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So, it's been a while.
And I was going back and forth with how to address this, and what I should do as a next step.
February is my busiest month for work, and it is also the start of track practice every single day after work. I have been pretty non stop between the two of those, in addition to my personal music picking up, hosting showcases has picked up, and the LLC has kept me busy as well.
This blog has meant a lot to me. I told myself that I would write here 365 days. Well, things change.
It's been hard for me to accept that I simply am not able to keep up with this. At least not every single day. For a while I felt an immense amount of guilt, and I would try to create drafts and play catch up. I have come to the realization that it's actually a beautiful thing. In the beginning, I NEEDED this. I felt like I couldn't get through a day without talking about my day. I felt like I needed to talk myself through things, talk to James. And candidly, I think about him every day. All the time. That has not stopped. I still even talk to him.
My world is still incomplete. I have learned that there are things that time doesn't heal, but there are things that make the pain more manageable.
I was reading my first entry on this blog, about how I couldn't wait for the day where the pain just wasn't as painful. Slowly but surely I am getting there. Slowly but surely I am feeling more and more grateful for the life I had with James, and appreciative of the opportunity to love him, and be loved by him. I still have my days where I am in full tears on the floor though. I have my moments where I still feel like I want to die.
It's been such a rollercoaster, and for those of you who have kept up with this blog / have checked on it, that means the world to me.
Thank you for all of your love and support. It has kept me here. Truly.
I know that I have been open about my own ideations with suicide. After James died, I wanted to die too. I don't think that's abnormal. BUT, I have to live. God has a plan for each of us, and in the season that we may not understand, we have to release that control and truly "let go and let God".
This does not mean that this blog is ending. This just means that I will come here when I feel like I need a space to talk about how my life is going, and continue to process my grief.
James, my sweetest James.
You give me so much strength. You have caused me so much pain and confusion. I desperately miss you, and have had to learn to live without you. It's felt like an impossible task at times. In the moments where I have felt my absolute lowest, I feel you pushing me to keep going. You are forever in my heart, and you will continue to live on through myself and the people who loved you.
There have also been the horrible people. Who you would likely call cunts. Well, I am doing my best to show them grace, and not waste my energy on their ignorance. It's been quite the journey to navigate relationships after losing you. People thinking I should have just moved on after a couple months, etc.
There are also a lot of people who also just don't know your story. They only saw you happy. Or, they never knew you had any struggles with addiction, etc. It can be tough for me to try and explain to them.
All of this to say that each of us is complex. And we just need to be loved. Feel loved. Experience genuine love. You always told me that you never felt real, genuine love until you met me. I feel so grateful that you felt that way. I would have done it over and over again. I do recognize that (from the addiction standpoint) that was unhealthy, but it's true. I know you loved me, so much. I was never loved by anyone how you loved me. I really felt it. I know that you still are loving me from afar.
If there is one thing that James would never want for me, it's to stop living. Not even in the literal sense, but meaning he would want me to keep going. He would want me to work full time, work on my music, coach, eventually find love again, have a family, etc. Candidly it still hurts when I realize I will never see him again. And that the dream that I held so tightly for over 2 years was taken in a moment. And I can never get it back.
I have to make lemonade from the lemons. There are so many things in life that are still sweet. There is so much that I have to offer the world. He'll be right there with me the entire way.
So, I am not sure when I will be back. But, just know, this is me trying. And growing. And learning to live with losing you.
All things considered, I think I am doing a pretty damn good job. I know you're proud of me.
I will always love you, James Burton Nichols. One of the best friends I will have in this life. A love and a bond that will never truly die.
Rest in Peace, Butthead <3 10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 02/04/2023
Today was such a fun day!
Well, besides the fact that I had to pay almost $400 to renew registration. But lol it is what it is. Which reminds me, I really need to pay that exit ticket. Anyway, Logan and I were supposed to go to sand fest today, but when we pulled up, The line was literally wrapped around the entire stadium. We ultimately decided that we did not want to do that, so we drove up north about 40 minutes to the Carlsbad outlets and I ended up taking him on a little shopping spree for his birthday. He got a cool pair of dunks, a couple hats, and a shirt. It was a lot of fun to hang out with him, catch up, and just talk. Since he’s getting older, we don’t really get to spend as much time together. We definitely had a ton of fun.
Something that did come up was the fact that he was going to be going snowboarding on Monday. You and I were supposed to take him for his birthday last year, before the relapse happened. Well, since you had all brand new gear and your boards were pretty much brand new, before I took Logan home I had him come over and he tried on some stuff. It’ll fit him, so I gave him all your stuff. I know it’s the right thing to do. And honestly, it made me really happy to do that. I know that if you could communicate with me that was what you would’ve wanted for it. You would’ve wanted that board to be used, your new outfit to be used, and your other stuff as well. You had so much stuff lol it was crazy. I did keep your original board that you had used primarily. Logan was so excited though, I can’t wait to see the pictures from when they go on Monday.
After that, him and I went to pick up In-N-Out for us and the family, then I went to my parents house and we ate dinner. Then I left and headed home. I was just a bit in my feels with everything, so I took out a box of your stuff. Sometimes I’ll do that to create space for myself to grieve. Well, latte snuggled right into it and I started crying. We all miss you a lot. You were something special. Our relationship was not always the healthiest thing with the alcoholism, but there were good parts. Very beautiful, very wonderful parts. Things that I cherish forever. I really wish I could’ve seen your snowboard just one time. But, now I get to see my little brother snowboard and honor you doing it, and that makes me really happy.
I think that makes you happy too.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 02/03/2023
I did end up traveling for work today.
I went to two of our locations, one in Del Mar and the other in Encinitas. I had a couple meetings and things to address, so I wanted to do a check in.
It conveniently worked out, because I was able to go and see my brother Dar and his kiddos, as well as treat myself to a delicious dinner right before that honestly, I really can’t believe that those boys are already gonna be turning four this year. It’s pretty wild. And if you’re wondering, yes, I also got myself dessert with my dinner. Don’t get it twisted.
After I left Dars, I rushed back down south to catch Logan‘s soccer game. It was nice to see him play, it’s always fun to hang out, despite how cold it is. Also, Logan is just been playing extremely well, so I’m super proud of him.
Tomorrow I am planning on taking Logan to Fan Fest for the Padres. I have a feeling it’s going to be pretty crazy, but it should be fun. It’ll be worth it.
I really loved when we would go to padres games. We had a lot of fun. I’ll never forget when you snuck away and bought me a foam finger because he knew that I really wanted one. You really had such a sweet heart. I miss the little things.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 02/02/2023
Today was similar to yesterday, lots of meetings and follow up. Also had track today. This blog is gonna be a little short since there isn’t much to report.
Today, the meetings for a little more serious. I had some things come up that I’ve had to address over the last couple of days. I think it’s just the time of year and honestly this time as always super busy with random stuff. Anyway, handled a lot of stuff for work and felt very productive today. Trying to get as much as I can done before I have to travel a bunch this month.
Today’s practice was great. They just did a road run essentially. The funny incident that happened to me was actually after practice, I was in the weight room with the team and we were about to leave and the students came in. I told them that we were about to leave and that they were not allowed to be in there without a coach, and they were kind of puzzled and confused as to where the coach was. This is another sign that I need to start wearing my badge lol this happens to me a lot.
It has been nice to be back in San Diego because I couldn’t really run in Kentucky since it was too cold. Hoping that I can keep this up, since I’ve run both days. I really need to start training for this work 5K that I signed up for the other day as well. If I didn’t mention that lol.
Also, one last thing to add, I think I mentioned this but I packed a little treat thing that we used to get a Biggie in Latte when we lived together and they both “loved “it. Well, looks like biggie was lying lol he was just doing it because Latte liked it. Such a Biggie move lol
Miss our little family. Love you.
Rest in peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 02/01/2023
Right back into the swing of things!
Nothing crazy to report for today. Just back to work after traveling most of yesterday evening. I had a lot of meetings, in preparation for other meetings. That’s just the HR life. I think it’s really just work life now post pandemic.
I did use my lunch break to record a little bit of the song that I wrote. I posted it, and I got a lot of good feedback. Here are the lyrics:
I walked around town
Just to hear every sound from the side walk
Took a deep breath and tried to avoid every dive bar
Causal conversations, stop lights turning green
Does anyone know what it’s like to be, me?
I walked around town
Just to hear every sound from the sidewalk
I drove up 101 to see the west coast for the first time
I stopped at the beach where you and I went to breathe for the last time
The waves hit the shore, gentle breeze on my face
It’s simply a feeling that one can’t replace
I drove up 101 to see the west coast for the last time.
Really felt this one.
I was excited today because it was my first time coming back to track practice. I hadn’t seen the athletes in a little over 10 days, so I was excited to jump right in. One of my groups had a work out, so I was able to help them time. The students wanted to see my tattoos cause I had told him I was getting them. All in all, just a pretty standard day. I wouldn’t say the greatest day, but it was a good day. I’ll take that. The only complaint I have is that it was freezing cold at the track. It’s pretty incredible how cold it gets there lol.
Something else that does it heavy on my heart is that I always used to call you when I would drive home from coaching last track season. I miss being able to do that. I miss being able to randomly call you and tell you something goofy that happened to me. I guess this is my way to do that. Love you.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/31/2023
Last day in Kentucky! It’s definitely bittersweet.
I won’t be back until the summer, so trying to soak it all in. I did have a busy morning with meetings, and luckily I ended up staying up pretty late to finish the packing last night. I had your dad‘s FJ, so the plan was to have all my stuff, go to your dads to drop it off/set aside some of the Legos for me to be shipped eventually, and then he would take me to the airport to go.
Before I got to his house though, I wanted to stop at your gravesite one last time. Especially because I wouldn’t be there for another six months or so. I feel a sense of peace and I go in and visit you, which makes me feel more serene in myself. It’s pretty incredible though, because the roses that I bought you when I landed last of the entire time. The dinosaur too of course lol.
One of the first Legos you built when we started dating was at your dad‘s house, so I put that aside. Along with a couple other ones that I got you as gifts. I display our Legos, I think it’s really cool. Other people might think that’s kind of lame, but I really love having those things because it makes me smile.
Anyway, your dad dropped me off, I quickly got through security, and I had a little bit of time to wait before my flight. There was an adorable puppy that just happened to go through security and happen to be in my gate. It was a little white lab. It made me think of Sadie, and how when we got her you were so excited.
When I was at the house I found your old iPod from high school. I was looking through it and saw your soccer highlight senior video. I was cracking up. You were so funny and so adorable. High school Madison would’ve been obsessed and would’ve had the biggest crush on you. It was just really cool to see younger Jake. Not sure if I mentioned this, I might have, but I also was able through your high school yearbooks. It was just really cool to see how involved you are as well.
Anyway, got on the plane, got off in Atlanta to then rushed to my next flight from Atlanta to San Diego. I was almost late. It’s stressful how little time they give you lol.
Luckily when I got back to San Diego I was in a better mental state. Typically when I land, I am pretty depressed candidly. This time, for whatever reason I feel a little more hopeful. Maybe that’s the time speaking for itself. I think about you pretty constantly to be honest. I don’t know really when I stop thinking about you. I just miss you. I cried a little bit. But that’s expected.
I jump right into track practices and a super busy work schedule. Pray for me lol or send good vibes from heaven.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols.
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/30/2023
Busy day!
I wouldn’t expect anything less from my last day in Kentucky. Ended up working a lot of hours today. Honestly, more than I would’ve liked. And it was crazy because I was supposed to take a half day, but I didn’t because I need to onboard somebody. Well, that person ended up not actually starting with us.
I was excited because it was not too cold to run! I just went on the short barely sub 2 mile run. It was brisk, but running in Kentucky is a feeling like no other.
Honestly, I’m kind of glad that I worked today though. I had a lot to do and I would’ve been very behind if I took some of the day off. I just worked from your mom‘s house and chatted with her in between the meetings when I could. This evening I had plans to meet up with your family to grab dinner. It was really nice to see everybody, they’re just good people. And of course we ended up going to Bru burger. I had asked about Puccini‘s but since one of your cousins works there, I swapped it to Bru burger. I mean, I could eat there multiple days a week and I proved that lol.
I had gotten a notification that my flight might be delayed due to weather. Is it sad that I was kind a hoping it would be? Every time I have to leave I don’t want to.
Anyway, just hanging out. My buddy asked me to FaceTime so I FaceTimed with him tonight while I packed (well, started to). I have so much to pack lol it’s pretty amazing, but I think I can do it. I had to leave a few things last time, but I want to try to get everything in this load since I will not be back for about six months or so.
Love you long time.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/29/2023
What a fun filled day!
This morning your mom and I made her famous dark chocolate cherry scones. It was really fun to cook those with her. They turned out really well!
I also briefly saw your dad this morning. He looked very upset. It can be hard to see your parents struggling, but we all are in our own ways.
After that stuff in the morning, I went to the studio for pretty much most of the day. I was there from around 11 AM till almost 7 PM. But we are finally done recording!!! This is so wild. I can’t wait to hear the final product of these songs, and I can’t wait to finally have actual music on streaming platforms. This whole process for me has been extremely bittersweet, because I hate that it took losing you to act on some of the things that I should’ve just been doing anyway. I know that you’re looking down and you’re so proud. You always wanted me to pursue music more. You always encouraged me and you truly were one of my biggest cheerleaders, I really miss that.
After the studio I picked up your cousin and we briefly went to your grandmas because I realized I forgot your puffer jacket that I wear almost every day there. I ended up taking him to Bru Burger where I met Will and Ethan. Yes, I had bru burger 2 to 3 days in a row lol No shame. He ordered dessert and I ordered basically two meals lol it was a lot of food. #FullSendsOnly
After that, I dropped him back off at his house and went in to talk to your aunt for a little while. It was nice to talk with them.
I figured since it was the only night I could that I would go see my intern friend that really helped me with this album before I left. We just hung out and played music. It was nice.
Time got away from me though, and it is super late so I need to go to bed. One more full day in Kentucky, I miss it already lol I haven’t even left yet. There’s just something about this place that’s really special, besides the fact that you’re here.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/28/2023
Today was day two of the conference. Luckily the roads were clear and the weather was much nicer.
Today’s program was a little shorter, which was good because I wasn’t feeling super hot. I think I’m just exhausted from going pretty nonstop since I got here. I had planned on leaving early, but I didn’t up staying the entire time. I did use the lunchtime today to go and grab Starbucks. I had also packed my breakfast/lunch which was a great decision because there was literally nothing for me to eat lol. it’s honestly a little bit better sweet that this conference is over, because I have been looking forward to it for so long. I am very excited with everything that I’ve learned and I can’t wait to apply it to my business.
I drove back to your moms to take a little nap before then going to see your grandma. It was actually really nice to see her, we had a good conversation and talked about you. My heart just breaks for your family every day. You were something special. I wish you saw it. She has the cutest dog, but he is pretty hyper. Probably a little bit too High energy for your grandma, but she somehow makes it work. After I saw your grandma die went back to your moms and I’m just hanging out. I was considering going out with Isabella, but I’m pretty wiped. I’ll have to see how I feel.
I’m going to sign off for now. Only a few more days left in Kentucky, which makes me sad because I know that I only have a little bit of time left and a long time not coming back. I don’t plan on coming back until the anniversary of your passing.
Love you.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/27/2023
What a day!
This morning, I was gearing up to go to the conference, put on one of my favorite outfits ever, I was feeling good, and got in your dad‘s FJ to drive to the conference. Well, it had rained and kind of snowed the night prior, so the roads were a little slick. Allegedly there was black eyes. Anyway, I was going down Man o’ War Boulevard and I went to press the brakes, and the car was not stopping. Well, I kept pressing the brakes and tapping them and nothing was working still so I had a choice to make. I either ran into the vehicle in front of me, or I swerved out of the way.  Where I had to swerve there were 4 to 5 street sign/polls. I figured hitting a pole would be better than hitting a car, so I swerved. I started to slide and somehow started spinning and managed to dodge every single pole in the process, even missed hitting the fence or any trees. I literally hit nothing. I did end up blocking part of the road on for sales, just based on how I span and where I landed. In a weird way, I was very Zen. I felt so out of control but I think relinquishing that feeling and acknowledging that whatever was going to happen to me or the vehicle was going to happen really helped. I will say, when I looked down I noticed that the vehicle was in neutral. I did not put the vehicle in neutral though. More on that later.
I ended up driving back to your moms in the FJ very slowly, and grabbed her car instead. Even driving her vehicle there there was a little bit of black ice issue, but it was a lot better. I made it to the conference just in time and sat next to a woman who is a pharmacist and a recovering addict. Her friend is also a pharmacist in recovery attic, but she came later because the traffic was so bad. There were a lot of people that were over an hour late to the conference. I just was grateful that I was able to not get in an accident that morning, but also attend on time.
I learned so much, and it really got me excited about making a difference and trying to do some thing about recovery and the barriers surrounding it. I won’t go over all the details, but day one was extremely informative, and I am so excited for day two. I’ve already made some really great connections. One of them being this guy named Bruce that I met who runs/helps With AA in Louisville.
He was very kind, and we had a great conversation. He is a retired schoolteacher and used to be in finance. So he understood what it was like to completely change paths. Anyway, I told him about the incident with the car this morning, and he had said unprompted without me even mentioning the car was a neutral that the car should be in neutral when that happens. I just feel very protected in that moment, I know that it’s a God thing, but also I do believe that guardian angels are a thing and I feel like you’re watching out for me and that brings me joy in my heart.
After day one guy went home very briefly to freshen up because I actually had plans to meet with Will and Ethan for dinner. It was really great to see them, and Haylee. Unfortunately Ethan‘s wife was unable to make it.
It’s truly meant a lot to me, how your family and friends have been so kind and supportive. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure, and I’m sure it is for them as well. We all love you so much and miss you so dearly. You had no idea how special you were, and I wish you knew that. Even when I tell you, it was like you didn’t believe me. I hope you hear me say it now and believe it.
I went to your grave tonight as well after meeting your friends. Somehow my roses are still pretty intact! I’ll post a picture. Pretty impressive for being there for about a week.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/26/2023
I got a mood ring! Yay! And other stuff.
I started off my morning with working a little bit, and then picking up your dad to take him to an appointment. While he was there, I went to Coffee Times and Street Scene. I (of course) got a drink and a muffin that ended up being super delicious, along with a mood ring. This was your favorite coffee shop, and every time I go there I think about where you and I sat. It’s imprinted in my mind.
I also took the opportunity to get the microwave this morning! This was very exciting. Your dad‘s appointment took a little bit longer than expected, so I ended up actually working from his office because I had a few back to back meetings pretty much by the time we got there. The first thing I did when we got to the office we set up the microwave though. I am still stoked about it. Anyway, I was in my meetings and luckily your dad was able to drop me off some lunch since he was able to leave the office. Working from your dads office is really nice, the aesthetic in there is cool. Also, I think it’s really nice that your dad‘s partner/coworkers care and ask me how I’m doing. He has a good community there.
After that, I headed back to your moms. We ended up making a quiche for dinner and it was delicious. Really a quiche is good any meal.
Tomorrow is CAPTASA which I am beyond excited for!!!
I wanna try and get a decent night sleep if I can. We will see how that goes. I know this blog is short, but oh well. It’s the thought that counts.
Rest In Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
PS I love the horses.
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Living with Losing You - 01/25/2023
I am beyond excited about these tattoos!
I started off my day with having to log into work, and had some meetings to kick off the day. I feel like I have a lot of meetings, that’s pretty typical. Anyway, I used my lunch break to get my tattoos. Since I did not get one last time, I made up for it and got to this time. Both of these tattoos I have wanted since I was 19, but I was always too scared to commit to them. Now that I had one tattoo, it made it a lot easier for me to get these two done.
I’ll post a picture, but one tattoo is a heart made of music notes, and the next tattoo was a little cross on my wrist. I am already planning the other tattoos that I want lol. I will say, the tattoo on my arm definitely hurt the most, the wrist was not too bad.
After the tattoo I came back to your moms and continued to work.
This evening, I went and picked up your dad from the airport. I could tell he was struggling, and ended up talking with him just about your loss and just grief in general. It’s really hard to navigate at times, and it feels very overwhelming at the same time.
It’s confusing because there is complete anguish, but there is also at times frustration at the fact that you chose to leave. And I think it’s OK that we feel that at times.
I ended up still going to the store to grab a few things, your mom and I wanted to bake a couple things before I left. i’ve actually been pretty good about eating in on this trip so far.
Looks like I am taking your dad to a doctors appointment tomorrow morning, so I need to go to bed even though it’s super late and I cannot adjust to the time lol
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/24/2023
Studio Day!!! And Better Help Therapy day!
Well, and work day. I did a few things today. I had a bit of a busy day with work, we have a lot of initiatives going on. I just ended up working from your mom’s house versus going to your dad’s office at this point.
Therapy went well. We dove into family to start, which, if you know me is a little complicated. I liked her approach though, and she provided me with worksheets on boundaries and then forgiveness (for myself). I am very god at giving everyone around me grace. When it comes to myself, I am too critical and unforgiving. Things to work on. A work in progress, but I am trying.
Speaking of your dad’s office... IT HAPPENED. I went to drop him off at the airport in the morning, and he gave me the “go” to buy the offie a microwave. Fought the battle and eventually won the war. Man, what a victory. Unfortunately I didn’t have time to go and get it today, but I plan to ASAP. I am beyond excited to see what they say!!!
But anyway, today was pretty busy and then I ended up going to the studio after work. Naturally I was running a little late because my meetings went late / it was raining and pretty windy. But, I eventually got there and we got one song done! That means there is only ONE MORE SONG. Wow, so crazy. I cannot wait until this is all done!!!
I stayed until fairly late, and then tried to be as quiet as possible getting home that late. I am excited for tomorrow because I get my tattoos. I also have to pick up your dad from the airport.
I have a feeling this trip is going to fly by.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/23/2023
BIGGIE SMALLS. He is the cutest thing.
Today we took Biggs to the vet. He is just a crack up. He did really well, he only hissed at the vet ones. I will say before we took him though, I was eating my breakfast and he definitely was stealing food off of my plate, or trying to. Old habits never change lol. It was funny because when we walked into the vet, it was cold, but when we came out, it was actually flurrying.
I also had work today, so it’s been nice to work East Coast time to get up early and get some stuff done and then be able to hang out with your family. Your dad had a barbecue at his house this evening and it was really great. He allegedly burned the ribs, but honestly, they still are really good. His twice baked potatoes are the absolute best. I did end up going up to your room again, and grabbed a couple of things. It gets easier to be up there, and I recognize that it’s just a room. It was really hard at first, but there is also a sense of peace and trusting in God and believing that he has you.
It was funny because I Uber to your dads house so then I could drive the FJ home, well, he forgot about that. So when I told him that I got a ride there, he did not think that that’s what I did lol so, he did end up giving me the keys so. I like driving that car because it reminds me of you.
Your dad ended up giving me a box of your things to bring over to your mom’s. I couldn’t help but look through all the pictures and stuff. Man, you were so involved in high school, and had the brightest smile on your face. I am so sorry that life was so hard for you behind that smile. I loved you in every season. I hope you knew that, I think you did. I definitely cried tonight.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/22/2023
KENTUCKYYYYYYY <3
First official day in Kentucky. It has been really nice to hang out with your mom, and have the day off before I work remotely starting tomorrow. I decided to run to the store because I wanted to try and bake some things with your mom while I’m here. Also, I’m really hoping that it snows while I’m here, it keeps changing the forecast but fingers crossed. As long as it’s on a day that I don’t have to drive much anywhere lol.
I was initially supposed to go to the studio today, but that did not happen because I was not sure if I would be able to sing or how good my voice would be but the jet lag.
Since I had some time today, I decided to also in addition to going to the store go to your cousins shop where she works to say hi to her. It was really nice to see her, I’m going to try to see her again I’m here. This evening, I also met up with one of the interns from the studio that I am recording at.
We ended up working on some of the music, because I was trying to figure out what lyrics and Melodie’s. This was super fun and helpful!
Of course, I had to go and visit you too. I miss you so damn much James. My heart hurts.
Sending you so much love, wherever you are. I brought you some red roses today, and I love how they stand out.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/21/2023
KENTUCKYYYYYYYY<3.
Today is my travel day. I am excited to go to Kentucky though! This morning I went and grab breakfast again lol I also went on a run to enjoy the sunshine before I left. I finished all my packing, cleaned up all my stuff, took Sadie to her camp, and Lyfted to the airport.
Quickly checked my bag, went through security, and then I sat at the gate for about an hour. I was honestly expecting it to be more people, I was pretty light. My first flight was pretty quick, only about 3 1/2 hours which was nice. I landed in Atlanta and I had a little bit of time to go and grab some Chick-fil-A fortunately because I was so hungry. I definitely had packed snacks, but it wasn’t enough.
They ended up upgrading my seat to first class which was super nice for the flight from Atlanta to Kentucky. Ended up getting in to Lexington at around midnight. Super tired. All thrown-off time wise. But excited for this trip! So much fun stuff happening. Getting to see your family and then finishing recording/going to an addiction conference! Let’s do this!
Short blog today, but i am sure there will be more on the other days. ahead.
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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Living with Losing You - 01/20/2023
TGIF.
Today, I had a few meetings for work, but it wasn’t anything terrible. And by terrible, I mean just like back to back meetings with no time. I probably shouldn’t use the word terrible because I do enjoy what I’m doing lol anyway, I ended up not going to that on-site meeting which was fine. I was able to grab breakfast before work with my friend Which was nice because I will not be eating there for the next week and a half. I am definitely looking forward to going to Kentucky, but I have a lot to do still. Luckily I was able to work from home and get some laundry done in between meetings and during breaks.
I did end up going to the storage unit to try and take down my Christmas stuff to store. Well, I found out that the unit got a little flooded and there is mold. Sooooo I need to figure that out when I get back.
My brother had a soccer game this evening, and it was really fun to go and watch him. It’s been pretty chilly in San Diego, so I picked up some pho before heading to his game.
I also briefly walked the farmers market which I had not done in a while. That was nice too. One of the last times I went you came along and watched me sing. I loved singing for you.
They played extremely well and his team won! His team had lost to this other team prior, so it was a much needed “W”. Logan had some good plays. I miss when you would come with em to watch his sporting events. Especially the soccer games. You loved soccer.
It’s so cute to see him growing up and just enjoying high school.
Man. Life and time are such crazy things.
Missing you something wild. Traveling to KY without you never gets easier. I am. still excited for tomorrow though. Lots to do still!
Rest in Peace, James Burton Nichols
10/1/1993 - 7/16/2022
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