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littlegypsyprincesss-blog · 10 years

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littlegypsyprincesss-blog · 10 years

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littlegypsyprincesss-blog · 10 years

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My artRave story starts days before the San Jose show… Despite not having to line up until the day of the show at 6 pm, I decided to camp out with friends and monsters for two days and help out organizing the line and start building my gift to Gaga. Every day from 9 am till around 4 am, I walked up and down with a bag of pens and stacks of paper offering those camping out the option to write Lady Gaga a letter that I would give her backstage in my book that I called “ARTPOP Diaries.” I compiled over a hundred letters while helping my friends greet and number anyone new coming into the line to maintain order and make sure no one cut and things would run smoothly. I wanted to do this for two reasons: One, I felt it was my moral duty to use my ARTPOP zone ticket to fit Gaga’s message of breeding love and compassion to others and I wanted to give all those who didn’t have the amazing opportunity I did a chance to get their own message to Gaga. These amazing fans I met would have been in my position if they were able to, and because I had the means with working and saving up money it was only fair that I let those all equally deserving share their thoughts with Gaga in anyway I could manage. The second reason behind it was two, I wanted to give a physical form of love back to Gaga through the amazing message she spread to me. I wanted her to see the artRave from our point of view in the sense that after she got off stage, she could sit back with the book and read all the loving and wonderful messages written to her by her beautiful fans that she just preformed in front of and know how much we all loved her. I won’t go into further detail, but the experience of meeting and getting to know most of the line and spending more time with old friends from past Gaga shows was something I will hold in my heart forever as they all were so kind to me and helped me build my dream up to present to Gaga. These fans cooperated with each other and respected all others enough that when it came to line up, the followed the sharpie numbers written on their hands without much trouble at all. Everyone was so truly wonderful and it was a great time meeting them. The day of the concert came along and I finished the last of my book by taking as many Polaroids as I could of fans dressed and ready to go as they all patiently waited. Eventually, the time came for me to tearfully say goodbye to my new and old friends and I went to go line up to check into my package deal. I was shaking and had tears back in my eyes as I signed my name down, got my gift bag and entered the arena with friends as we were guided to our free dinner prior to the show. I shoved a few items of food in my mouth and immediately made my way down to the stage as soon as I could. With my nerves at unstable levels the whole way, me and others were let into the ARTPOP zone for the first time and I was overwhelmed knowing that I had been waiting for that moment since i bought the tickets in december. The opening acts came on and I was in a haze, sitting on the ground in perfect position in front of the piano to rest my back that was aching from sleeping on the cement for the days prior. I tried to enjoy myself, but it was hard as I counted down the minutes of Lady Starlights set and shook with my sign that said “Can I Sit With You?” in my lap. Finally, her set ended and 9 pm came around quicker than I expected. Not even 10 minutes passed after she left the stage and everything was set up and ready to go for Gaga. Before I knew it, the curtain dropped and the ARTPOP intro started. At this point, I was a wreck and shaking with sobs knowing that Gaga was only minutes away from being feet in front of me. As the intro ended and ARTPOP started playing, I was dizzy and unable to catch my breath as she rose in the middle of the main stage. In less than two minutes, she was walking down the catwalk straight towards the piano at the head of the ARTPOP zone. She sat down and looked right at us and I almost passed out in a panic attack. I made eye contact with her and it only made things more overwhelming as I smiled at her and she smiled back down at me.. it was hard for me to even focus. We screamed and danced with her as she played in front of us and I had never felt so nervous in my life. Of course, the show continued and she made her way back and forth from the B Stage with us to the main stage and the catwalks and we all danced and screamed for her the whole time. Her mother and father were in the pit with us and I gave a shy creepy thumbs up to Jo and was just amazed by how gorgeous Cynthia looked in person. Everyone in the pit was so kind and all equally excited, but I was the only one consistantly crying and on edge but doing the choreography for the songs I knew kept me calm. The show was amazing and despite being sick, she sounded so wonderful and danced as best as she always does. She came back to us for songs like Fashion! but I knew that my chance was coming soon. Halfway through the set, she was on the catwalks singing Do What U Want and I could barely watch knowing what was happening next. Eventually through most of the song, my friend Stephanie and I reposition ourselves right in front of the stage with our signs in hand and waited. As the song ended, I was terrified and my anxiousness shot up a whole new level and she made her way to the piano wearing some of the stuff fans threw on stage. I had been hoping we’d catch her attention eventually but I did not expect all these things to happen so fast. I put my phone away, not wanting to ruin my chances and looked up at her crying my eyes out, waving my sign and hoping she’d look at me again like prior in the show. Not even within thirty seconds of her sitting down at the piano, she looked at me and Stephanie with a smirk and just smiled at us for a while. The next thing I know she said “Do you guys want come sit up here with me?” and my heart stopped. I don’t remember if I screamed or not but I immediately broke out into sobs and almost blacked out, kinda folding over, crying my eyes out. Gaga pointed as us a second later and said “Ok you two right there” and I grabbed Stephanie in a unitnetionally violent hug while Gaga’s body guard wrapped us up and pushed us along in a rush that I couldn’t keep up with as everything happened so fast. I looked up at the ladder going up to Gaga’s stage and tried to stop shaking as I climbed it, losing my footing a few times, as her guard yelled “No phones, don’t pick her up!” and I just said OKAY! without paying much attention, still trying to climb up to the piano. When I got on stage, Gaga was already looking at me over her shoulder with a sweet smile that made me stop right in my tracks and cry even harder. I walked up to her in disbelief that I was actually on stage and reached my hand out as soon as I was close enough to her. She looked into my eyes as I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck instinctively as my mind screamed KISS HER!! but I didn’t have the consent nor the ability to ask if I could as the only words that would come out of my mouth were “I love you so much Gaga, I love you so much” over and over as I pulled her into a huge hug for the first time in my life. I was so in shock that I was actually finally having a moment with my idol and even more so, my moment in a way like this. I sat down at the piano next to her in a panic, staring around at all the people in the crowd screaming and felt so much love around me. I touched her shoulder and smiled at her, totally in shock with how amazingly beautiful she was in person and tried to adjust to my starstruck feelings. I also couldn’t even handle how tiny she was as well.. finally seeing her little small hands on the keys made me kinda laugh. To make it even worse, she smelled so amazing in a way that I can only describe as being her own unique smell as it didn’t resemble a perfume or anything else I’d encountered. I wasn’t sure what to do sitting up there so I had one hand awkwardly gripping edge of the piano so I didn’t fall over from hyperventilating and the other either wiping my tears, clutching my chest, or resting on her leg. She said we were a San Jose sandwich and looked into my eyes, asking if we wanted her to sing us a song and started to play Born This Way. At the point, the composure I barely gained left again and I sobbed some more, singing the words that had saved my life and brought me out of the closet despite being terrified of the world around me with the woman that I looked up to as the only solid form of love and compassion in my life. She grabbed our hands in pulled them into the air, talked to the crowd, and looked me in the eye a few more times while she sang. I had never felt anything like this before as I sat up there with Gaga and Stephanie, crying and trying to sing along. From all around me, I heard my amazing new and old friends scream my name from the left, right, in front of me, and behind me which only made me more extremely emotional as I looked around at them. It progressed and I took my surroundings in, almost calming down into just pure joy and happiness until it came to “No matter gay straight or bi….” and I felt every emotion just come crashing into me, knowing that moment will forever stay in my heart as the most powerful thing to ever happen to me. It was the most beautiful experience in the world that I’ll hold deep into my heart forever. Honestly, the time I spent on stage seemed to last forever and I couldn’t stop smiling as we were up there, looking at and touching Gaga the whole time. Eventually, the song ended as I stared at her lean her head back for the last note. She snapped back up again and turned her head back and forth to me and Stephanie and said something along the lines of “LETS GO!” with the most excited and genuine smile I had seen in someone. She grabbed our hands and brought us down the stairs to the back of the B stage as we stumbled down, almost falling a few times, and brought us on a little square on the stage. She dropped our hands and said in her small voice “Okay! Now dance like this!” and started jumping around to the beginning of Jewels and Drugs as I hazely caught up a minute later and started dancing as well. The little square dropped down about three feet and she pulled us down into a crouch as the three of us stopped for a minute in the little cramped elevator space below the stage. She looked at both of us gave me the sweetest look of love and like HELL YEAH as if she was just as excited, overwhelmed, and pumped up as were in that moment. It was a genuine smile that said thank you, I love you guys and it made my heart melt. Still in shock, I just told her I loved her so much and I’ll see her later as I just fell out of the little elevator, having security pulled me up and then we ran under the stage. The area was dark tinted bright red from the lights of the show and cramped as I hit my head on one of the bars cause I forgot to keep ducking down but didn’t even feel anything at the time. A second later, we got out from below next to the crowd between the barricade and the stage and every monster there just grabbed us, cheered, gave us high fives and those I had met in line hugged me as security kept trying to push me through the barricade but every step I took another person who knew me from the line and gave a letter to put in my book just grabbed my hands and my shoulders crying with me telling me they loved me and everyone was so sweet, I couldn’t even handle it. When we finally got back into the ARTPOP zone, Stephanie and I just grabbed each other, hugging and crying while being filled with adrenaline. Eventually, I collapsed in tears on the floor right in front while people in the ARTPOP zone hugged me, showed me pictures, and told me how great everything was. A man in a suit from the ARTPOP zone walked up to me and Stephanie with two black bags, handing us one each and told us him and his friend worked for Gaga in the Born This Way foundation and gave me his card to contact me later for professional photos and to talk about whatever I wanted. We opened the bags and they were filled with a bunch of free merchandise like a shirt, poster, a journal, buttons, light up pig ears, a light up pen, post cards, and much more. I couldn’t stop crying, I waited my entire life for a moment with Gaga and it turned out to be more than anything I could have wanted or expected and it wasn’t even over yet. I was so out of it and in a blur that missed all of Jewels N Drugs, Aura, and most of Sexxx Dreams but didn’t even care. I put my sign away and took a deep breath, ready to attempt to calm myself down and enjoy the rest of the show and wait for my meet and greet later. Gaga finished her next few songs and still more amazing things happened to me. As she preformed Alejandro, I stepped to the front of the lifted pit and looked right at her, above everyone else in crowd so she could clearly see me and in perfect sync, doing the full choreography with her smiling at me. She motioned at me as if to say “you got it!” and looked right into my eyes for most of the time. I did the Bad Romance choreo with her as well without her seeing though as she was back on the A stage but it didn’t even matter as what I was feeling was too great for words. The show proceeded and she was down to her last few songs, coming back to the catwalks right in front of me to back again with a perfect view of where I was. As soon as Applause started, I knew it was my chance to catch her attention once more. She looked at me again as I was back in sync doing the full choreography in front her, smiling back at me whenever we made eye contact. The way she looked at me made my night even better than before, knowing that she was now aware of how dedicated I really was to her. The show kept going until the final song brought me back into a panic as I knew I was to be meeting her soon after… As the song finished, she proceeded through Swine and then eventually we were waiting for Gypsy as the encore. She sat at the piano, smiling down at all of us and played for us as my nerves shot back up into action knowing there was only a few more moments till we got to go back and meet her. She played for us emotionally and even had to take a moment to collect herself as she started crying upon seeing her mother and father in the ARTPOP zone with us which of course made all of use cry in return. The song came to close with her lowering herself and the band below the stage one last time and the most memorable show of my life was finally over as security tried clearing out the arena. As everyone else evacuated, we were told to wait to move into the back meeting room so no one saw where we were headed. As I waited, all of my friends, those I met in line, and people I hadn’t encountered before ran up to me through the barrier, giving me hugs and kind words of how much they loved me and I cried hugging them and thanking them for how wonderful they were being towards me. My friends and randoms kept hugging and running up to me along the barrier of the zone to the point where security had to push them along to keep walking and one of the crew asked me how I even knew so many people. People even gave me more letters that they wanted to hand to Gaga as word got around during the show about what I was doing and at this point the book was so big that I had to put around 20 of them in the back slip. I yelled some final goodbyes and I love you’s to my friends until the arena was empty and we were handed some water and told to collect all our stuff. A minute later, we were escorted to the back meeting room a few steps away from arena. All the 20 people in the meeting room sat around anxiously and we were told we had to wait for her to meet others and get changed so we had some time to kill to plan out and calm down. My mind was racing, trying to come up with something to ask as we all talked about what we’d ask her, deciding to come up with interesting question so she would spend more time with us (and it worked). I ended up leaving to use the bathroom to clean myself up, knowing makeup was all down my face from tears at this point, and as soon as I stepped out the door into the hallway, i found my mother, who was in the seated area for the show, walking up to the steps from the arena right to our meet and greet section. I ran and hugged her and we both cried and she told me how she was lucky enough to befriend the creators of LittleMonsters.com and talked her way through two sets of security by making friends with them so they let her stand where she was outside out meet and greet door with Gaga’s body gaurds, tour manager, and entire crew who were watching over some monsters who Gaga asked to come backstage from the crowd (I later found out she even got to watch Gaga be escorted in, meet those fans, and then come into our meet and greet). After talking to her for a minute, I went and fixed my teary self up and made my way back into the room, waiting anxiously on the floor for her arrival. The door kept opening and closing as different team memebers and security kept coming through and each time my heart jumped with anxiousness. I kept thinking of questions while around 20 minutes passed by of is waiting for her. Before I knew it, the door opened again, everyone’s mannerisms changed and we watched Gaga’s body guards enter, with Gaga herself right behind them as she came in right next to me since I was sitting on the floor closest to the door. She had on heels that were about a foot tall and a long flowing white outfit with her vuitton brown wig. I looked up at her and said “Gaga you look so beautiful! You’re killing me!’ and she smiled back down at me and said a cute “thank you” in a sweet voice. She made her way to the center and sat in the chair, offering us all free drinks on her as she had her own cocktail prepared (cranberry vodka). We all greeted her and asked her how she was and she chatted with us casually for a bit, telling us that she was still super sick and feeling quite exhausted. She had a bad sunburn on her back that I just noticed then and told us about getting it while surfing in San Diego and how much she loved her little dog Asia. Suprisingly, I felt extremely calm and at ease talking to her in that setting as she didn’t come off as a celebrity anymore, she was just a sweet down to earth girl who genuinely wanted to talk to all of us and spend her time there. I have never encountered someone with that much power be so gracious, loving, accomadating, and excited to talk to random people she had never met before as she gave us her utmost attention at all times during the greeting. She spoke softly and kindly, always taking time to listen to what each and every person had to say with so much respect and compassion to our words. She is honestly the most caring and genuine person I had met, smiling back at each of us with excitement and talking directly to us as equals. It was so surreal to see her sitting there in front of us and looking at her just interact with us all as just another person. I did my best to take all of her personality and mannerism in, seeing her movements be so sincere and dedicated to our time. I can’t go into detail about every question asked, but she told us about what it is like to be a celebrity and losing friends to people who are greedy to her money and how much it hurts to have someone turn around and sue you after spending intimate time with them and talked a bit about how fame changes people and has changed her. She continued about Born This Way and why she wrote it and how much compassion she felt towards her fans that didn’t have equal rights to others and how she beats herself up over some things as a tourtured soul and gave us some insight on what was instore for the album ahead etc. Most people told her personal stories about themselves, and she listened to every word like a close friend, giving them her advice for the situations they asked her help in, and told others how she maintains creativity to help them with theirs. At this point, I was still trying figure out the perfect question to ask her and had trouble listening to others talk to her as I was struggling with how to word what I wanted to say in my one chance but eventually, I gained the courage and rose my hand shyly and waited my turn. She looked at me and my hand, but skipped me and pointed to the guy in the corner who raised his hand after me but I can’t for the life of me remember what he said (but it was a compliment to her) as my nerves finally caught up with me again. A minute later, she turned back to look at me and leaned back against her chair with the little smile she had given me from the stage and changed her mannerisms into something I hadn’t seen with the previous questions. Gaga pointed with a finger and in a soft (and what I’d like to say flirty voice) that I hadn’t heard her use to any others yet, said a shy sounding “mhmm yes?” with a flutter of her lashes and pointed to me subtely in a bashful sort of way before bringing her hand up to her face and curled her fingers under her chin. Of course, I turned bright red immediately and tried to not get too dizzy but there was no stopping it. I asked in the most level voice I could “When you’re creating a work or a record or an outfit.. it’s usually inspired from something correct? Like an emotion? So with that said, after you’re done with the work and are looking at things as a whole, which do you feel more passionate and connected to? those works derived an empowering or positive moment? or perhaps one that has a social message? or those like dope that are derived from more painful places? if that makes sense…” She sat back for a moment, looking down and thought of her answer. A few moments later, she looked back at me, staring me back in the eye causing my dizziness to get worse and answered “Well.. I’ll tell you right now, painful memories create great songs.” and told me about her deep connections with You and I despite it being such a hard and terrible moment in her life to deal with but the end result is something empowering and loving. Gaga mentioned how painful it really was to write Bad Romance but how important that song is to her despite that and how her connections really just depend on the outcome of the song. She mentioned that since she feels so many emotions during the day, she cannot say that her music is derived from an emotional source entirely.. and so she does not feel directly passionate to songs for those reasons alone but rather feels the most connected to her works that speak most to her fans emotions rather than her own. She continued by saying she gets a feel and sense for how people are feeling and almost absorbs their own emotions and feels them herself. She struggled a bit with coming up with the words and started to say “I guess I can kinda read peoples.. um..” to which I replied jokingly “Auras?” and she gave me a playful smile for being a smart ass. She kept trying to come up with the perfect word to sum up what it is that she is that makes her so susceptible to what others are going through and I suggested that she was just simply very empathetic. She looked down for a moment again and thought about it before bringing her head up to me and said quietly “Yeah.. it’s empathy” with another smile. At this point, after interacting with her that way and getting such a prolonged answer with that much attention, I was floating on air and barely recall her answering a few more questions/compliments. In total, we had gotten about 40 minutes chatting with her before she said excitedly “Are you guys ready for some pictures?” Everyone stood up and exited the room as I begged the line to let me go last so I could explain my book to her. They all agreed without a single bit of hesitation as they all were so kind and beautiful to me even then at that moment so I nervously stood at the back of the line. I handed my bag to my mother and had my gifts to Asia, my book of letters, and my sign that got me back stage (to get signed) in my hands as I waited anxiously for my turn. Because Gaga had a plane to catch and was feeling sick, they rushed the line to move as quick as possible and told us we couldn’t hold her up for anything more than a picture and signature and so people were in and out of the room in less than a minute. Despite being behind 19 others, I found myself at the front of line in probably less than 8 minutes later. Before I knew it, I was escorted back into the room as Stephanie was finishing up her conversation with Gaga and then all the sudden it was my turn to be alone with her. I sucked up a deep breath and tried to hold back my tears walking up to and said “I know you have to leave so I’ll make this as quick as I can..” She met me halfway with a smile as I handed her the squeaky toy pig and flower headband for Asia to which she beamed at and said a sweet “Aww how cute! I’ll put this on her tonight! Thank you so much!” and pulled me in for a hug. She looked down at my book next and said “is this for me?” and my voice shook and broke as I tried to tell her what it was. My emotions finally caught up and I immediately started crying as I looked up to her and told her about the days I spent in line collecting letters to show her how much her fans loved her and how I wanted to show her the ArtRave from our side. I told her about my friends and how much they cared for her and the amazing people I met in line and how I was lucky to have this experience and so I wanted to share it with as many others as I could. As I was talking, I told her I wanted to expand her message and give her something loving after all she had done for me as she started to sign my sign, telling me how kind it was for me to do all this for her and how much it meant to her heart. She kept thanking me and told me that she loved me, making me cry more. Someone in her team barely had mentioned my mother outside to someone else in the room and Gaga heard, and called out “Do you want to come in, mom?” and let her enter and talk with us for the rest of my time with her. Gaga then took my book and opened it, flipping through the pages with a huge smile, thanking me again before she said “I’ll cozy up with this and read it before I fall asleep, you’re so sweet.” Of course, my tears were flowing and it was time to take a picture now so I wrapped my hands tightly around her waist as if I was hugging her again and tried to smile through my tears as she held on to me tightly in return. She even let my mother come in with for a free extra picture and I can barely even remember looking at the camera. As we finished I told her again that I loved her so much and she looked me in the eye and said “I can see that you’re strong, and I saw that from the stage which was why I picked you to go up there; I see something in you and I can feel you in me” and continued with saying I was in her soul and appreciated all the work I put into this. I hugged her as right as I could one more time for a long moment and gave her a final I love you, knowing now in my heart that it was time for me to leave her. She grabbed my book and sat down with it on the couch behind her, thanking me again and telling me how nice it was to meet me and how she loves me. As I walked backwards to leave, refusing to turn my back to her, my last words to Gaga were “I just wanted to make you smile..” and she smiled beautifully at me one last time and said “You really did. You made my heart smile.” and the next thing I knew I was outside the door frame with one final smile and goodbye. I hugged my mom and Stephanie before I started to walk up the stairs to the side exit in a haze, feeling lucky about the few more minutes I was able to get with her and balling my eyes out.. I spent the rest of the night totally amazed at what happened to me. I hugged my friends waiting for me at the top and cried tears of pure happiness. I could still smell her on my clothes till I fell asleep that night and replayed the events over and over in my head. Even days later, it’s difficult for me process exactly how I feel knowing that everything I had been waiting for as a fan had come true that night. I say full heartedly now more than ever, Lady Gaga is the most kind and loving person in this world and has helped me learn to love myself unlike any other. She and this moment will be in my heart till the day I die and I can only look forward until I am able to be in her presence again. I’m so entirely lucky for this experience and I value every thing that happened to me. All the work, money, time, effort, tears, happiness was more than worth it in the end. Thank you all for your support. - Courtney.

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littlegypsyprincesss-blog · 10 years

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