linmanuelmirandas - Tumblr blog

[linmanuelmirandas]

you're laughing. i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you're laughing.

[linmanuelmirandas]

if i didn’t know about either of these characters and u asked me to pick which one is the vampire and which one is the rich playboy i don’t think i would answer correctly

[linmanuelmirandas]

zac efron on the verge of tears after eating pasta is both extremely relatable and also incredibly sad

[linmanuelmirandas]

[linmanuelmirandas]

if you don’t have @ least one collection of specific items i literally have nothing more to say to you. we will never relate to each other. however, you cool ass motherfuckers who do collect @ least one type of thing, reblog this post and say what that thing is. i’ll go first: clown dolls and good luck charms

[linmanuelmirandas]

a summary of buzzfeed unsolved in only 33 seconds

[linmanuelmirandas]

living in the suburbs is like mall. Movies. Mall again. Go to target. Go to gamestop. Back to the mall. Barnes and noble. Back to the mall. Chili’s. Back to the mall. Eat hot chip. Lie. And I’m SICK of it!!!!!

[linmanuelmirandas]

cats are like. i am very small and have cute little triangle ears. also locking me out of the bathroom is a hate crime

[linmanuelmirandas]

business email glossary

thanks in advance: get this done by the time i press “send”

thanks for your interest: why’d you have to bring this up

would you be so kind: fucking do it

best: i have never physically met you

all best: this conversation is over

all my best: i wish you would die

happy to help: this is the easiest thing in my inbox

i hope this helps: i’ve done all i’m willing to do

i did a bit of research: i googled it, because you’re too lazy to

sorry to chase: answer my email

so sorry to chase: answer my FUCKING email

i am really sorry for being a pest but: i am LIVID that you are ignoring me

please contact my colleague: this isn’t my problem

i’m copying in my colleague: this isn’t my problem and i am thrilled about it

i’ll check and get back to you: i might forget to

i’ll let you know when i hear anything: i will forget to

can you check back with me in a week?: i’m hoping you will forget to

per our earlier conversation: i just yelled at you on the phone

great to chat just now: you just yelled at me on the phone

thanks!: i’m not mad at you

thanks!!: please don’t be mad at me

thanks!!!: i’m crying at my desk

please advise: this might be your fault

kindly advise: this is entirely your fault

mind if i swing by?: i’m already in the elevator

can you confirm for me: you told me before and i deleted the email

sorry if that was unclear: i think you’re an idiot

let me know if you need anything else: please never contact me again

[linmanuelmirandas]

if my bones are gonna crack like glow sticks every time i move i think i deserve bioluminescence. both to complete the aesthetic and as a consolation prize

[linmanuelmirandas]

Your stripper name is sexy + last thing you googled

[linmanuelmirandas]

Throwback to 2016 when I told my sister "they're making another planet earth" and she just like. raised an eyebrow and said in this absolutely deadpan condescending tone "and where are they getting the dirt for it?" and I had to specify I meant planet earth the nature documentary not the celestial body

[linmanuelmirandas]

if you say “i love you” a lot it loses its meaning? bitch does the sun lose its light just because it rises every morning?

[linmanuelmirandas]

Are you working towards your dreams

Omg no I’m not!!! But thank you for asking

[linmanuelmirandas]

All gay people know is walk fast, back pain, strained relationship with father

[linmanuelmirandas]

everyone: this was badly written me, a simpleton: idk… i enjoyed it…

[linmanuelmirandas]

All the hot girls are at Trader Joe’s and Target!! They don’t go to the clubs and bars.