lindseythehuman

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

oh hi thanks for checking in I’m still a piece of garbage

[lindseythehuman]

do the spiderverse kids all have. slightly different meme cultures

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

bruce wayne maintains a presence on all conspiracy theory boards with the screen name BruceWayneIsTheBatman and all his posts have titles like “BRUCE WAINE IS BAT-MAN INDISPUTABLE PROOF” and it’s just a picture of Bruce Wayne from the back next to a picture of Batman from behind and they both have the contours of their butt drawn on in a shitty MSPaint red line (note: Bruce is in a suit and Batman has a cape, neither of their butts are clearly discernible) and the quote “THE BUTTS MATCH!!! THE FACTS DON’T LIE!!!!!” and he makes at least three of these posts a day, and “Bruce Wayne is the Batman” becomes a meme a la “Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer” and he gets asked about it on a talk show and he laughs uproariously at the idea and Stephen Colbert just HAPPENS to have a batman mask under the desk and they do a bit together where Bruce Wayne puts on the mask and walks around saying things like “excuse me, bank robbers, can I perhaps offer you some money to stop you robbing this bank?” and “I say, cease and desist your criminal behavior or I’ll have my butler ask you to leave” and the audience is LOSING THEIR MINDS laughing at the idea of this pampered rich guy taking on the Joker on a bi-weekly basis and then anyone who suggests “Bruce Wayne is Batman” in earnest gets met with mocking “oh man do the butts match” comments

[lindseythehuman]

Someone: A movie can’t be wholesome and dark at the same time. Those qualities are mutually exclusive.

Me:

[lindseythehuman]

A quick tip for your elevator ride up to the office: grab a piping hot cuppa joe at the corner store and stick an egg in it to make a hard boiled morning snack.

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

I JUST CAME UPSTAIRS AND HE HAD A FUCKING KNIFE

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

[lindseythehuman]

Some ppl say comedy is dead cause of “political correctness” but like john mulaney did an entire bit on captchas and bo burnham did an entire bit on not being able to fit ur hand inside a pringles can so really anything is possible as long as ur actually funny