littleonekitten - Tumblr blog

[littleonekitten]

[littleonekitten]

[littleonekitten]

[littleonekitten]

cuddles that get sexual then get sweet again

[littleonekitten]

hey you should slip into something more comfortable (this pretty pussy)

[littleonekitten]

pink mushrooms

[littleonekitten]

want a daddy that will lift my shirt up and suck on my tits whenever he wants without warning (｡>﹏<｡)

[littleonekitten]

i think boys should eat pussy on their knees a lil more often

[littleonekitten]

Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!

[littleonekitten]

feeling unloved and unwanted is the worst type of pain there is

[littleonekitten]

happy birthday to me

Let’s hope that the start of my roaring 20s are a good one 🎂🎉

[littleonekitten]

A new conclusion has been made:

I’ve only ever been in love once..and I’m scared no one is ever going to love me again. I only know how to be loved one way, so If I date someone new I’m going to be consistently be comparing them to my ex, down to every nutshell just be use I don’t know how to be loved differently. I don’t know how to be loved without him, or with someone knew. I know I wouldn’t accept that “new love” the same as I did before. I don’t miss my ex because of my ex. I miss him because of the way he showed me love, he took every broken piece and held it all together, gently glueing me back together. I think that’s the reason I still cling to him, it’s because I’m still convinced he’s the only option.

He’s the only option, even though I know deep down we could never be together. We could try over and over again and it just wouldn’t work. I knew my needs and wants and he didn’t. He wants everyone to be a big happy family, and I don’t. I want my relationship separated from my friends and family because when it all comes together it gets messy. I tried to explain it to him and he never understood until the end, where I predicted our break up and how it was going to happen and he still wouldn’t have believed me. I tried. I tried the damn best I could. I offered support, I always over communicated, I swallowed my pride and apologized for things and did things I didn’t want to do but I did it for him, because he was the most important thing and I valued our relationship more then anything. It got to a point for him that I wasn’t worth it, or he’d tell me reassurance but never any action. If I am shown that I’m not wanted, I will not be there. I think the hardest thing about a break up and seeing them slowly not want to work on it, and fall out of love. It hurts being the one to break up because I was cornered and I knew he wasn’t going to do it. It hurts still loving him after all of the pain and hurt. I guess love is really the most powerful feeling. Of course- there’s lots of other reasons we wouldn’t work out.. but I think the main reason is.. we don’t want to change ourself for each other and that’s the hardest part, there’s this need to be true to yourself and your goals and ambitions as a young independent woman, and yet the need to conform into something else for love. It’s hard being independent in that way, it’s a standard honestly. Yes, you can fall in love but you can’t compromise anything because he should love you for who you are “don’t change for a man”! And no, you don’t need to grieve or cry over it, your respect for yourself will always be more important and higher then anything “so stop wasting time, he’s not worth it”. I think being hyper independent stems from not being open and vulnerable, while also caring too much about what other think about your personal life, I often feel my need and sadness for love is often attacked my by hyper female independence, which yes can cause a lack of team work and vulnerability and protection.I hope I can find someone where I don’t have to feel like I need to protect myself around… I felt like he wouldn’t compromise, or if he came back ( if you love someone set them free type thing) I don’t think he would want to change and work, and put in the work and the consistency and the taking accountability. I also want to make it clear that this wasn’t a one off thing, he’d apologize, and do it again. It was a pattern, and that pattern he chose not to break. I fought the world for him, but there comes a time where the patterns aren’t changing, the behaviour isn’t changing after talking about it and not being heard or validated, enough is enough. I still love him, but he doesn’t deserve it after how much he hurt me, and I don’t know what to do about that, because everyone deserves love. Even if it’s someone you least expect or didn’t want anymore. Everyone says I shouldn’t love him anymore because that gives him power. It gives him excuses and leeway to do anything he wants because he knows i’ll always love him and use it to his advantage. I will always be tied and attached and love him because he was my first love. As I am looking back on it since it was my first love ( it wasn’t for his and he dated more then me which gave us different outlooks) I understand now how I could’ve came off in certain ways in love intensity and commitment, but I wouldn’t have known and understood if we didn’t separate.But you live, learn and experience. I guess that’s life though right? Idk. I feel like we are soulmates that just can’t be together.

I’m lucky to have met someone who loved me like he did, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced with someone, and something I’ll always remember and cherish. I’m lucky to have met a soulmate, even if fate separates us for immortality.

If our relationship was a trope it would be

“He fell first, She fell harder”

If our relationship had a cause of death it would:

“death by drowning”

[littleonekitten]

Princess who needs constant attention and validation 🤝 Daddy who enjoys giving praises and showering Princess with affection!

[littleonekitten]

I’m a firm believer in kissing places that are usually left untouched during sex. Kissing your hips and ribs. Your spine and wrist. I want to indulge in every part of you.

[littleonekitten]

[littleonekitten]

I believe god is pointing and laughing at me tonight.

I’ve been on the dating apps, and I met someone. ( I shall call him.. Ron) Ron was sweet and kind, and we are on the same page on a lot of things. I would say he has a lot of similar things to my ex. Examples include, having the same name, playing the same video games.. possibly both like playing DND and both know a lot about computers and building computers.

They also both have a fun button up collection. I’ve hung out with Ron a few times are it went Amazing, we are on the same page with a lot of things and I felt really connected, I haven’t felt that way since my first love. It was nerve-racking and exciting. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone I wasn’t already in love with. But it was so cool.. going slow and taking my time while not feeling judged for not being over my ex or anything. It was so cool to find someone that actively wanted to heal with me. We went on a date and it was great, a lot of fun. He bought me a poetry book because he knew how much words on a page mean to me. And we hung out a few times after that… until I went over to his house. I went over, and we watched a show.. and we might have escalated. I DIDNT HAVE SEX. I want to make that clear, I can’t have sex with someone I’m not in love with, and honestly right now.. that’s the only reminder I have of my ex, that he will always have me in that way. And I’m okay with that, even if he doesn’t take it as serious. After it happened I was disappointed. It was nothing likw how I was used to being treated.. no aftercare or cleanup.. nothing. It made me feel honestly used and scared, but that’s something I have to get used to now. And ever since he took me home.. I haven’t heard from him. He ghosted me completely. And and wait for it

The same night I match with my ex on bumble. HE SWIPED ON ME FIRST?!?

I know he did it just to fuck with me… or did he?

So now to the present, crying in my bed calling my friends bc the one boy I fell in love with is moving on, and good for him.. he deserves it. But fuck does it hurt. Why? Why should it hurt? Yes I’m over him in a relationship sense. I’m not over the pain he put me through and didn’t want to take accountability for. He ruined me and destroyed me? I guess that’s what unconditional love is. Loving someone that doesn’t love you back anymore. While also crying after opening up to someone for the first time just to find out he was a fuckboy and just wanted to do or say anything to get a girl naked in his bed to add to the list of tally’s. I’m glad I didn’t have sec with him, but disappointed about not having the possibility of talking and getting into a relationship again, because I truly think we could’ve been good in a relationship. He had good communication, and he’s never been in love before, so it was new and scary to him, and I’m scared bc I’ve been in love and terrified to be loved again. I guess that’s what’s important in relationships is to balance each other out.

I just wish I was worth it. Another tally to add to my “not worth it” list.

And on top of that.. I got dropped by a modelling agency.

This week can’t get more fucked.

[littleonekitten]

I believe god is pointing and laughing at me tonight.

I’ve been on the dating apps, and I met someone. ( I shall call him.. Ron) Ron was sweet and kind, and we are on the same page on a lot of things. I would say he has a lot of similar things to my ex. Examples include, having the same name, playing the same video games.. possibly both like playing DND and both know a lot about computers and building computers.

They also both have a fun button up collection. I’ve hung out with Ron a few times are it went Amazing, we are on the same page with a lot of things and I felt really connected, I haven’t felt that way since my first love. It was nerve-racking and exciting. I’ve never been in a relationship with someone I wasn’t already in love with. But it was so cool.. going slow and taking my time while not feeling judged for not being over my ex or anything. It was so cool to find someone that actively wanted to heal with me. We went on a date and it was great, a lot of fun. He bought me a poetry book because he knew how much words on a page mean to me. And we hung out a few times after that… until I went over to his house. I went over, and we watched a show.. and we might have escalated. I DIDNT HAVE SEX. I want to make that clear, I can’t have sex with someone I’m not in love with, and honestly right now.. that’s the only reminder I have of my ex, that he will always have me in that way. And I’m okay with that, even if he doesn’t take it as serious. After it happened I was disappointed. It was nothing likw how I was used to being treated.. no aftercare or cleanup.. nothing. It made me feel honestly used and scared, but that’s something I have to get used to now. And ever since he took me home.. I haven’t heard from him. He ghosted me completely. And and wait for it

The same night I match with my ex on bumble. HE SWIPED ON ME FIRST?!?

I know he did it just to fuck with me… or did he?

So now to the present, crying in my bed calling my friends bc the one boy I fell in love with is moving on, and good for him.. he deserves it. But fuck does it hurt. Why? Why should it hurt? Yes I’m over him in a relationship sense. I’m not over the pain he put me through and didn’t want to take accountability for. He ruined me and destroyed me? I guess that’s what unconditional love is. Loving someone that doesn’t love you back anymore. While also crying after opening up to someone for the first time just to find out he was a fuckboy and just wanted to do or say anything to get a girl naked in his bed to add to the list of tally’s. I’m glad I didn’t have sec with him, but disappointed about not having the possibility of talking and getting into a relationship again, because I truly think we could’ve been good in a relationship. He had good communication, and he’s never been in love before, so it was new and scary to him, and I’m scared bc I’ve been in love and terrified to be loved again. I guess that’s what’s important in relationships is to balance each other out.

I just wish I was worth it. Another tally to add to my “not worth it” list.

And on top of that.. I got dropped by a modelling agency.

This week can’t get more fucked.