livingathomesucks-blog

[livingathomesucks-blog]

Leave A Note, Choke A Bitch

So after a month of not posting here (or almost a month) I logged on in the middle of my mom lecturing me on how I have to leave her a note as to where I'm going if I take the car.

I was supposed to go out with friends, and thinking we were not going anywhere close someone was coming to pick me up. (See: My parents don't trust me with their fucking car)

However it was decided we were going to go down to the local hole to eat, and I couldn't reason someone picking me up to go 3 minutes down the road, so I drove.

And now my mom is telling me I have to leave a note.  What am I, an alzheimer's patient?

I probably should have left a note because my night was fucking terrible and they would have been able to save me.  I couldn't piss for 2 hours straight because my friend was acting like a damn cunt and being a ho patrol.  And I ain't no Captain Save-A-Ho.

Oh wait...Part 2...now I have to take care of my dog because my parents are too fucking incompetent to dry her off because my dad wants to take a shower after he rolls on this weird styrofoam cylinder that's been in our living room for weeks.

[livingathomesucks-blog]

ahhhhhh

ok, so i dont have to be at work until this afternoon.  i slept in.

took two steps outside my bedroom door and almost wet myself when the house alarm started going off.

so within 3.5 minutes of getting out of my slumber i was out of breath, red in the face, and still had to pee.

[livingathomesucks-blog]

Shut up about your dead people

tonight my mom complained that nobody told her that some lady that used to be in her bowling league but isnt because she hated it's husband died and she was all fucking pissed because NO ONE CALLED HER.  she doesnt hang with the bowling ladies outside of...bowling.  so really? who the fuck would call you to tell you?  shut the fuck up!

[livingathomesucks-blog]

my mother is a fucking bitch!

can't i make a quesadilla without getting fucking yelled at?

can't we watch tv without you adding your own fucking commentary? 

and of course my responses to your yelling at me is me yelling at you.  bitch.

bitch.

bitch.

[livingathomesucks-blog]

Is it so much to ask you to buy me a car

Last night I was supposed to go out to see my friend in a show.  We were all going out to get dinner beforehand, but OF COURSE, god forbid I take the car and drive myself.  I feel like Miss Daisy, no one wants me to drive their car.  I've never been in an accident, I have no idea why they are so protective -wait, yes I do.

My mom got rear ended by some old fuck who decided to file with his insurance so that they would pay for the repairs, which was...dents in the bumper.  After we finally got the car back a week and a half later my mom lectured me on how I need to be careful driving, and watch where I park in parking lots.

To which I responded:

I wasn't the one who was in an accident. 

[livingathomesucks-blog]

I've Lost My Appetite

So my mom just got back from shopping, because of course, I live in one of those places when there's an impending threat of DOOM (a.k.a. snowy precipitate) the next day, the entire fucking state has to go buy pickled cherry peppers or something.  So as my mom is listing off the things we can have for dinner, I walk out of the room to my dad mooning me.

Dad: "I'm a plumber, I can't cook!" 

[livingathomesucks-blog]

Fucking Really?

Tonight I was supposed to go out drinking with some of my coworkers.  In the world of retail, most of the time, you never work the same shift/hours with the people you actually like, so I'm usually going home for a bit to sit in my pj's and then going out later on that night.

As my dad goes to bed I tell him I'm probably going out to which he says,

No. That means you have to set the alarm when you come back and wake me up. No.

To which I loudly played the song "Fuck You" by Cee-Lo Green.