lipstickreptile
lipstickreptile
"I won't hurt you." "I know that"
1K posts
AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lipstickreptile
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lipstickreptile · 17 hours ago
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Effie, Haymitch and Plutarch in District 13
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lipstickreptile · 2 days ago
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Prompt idea
TW: food and EDs
I don't want to write this myself right now as I struggle with food atm. Nothing serious don't worry, my appetite is just non-existent.
But imagine this:
Effie struggles with food. She has a tendency to throw up in the bathroom after meals. One night Haymitch discovers what she is doing. She expects him that he will yell at her. Here she is starving herself on purpose while people in 12 starve themselves to the bone.
Instead he hugs her, and tells her she is beautiful and she has to promise to stop.
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lipstickreptile · 2 days ago
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Hayffie × Titanic
Do I have to say more?
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lipstickreptile · 3 days ago
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#Hayffieweekend just got announced and the theme is Haymitch's birthday!
I just wrote one😂🫣
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lipstickreptile · 3 days ago
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(At the OB/GYN)
Doctor: Everything seems to be good with your baby boy. Here you can see the head, and the tiny hands...
Effie: 🥺🥺❤️❤️
Haymitch: (pointing at the screen) He got that from his dad
Doctor: That's the umbilical cord, Mr Abernathy
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lipstickreptile · 3 days ago
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Why would you do this😭😭😭
Hijacked Effie AU!
"All I know is that I would have saved myself a lot of suffering, if I'd only help my sister and not the District 12 savages."
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lipstickreptile · 3 days ago
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My new fic is now on AO3❤️
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lipstickreptile · 3 days ago
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Haymitch: I was once with this chick who loved to get freaky in elevators
Effie: Haymitch!
Haymitch: I didn't say it was you!
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lipstickreptile · 4 days ago
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Happy birthday Haymitch!
A little one-shot made inspired by one of my incorrect quotes.
Thank you to @hayffieee for making the art for this! It's far better than the story I wrote for it. Perhaps I will do some fixes later but I wanted to publish it today! So here it is
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"Does Haymitch even like cake?".
Peeta is walking slowly behind her, holding the cake as steady as he can. The distance between their house and Haymitch's is not that long. It does however feel much further when you're holding a 6 hour project in your hands. "Come on, Katniss. Everybody likes cake."
"Do you think he has ever had a proper birthday?".
"I can't imagine he has. I wouldn't either if I had to be a mentor every year".
Katniss hopes this doesn't trigger something for him. Even before he was in the games his birthday must have been a bitter day. Katniss and Peeta used to have a classmate who's birthday on July 6th. That was bad enough. Frankly the whole week afterwards used to be a sad affair.
Peeta stops in his tracks. "What's going on Katniss?".
"I'm just worried for him. The line between relapse and sober is very thin".
"Oh fuck. I was not supposed to put whiskey in the frosting?".
Katniss chuckles, unwillingly so. She is genuinely worried boredom will force Haymitch back into alcohol.
“We should have invited Effie out”. Peeta says casually. He doesn’t look away from the cake for one second. Slowly following behind Katniss that is leading the way.
“It would have been weird if we did”.
“What do you mean by that?”. Peeta has always been Effie’s boy. He spent a few more months in the Capitol post-rebellion and spent months with her there before he was cleared to go back to 12. They must have gotten even closer during that time.
“Their relationship is kinda….”.
“Non-platonic”. Peeta adds, a smirk on his face.
“You think so? They were always fighting and bickering. At times I thought Effie would kill him in his sleep”. They did kiss goodbye though which Katniss found a bit out of character for them. But she won’t tell Peeta that. It would only back up his argument which he would be rather smug about it.
“So do people who have been married for a long time”.
Katniss doesn’t have a comeback for that. He does have a point, but the image of Haymitch and Effie together seems too bizarre for her. “We can invite her next year. Maybe your birthday. You were always her favorite after all”.
Peeta doesn’t deny it. “And you were always Haymitch’s favorite”.
Katniss knocks on Haymitch’s door. They never wait for him to open, it’s only to announce their presence. Back in the day they would usually find him drunk on the floor and it wouldn’t matter much if they knocked or not. Now that he is sober privacy might be something he wants.
It’s rather quiet once they enter which worries her. Haymitch’s doctor told her that relapse is very common within the first year. “Should we come back?”. Peeta doesn’t seem to like his own idea. He desperately wants to put the cake down even if it results in it being spoiled in the hot house.
“Let me check his cupboard first”.
“A bit rude to snoop in his stuff on his birthday?”.
“Yeah ok, but what if he is drinking again?”. Peeta places the cake on a little table standing by the door. He has had enough of carrying it around. “Today would be the day he would relapse”. He agrees.
“Thank you!”.
Haymitch’s house is very much alike theirs, but the floor plan is mirrored. Where the kitchen is in their house lies the living room in Haymitch’s. Therefore they quickly waltz into the wrong room where they find their old mentor on the couch, no shirt and a woman naked on top of him.
Katniss is so stunned that her mouth goes wide open.
Only the naked back of the woman is visible. Her blond hair is swaying back and forth. They only get to stare for a few moments, but it is enough to start wondering. Who in town has gotten a liking to Haymitch? No way Haymitch would pay someone for their "services".
"Ready for your birthday present, darling.” The Capitol accent is impossible not to recognize
“And what would that be, Miss Trinket?”.
Katniss looks at Peeta, she is stunned and clearly wants to turn in the door to leave. But Peeta on the other hand smirks at the scene in front of him. He seems to have been a few steps ahead of Katniss. His suspicion has turned out to be correct.
“Whatever you would like to do to me…”. Effie whispers sensually into his lips and with that Peeta has had enough. “Do you want us to come back later?”. Katniss swears she could kill him. They could have just walked out.
Haymitch and Effie turn to look at them. She jumps in his lap, awkwardly trying to hide her nudity from the kids. Haymitch is quick in his movements and throws his T-shirt over her head. Seems like this is not the first time someone has walked in on them.
Peeta throws out his hands. “Happy Birthday, old man! Didn’t know you had it in you!“.
“Ever heard of knocking!” Haymitch barks and lifts Effie off his lap, gently placing her in the leather couch.
“We did….”. Katniss mutters, her eyes are on the ceiling at the moment. The less she sees the better.
“I knew your house is not up to date like ours, but if you need a bigger bed, Haymitch…”.
“I’m going to kill….”. Effie gently kick Haymitch in his legs, making him cool down a bit. He takes a deep breath and tries again: “Why are you here?”.
“Celebrating your birthday! It’s the first non-reaping day! We even brought cake!”.
Katniss is so embarrassed she wishes that she could disappear into the floor. “Although I think I preferred being reaped to this”.
“Of course. That was very thoughtful”. He is suddenly very polite, like he has just graduated from Effie’s school of good manners. “If you could give us a few hours…”. He looks over his shoulder at Effie. Katniss swears she could barf from the look they share. She is soon enough halfway out the door, shouting loudly. “YOU CAN COME AND GET US THIS TIME. I am not taking any risks! Be careful with him Effie! He is an old man”.
_
It takes them several hours for them to complete Haymitch’s birthday present, just as Haymitch predicted. They need a shower too before they go and get the kids, but it can wait another 30 minutes. Post-sex-bliss is almost better than the act itself. “This is all a man needs. Good sex on his birthday”
“And you always get it, don’t you?”. Effie pampers his jawline with kisses, the sweet salt of his sweat lingering on her lips.
Haymitch chuckles. “I do. This year with no risk of getting caught….at least that is what I thought”.
´´We will be more careful next year``.
Haymitch cups her chin and whispers sensually to her: “I certainly hope I don’t have to wait until next year”.
Effie sits back up, grinding against him slowly. “Not anymore.” She runs her nails down his chest, stoping right underneath his belly button. “Though I do have to be careful with an old man”.
“If they only knew the truth!”.
“Don’t you dare tell them!´´. Haymitch throws them around in a quick movement, already eager to take her again. They giggle and laugh as they make love again on the couch.
Whiskey only crosses Haymitch’s mind once or twice that day. The first time is when they open his cake later that evening, how well whiskey would taste with it. The second time is when he thinks about how grateful he is to the Capitol, ironically enough.
They made him an addict to alcohol that almost killed him. But they also gave him a far more dangerous addiction. One he could never be sober from.
His family.
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lipstickreptile · 5 days ago
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Final results of the poll
Hayffie polls❤️
I have an exam on Friday. I'm stressed as ever. Therefore I'm making this to distract myself🙏🏻
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lipstickreptile · 5 days ago
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"Hayffie is problematic"
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My ship history
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lipstickreptile · 6 days ago
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So the victory tour is in the winter and Burdock Everdeen died in january.
Do we think Haymitch was in the Capitol when he found out? Obviously 12 didn't win that year, I just assume all the mentors are dragged to the Capitol to celebrate the end of the tour.
Yeah I'm going to say he was
He got drunk
And Effie held him as he cried on the bathroom floor
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lipstickreptile · 6 days ago
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(Calliope Charm has brought a friend home from school)
Effie: HAYMITCH ABERNATHY! IF I FIND YOUR SOCKS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU
Friend: .......
Callie: What?
Haymitch: THAT'S ALRIGHT, PRINCESS. YOU ARE ALREADY KILLING ME
Friend: Are your parents ok?
Callie: Yeah? Why do you ask?
Friend: My parents used to do that before they got divorced...
Callie: Really?
Friend: yeah
Callie: Huh odd. Last time they did this I got a baby brother...
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lipstickreptile · 6 days ago
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Haymitch: How come you never had kids? I know you love them!
Effie: Turns out I am infertile...
Haymitch:....
Effie: What?
Haymitch: Is that a challenge?
Effie: ....a challenge?
Haymitch: *starts unbuttoning shirt*
Effie: 😮
Haymitch: I bet 20 bucks I can get it done by next spring
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lipstickreptile · 7 days ago
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Headcanon # 5
Blackouts are frequent in Panem.
Whenever they happened and Haymitch was in the Capitol, Effie and Haymitch would look at each other
Throw their clothes off
And
Fuck on the closest service
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lipstickreptile · 7 days ago
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Effie really said: BABY NOT HERE😭🫣
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going crazy over this scene because:
haymitch wanted a HUG… clearly he feels comfortable being vulnerable with effie to some extent, but in this scene A) he is extremely drunk and B) this is very much the wrong place, wrong time. i wonder if he ever attempts to give effie a hug when he’s sober. i wonder if effie would accept that hug if he wasn’t drunk and/or they weren’t onstage. :(((
what were previous years like? did he often create scenes like this one (i.e., yelling incoherently and passing out)? we know that effie tried to take care of haymitch, at least initially. however, effie does not seem like the kind of person to take being the “laughingstock” of the nation lightly. i’m sure that resentment and affection built up in tandem over the course of 25 years. i would kill to read this moment from effie’s pov.
all that being said: katniss. girl. you do not hold the same job for 25 years if you are eager to leave it for something better. clearly effie is getting something out of this. she just happens to be insane in ways you don’t recognize yet.
anyways. rereading this book after sotr is fun!
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lipstickreptile · 7 days ago
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Katniss: We need salt
Haymitch: Noted (writes it down)
Peeta: If they have avocados buy that as well
Haymitch: Alright. Do you need anything, Princess? Already wrote down sanatairy products
Effie: Actually I think I don't need it anymore. I think I have started menopause
Peeta:...
Haymitch: Do you need anything to help with that?
Effie: Dry cookies. Some chocolate. Pickles maybe?
Katniss: .....
Haymitch: Alright, Princess. I guess we don't need the condoms anymore then (strikes condoms off list)
Katniss: Ew
Peeta: Are you sure you wore them in the first place?
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