lilysephronia

[lilysephronia]

On the topic of humans being everyone’s favorite Intergalactic versions  of Gonzo the Great: Come on you guys, I’ve seen all the hilarious additions to my “humans are the friendly ones” post. We’re basically Steve Irwin meets Gonzo from the Muppets at this point. I love it. 

But what if certain species of aliens have Rules for dealing with humans?

Don’t eat their food. If human food passes your lips/beak/membrane/other way of ingesting nutrients, you will never be satisfied with your ration bars again.

Don’t tell them your name. Humans can find you again once they know your name and this can be either life-saving or the absolute worst thing that could happen to you, depending on whether or not they favor you. Better to be on the safe side.

Winning a human’s favor will ensure that a great deal of luck is on your side, but if you anger them, they are wholly capable of wiping out everything you ever cared about. Do not anger them.

If you must anger them, carry a cage of X’arvizian bloodflies with you, for they resemble Earth mo-skee-toes and the human will avoid them.

This does not always work. Have a last will and testament ready.

Do not let them take you anywhere on your planet that you cannot fly a ship from. Beings who are spirited away to the human kingdom of Aria Fiv-Ti Won rarely return, and those that do are never quite the same.

Basically, humans are like the Fair Folk to some aliens and half of them are scared to death and the others are like alien teenagers who are like “I dare you to ask a human to take you to Earth”.

[lilysephronia]

Microstory

“Dragon!” the knight shouted. The villagers surrounded him and his horse. “I shall slay it!” One by one, people went to the dragon and sobbed as it looked deep in their eyes. “It takes from us, to add to its hoard,” a village elder said. “Let me slay it!” “It hoards sorrow.”

[lilysephronia]

every scifi writer: in 2025 the machines are smarter than anyone thinks they are

real-life 2025 horror: everyone thinks the machines are smarter than they are

[lilysephronia]

fragment of a needle lace band with dragon, castle, and plants, italy c. 1500s.

[lilysephronia]

You have been visited by the Badger of Executive Function!

May this tenacious beastie grant you the strength to break through whatever is holding you back from completing that important task you've been meaning to get to, and the energy and motivation to

Do The Fucking Thing.

[lilysephronia]

Sometimes reading Arthuriana feels like reading Alice in Wonderland.

“Well,” said Alice, “these are a dreadfully strange assortment of objects!”

“They all symbolize different aspects of Our Lord’s martyrdom,” said the Fisher King, casting a line into his teacup.

“Indeed. I am sure everything symbolizes something else, for if everything was only itself I should be very confused. Might I ask what the point of the bleeding lance is?”

Alice regretted asking the question as soon as she had done so, for she saw the pun that would likely be made about the word point. Instead, however, the room erupted in applause and shouts of “The Grail! She has achieved the Grail!”

The next castle she visited, Alice resolved to herself as the inhabitants of this one danced for joy, would be more sensible.

[lilysephronia]

Veni vidi conveni consedi

I came I saw I fits I sits

[lilysephronia]

#TextileTuesday:

“Border fragment of wool with a continuous band of #hummingbirds and fringelike appendages representing beans. Early Nasca [Nazca, Peru, c.1-450 CE]. Pollination of bean plants by birds may be suggested here. Border was formed using a needle-knit stemstitch.”

On display at American Museum of Natural History [41.2/6321]

[lilysephronia]

cleaning with ADHD is a nightmare. it’s an endless cycle of finding a half-finished chore and stopping the one you were already working on, then remembering that something else needs to be done and getting started on that, then finding half-finished chore and

[lilysephronia]

How animals attack

[lilysephronia]

Pioneering a "how much craft per craft" scale that determines how much of the time you spend doing any given handcraft is actually spent on what a layperson would imagine the core of the craft is vs other associated tasks. Spinning? Mostly actual spinning. Sewing? Mostly ironing. Wood and metalworking? Mostly sanding. Weaving? I've only had a chance to do one project, but from what I can gather from my more experienced friends, it seems to be mostly math.

[lilysephronia]

[lilysephronia]

we hunt the mighty pasta BEAST

and breadsticks are its BONES

ALFREDO FLOWS inside its veins

its organs are CALZONES

[lilysephronia]

ⓘ A sewing machine is a device that provides a several-fold increase of the speed at which you can make mistakes

[lilysephronia]

There were roses everywhere she looked, red roses, white roses, and pink roses, and every shade among them, in great flat platters and round fat orbs of petals, roses shaped like goblets and roses shaped like cups, roses that displayed stamens as fine as a lady's eyelashes, roses that were full up to the brim with a muddle of petals, roses with tiny green button centres. There were red-tipped white roses, and white-tipped red ones, bright pink ones and soft pink ones that were darker at their hearts and some that were nearly white-centered; white ones that were snowy all through, and white ones just touched with ivory and cream, or the sunset-cloud tints of pink and gold; and the reds were all the tones of the most mysterious and allusive of roses colours, from the warm rosy reds like ripening cherries to the darkest black-reds of velvet seen in shadows; and the purples were finer than any coronation mantle. And the smell, everywhere, was so rich and wonderful Beauty wanted to cup her hands to it and drink it, and yet it was not one smell, but all the rose scents discernible and yet individual as the colours of roses: the spicy ones, and the ones that smelt of apples or grapes or of oranges and lemons, and the ones that smelt of almonds or of fine tea, and most particularly the ones that smelt only as certain roses smell, and they were the most varied and seductive of all. The foliage was so thick, glossy-green or matte-, hunter-green and olive, and grey-green and nearly blue, that it should have shut out every wink of sunshine, but it did not; the light was so bright Beauty blinked against it, and the white roses glittered like constellations on a clear night.

Robin McKinley, Rose Daughter

[lilysephronia]

Being Kind and hopeful and recklessly good is an act of rebellion

[lilysephronia]

SIXTEENTH-CENTURY BASQUE WHALER'S CAP

Are you from the 16th century? Are you a whaler? Are you a Basque whaler? Yeah, me neither. But would you like to look like one?

Saw this post. Thought, I want that hat. Made it. Wrote the pattern. Bon appetit.

PATTERN ↓

From 1530 until the early 1600s, Basque whalers annually crossed the Atlantic Ocean to Canada. During the ice-free months of June to January, scores of workers established a semi-permanent station dedicated to processing the harvest on the shore of the Strait of Belle Isle, a narrow channel on the whales' migratory route between Newfoundland and the mainland of Labrador.

In the winter of 1577, the sea ice set early, trapping ships. Unable to return to their homeland in northern Spain and southern France with a full hold of processed whale oil, many were forced to stay in Labrador, where they died of exposure and scurvy.

In the 1970s, the site was rediscovered. More than 62 graves and the remains of 140 whalers were found in the cemetery. Some of the graves contained textile fragments.

(Piecework Magazine, Jan/Feb 2014)

NOTES I am still a beginner knitter. I started this hat without a plan, I just looked at the pictures and tried to make something that looked kind of similar. Used a ball of mystery yarn from my nan. And it turned out great! And then I blocked it. And it was too big (the guy who never knits swatches finally got bit in the arse, who would've thought). My tension is okay-ish but on the tighter side, so if your head is bigger than mine, you'll be grand. Also, I've never written a pattern before, so I hope it makes some sense.

YOU WILL NEED

≈ 80g of DK weight yarn

A set of 4mm (US 6) double-pointed needless

Darning needle

A piece of cardboard (or something else to wrap the yarn around to make a tassel)

Scissors

SIZE ↕ 31cm (12”) (without the tassel) and ↔ 25cm (9.5”) (my head is 55cm (21.5”), and it fits quite well, but it could stretch a bit more and still look good)

DIRECTIONS

SEED STITCH STRIPES

Cast on 84 stitches and join in the round

Work in seed stitch for 11 rounds (round 1: *K1, P1*; staring with round 2 you just P the knits and K the purls)

Purl 1 round

Knit 8 rounds

Purl 1 round

Work in seed stitch for 7 rounds

Purl 1 round

Continue in stocking stitch (*K*) until the hat measures 11-12cm (4.5”) from cast on edge

CROWN DECREASES AND PURL STRIPES

(It's a lot, I know. But I like the look of these better than the usual crown decreases, they're a bit less visible)

Dec#1: K5, *K2tog, K10* × 6, K2tog, K5 [77]

Knit 4 rounds

Dec #2: K5, *K2tog, K9* × 6, K2tog, K4 [70]

Knit 3 rounds

Dec #3: K4, *K2tog, K8* × 6, K2tog, K4 [63]

Knit 3 rounds

Dec #4: K4, *K2tog, K7* × 6, K2tog, K3 [56]

Purl 1 round

Knit 1 round

Dec #5: K3, *K2tog, K6* × 6, K2tog, K3 [49]

Knit 1 round

Dec #6: K3, *K2tog, K5* × 6, K2tog, K2 [42]

Purl 1 round

THE CONE (idk what to call it)

Knit 2 rounds

Work 5 rounds of *K1tbl, P1* rib (you don't have to twist the knits if you can make the 1×1 rib look neat. I can't, so…)

Continue in stocking stitch for 7-8cm (3”) (or more, depending on how floppy you want your hat to be)

Dec #1: K3, *K2tog, K5* × 5, K2tog, K2 [36]

Knit 3 rounds

Dec #2: K2, *K2tog, K4* × 5, K2tog, K2 [30]

Knit 2 rounds

Dec #3: K3, *K2tog, K3* × 5, K2tog, K1 [24]

Knit 2 rounds

Dec #4: K1, *K2tog, K2* × 5, K2tog, K1 [18]

Knit 1 round

Dec #5: *K2tog* [9]

Cut yarn and thread it through the remaining 9 stitches, pull tightly (I usually do it twice), secure on the wrong side

TASSEL

Make a tassel (I used a paint brush case instead of a piece of cardboard and wrapped yarn around it 45 times)

Attach it to the hat

FINISHING

Weave in all ends

Block the hat

CONGRATULATIONS

You can go whaling reread Moby-Dick and rewatch The North Water in style!