Xerxes Yancy Zeus.

but of course that’s impractical for everyday use, so he often went by the name Hubert B. Wolfe + 666, Sr. he was born in Germany in 1904 or 1914, emigrated to Philadelphia, and died in 1997.

there is no part of this that is not incredible to me.

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Daily Mirror, England, January 22, 1909 Image © The British Library Board. All Rights Reserved.

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do you ever read about clean eating and intermittent fasting and cleanses and all that shit and just think about how good the wellness industry is as repackaging dangerous and disordered eating habits as shiny wellness routines and become literally enraged

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i’m such a weak bitch for the fantasy of “This Protagonist Is So Nice And Empathetic That It Saves The Fucking World” that shit’s so metal, kindness in media is punk as hell

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everybody loves to talk about velma and daphne but y’all seem to forget that velma and hot dog water from mystery incorporated were obviously gay

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So, Microsoft is terrible. Yes yes, the oldest claim in the world.

But specifically... I just hate how Windows 10 tries to conflate and confuse web searches with things on one's own computer. The start menu should never do anything related to web-searching, especially if it purports to try to give examples of things that are on my hard drive!

This will make old, computer-illiterate people more malware-vulnerable. You have to maintain a strong distinction between "things that are on this computer (and maybe even included in Windows)" (safe, one hopes, or you already got pwned by it, probably), and "things on the web" (scary, dangerous, not to be trusted at all).

Eroding that barrier in the UI is awful. It just FEELS like a violation every time I start typing into the start bar, and it tries to show me ANYTHING web-related. My computer is NOT just an internet-portal! It has tons of stuff on it, and when I'm interacting with the OS, I ONLY want to see things that are already on here!

If I wanted to see something online, I would go to my browser! All the online stuff should be segregated into the browser!

Specific programs can access the internet; that's fine. But my OS's functions and interface should JUST be about the things that are already on my computer.

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September is cool and all, but who’s ready for OCTOBER THIRST?

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INSTAGRAM

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Au where everything is the same but Belos and Hooty are switched

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👀

are any of us truly shocked tho

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Anytime I see those “God that rep from two years ago was so bad” posts, I think about Gravity Falls.

I think about the fact that Alex Hirsch wanted the cupid character (who appeared in ONE episode) to have the MLM/WLW symbols on his necklace, but Disney shot it down because it was seen as inappropriate for a kid’s show.

I think about the sheriff characters, who’s “relationship” was used as a running gag to laugh at. Who’s kiss in the last scene at the end of the series damn near made people go INSANE. These were two characters who were no one’s favorites and who served as comedy relief, but it was still seen as a huge win for rep because it happened at all.

I think about the fact that Gravity Falls, a show where dead animals speak in tongues as blood drips from their eyes, couldn’t have anywhere near the amount of rep that the creators wanted to add because it “wasn’t for kids”

And now we have men getting married to their husbands and women getting married to their wives on screen. We have boys with boyfriends and girls with girlfriends and characters that are purposely gnc or androgynous. We have characters with pride pins or flags in their rooms. We have cartoons like Blues Clues that have been around for AGES making entire videos dedicated to pride for kids.

Just… things get better. Representation gets better because people fight to make it happen. We can’t act like they were “basically nothing” because without them we would HAVE nothing.

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When we’re new to adulthood, it doesn’t immediately occur to all of us that you’re almost always allowed to leave a situation, because growing up we’re forced to stay in situations until someone dismisses us and/or takes us home, or if we do leave on our own accord there’s someone waiting at home to say “we don’t quit in this family!” Boring party? You can leave. You don’t like the lecture? You can walk out. New doctor not working out? You can end the appointment, you don’t need to wait for them to dismiss you. Bad date? You can just go home. Leaving a situation prematurely might have consequences, but unless you’re under arrest or serving prison time, it’s pretty much always allowed.

–commenter Allison @ askamanager

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I thought there might be a lot of other people who would benefit from reading this, too.

(Original tweet.)

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Everyday I wake up

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huge congratulations to drugs for continuing to win the war on drugs