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hello tumblor I'm back on terf island /ambivalent

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I have reopened a cut and it hurts. how did I do it? packing. packing my suitcase. WITH CLOTHES. SOFT FABRIC CLOTHES MAN OWWWWEEEWW

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me the other day when someone said "I love your accent" and I said "I can't help it I'm British"

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I've literally never felt worried I'm wrong about my gender icl. it sucks that the world has taught so many of you guys not to trust yourself so badly that you don't trust your *gender*

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tummy hurted from Forgor so went out to Meal. even chose Meal of soothing warm liquid as is often to the tastes of tummy. but no. tummy now hurted from Eaten. devastating.

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in a bathroom staring at some menstrual products they have and brain produced "woman with miraculously ability to tell exactly when to change tampon with no prompting" not sure what this means. never used a tampon. don't know why I ever would. what an oddity.

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was in the lift with a guy and he pressed 4, I pressed 3. the lift stops at 3, he leaves the lift, I follow. I say to him "this is 3 not 4" he slowly nods so solemnly and seriously as if I had told him a great wisdom I almost believed that he had never realised that lifts go to the closest floor not whatever is pushed first

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I feel rather awful at waking and getting to the day so late even though I'm gonna be out super late today and also needed the sleep so desperately that I think I slept about 11 hours

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thinking about rat phone. a tear in my eye

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14 hours after caffeine intake. here I fucking am I guess

would the gods please let me sleep

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would the gods please let me sleep

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maybe it's asexuality, maybe it's self centredness, maybe it's bisexuality but really when I think about it, all of my sexual fantasies are about me. I don't really enjoy porn I can't imagine myself in. I enjoy porn with either dynamics I see myself in or someone solo sexualised/pleasured in a way I want to be. if I see porn of the sorts of people I fuck I don't find it to be a particular turn on because I find it hard to imagine a dynamic. unless it is Actually Someone I fuck in which case I just imagine the dynamic we actually have (i.e. sexual partner sends nude). Not sure what this means. Also even if the porn is perfectly catered to my personal preferences I can still choose to be entirely unaroused by it by simply not picturing myself in the situation. dunno if that's weird

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I say this this with "dead" seriousness and also living the joy that is the last two years having only two dips into being suicidal when it used to be 95% of how I spent my life

lowkey would be a great way to keep tabs on my mental health to see how I react to things involving suicide lol

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would be a great way to keep tabs on my mental health to see how I react to things mentioning suicide lol

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my wrist just snapped out from underneath me 😭😭😭😭😭 fuck this body fr OW

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also not something I expected from Japan but the general hand soap must be really drying because my hands are dyinngggg in a way they simply don't at home

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also feeling so crazy that I've gone out to eat including alcoholic drinks occasionally and I don't think my bill has ever come to more than £10