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I see (and love) plenty of fics where Batman reveals his identity to the Justice League by Batman taking off the cowl in various situations

But why isn't there more of Bruce Wayne having to go 'fuck it' and Go Batman In Civvies?

Like Brucie Wayne is your civilian hostage doing his best big, dumb and useless impression.

Members of the Justice League come in but keep getting incapacitated/captured.

Finally a hero is about to die and Bruce Wayne just sighs heavily because apparently he has to fucking do this himself.

Several members of the Justice League just like-

"Holy shit, Bruce Wayne just bit a guy he's gonna get himself killed. Oh shit, actually he just kicked that guy's kneecap in- oh what the fuck, did he just dislocate his thumb to get out of his zipties?"

"Am I insane or are you guys also seeing Bruce Wayne wipe the floor with armed criminals? Where the fuck did he- did he just pull that batarang out of his sock???"

He rounds on them with Hal's Lantern Ring that he just pulled out of an unconscious guys pocket and brandishes it like an angry mom who just found contraband in their kids room.

Bruce, so pissed he reverts to lingo he's heard his children use: I cannot BELIEVE you barged in here and let these amateurs just...just...YOINK your ring!!

GL, sputtering: Wh- I didn't- they didn't yoink it-

Bruce: they yoinked it, Hal! Straight up yoinked it!!!

GL: How do you know my name?!

Bruce: Of course I know your name!! IM BATMAN

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Bruce: *bored as fuck and is literally willing to do anything*

Hal: Hey Spooky, you look like you could use some fun. Why don’t you let me take you out for dinner? *wiggling his eyebrows, very clearly joking to get a rise out of Bruce*

Justice League: Oh fuck, I always knew Green Lantern had a death wish *they’re all exchanging looks, ready to grab Hal just in case Bats decides to break his no kill rule*

Bruce: *has found the perfect opportunity to fuck with everyone* Sure, I like to be wined and dined. You’ll be paying for dinner. *walks out before anyone questions him*

Hal: … *turns to face the rest of the Justice League* Huh, who knew it’d be that easy?

Clark: *gritting his teeth* Yeah… who knew

Barry: *scoots away from Clark due to danger feeling*

Hal: Oh my gosh, what if this is a plan to murder me! *sweating, hands gripping his hair in fear*

Clark: *under his breath* Let’s hope he gets to you before I do *glowering*

Barry: *even more scared*

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the FACES in this i'm gonna lose my shit

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Post reveal to Green Arrow

Oliver. *yelling at Bruce for being reckless during an alien invasion or something.*

Bruce: … *takes off cowl* Im sorry Ollie, please don’t be mad at me. I don’t like yelling 😞🥺

Oliver: … *sighs and hugs him* I hate when you do that

Bruce: *shit eating grin* I know

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At the watch tower post reveal to only Green Arrow

Batman: *sitting on Green Arrow’s lap* …next time you take the roof that I tell you to. There was not enough time to tell you about the poor structural integrity.

Green Arrow: *very obviously not paying attention and bored out of his mind* Mhmm… definitely… you’re so smart Batsy…

Superman: *eyes glowing red, three seconds away from having an aneurysm* Hey Batman… I found some new Kryptonian features suddenly showing up, wanna study them? *all said through gritted teeth*

Batman: *perks up and looks visibly intrigued, standing up and walking over to Superman immediately* Really? What sort of new features?

Superman: *guiding B out of the room as he talks, throwing a heated glare over his shoulder*

Green Arrow: Hmm… for some reason… I think I’m in danger

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Batman: I have decided I will reveal my identity to one person

Justice League: !!!!

Batman: *walks over to Green Arrow*

Green Arrow: Wait wha-

*Hot steamy make-out session right in front of the League. Jaws are dropped, Superman’s eyes are red, there’s tongue*

Green Arrow: … huh

Batman: *raises an eyebrow* Do you understand?

Green Arrow: *now completely aware that Batman is Bruce Wayne due to how many make-outs the two of them have had over the years* Surprisingly yes

Justice League: ?!?!?!

Batman: That’s all *sweeps out of the room with a dramatic flare of his cape*

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Batman: I have decided I will reveal my identity to one person

Justice League: !!!!

Batman: *walks over to Green Arrow*

Green Arrow: Wait wha-

*Hot steamy make-out session right in front of the League. Jaws are dropped, Superman’s eyes are red, there’s tongue*

Green Arrow: … huh

Batman: *raises an eyebrow* Do you understand?

Green Arrow: *now completely aware that Batman is Bruce Wayne due to how many make-outs the two of them have had over the years* Surprisingly yes

Justice League: ?!?!?!

Batman: That’s all *sweeps out of the room with a dramatic flare of his cape*

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Bruce keeping a tighter and tighter lid on his identity around the Justice League because with each new person to reveal their identity he realizes that he has fucked far too high a percentage of his co workers as Bruce Wayne and he has to take this secret to his grave

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The JL all being attracted to Bruce Wayne and trying to flirt with him in their civilian identities at parties and such and Bruce always making a point to not flirt with them specifically. He just acts completely uninterested and brushes them off but then will flirt heavily with the next person to pass by, so that they know he isn't having an off night or anything, it's just them he's not interested in and it makes them all so mad and offended and Bruce has so much fun.

--------------------

Hal, at the watchtower after being given an obvious once over and then unimpressed look from Bruce Wayne: Barry, would you sleep with me?

Barry: What?

Hal, desperate for validation: I'm an attractive guy, right? It's not like I want him to fall in love with me or anything but I'm at least good enough for a few minutes in a coat closet, right!?

Barry: What the fuck are you talking about?

Batman: Maybe if you got a nose job you'd be more up to standard

Superman, bitter about his own failed attempts at flirting and definitely not pouting: Hal, you're very handsome, Bruce is obviously blind and wouldn't know good-looking if it hit him in the face

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Batman the Playboy

Justice League, not quite early days but before proper identity reveals, though everyone knows Batman knows theirs, bc he has Opinions™ and Constructive Criticisms™ on their secret-keeping.

The issue is brought up on random occasions. The most notable incident- the Justice League, including Batman, being Drunk for Bonding, (or hit with some kind of drug while out saving the world) and Batman, in a fit of paranoid good intentions because he CARES about these idiots, damnit, why must they be so careless, starts insulting them.

Batman, leaning heavily on the table: “GL, you’re a mess, I don’t even know where to start with you. And Arrow! Your goatee is so distinctive, it’s a wonder no one has called you out on it-“

Green Arrow, also drunk: “Alright, there’s no need to insult my awesome facial hair-”

Batman, in despair: “It’s so ugly.”

Green Arrow: (offended noises)

Green Lantern: “Okay, the only reason you know our secret identities is because you’re a rude nosy bastard who needs to know everything about us like a creepy stalker who needs an ego boost! We’re not stupid, Spooky, we’re just polite. We could figure you out easily if we wanted to. Superman can see right through your mask!”

Usually, Batman would have a good response to that. Something smart and reasonable like “villains won’t care for your privacy, I’m testing you,” or something cutting like “I don’t care enough about you to go digging, I set your secret identity as a training exercise for Robin.”

However, Batman is Drunk, because for some reason imbibing drugs that dampen higher brain function is socially acceptable and often, for some reason, expected, because it’s “team bonding” and “come on just loosen up a bit.” (Also for him, drunk=Brucie)

So what Batman ends up saying is: “I could kiss you full on the lips in my secret identity and you wouldn’t know a thing.”

Superman, plucking the glass from Batman’s hand: “Aaaand that is enough alcohol for you!”

Batman nods. Thank God. He wants to go home and sleep. But first: “Superman, yours is so stupid it’s almost impressive-”

———

Of course, Green Lantern has smelled a challenge. And Green Lantern must annoy Batman. It’s his true superpower. So, the next time they meet (sober) he brings up the issue again.

GL: “So about what you said at the party… the part where you could kiss us full on the lips without us knowing. You still confident in that without liquid courage, Spooky? Bet you your real name you can’t do it.”

Batman, regretting the fact that alcohol has ever passed his lips: “I could do it, but I will not.”

Flash, curious: “Why’s that?”

Batman: “Informed Consent. I will not risk making any of you feel violated, or manipulated, for the sake of a stupid bet and my ego.”

GA, still offended by the goatee comment, trying to back Batman into a corner: “So if we give consent, we’re fair game? Try me, Batman. Even you can’t pull this off. Anyone else game?”

Some of the Justice League laughs, raising their hands.

Flash: “Come get me, hot stuff! I’ll call you out!”

Wonder Woman: “It could be amusing.”

Martian Manhunter: “I would be far too difficult a target.”

Green Arrow: “Not just you. C’mon, Spooky, flirting well enough to get a kiss from me? I’m a classy lady.”

Black Canary: “D-class, maybe.”

Superman, wants a kiss in on the fun: 🙋🏻‍♂️

“So that’s it then!” Green Lantern says smugly. “Batman, if you can kiss… how many people raised their hands? Ah yes- HALF THE JUSTICE LEAGUE, without anyone realizing it’s you, then you win.”

Batman scoffs and walks out, leaving the Justice League in stitches at their joke. Because- Batman? Being good enough at flirting to land a kiss on half the league, without it being forced or awkward, without them recognizing his body language, his voice, his build? How ridiculous!

The Batman is Autistic. The Batman does not understand jokes, especially not ones that are half truths. The Batman has consent, and something to prove.

And Bruce Wayne, billionaire, playboy, and sexy DILF, has targets.

(Please tell me how you think he gets each League member.)

Edit: there have been a bunch of awesome additions in the notes! My own take here.

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Part 3 of Batman the Playboy, in which I change my mind about the reveal in part 2:

Batman: “So you didn’t notice?”

-justice league record scratches-

GL, horrified: “No. there’s no way, there’s absolutely no way…”

Batman’s grin would fit better on a supervillain, before he suddenly, miraculously, transforms. He leans back, tilts his head, the smirk isn’t evil but instead inviting and amused: “Really, Mr. Jordan, your job is just so fascinating… tell me more about planes…”

GL: 😨

Batman, turning on the rest of the league, one by one, changing his body language ever so slightly for each person: “Mr. Allen, I do hope you’ll entertain me again if I’m ever back in central, I had a grand time. Dinah darling, I stand by what I said, Ollie was SO much nicer to kiss when we were in college. Princess, the boys and I are in your debt. Mr. Jones…”

Batman’s mind goes no thoughts, head empty. Martian Manhunter is both impressed and embarrassed, nodding in understanding as Batman turns to the final hero, smiling sweetly, brain still empty as a blank sheet of paper: “And, Mr. Kent…”

Batman steps closer, hand on Superman’s chest, hip cocked, Brucie Wayne smile in full effect: “Our conversation got… cut off, the other night, because I wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with me going further, which is a damn shame. Call on me, won’t you?”

Superman, realizing why a very eager Brucie Wayne stopped their makeout session short: “…huh? OH- um.. uh huh.”

Green Arrow, short circuiting: “No fucking- BRUCIE? How? How is that possible?”

Batman, backing away from a shutdown superman, the physical mask on his face hardly the most effective one in his arsenal: “Because I’m Batman.”

Bonus for @help-i-need-a-cool-username: Hal Jordan STILL doesn’t know who bruce wayne is.

a few months later:

GL: “So this big old money billionaire guy in gotham is connected to this, i think he’s called Wayne or smth.”

Justice league: “…”

Flash, had a FULL DAY of Brucie and was VERY aware of who he was with: “Uh… Hal?”

Green Lantern, who heard Bruce’s name in passing, while distracted, under loud club music + has tried to erase that night from his memory: “what?”

Batman, under his breath: “We can find your secret identity so easily, batman, you’re not that good, Batman, we’re just being polite, Batman.” Sure you fucking can, Jordan. You know, it’s polite to remember the names of people who you’ve fondled.”

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Hera time! Urg, I really made a whole story line for this AU....

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

The comment section that started it all

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Does anyone remember this official art of Lenore and Annabel as Beetlejuice and Lydia

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some fucking resources for all ur writing fuckin needs

* body language masterlist

* a translator that doesn’t eat ass like google translate does

* a reverse dictionary for when ur brain freezes

* 550 words to say instead of fuckin said

* 638 character traits for when ur brain freezes again

* some more body language help

(hope this helps some ppl)

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both!

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Those two were freaks, and there is nothing you can say that can change that fact.

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My head is spinning from theorizing, so I want to know

What do you guys think it will be Lenore’s spectre?

Pleeease tell me your teories 👉👈

Mine is that she will also be a Lady in White… HEAR ME OUT

I think that something went wrong in the day of the wedding, I don’t know how or what, but I really doubt that statement that Lenore shot Annabel

But the thing is… I think Lenore will be a Lady in White, Type: “Groom”

So she will be in all black and shit it would be sooo cool, also, they said that it’s rare to have two same “speacies” of ghost at the same time, but didn’t said it was impossible, I guess this WILL be relevant

And so, when Lenore spectre is revealed it’s also gonna reveal the connection between them, or at least will let people questioning right?