littlewordsbysolveig

[littlewordsbysolveig]

AU: Clarke made it back in time

She can almost feel the heat radiating off the earth. She and Bellamy watch silently as their short taste of freedom burns down below. She can’t believe that she is up here again, it feels like the cruelest punishment possible after all they did to fight for a new home on earth. Bellamy hands her the bottle without a comment and she takes it from him and tries not to think about her mum, tries not to calculate in her head how thick the walls of a bunker have to be to withstand a hellfire like this.

The first night, they all sleep huddled up together in the hallway, not yet accepting their new home to actually move into it. It takes her a long time to fall asleep, it’s just so strange to think that they won’t be needing any guards or nightshifts.

She is so thankful about the other seven, she likes their constellation for some reason, couples and singles, men and woman, grounders and skaikru. A certain determinations settles in those first days because there is no way that they won’t make it down again.

The first weeks go by easy, there is just so much to plan and Clarke enjoys it because it makes the days go by so fast. It is almost to simple to get the ring back up for their needs, there is plenty of water still in the system and they can allow themselves to be generous with it, even if it’s recycled pee. They have electricity, the algae farm keeps growing, and after the first three weeks, their to-do list is finished. Except for Raven and Monty, who begin to plan their return back to earth, there is nothing to do anymore. Clarke tries to develop a routine to make the days go by, but there is barely anything to fill her schedule with except cleaning or watering the algae farm. She tries books and movies, plenty of them left up here, but her mind is still too programmed to earth to stick to a subject. The others adapt much quicker, Harper and Bellamy take up jogging and run endless rounds around the ark while Murphy starts to teach Emori and Echo how to read.

„You’ll find something“, Bellamy says one evening, as Clarke watches Murphy explain the difference between upper case and lower case.

„Thanks.“, says Clarke and tries to read the title of the book that he is reading. „But I don’t think I am desperate enough to read about the Roman Empire.“

„I won‘t try to convince you to dive into books again, don’t worry.“ says Bellamy with a little smirk. He points his head towards a pen lying on a nearby table: „Why don’t you draw? I didn’t search for all these pencils just for Murphy to use them up with his horrible handwriting.“

Clarke eyes the pencil for a long time. „I don’t know.. There is nothing up here that I‘d want to capture. No moments to enjoy or remember. Just endless waiting. It feels like sketching it would make it even longer.“

„Didn’t you sketch in your prison cell? That doesn’t seem like a moment to remember either.“

„That was different. I did it to stay sane. Boredom can lead to severe mental illness, especially in a prison cell.“

Bellamy watches her for a moment. „Sorry. At least you ran with us today. I’m sure it will help with your insomnia.“

She nods and watches Monty, Raven and Harper play cards. Running is an option, but it was almost driving her crazy to see the same hallway again and again. She wonders if Bellamy and Harper feel the same way about it and are just strong enough to ignore it. Like every evening, she almost asks Bellamy to play chess with her, but she doesn’t think she can play without crying herself to sleep later on her mattress. It’s ironic, she used to feel so safe up here, but now that she is back it only reminds her of how things that will never be the same again. She puts stretches out on the sofa that they are sitting on and puts her head on Bellamy’s leg. „Since you have the most boring book I can think of, why don’t you read to me? I am sure that will help me fall asleep.“

„I’ll give it my best shot.“

She starts to make up and write exercise sheets for Emori and Echo, since Murphy’s handwriting really is horrible. Combined with some running, the task is enough to get her through the day. Although she still can’t read more than three pages, she starts to enjoy listening to Bellamy read, even though his choice of books is questionable. Whenever he starts reading, she feels weird to stare at him, so she picks up knitting to keep her eyes on some other spot than his face. She had never given much thought about it, but up her she discovers that no place on this stupid ring seems to calm her like his presence. With nothing to talk about due to the lack of things happening, being alone with one of the others always feels forced and weird to her, but Bellamy knows just how to radiate the right kind of silence. He doesn’t seem to mind that she searches his presence more often, as they are usually the last ones to go to bed. His room is next to hers, so every night they silently walk back from their common area and he leaves with a soft „Night.“

The couples, spending even more time together with other people than the rest of the six, soon start to annoy each other. Clarke feels sorry that all the details and privacy of their relationships are so public up here. She feels like watching a daily documentary on their relationships and can’t help but compare them. While Emori and Murphy are fighting loud and mean, Harper and Monty are silent and nonverbal. One evening, Monty tells the rest of them why Harper can’t get up sometimes, and Clarke feels guilty to complain when Harper is struggling so much more than she is. She asks Echo to teach Harper how to fight, and the sparring seems to help her a little bit. One night, when Echo comes back from a session with Harper just to find Clarke left in the common area, she hesitates for a moment before stepping in.

„Can I talk to you?“

„Sure“, Clarke says, although she can’t think of a single thing to talk about with Echo.

„I was thinking about Bellamy lately, if he’ll have me as a mate if I were to try.“

Clarke stares speechless at Echo’s poker face as dread begins to fill her, although she doesn’t know why.

„It would be most unwise to make Wanheda angry, so I thought I’d ask you first“, Echo continues.

„Why?“, Clarke manages to say. „He can do whatever he wants.“

„I know. Doesn’t mean you or him won’t regret it later. Just think about the next years for a moment.“

Clarke tries. She thinks about Bellamys soft voice whishing her good night, how it would feel to hear it while falling asleep next to him. A longing she had long forgotten arises inside her chest that makes her looks up at Echo.

„Stay away from him.“