lixard

[lixard]

The worst thing in the entire world is when you’re sweeping a big pile of dirt into a dustpan and it leaves that little coke line of grit behind. No matter how you position your pan or your broom and no matter how many times you sweep over it your outcome cannot change. As immovable as fate. I hate it so

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the aquarium said you are NOTHING compared to an eel

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You show a cat something and they're like sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff sniff ooooh I understand now. Don't care

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the clock & calculator apps are like twin sisters to me

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Today my art history professor gave some words of wisdom:

Nude is when your clothes are off. Naked is when your clothes are off and you’re up to something 

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hey um i’ve got some bad news. we mulled your boyfriend. he fell in the wine and we mulled him. yeah with the cinnamon sticks.

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It is good for the soul to microdose being a hater....so long as one remembers to always macrodose minding ones own business....

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(guy who hasnt eaten today voice) no no im fine its just yknow the horrors. yeah theyre unending again

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AHEEM AHEEM WHIMPER SAD PATHETIC BEAST.

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I have work tomorrow

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hourly comic i posted on twitter

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not being productive or relaxing but a secret third thing

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speaking of america’s favorite fruit (not optional) i love applerankings.com so fucking much. absolute necessity for any real Appleheads out there

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[already so afraid] let me add caffeine to this, actually

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Important chart btw