littlerecortings

[littlerecortings]

tawg 4sep2018

Matthew 5:3 

NIV - Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

NLT - God blesses those who are poor and realise their need for him, for the kingdom of heaven is theirs. 

Blessing: - Jesus came to bless us.  - He blesses us out of love, not out of our works. The beatitudes describe a state of being or a state of the heart/spirit, and with no need to earn any of his blessings, Jesus blesses us. 

John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and life to the full” 

Greek word of Blessing: Makarios - The state of satisfaction experiencing the fullness of God 

“life to the full“ -- being able to experience the fullness of God in all areas of my life - then wouldn’t everything I do bring me joy, regardless of what is it that I am doing? - STRUGGLE: I can experience God in all things I do, even if I do what I want and not what God wants me to do; but only if I do what that is in God’s will that I can experience the FULLNESS of Him.  

Questions for myself:  - Can I fully claim and believe that Jesus wants to pour out blessings into my life? - What is one moment where I experienced the fullness of God? Can I be satisfied by it?

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tawg 30aug2018

John 1:

Jesus is the word 

God:  v4 “In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.” 

- Jesus continually shines on us, within us - loving us - even when we don’t understand him; even when when as a result of not understanding him, his plans, his blessings, the situations he has placed in your life that we defy and blame him, he still wants to shine and breakthrough in our pain 

Me: v13 I am born of God

- God created me, just the way I am - God wants me  - I am his child  - God specially chose me to be here, at this Time, experiencing everything I am experiencing 

Promises: v16 “From the fullness of His grace we have all receive one blessing after another.”

God, open my eyes and reveal to me what blessings you have given me.  - Blessing my mom’s business so that we live in comfort and have the resources to deal with each eczema flare up - Blessing me with a good Christian community, friends who won’t judge and truly cares -- Jess, Hazel, Toby, Bamz, Wing, Vern, Hannah

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Staying Relevant

I do realise for a bit now that ig is me staying relevant to my friends and people I’m interested in, while blogging is me staying relevant to myself. 

It is this season of eczema flare up (first time to my face; I’m guessing it’s half a steroid withdrawal too), being destabilized, that I fully acknowledge the emotional capacity I have to invest into things; I only have this much capacity for myself, my family, my church, and my few important friends. Other friends, they are peripherals, and I unfortunately have to give up staying relevant to them -- by updating my ig, asking them out, texting them, etc. 

Of course I know that the underlying emotion of acknowledgement is a fear of rejection, or not meeting their expectations of a worthy friend; this could very possibly be my own os in my mind, but I before i deal with the foundation issue -- loving myself -- I do not have the energy to expend to deal with this. 

I cannot fully love and accept myself. Not when I feel so uncomfortable in my own skin; not when my body is giving me such pain and turmoil. So I sadly have to stop being relevant to my friends, but give all to myself. Thus I’m back  this blog. 

“Because the mind is a battlefield.“ I created this blog in 2014/15, when I was in NBS year 1 -- arguably one of the most challenging period of my life (that is not related to my skin). Hence now, when I have come back to this space 3-4 years later, reading the blog tagline again, I found such resonance with the Me from 3-4 years ago. I have definitely changed a lot, but at the same time, fundamentally, I am still struggling with the same issue: wanting to be a particular ideal version of myself and yet finding it so very difficult to work towards it, and hence I’m unable to accept and love myself. 

I need to recover. It will take time, but I know I will. I know it my spirit that it has to first start from harnessing the power of the Holy Spirit, knowing how to truly rely on God’s strength, and detoxifying my gut through colon irrigation. 

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2015 Resolutions

I can't remember exactly the last time I seriously made a new year resolution; I think it was a few years ago and because the past few years have been hugely underwhelming in terms of me accomplishing anything concrete in my life, I guess I have to get my game back on and just really snap out of this shit and the first change will be to make new year resolutions which I will seriously try to stick to.

Spiritual 

I'm starting with spiritual resolutions first because I believe if the spiritual aspect of my life is fulfilling, the rest of the resolutions will be taken care of. 

My general spiritual resolutions are to grow into a more mature and well-informed Christian, and develop a genuine and tangible relationship with God, so all these will help:

1. do TAWG everyday! 2. pray God into every aspect of my life 3. go for Introduction to the Trinitarian Family plus at least one more LEAD course 4. read 3 Christian books (first one: Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis) 5. go for Campus camp 6. bring 3 oikos to church and follow-up with them 

Studies

Simply (har-har) GPA >4.5 GET INTO ACTUARIAL SCIENCE which entail:

1. make notes on chapters before the lecture/seminar 2. finish all tutorials and seminar practices on time 3. put in more effort and weight for projects/reports/presentations 4. finish homework or revision before slacking 5. do extra practices for each topic and progress should be in tandem with tutorial/seminar pace

Hall/CAC/Alumni/Piano Commitments

1. plan well such that all these commitments won't compromise one another or studies 2. get at least 5 more sponsors for CAC card 3. pass grade 7 piano exams with merit 4. put in more concrete effort into Alumni youth wing activities and lead members well 5. connect more with young alumni members

Personal/Family Life

1. make more friends in Uni - move beyond small talk and hanging out in class! 2. remember birthdays and buy gifts on time 3. grow closer to dad and bro 4. share the gospel with mom, dad and bro 5. lose weight to 47kg!!

and finally,

LIVE LIFE WITH MORE PASSION AND PURPOSE!!

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"If you could give one piece of advice to a large group of people, what would it be?" "Well, I’m a Christian, so I’d say love one another." "What do you find hardest about loving other people?" "Well, I grew up in Savannah, Georgia, so I’d say prejudice."

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It’s always surprising to me how many young women think they have to be perfect. I rarely meet a young man who doesn’t think he already is.

Hillary Clinton speaking at Simmons Leadership Conference 

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My personality:

I’m loud.

I’m obnoxious.

I’m sarcastic.

I’m cocky.

I cry easily.

I have a bad temper.

I’m easy to get along with.

I have more enemies than friends.

I’ve smoked.

I’ve smoked weed.

I drink coffee.

I clean my room daily

My appearance:

I wear a piece of jewelry at all times.

I wear makeup.

I wear contacts.

I wear glasses.

I have braces.

I change my hair colour often.

I straighten my hair often.

I have a piercing.

I have small feet.

Relationships:

I’m in a relationship now.

I’m single.

I’m crushin’.

I’m always scared of being hurt.

An ex has physically abused me at least once.

I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.

I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.

I’ve been in love more than two times. 

I believe in love at first sight.

I believe lust is more important than love. 

Friendships:

I have a best friend. 

I have at least ten friends.

I’ve gotten a phone call in the last 48 hours from a friend.

I’ve beaten up a friend.

I’ve been in a serious fight with a friend.

Experiences:

I’ve been on a plane.

I’ve been on a train.

Someone close to me has passed away.

I’ve taken a taxi.

I’ve taken a city bus.

I’ve taken a school bus.

I’ve gone bungee jumping.

I’ve made a speech.

I’ve been in some sort of club.

I’ve won an award.

I’ve spent 24 Hours on the computer straight.

I’ve been in a physical fight. 

Music:

I listen to R&B.

I listen to country.

I listen to kpop

I listen to techno. 

I listen to rock. 

I’m one of those people who play songs repeatedly until I hate it.

I hate the radio. 

I download music.

I buy CD’s.

Television:

I spend at least six hours a day watching television.

I watch soap operas daily.

I’m in love with Days of Our Lives. 

I’ve seen and liked the O.C.

I’ve seen and liked One Tree Hill.

I’ve seen and liked Americas Next Top Model.

I’ve seen and liked Popular.

I’ve seen and liked 24.

I’ve seen and liked CSI.

I’ve seen and liked Law & Order: SVU.

Family Life:

I get along with both of my parents.

My biological parents are still together.

I have at least one brother.

I have at least one sister.

I have at least one step brother/sister.

I have at least one half brother/sister.

I’ve been kicked out of the house.

I’ve ran away from my home.

I’ve sworn at my parent(s).

I’ve made my parents cry.

I’ve lied to my parents.

I’ve lied to my parents about where I am.

I’ve lied to my parents about what I’m doing.

I’ve lied to my parents so I’d be allowed out.

I’ve walked out when I’ve been grounded.

Hair:

I’ve been brown. 

I’ve had streaks.

I’ve cut my hair in the past year.

I’ve dyed my hair in the past year.

I’ve been blonde.

I’ve had black. 

I’ve been red.

I’ve been light brown.

I’ve been blue/green.

I’ve gotten my hair thinned. 

I use conditioner.

I’ve used silk therapy.

I’ve used hot oil treatments.

I’ve curled my hair. 

I’ve straightened my hair. 

I’ve ironed my hair.

I’ve braided my hair.

School:

I’ve yelled at a teacher.

I’ve been suspended.

I’ve had an in-school suspension.

I’ve been sent to the principals office.

I’ve walked out of class.

I’ve skipped an entire day of school.

I’ve skipped a whole month of one certain class.

I’ve cheated on a test. 

I’ve helped someone else cheat on a test.

I’ve failed Art.

I’ve failed P.E.

I’ve failed math. 

I’ve failed another class.

A teacher has called my parents.

160614/15:26/know me, not.

[littlerecortings]

THIS IS THE SMOOTHEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN HTE FRICK

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"We’re eye doctors." "What’s something about the eye that most people don’t realize?" "The eye doesn’t see. The brain sees. The eye just transmits. So what we see isn’t only determined by what comes through the eyes. What we see is affected by our memories, our feelings, and by what we’ve seen before."

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I take pleasure in my transformations. I look quiet and consistent, but few know how many women there are in me.

Anaïs Nin (via misswallflower)

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HOW TO FLIRT IN A MUSEUM: Introduce yourself and then say ‘I would shake your hand but that signs says not to touch the masterpieces.’

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290514/10:46/what i should (not) be

i will try my best not to ever again be motivated by or judge a person with a clouded, senseless mind of envy because being envious prevents me from seeing what I already have, denies my shortcomings and makes me feel that I should be better, more often than not without solid effort to back this sense of superiority up. 

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And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.

Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore (via larmoyante)

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170514/15:57/straightening things

Once again I have to remind myself that going to church is for God, not for friends.

So first learn to built a church in your heart. 

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140514/12:22/about myself

Marcus is doing up the alumni website and told me to send him a write up of myself including my current status, schools after Northland, CCAs, interest and hobbies, 3 interesting facts about myself and my favourite book. Oh, plus a casual photo. So I did: 

Yun Ting is a (proud) ex-Andersonian and ex-Victorian, 19.

Currently awaiting the start of university, she spends much of her free time cafe-hopping, reading and watching cartoons like Avatar: The Last Airbender. She tries to exercise regularly, but realises no amount of her feeble attempts can let her regain her former fitness of when she was a badminton player in secondary school. She dabbles in music too - like how she did in junior college when she was a double bass player in Chinese Orchestra - and most recently, she is deliberating whether she should learn a new instrument.

She has been a Science student all her life, even though she feel that she is more suited for the Arts. If there is one thing she could eat forever, it will probably be red globe grapes. Also, she would like to believe she loves reading because it sounds more intellectual, and so by extension, her favourite book will be Jonathan Safran Foer's Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close.