littlemarie - Tumblr blog

[littlemarie]

her arms are stained with wet soil and grass clippings.

every night, she takes a shovel to the ground and she digs. she stomps her boot to the step to break earth, and she does this over and over until she’s six feet deep. there is a girl within her, younger and with dirt under her fingernails, and she claws at sumi’s arm and begs for mercy. over and over, sumi chooses the same thing: to let go, to shovel dirt on top of her and bury her in the cold mud.

her and her mother are not so different. they do what it takes to survive. every night, sumi had gotten on her knees and pleaded for mother to take her home. even then, mother had looked her in the eyes and covered her with dirt. now, mother calls and begs for her to pick up. sumi longs to tell her what her mother had taught her then: there was never any use begging. instead, she picks up the phone and she smiles without teeth, lest it bares the dirt still caught between her molars.

tonight, she learns that the girl within her is more unforgiving. she is not the sort to play nice, to smile without teeth. tonight, when sumi swallows her medicine, reaches for the girl within her to toss her into the grave she dug, she comes up empty. the girl is here now, dagger within her fist as she bares her rotting fangs.

so sumi runs. all around her is chaos. the sky cackles DO YOU KNOW THE NAME OF THE SERPENT?, and she realises that she never learnt the name of the girl she had always buried. there are people around her screaming, and sumi tries to warn them. run!, she screams, run!, but she watches as the girl flings them out of her path to get to her. there was never any use begging. so she runs, turns deaf to the screams around her and she hides in a corner, pulls her lighter from her pocket because she’s learnt it’s the only thing that can keep her away. sumi flicks the sparkwheel with her thumb, once, twice, watches the spark fizzle out each time. “come on,” she whispers, flicks the sparkwheel again, “come on—” and the lighter falls from her hands and into a drain. the screams are getting louder, the girl’s footsteps getting closer, and she reaches her fingers into the gaps of the drain for her lighter, but it was never going to work. “fuck—” sumi slams the drain with her closed fist, “fuck!”

the girl is here now, dagger within her fist as she bares her rotting fangs.

shallow grave  /  @spltseconds​

[littlemarie]

“psst. hey.”

two truths and a lie.

bae sumi doesn’t know how she ended up here. the night before exists as a dream, fragmented pieces all out of order with nothing to tie them together but her own judgement for what seems the most appropriate. she’s reading a book penned by an unreliable narrator, and she doesn’t know who better to trust: the narrator or herself. the options alone are undesirable, at best. here are her cards: neon lights, the sound of a cash register, and the taste of gopchang. she already knows she’s got the losing hand.

sumi clicks her fingers. “psst. helloooo,” she sings.

bae sumi has no idea who the girl on the couch is. she’s in an ethical dilemma. of sorts. to her credit, she tries, at first. studies all thirty percent of what she can see from the girl’s face, because the rest of it is buried in the couch. in her venture, she notices the faint smear of make-up on the beige cushion and winces. yuna is not going to like that. but the point is that she’s in an ethical dilemma ( of sorts ), and she chooses wrongly. caves and reaches into the girl’s purse that she finds strewn on the floor, and she pulls out her id. shin jiae. a hundred thousand won in cash. who the fuck is shin jiae?

sumi lifts her sunglasses from the bridge of her nose to get a clearer look at the id. nope.

bae sumi is so fucking hungover, she didn’t think it was humanly possible. she winces at the light that comes in, and it’s for this reason that she gives up on the picture and tosses the id and purse back on the floor. there’s a bit of something that threatens to come up and she places a hand over her mouth and gags. it’s a mixture of gopchang and soju. she thinks. from what she remembers, anyway.

“jiae?” she calls, taps the girl on the shoulder thrice, “shin jiae?”

the lie: bae sumi knows exactly how she ended up here. she knows this even when her memory fails her, because bae sumi always ends up here. every saturday morning at yuna’s place in jeoljeong highrises, each week more hungover than the last. she never remembers the details, but friday nights always end in the same way. bringing a stranger home is no exception to the rule, so this shin jiae isn’t, either.

normally though, she’d leave as soon as she wakes. she has no desire in bothering a stranger when she has the option to recover from her massive hangover in the comfort of her own home with aunt miyeon’s freshly brewed hangover soup. but today’s different because she reached into her pocket for her favourite lighter and came up empty. and there’s no one she can rely on to retrace her steps other than that unreliable narrator in her head, herself, and this shin jiae. right now, the latter is the most reliable option by a landslide.

so sumi’s here. she claps loudly and hisses, “wake up!” through gritted teeth.

the hangover  /  @pherines​

[littlemarie]

“how are u?” i literally wanna disappear without an explanation,,, thx for asking!!

[littlemarie]

yuram:

( ... )

the wooden door bangs open and something in the symbiote recoils even further, yuram frowning to feel the distress. “sumi! hey!” the doors she hits swing open to empty stalls until the last, a panicked oh no from yubi covered up by the smoke and sound that they get hit by the moment they spot the older girl. “wait, what—your medicine?”

the metahuman’s lips pinch together. oops. “i… don’t think you’ll find it right now!” yuram shouts through the blasted alarm, hoisting sumi by the arm to get out of the bathroom. “i’ll, uh, i’ll help find it later, we gotta go, there’s a,” gesture at the fire alarm overhead, “fire…”

the hand on her senior’s arm is covered in ash. and there’s smoke wisping out of the stall right now. “eh?”

her heart never beats at a steady pace.

it is a two-step rhythm, one heartbeat layered on top of the other in a half-second delay. her doctor tells her that it is a symptom of fear, the body’s way of surviving against a perceived threat. she doesn’t know how to tell him that there is another ghost living inside of her.

this is how it all works, isn’t it? everything is dead unless a ghost touches it. a body uninhabited is a rotting corpse. in the same way, a plant wilts unless tended to by said ghost. how a bottle of cheap red bears no meaning unless consumed. perhaps it is medical malpractice to dismiss sumi’s condition as one of fear, when it is so clearly a symptom of a larger problem: there are two ghosts living inside of sumi’s body. two heartbeats. the body has only ever had space for one. there are horror stories written about this.

it is why she needs her medicine. it is not so much because she’s afraid—although she very well is—but because it is a disease. how frustrating it must be to hold one’s stomach in sheer agony, to feel something clawing at you from the inside all while everyone tells you that it is fine. just keep hydrated. grab something to eat, and you’ll be fine.

sumi is not fine. “no— you don’t understand— i need my medicine!” she shouts, but the blaring alarm masks her exasperation. sumi snatches her arm away and darts out of the bathroom, but the arch of the doorway is a passage to another dimension. in the clearing, she freezes. the hallway is moonlit but otherwise absent of light, and she can’t hear the alarm anymore. only the two-step rhythm. the two heartbeats. she’s here, and sumi’s not talking about herself.

“y-yuram…?” she doesn’t look back. doesn’t dare to trail her eyes away from the moonlight pouring in through the panelled window. instead, her hands reach out in the dark until she finds the shape of yuram’s forearm. “we… we need to go.” it’s said in a whisper— “we need to get out of here.” —voice trembling— “she’s… she’s coming.” —as though someone’s listening in.

she keeps her eyes trained on the moonlight, even as they start walking towards the exit. sumi’s got both hands wrapped tightly around yuram’s forearm, and she claws and constricts when she hears the intensifying ba-bump, ba-bump, ba—

“no—!” she screams as yuram is snatched away from her, and she finally shifts her eyes from the window to find the latter tossed a few feet away onto the ground. “oh my god—” sumi runs to her, crouches down to her level and she pulls her phone from her pocket for the flashlight. she checks for scrapes on yuram’s knee, and she only realises now that she’s sobbing. “yuram, are you— i’m sorry, i—” she’s blubbering amidst her tears, can’t find it in her to finish her sentences when she’s hearing the two heartbeats intensifying again. “we really need to go,” sumi stands, swipes at her tears before she’s offering her hand, “i— i really need my medicine.”

[littlemarie]

there was a time before everything went to shit.

she’s four when they sit her down in pre-school and present to her a list of colour terms printed in mismatched ink, and they note the time it takes for her to sound the words out. she learns then, that she’s smart. it’s what mother tells her on the ride home, sings her praises the way her teachers cooed them only moments prior. before sumi was scary, before she was difficult, before she was bad luck, sumi was smart. then her curse comes to life and mother tacks all of those labels onto her ribboned dress.

as much as mother forgets it, sumi is still smart in the same way she’s still that girl, wide-eyed and smiling with teeth at mother’s compliments. she still knows all her colours.

it just takes time. she’s sitting across from wontaek in a red sundress, tulle ribbons in her hair and she hides her baffled frown behind sips of her caramel macchiato. he’s energetic in his speech, tosses in dubious words like scheme and deception enough that perhaps she’s meant to question if any of this was legal, if only she wasn’t still hung up on the realisation that this isn’t the date she thought it to be. but sumi is smart, so she catches up eventually. seconds after the— “wait— so let me get this straight: you want me to pretend to be your girlfriend?” —right— “but you’re—” cha wontaek. —there. she catches herself before she says his name like it means something, because it’s too much power to give to a man in a negotiation. this is, after all, what all of this is, isn’t it? not a date, but a negotiation.

in the silence, she moves at a leisurely pace. places her drink on the table and tucks her chocolate tresses away from her face and behind her shoulder. “that’s easy enough,” she weighs in after clearing her throat, and for the first time since she’d grasped the true nature of this conversation, she looks him confidently in the eyes. he’s cha wontaek, son of one of the richest, most powerful families in eden, and she’s just a girl who’d like to continue exploring her list of secrets and hobbies. now, she’s looking at him. him, her means to do so. “what’s in it for me?”

stroop effect  /  @fkahermes

[littlemarie]

[littlemarie]

maybe mother was right.

bae sumi should not be around her siblings for the very simple fact that she is a danger to everyone she meets. her mother doesn’t quite say it in that way, of course. she just never really sees them again. subin’s a pixelated, barely-moving lump of mass when she sees him through a phone screen, and suyeon lives in low-quality pictures mother remembers to send her every now and then. the fewer times she gets to see them in person are fleeting, like visitors of a criminal where they only speak to each other through soundproof glass and an old telephone. no longer than an hour and always supervised, lest she leaves a mark they can’t just rub off.

“7pm and we’re still here? ew,” sumi’s staring out the window and she’s watching the sunset. they’re in the lab and she’s meant to be supervising, but jiwon’s a fast learner so she trusts her. mostly. there’s a smile blossoming at the corner of her lips, lifts in the way that resembles the devil, and she looks back at jiwon, “or… just in time for our next experiment?”

there are ways in which people will always try to get what they want, particularly if they’ve been deprived. it’s selfishness or maybe it’s just survival, like an adolescent sneaking out of their bedroom window when they’ve been barred from a party. in this way, sumi projects her sister onto jiwon. they’re the same age, same height, and they’ve even got the same nose. sumi pulls the plastic carton of absolute ethanol from its cabinet and places it in front of jiwon. “fill this up to 400,” she instructs, grabs a measuring cylinder from the sink and places it next to the ethanol carton, “i’m teaching you an age-old trick,” she leans forward and whispers, “trust me.”

she goes to the fridge and pulls out the large bottle of coke she brought in the morning of. maybe mother was right. sumi would’ve ruined suyeon, so mother sends her away in the same way that mothers only care for their own children. jiwon, in this instance, is fair game.

“it’s time to party! we’ve slaved enough.” to her credit, sumi jiggles the coke bottle for jiwon to see, a devious smile pulling at her lips as she leaves space for the latter to back out. a second passes and she’s sliding the bottle an inch towards jiwon, “fill this up to one litre.” she sings, “i’ll even let you have the first sip.”

maternal instinct  /  @absolutezeros

[littlemarie]

there’s always something in the dark.

the thought is a vestigial ligament running through her wrist like a forgotten catheter. see, not many remember this, but sumi was once ill. she’d been afflicted by a disease that many thought incurable. it’s why mother sends her away, isn’t it? it’s all for the greater good, to seek treatment in metropolitan eden because it boasts a suite of medical interventions that rural andong could not provide. sumi was once ill, bed-bound, and cursed with an ailment that hung out of her like an unwanted limb— but now she’s fine. there’s an alarm in her phone set to ring every night reminding her to take her medicine, and it keeps the problem at bay.

so she’s fine. except mother still keeps her away in metropolitan eden, the raucous melody of the alarm reminds her that she’s still technically sick, and no matter how much she tries to reason with herself, she can’t unthink it: there’s always something in the dark.

it’s why she grips onto her bag the way that she does. over her chest like a shield against her heart, except she’s not really sure what she’s protecting: that is, her heart, or that thump, thump, thump that threatens to give her away. to let yuram know that she was once ill. that she still is. it’s why she runs off as abruptly as she does, a hand over yuram’s wrist to let her know that she’s heading to the bathroom and an odd crunch at her feet as she jolts off.

now she’s got an ornate lighter in one hand and she’s staring at the flickering flame as she begs for the power to come back. somewhere during this, her phone rings, and she reaches for the smaller compartment in her bag to find it unzipped and empty. where the fuck is her medicine? the light flickers. sumi pulls a toilet paper roll from its holder and she’s huddled over the corner of the bathroom, watching it catch aflame. watching it grow into something brighter, something more, that can protect her. but seconds turn into minutes, and now the sprinklers are coming on. she thinks she yelps, tries to protect the fire with her palms, but there’s too much water and it all turns into ash.

there’s too much happening all at once, like the door opening and she’s spinning, sees the world in a white haze the way one does when their heart’s beating out of their chest and they’ve just woken up from a nightmare. sumi wonders when the reprieve will come. “yuram…?” she doesn’t realise the fire alarm’s blaring until she has to scream to hear herself, “i need—” there are wet strands of hair falling over her face that she pushes hastily back, “i lost my medicine!”

flatline  /  @iinksplit

[littlemarie]

hola nerds it’s gemma again 🤓 on today’s episode i present 2 u miss city gworl bae sumi! she’s a phd candidate enrolled in the joint program between snu and han pharmaceuticals so on the outside u may think she’s smart n has her life tgt, but in reality she’s a lil uhm *nicki minaj vc* messy 💅 also if u’ve read her powers u’ll notice that it reads like a literal demon ( s/o 2 the nara clan and don’t starve together for the inspo ) so u best believe ya girl sumi here is od’ing on ability suppressants bc she is truly not doin this shit today! imma place all further rambling under the cut for all u keen folk but otherwise, pls hit that LIKE to plot!! thank u lov u mwah ♡

p.s. this is a sideblog so im rlly sry in advance but i can’t follow back!! ims will b thru @renegaed​!!

grew up in rural andong! needless to say the view on metahumans there is not nearly as progressive bc it’s no eden! it’s not like metahumans are hated or anyth but as a lil context i do think religion and superstition would have a much bigger role in rural areas, similarly to our world today

anw sumi is the oldest of three siblings! she’s born to a human mother n a father who’s a silent carrier of the metahuman gene, so they were a lil shocked to find out that sumi’s got that sliver of gold in her eyes 🤓 in the end they can’t be too surprised tho, since her dad’s older sister is metahuman ( she’ll come into play later )

as a child, sumi has alw had a really overactive imagination and is v fearful of ghosts n the dark! v typical of lil children her age and her mom doesn’t bat an eye when she’s runnin 2 her parents room at night n tellin em there’s a monster under her bed... bc of this she alw sleeps w a nightlight but yknow this is still p normal, nothin out of the extraordinary

until her power manifests at 5 and weird shit starts happening... like mom walks in n finds the window in her and her brother’s ( subin’s ) room wide open when both her children r too short to reach it, or subin is claiming that sumi beheaded his teddy bear n she’s crying n saying she didn’t do shit tf the ghost did it!! her mom is getting hella spooked n is like yknow what imma go see a shaman

the shaman tells sumi’s mom that sumi is haunted and her bad dreams of ghosts n shit r a bad omen, and that it is likely that her close family members will suffer bad health if they don’t ditch her ass

sounds ridic wtf but also she’s gettin rlly... scared of sumi n she’s not doin a v good job of hiding it... it gets worse when one night she hears her son crying n screaming n when she rushes to their room she sees him FLOATING n notices that sumi’s shadow seems to have stretched n merged w subin’s n she screams

sumi’s mom is rlly not doin well at this point... she has 0 idea what to do n she’s hella scared of sumi until her dad is like wait maybe sumi’s not actually haunted mayb it’s her power? regardless, both of them do not know how to raise a metahuman kid and time is ticking bc they’re afraid sumi’s gna k*ll subin n them w her shenanigans, so they decide that the best course of action is to ship sumi off to live w her metahuman aunt in eden

so now sumi’s livin w her aunt who she’s never met her entire life other than like a facetime every now n then! her aunt is a certified Cool Aunt, has divination as a power n is single n v happily childfree, so she has 0 clue how 2 raise a kid but she’s doin this bc thru her ability to see into the future, she realises that sumi has a.... bigger problem than her powers: that’s right the bitch is a pyromaniac n her parents were so concerned ab her powers that they missed all the warning signs! the stolen lighters.... the hidden ashes in the flower pot that’s actually burnt origami that sumi brought home from sch... the shaman was right sumi would’ve brought em “bad health” by accidentally burnin the whole house down!!!! 

her aunt doesn’t rlly bother telling her parents this tho bc she doesn’t wanna spook them further ( according 2 her they are rolls eyes easily scared so it’s no wonder sumi’s inherited this ) n there was no way they were goin 2 b able to overcome their fears to raise sumi not necessarily right, but like.... without death so she’s like it’s me who’s gotta do it 

to sumi’s defense she became a pyromaniac out of fear of the dark n fire brought a lot of comfort 2 her n it was to the point where whenever she felt scared ab anyth in general she would feel this intense need to light a fire bc somehow she would feel protected by it n that nth could hurt her bc the fire would protect her

anw sumi’s mom says this solution is only temporary but she keeps postponing the date she’s gna come take sumi back so ig sike sumi’s aunt is rlly j her mom now n that’s on that w abandonment issues

it’s for the better tho bc sumi’s aunt is like objectively the better parent tho she doesn’t rlly treat sumi like her kid, kinda is more like an older sis figure!!

so back 2 sumi’s upbringing, her aunt lets her run around the house for a bit n realises that bc she’s alone now n in a new place, her shadow is acting up even more as she sleeps w her nightlight n turnin it off is not an option bc sumi will start 2 cry n want to light fires!!! bit of a catch22 so the aunt decides 2 tackle the easier problem first n buy her ability suppressants so she can at least sleep w her nightlight on!!

w ability suppressants it all starts to go rlly well, sumi’s aunt j predicts when she’ll light fires w her divination n manage to put a stop to it ( she’s not alw successful ofc... sumi ends up accidentally burning the tent she bought for performing gut rituals and other shit but.. the good news is most irreversible damage has been prevented )

it’s rlly j a cat n mouse between her n her aunt n this continues well into her teenage years until she’s sorta calmed down a bit!! fires still bring her a lot of peace and she still lights em every now and then, but she mostly is able to ignore the impulse unless she’s goin thru some like... really bad shit in her life then she’ll start planning fires n it all gets a lil out of control

anw sumi has alw been rlly intelligent and one thing she’s rlly passionate ab is nvr having 2 be around ghosts ( e.g. her shadow ) so she studies metahuman biology in snu as an undergraduate then masters n now she’s doin her phd in metahuman biology!! her research project is on trying 2 make ability suppressants more efficacious ( like safely increasing duration n potency ) n she’s enrolled in a joint program between snu n han pharmaceuticals!! her goal is 2 create a cure that can make her powers disappear permanently ( ty rogue 4 the inspo )

uhh this was a lot of rambling im sry... a lil ab her personality: rn sumi is at the phase of her life where it’s like falling apart but she’s pretending everything is totes fine : ) she’s drinking on a tuesday night n turning up to lab hungover n giving talks ab her project like sis is rlly not doin well... anyone who’s known sumi outside of work will b able to tell she is messy as shit BUT SHE’S FINE!!

she’s also v impulsive n will do things on a whim,, like imagine she’s tellin u she has a deadline to meet at 12pm tmr but it’s 2am n she’s in the club n she apparently hasn’t started but it’s FINE!!! will tell u she’s completely over her ex then ask u if ur still awake n to pls pick her up from his house at 2am but yknow what it’s FINE

if anyone insists 2 know sumi will tell u she’s j a bad luck charm ( aka the jinx ability where she brings everyone around her bad luck n it can’t be turned off ) 

ok uhm if uve read this far ilu!!! i will now reward u w some plot ideas ♡

sumi may b an unpredictable messy city girl whose life is falling apart but yknow where all the unpredictable messy city girls whose lives r falling apart go?? u got that right they go to BEAT!! she is there every week without fail so uhm if ur muse is a regular... yknow where 2 find me xo

another BEAT plot: she also cries in the club n cries outside the club so like if ur muse happens 2 walk into that...... idk where this would go but i promise u she would tell u she’s fine her life is poppin but we all know it’s bad when she’s lying to her therapist

being a student at snu n han pharma, it’s likely that if ur muse frequents the place or works there, she’ll likely bump into u!! or if ur muse is a journalist who’s tryna get an inside scoop of what’s happenin at han pharma... sumi knows nth ab the human trials but imagine if one of the researchers working on it was also named sumi n u mistake her for that person 🤡

speaking of snu n han pharma imagine if u only know sumi only in a professional context n think she’s v professional and j an upright citizen,, then there’s some work occasion where ur all gathered 2 meet in a casual setting n there’s alcohol involved n now she’s drunk off her ass n she tells u to pls help sneak her out bc she’s 100% she saw her colleagues staring n judging her

sumi’s aunt used to take her to the children’s park quite a bit when she was p young so!! if ur muse is born 94-98 n also went to the children’s park a lot, maybe they could b childhood friends who met there!!

yeah so imagine sumi starts a fire somewhere n it starts gettin out of hand,,, this can be literally anywhere secluded in the city but uhm pls help she is basically a human w the amount of ability suppressants she’s on she can’t stop this fire

sumi’s also got a burn mark on her forearm from one time when she got hurt from a fire she started!! i assume she went to the hospital for it n the timeline of this is flexible, but if ur muse works at the hospital, mayb she was assigned as their patient n her aunt confessed that she was a pyromaniac that’s how this happened?? this part of her is rlly hush hush n no one knows ab it other than her aunt ( not even her parents ) n sumi is v concerned ab appearing 2 b a certified Cool Girl n this is rlly not the vibe so like... wyd imagine she threatens u

sumi lives in jeoljeong highrises w her aunt!! yall could b neighbours it would b cute!!

honestly sumi is pretty unpredictable so she could turn up at lit any location i could find an excuse for anyth so uhm yeah hmu

aight uhm messy sumi time... so she is v reckless n is also goin thru a bit of a ho phase so imagine yall had a one night stand not knowing who tf u guys are n now u bump into each other in a professional setting or smth... 🥵 wyd r u pretending udk her

alternatively yall met on a dating app n either she unmatched u or u unmatched her ( maybe the sexual chemistry was hella off too ) but now u find out u have mutual friends n they wanna hang n ur at this awkward dinner tgt 🥶 wyd

i feel like sumi is the kinda person who ghosts her ex n that’s on that w anxious-avoidant attachment 🤙 so who wanna be ghosted line up 4 the trauma

[littlemarie]

You ever think you could cry so hard that there’d be nothing left in you, like how the wind shakes a tree in a storm until every part of it is run through with wind? I live in the low parts now, most days a little hazy with fever and waiting for the water to stop shivering out of the body. Funny thing about grief, its hold is so bright and determined like a flame, like something almost worth living for.  

Ada Limón, from The Carrying: Poems; “After the fire”

[littlemarie]

[littlemarie]

ig: noodle.zip 🖤

[littlemarie]

Louise Glück, from “Averno.”

[littlemarie]

i dont know who needs to hear this, but left handed people are possessed by demons

[littlemarie]

ig: noodle.zip ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚송우기 따라하기ㅋㅋㅋ

[littlemarie]

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