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littleone4301 · 1 year

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✦ 'spilt ice cream.' 2k

✦ general warnings; reader is pregnant, bakugou is extremely doting and very soft here. it's honestly just pure fluff. 'baby' 'princess' 'angel' used as petnames.

✦ notes; i wrote this a year ago and just found it. it's been roughly edited and posted i'm sorry if there are any mistakes, anyway here you go lol enjoy :)

A loud crash and clanging sound had Katsuki shooting up in his bed, hand instinctively reaching to your side of the bed to feel for your hand but with each frantic swipe of his hand, he couldn't find you there. He quickly turned his attention to your slowly-cooling side of the bed; empty.

His stomach twisted, heart aching. His wife — his quirkless and pregnant wife — was nowhere to be seen. He got up from the bed with eased practice put into his silent footsteps, there was no light in the hall, no light streaming from the bathroom.

The darkness usually didn't bother someone like Katsuki but tonight it made him feel sick, physically sick because what if you were hurt? What if someone had broken in and got to you? You couldn't defend yourself, Katsuki knew you could fight - he had taken the time before your pregnancy and in the first five years of your relationship to train you himself. You were strong, but pregnancy had you a little more relaxed, the urge to curl into your husband instead of defending yourself.

He blinked away the thoughts of the worst things that could have happened and edged closer to the open-plan lounge, the only light was the moonlight streaming through the floor-to-ceiling glass windows. He flexed his hands, preparing to fire off an explosion at anyone who dared to step foot into his apartment but when his eyes turned down to the heap on the floor, his blood ran cold. You weren't laid down in any apparent danger, but you were kneeling on the floor holding something in your hands.

He rushed forward, startling you in the process with the sudden loud footsteps and you flinched, blinking wildly at the darkness when he lurched forward and down to your side, hand instantly coming to your lower back carefully. His eyes frantically searched your face, aware of the fright he had given you but more concerned about why you were kneeling on the floor when you were seven months pregnant.

He opened his mouth to speak before he looked down at your hands, you were clutching an empty bowl that was once filled with the chocolate ice cream that was slowly melting into the wooden floorboards.

You sniffled as he stared at the mess, unsure if he would be mad at you for ruining the wood or for being so damn loud about it.

Katsuki lifted his head instantly at the sound, eyes softening when he saw the tears sticking your eyelashes together. "M'sorry, m'sorry." you babbled, louder sniffling happening as you tried to control the sudden flood of hormones that practically demanded you cry over spilt ice cream.

"Hey.. hey, don't cry over it. I don't care, 'kay? I can always clean it." his voice was riddled with rasp from his sleep, a softness in his voice preserved only for you.

And he cupped your face gently, rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks to wipe away the tears that dared to stain your face. "What happened anyway, angel? You alright?" he inspected you once again when you sniffled, a hand instinctively tucked against your stomach.

"Y-Yeah, tripped over somethin'." you pouted, and Katsuki pulled you in to press a kiss to your temple.

"That's why we turn on lights baby." he watched as you narrowed your eyes at him in a momentary glare, he bit the inside of his cheek to keep his laugh down at the cute pout and glare.

"Wanted t'see the stars properly," you grumbled, swiping at your nose with the back of your hand as you looked away from him. And he finally laughed, a soft, quiet laugh that had your cheeks warming.

"You shoulda woke me up." and you shook your head at that.

"No! You work too hard for me and my stupid pregnancy cravings to bother you." you huffed out and Katsuki clicked his tongue, turning your head so you were forced to look him in the eyes.

"Listen to me, I don't give a shit if you wake up at 4am every other night craving the weirdest shit. I care about your safety, both of your safety." he spared a glance downwards, your hand still soothing over your stomach before you pouted at him again.

"Don't give me that face, you know I'm right." you mumbled a quiet 'whatever' under your breath, narrowing your eyes away when Katsuki planted a firm kiss on your forehead. "Sit on the couch, I'll clean this up." He helped you delicately off the floor, listening to you groan at the feeling in your thighs and the way your back ached, you sighed heavily once you were back on your feet.

He watched as you, carefully, stepped around in the dark before listening to the telltale signs of you breathing out a breath of relief when your back hit the soft back of the couch. He wasted no time cleaning up, flicking on the kitchen lights so only part of the open plan house was lit up, he could see you were now cuddled up beneath the fluffy throw and head turned to look out of the windows.

He was absolutely smitten with you, even more now you were carrying his child but he had always loved you. Ever since he first laid eyes on you when he was out on patrol, you offered him a coffee with a smile when he stopped for his break. He came back every time he was on patrol after that, at first it was just pleasant smiles exchanged and then it slowly grew into conversations, conversations turned into him waiting for you to finish work so he could walk you safely to the train station.

Then it turned into numbers exchanged, Katsuki being bashful when he asked if you wanted to go on a date with him to a restaurant. He remembers the first time he saw you in a beautiful dress, he was so used to the casual clothes you wore to work at the cafe. He knew already he wanted to marry you, but once he saw you in that dress he couldn't help but imagine you in the dress you'd marry him in.

And when he did propose to you, you leapt into his arms and squealed your 'yes! yes! of course I'll marry you!', peppering kisses all over his face between breathless laughs. He had been married to you for a year, and the pregnancy wasn't planned but it was something you both talked about for in the future when he had more time off, more time to spend with his family.

He didn't even realise he was working on autopilot until he was standing in front of you with your now new bowl of ice cream, handing it off carefully to you as you almost snatched it from his hands.

He smiled, not that you could see it in the darkness, but he smiled at the way you acted when you were pregnant. He didn't know what to expect but he loved every second of it.

He dropped gently into the spot next to you, carefully moving one side of the blanket and snuggling under it with you. His hand slipped behind your back, an arm securely around your waist whilst his other hand laid against your stomach, drawing soft patterns with his fingertips against the material of the shirt you were wearing.

He nestled his head against your shoulder, eyes peering over to the skyline before you both, then to you as you bathed in the moonlight and quietly enjoyed the ice cream you had wanted so deep in the night. He didn't often get to indulge you like this, having found you usually as you were finishing up your midnight trips.

Truth is, Katsuki had been working more than usual. He didn't want to, but he had to. He had to make sure he had enough money to support his future family, enough money for you all to live comfortably whilst he took the time off to be with you both.

The idea of not working as a hero at first scared him, even if it were just a small amount of leave, but once he started seeing the natural glow on your face and the way you beamed at him whenever you'd show him a tiny pair of shoes or when you were both picking out paints for the nursery.. he knew then it'd be worth just taking a step back, all of his friends would have his back.

Kirishima had offered to take his patrols, even Denki offering himself up too. They were all so nice about it, Katsuki was the first of the 'squad' to become a father which was a surprise to everyone. But they knew how whipped you had him, how he was absolutely doting on you whenever he saw you.

Katsuki planted a soft kiss on your shoulder, feeling you lean more back into his warmth as you cradled your nearing empty bowl. "D'you think I'm going to be a good mom?" you said quietly, words almost a whisper but they made Katsuki switch his gaze quickly to your side profile.

You were still focused on the night sky, and he wondered what made you think these things. He knew often your hormones got the better of you.

"Of course." he said before planting a kiss on your neck and snuggling into it "You're gonna be the best fuckin' mom, I just know it," he spoke against your skin, earning himself a shiver that shot down your spine.

"Yeah?" he hummed his confirmation against you, fingers still carefully stroking along your stomach. "You're gonna be the best dad, Kat," you spoke after a moment, turning your head slightly so you could see him.

Katsuki planted his chin on your shoulder, eyes meeting yours before he gave you a soft smile. "Damn right I am baby," he smirked, watching how you rolled your eyes playfully before he leaned in to plant a firm yet loving kiss on your lips.

"C'mon, let's get back to bed." he jostled you softly in his arms, and you blinked gently before nodding as if you remembered how late it was. He watched you carefully uncurl from his side, shuffling to the edge of the couch before you got up to your feet. His hand never once left your back as he got up too, planting a kiss on the crown of your head as he swiped the bowl from your hands before you could protest.

"Go on, I'll be there in a minute princess." He watched as you trudged back to the bedroom, hands now carefully brushing along the walls to guide you back to the warmth of your room.

No more than 5 minutes had passed as Katsuki re-entered the bedroom, your figure on the bed under the stream of moonlight that snuck through the crack of the curtains. He could hear the gentle puffs of your breathing, you were asleep already and he smiled at that.

He carefully, quietly and softly got back into bed so as to not disturb you. Climbing into the spot next to you and gently pulling the blankets comfortably over the both of you as he leaned in close, pressing a soft kiss to your temple which had you humming in your sleep.

Katsuki snuggled up close to you, careful of his arm placement as he secured you in place, eyes slowly drifting as he listened to your rhythmic breathing and the gentle patter of your heart.

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littleone4301 · 1 year

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Needed some comfort so I wrote this <3

Boyfriend!Bakugou who isn’t the greatest at the whole boyfriend thing yet, I mean cut him a break, he was focused on becoming a number one hero from the time he could form thoughts.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who still tries his best. He’ll wrap his jacket around you while muttering about how you’ll catch a cold and he can’t afford to get sick. He’ll carry you home after a night on the town, he’s carrying you on his back, your shoes in one hand, purse slung on his shoulder.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who lets himself into your apartment at four am when he can’t sleep and you live in the same building anyways so why not just walk down to your apartment when he wants to see you.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who secretly stares at you like you drew the stars in the sky. He loves the way he can watch your eyes light up at something you like, the way the corners of your lips pull into a pretty smile.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who holds you on the bad days. The days you don’t feel like moving from your bed. The days where your body feels like it’s chained down and you’re too tired to fight. He hates that you feel this way, but he understands it. Because he felt like that too most times.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who hugs you so tight it’s like he’s trying to mend what’s broken. It means a lot to you since he doesn’t like hugs or a lot of touching.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who tells you he loves you and will hold your face in his hands until he can watch you smile, even if it’s just a small one. He’s been with you long enough to know the difference between a fake one and a real one.

Boyfriend!Bakugou who may not be the number one boyfriend ever because sometimes he still struggles. He tries his best to help you because he knows you’ll give him the world if he asked and he’ll do the same for you.

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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you made a bad habit of baring your teeth at anyone brave enough to try to love you.

it wasn’t your fault, not at first—after all, there were only so many times you could stomach all of the venom spit at you by those you latched onto, before you hardened.

and it did well to weed out the weak ones—which left only those who saw your hostility as something to be conquered. that was decidedly worse.

so you tapped into something ancient and furious in your chest and broke off the taps to every other feeling. the love you sought after, the yearning to be held, to be kept safe—all pushed farther out of your reach. for your own good. to keep yourself safe.

when bakugou comes along, you’re like a cornered animal. snarling at him, snapping your jaws every time he reaches for you. knowing, somehow, that the end is not near but here now, and he will turn on his heels and flee from you faster than he came.

so it really is a shock to the circuit board when he all but scruffs you by the neck, rolling his eyes and tsking at you like a misbehaving kitten.

it enrages you. doesn’t he know how to take a hint? doesn’t he know you ruin everything you touch?

so you let it all out at him, one night on the stoop to your apartment. passerby walk on quickly, like they’re afraid they’ll get caught up in your storm if they linger too long. you look insane, and you know you do—you hope it’ll drive the point home: it’s not worth it to get close. you’re too much, too hard, too angry, and surely he’ll get that now.

to your dismay, he’s standing on the step below you, looking like the cat that got the cream.

“what is wrong with you?”

he huffs out a laugh, taking your exasperation as a green light to take a step up toward you. he’s way too close—you feel your face burn and you want to think it’s the anger you feel at his inability to know what’s good for him.

“you’re awfully mouthy,” he murmurs, soft, and it catches you off guard, “what’re you so mad about?”

he’s crowding your space now, and if he wasn’t rooting you to the spot with whatever it is that he’s doing, looking at you like that, you would’ve bolted. he reaches to brush a strand of hair behind your ear, and you want to come out of your skin. you open your mouth, fully intending to ream him within an inch of his life. to your horror, all you hear escape you is some sort of pathetic whimper.

“c’mon,” he breathes, the taste of the taunt on your tongue as he stands over you now—too close— “give it t’me.”

you want to tell him how god damn stupid he is—but you know that katsuki has an intelligence that goes toe to toe with your own. he’s aware of something that hasn’t occurred to you yet. you know this, and your heart squeezes in a panic you haven’t felt in a long while. you throw out one last ditch effort—one last attempt to distance yourself for the inevitable end—

“i-i’m going to ruin your life.”

“yeah?” bright eyes hold you in a suspended state. a challenge, aimed straight at you as he sucks on his teeth, grinning wildly, “do your worst, then.”

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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i just know that katsuki LOVES kissing you.

it’s seriously his favourite thing.

goodbye kisses when he threads his fingers through your hair and keeps his other arm snaked around your waist, kissing all the air out of you.

morning kisses when you wake up to little pecks to your shoulders, jaw, up to your forehead and around your eyebrows, your cheekbones and your nose, then finally, when your eyes flutter open he presses quick kisses to your lips.

sad kisses after petty arguments or when you’re feeling weepy from the events of your tiring day. he takes his time kissing the tears of your cheeks, taking breaks to press kisses to your lips, then going down to your neck as he blows raspberry kisses to make you giggle so your sadness disappears.

long time no see kisses after a mission or periods of time away from each other when he goes into a light jog and lifts you off your feet, kissing you deeply while pulling soft groans and whines from your lips. you keep trying to pull away to voice your happiness at his return but his lips move on their own, not letting yours go for a second.

lazy kisses after a long day, you’re straddling him on the couch or you’re laying beside each other in bed. sighs being pulled from each of you. his tongue pushing past your lips while yours welcomes his immediately.

quick kisses when he sees you out and about, not one for pda but you’re right there, how is he not going to kiss you? you’re passing by him, giving him a sweet smile and he stops you pressing his lips to yours and pulling away just as fast, giving you a light slap on the rear and speeding away before you can scold him for it.

he just loves you more than anything.

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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I think the thing I love most about writing for Bakugou is capturing the moments where his hard outer shell begins to soften, even if he doesn’t really understand it or tries to fight it. Because despite what everyone else thinks, he learned [from his mother, yes he was in an abusive household too and idk how that’s debatable] from a very young age to be angry and aggressive and that’s a hard thing to break from. Still his responsibility to break of course, but difficult nonetheless. But when he’s surrounded by friends who not only encourage him to be vulnerable but hold him accountable for being hostile, he FLOURISHES.

When you can see the battle written on his face, trying so desperately to fight that initial response of vicious anger and choosing to take a deep breath instead and express himself because he deserves it! He deserves to be vulnerable. To speak, to cry, to laugh and be fucking heard.

And don’t even get me started on how he thrives in romantic relationships after he’s started to heal. When he’s realized he doesn’t have to be angry, he doesn’t have to rely on sharp words to protect himself from others before they even get a chance. When he understands how beautiful his partner looks when he makes them laugh or smile. And it quickly becomes his favorite thing to do. Days spent lazing around with soft, gentle affections because my god he never knew it could be this good. Never knew love could be something light, airy instead of raging and violent.

Because don’t get me wrong, Bakugou can and will fight for his partner. He’ll defend them in every way needed, but he won’t feel the need to defend himself against his partner. Won’t hurt them before they can hurt him because he’s healed from his trauma, understands how devastated he’d be to see his partner’s face fall if he ever directed his rage towards them.

Bakugou deserves to heal, and he deserves to be happy and soft and gentle with his partner. Because I refuse to fall into the narrative that as an adult, he’s still the hurt, angry teenager he used to be. It’s fiction. There’s no reason we have to choose that option. So yeah, the soft, happy Bakugou is the narrative I crave the most. And there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what you crave too.💖

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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Give it up for the best father in Kildare County 👏👏

Mike Carrera and big John can suck it

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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I made a baby blanket for a pregnant woman at work and I went back and forth about it like “is this weird? To like hand make something for someone when we’re like friendly acquaintances not like bffs. God why are you so fucking awkward.” Anyway I gave it to her and she said she loved it and in the back of my head I’m like yea she’s nice and probably just humoring the weirdo. Well she texted me a picture this weekend of a scrunchy faced newborn at the hospital wrapped in the blanket I made her. And I’m like. Wow. She loved it so much she took it with her! To the hospital! To give birth! She wrapped her newborn it! I am just so filled with love and joy right now.

People will love the things you make them. Because you thought of them and you cared.

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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Families

twitter / Kofi

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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DC Super-Heroes by Andrew Day.

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littleone4301 · 2 years

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Words to describe facial expressions

Absent: preoccupied

Agonized: as if in pain or tormented

Alluring: attractive, in the sense of arousing desire

Appealing: attractive, in the sense of encouraging goodwill and/or interest

Beatific: blissful

Black: angry or sad, or hostile

Bleak: hopeless

Blinking: surprise, or lack of concern

Blithe: carefree, lighthearted, or heedlessly indifferent

Brooding: anxious and gloomy

Bug eyed: frightened or surprised

Chagrined: humiliated or disappointed

Cheeky: cocky, insolent

Cheerless: sad

Choleric: hot-tempered, irate

Darkly: with depressed or malevolent feelings

Deadpan: expressionless, to conceal emotion or heighten humor

Despondent: depressed or discouraged

Doleful: sad or afflicted

Dour: stern or obstinate

Dreamy: distracted by daydreaming or fantasizing

Ecstatic: delighted or entranced

Faint: cowardly, weak, or barely perceptible

Fixed: concentrated or immobile

Gazing: staring intently

Glancing: staring briefly as if curious but evasive

Glazed: expressionless due to fatigue or confusion

Grim: fatalistic or pessimistic

Grave: serious, expressing emotion due to loss or sadness

Haunted: frightened, worried, or guilty

Hopeless: depressed by a lack of encouragement or optimism

Hostile: aggressively angry, intimidating, or resistant

Hunted: tense as if worried about pursuit

Jeering: insulting or mocking

Languid: lazy or weak

Leering: sexually suggestive

Mild: easygoing

Mischievous: annoyingly or maliciously playful

Pained: affected with discomfort or pain

Peering: with curiosity or suspicion

Peeved: annoyed

Pleading: seeking apology or assistance

Quizzical: questioning or confused

Radiant: bright, happy

Sanguine: bloodthirsty, confident

Sardonic: mocking

Sour: unpleasant

Sullen: resentful

Vacant: blank or stupid looking

Wan: pale, sickly

Wary: cautious or cunning

Wide eyed: frightened or surprised

Withering: devastating

Wrathful: indignant or vengeful

Wry: twisted or crooked to express cleverness or a dark or ironic feeling

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littleone4301 · 3 years

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fluff alphabet || TASM!p.p.

pairing: TASM!Peter Parker x gn!reader

WARNINGS: swearing

a/n: this list is from @mirclealignr !! please go check out all of her stuff !! also this doesn't have any NWH spoilers :) i'm pretty sure this is completely gender neutral but let me know if it's not !!

A -> Affection; how they like to show their love.

Peter's love language is most definitely physical touch. He loves loves loves touching you in the most innocent way. He is always holding your hand or has an arm around your shoulder. He also loves just laying in bed and cuddling (especially after a long day of crime-fighting).

B -> Beauty; what do they especially admire about you?

He could stare into your eyes for literal hours. It doesn't matter what color they are, he loves them. Honorable mentions include your smile and your laugh.

C -> Cuddles; how they like to cuddle you.

Peter loves cuddling. It doesn't matter how or when, he loves any kind of cuddling. His favorite, though, is laying on your chest while you play with his hair. It makes him fall asleep so fast.

D -> Dancing; their favourite place to dance with you.

The kitchen when Aunt May isn't home, random NYC rooftops, his bedroom at 4am. His favorite way of dancing with you is just silly jumping around and hair-flipping at 4am. However, on special occasions, he'll swing the two of you to a rooftop to slow dance while looking out at all the lights of the city.

E -> Excitement; do they get excited with you about things?

Peter loves seeing you happy so anything that gets you all worked up and excited? He loves it just as much as you do, if not more. He loves sharing your excitement.

F -> First Date; your first date together.

Peter had May help him prepare a whole little picnic for the two of you. He planned to take you to the park and have a cute date. Then, it rained. He was so devastated. He settled for having a movie day in his room instead and the two of you ate the picnic in his bed. You both had a really great time.

G -> Goals; do they have things they want to achieve? Do they include you in these things?

Peter doesn't really have a lot of long-term goals. They stress him out too much. He really just wants to focus on Spider-Man. However, he does see you in his life long-term.

H -> Honesty; how open are they with you?

Peter thinks that honesty is the best policy. Unless, he's gonna get in trouble. Then, in his mind, it's best to just let it go and hope you never find out. That usually doesn't work out well for him.

I -> I Love You; do they say it a lot? did they say it first?

Peter said it first. It took a while for him to work up the courage but after a near fatal experience with a villain, he decided that he had to tell you before it was too late. After that, he says it all the time. Like every other sentence. It's a bit annoying sometimes but he just wants to make sure you know how much he loves you.

J -> Jealousy; do they get jealous?

He tries so hard not to, but he can't help it. He refuses to show it, though. He thinks it's so embarrassing. His hands get all clammy and he gets so jittery and anxious when he's jealous.

K -> Kiss; their favourite place to kiss you.

The top of your head. He's pretty tall so that's the easiest for him to reach, especially when he's in a hurry. He loves real kisses the most, though.

L -> Little Spoon; who’s the little spoon?

When he's exhausted or hurt, he has to be the little spoon. Other than that, he doesn't mind being the big spoon if you want to be the little spoon or vise versa. He's comfortable with both.

M -> Melody; what’s your song together?

He has a whole playlist for the two of you. Some of his favorite songs on it are "Cloud 9" by Beach Bunny, "Talk Too Much" by Coin, and "Sk8er Boi" by Avril Lavigne.

N -> Nicknames; do they use nicknames for you?

This boy loves nicknames. Literally he'll hardly ever call you by your real name. "Sweetheart" "darling" "love" "baby" "babe" he loves that shit so much

O -> Open Book; how hard was it to get to know them?

It wasn't super hard. Peter is pretty open. Besides the Spider-Man thing. He told you about that pretty quickly though so he's not that secretive with you.

P -> PDA; how affectionate they are in public.

He's not awkwardly affectionate in public but he does like to hold your hand, wrap an arm around you. or even have a hand on the small of your back. He just likes touching you.

Q -> Quirk: a weird but loveable trait of theirs.

Sometimes he accidentally falls asleep in his spidey suit. He also refuses to drink water unless it's ice cold. Room temperature water is his biggest pet peeve.

R -> Romance; how romantic are they?

Oh, he tries so hard. It just usually doesn't work out well for him. But, the thought is always appreciated.

S -> Secrets; do they keep secrets from you?

Obviously, the Spider-man thing was a secret for a while. Besides that, he really tries not to keep any big secrets from you. However, if he thinks that he's gonna get in trouble for something, he'll try to keep it to himself for as long as he can.

T -> Thrill; do they like to keep the relationship new and exciting?

Peter has enough thrill in his life already. He prefers for your relationship to be a constant for him. He's not a fan of change. That doesn't mean that it's boring, though. He definitely keeps you on your toes.

U -> Understanding; how they comfort/support when you’re upset or anxious.

Peter can't stand you being upset. First, he tries to understand the problem. Then, he'll offer you solutions to fix it or make it better. If you just need a hug, though, he's always available for that, too.

V -> Vexed; how easily they lose their temper.

He hardly ever loses his temper. However, if you're putting yourself in danger or being irrational, he'll get pissed pretty quickly.

W -> Weakness; what’s their weakness what it comes to you?

Absolutely, your laugh. He'll do anything he can to make you laugh. One giggle and he'll do anything you want him to.

X -> Xtra; random hc about them.

Peter is bisexual. He also has diagnosed ADHD and anxiety.

Y -> Years to Come; how they imagine your future together.

He'd like to stay in New York but if you don't, that's cool. There's plenty of places that he can Spider-Man in. He isn't sure if he wants kids. He'd like for it to just be the two of you for a while and maybe a dog or cat. He wants to get married, though.

Z -> Zzz; how they are when they sleep.

Peter is the worst person in the world to sleep with. If you're a light sleeper, good luck. He talks in his sleep, snores, and moves around constantly. It takes him a long time to actually fall asleep unless he's exhausted. He also stays up way too late and has the worst sleep schedule.

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littleone4301 · 3 years

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“Your mother was there for me at a time when no one else was.”

I had a thought.

This quote had always irked me because I absolutely, absolutely REFUSED to believe that James Mother-Hen Potter, Sirius Remus-is-the-Love-of-my-Life Black and Peter I-would-Sell-my-Soul-to-be-Liked Pettigrew would EVER abandon Remus Lupin. Especially not after they dedicated their lives to becoming animagi to make sure he wasn’t alone one night every lunar moon. It’s just unrealistic to me.

BUT THEN-

I had a thought. In my opinion, there doesn’t seem to be a (canonically appropriate) time in their school lives for Lily to be the only person there for Remus, so the only other time must be during the First Wizarding War.

In Prisoner of Azkaban, when Sirius and Remus reunite, the dialogue between them all but admits that Sirius suspected Remus of being the spy.

The reason for this is unclear, but we can assume this was feasible, regardless of Remus and Sirius’ relationship for a number of reasons:

1. Sirius came from a family of shallow, selfish betrayers. He’s used to betrayal. He’s used to people looking after their own self-interests. At a point, it probably was second nature to him that he didn’t think twice about it when it was done. He probably came to expect it from people, which is why he didn’t question it when he thought it was Remus, despite their history together. It was instilled into him at a young, impressionable age that it was just what people did.

2. Remus, as per Dumbledore’s orders, was undercover in a werewolf pack that Voldemort was trying to recruit for at least some part of the war. We already know from Sirius that the First Wizarding War was very different from the one that faced Harry insofar as Voldemort had armies of all sorts of dark creature, as well as wizards and witches. Thus, Remus would have been away with the enemy for months at a time with very little contact with the Marauders- it makes sense that suspicion naturally fell to him.

3. Out of everyone close to James and Lily, Remus was the one most likely to be the spy (based on the situation). Sirius passed on the position of Secret Keeper secretly!! but he was still willing to be targeted and (realistically) tortured and murdered just to keep James and Lily safe by having everyone believe he was Secret Keeper still. Not even Remus knew that it was switched to Peter because the level of distrust was so significant. Peter was viewed as too weak and cowardly to be the spy. They vastly underestimated him. But we all know Peter WAS the spy, and of course he wouldn’t disagree with Sirius’ suspicion over Remus as it was a diversion from himself.

4. I also found this when I was trying to find the above quote which sheds a bit more insight on the idea:

Thus, the suspicion over Remus being the spy has alienated two of the marauders.

Now, my friend and I argued over this for a long time because he didn’t think James would ever neglect Remus but hear me out.

Lupin admits that James would have regarded it as “the height of dishonour to mistrust his friends.” So I admit it doesn’t seem like James to not be there for Remus because Sirius and Peter suspect him of being a spy. The fact this comes from Remus’ mouth is even more reason.

James would never suspect any of his friends of being a spy. He loved them all too much. He let his own powerful definition of loyalty cloud his judgement on other people, especially those closest to him.

But here’s why I think that James neglected Remus.

James was on house arrest. He was powerless in his house whilst the rest of his friends and family risked their lives on the daily to fight Voldemort. He was hiding. That’s the only way he could have seen it.

Now my interpretation of James during house arrest, post prophecy, is based largely on Lily’s letter to Sirius. It’s the only depiction we have on him during this time and it paints quite an opposite picture to the James we knew during Hogwarts.

We get a James here that is hyperactive and loves his family unconditionally, that seems to be just the same as he was in school.

But we also see a glimpse of a James that is helpless and knows it, that is increasingly frustrated at his inability to do anything, and overcompensates in trying to act normal. I imagine he got furious with Dumbledore for taking his cloak and freedom and playing with people’s (his friends’ and family’s) lives. I imagine he sometimes got snappy with Lily who was too chirpy in a morning and maybe sometimes he was overly optimistic, drinking himself silly on delusion and hope because when the death toll kept rising, it was the only way he could keep himself sane.

Remus will come home tomorrow. Peter will smile tomorrow. Sirius will visit tomorrow. Lily and Harry will be safe tomorrow. The war will be over tomorrow-

And other times, the despair would get too much because James always feels things tenfold and he would lock himself in the bedroom for hours or sit with Harry and stare at the wall, unblinkingly.

James wouldn’t mean to neglect Remus, I don’t think. He would just be so consumed with helplessness, with despair or optimistic delusion that he would fail to see the way Remus was shattering.

That was where Lily stepped in. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed about new mothers, it’s how much more level headed they become. If you’re trying to tell me that Lily Evans, Head Girl, golden child and all round badass who already had her head screwed on right at school DIDN’T become even more sage and motherly after having a baby, then I don’t know what version of Lily Evans you know. Even in the war, I imagine being a mother was the only thing to distract her and give her purpose when her friends were going off to fight and more and more of them didn’t return. Harry was something to live for.

I think the time Remus tells Harry about is a time when Remus was so low, so alone and frightened, when everyone else was alone and frightened too, when his biggest fear was realised in his best friends suspecting him of monstrosity when it was the very thing he had fought all his life to resist (and maybe his time in the werewolf den, when he’d never been around another werewolf in his life since Greyback, made him suspect himself of the same monstrosity he’d felt as an 11 year old boy, boarding the Hogwarts Express for the first time knowing how the world felt about people like him, and the morning after Sirius told Snape about the Whomping Willow and he’d sat at breakfast, betrayal and disgust and fear churning in his gut, just waiting for the Owls to fly in with Howlers and complaints that- a WEREWOLF was at the school), feeling all that tenfold at only 19/20/21 years old , and terrified Sirius was too consumed in his fear for James and Lily’s life that he too easily gave into the prejudice he’d always fought against being infected by, and cowardly Peter cowardly jumped on the bandwagon to save his own skin, and poor James who was so helpless and desperate for hope, he missed all the glaring signs that his friend was dying right in front of him, they all failed to see Remus faltering but Lily Evans, that wonderful woman who always saw the beauty in others, especially when they didn’t see it in themselves, heard the way Remus was crying out for help and was there for him.

I like to think that James always treated him like his old best friend when Remus visited, grinning and cracking jokes and hugging him for longer than necessary, but Remus saw the emptiness in James’ eyes. It was Lily who healed Remus’ scars and wounds from the werewolf den and held him when he cried and reminded him that he was not a monster (even though his friends, in their war-driven, frantic, senseless terror seemed to think he was). That was when Remus Lupin had no one else and Lily Evans stepped up to the mark.

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