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lizzy-jailer · 8 days ago

Text

Two cups of coffee

Summary: Joel and you have been divorced for a couple of months now but when your generator breaks in the middle of a cold winter night you don't have anyone else to call...

Warnings: trauma, nightmares, lack of trust

☆☆☆

Snow falling on the town of Jackson. Safety that no one would've belived was possible after all these years of grief, loss and darkness. It was still dark and cold. But safe. Safer than anywhere else.

But still it felt like lately the safety had taken too much from you. More than the running and barely escaping death every day. Jackson had given you time to think and time to argue. Time to grow apart.

Now you were sitting all alone in your living room, under tons of blankets and hoping for the best. Your generator had busted, in the middle of the night, in weather like this, it was far from perfect. At this rate the temperature in your house would be below freezing by morning.

You wanted to tough it out. You felt like you needed to, even though help was just one call away. But you couldn't, not after all that had happened between you two... you only had one person who'd always be there, no matter what time, no matter how late or how angry you were at eachother. Those years still mattered.

You'd just have to wait a few hours for the town to wake, to seek help from someone else who'd know how to fix your generator. There were other people. People other than joel. Men who could help you... just in the morning.

But as the night went on and as you started to shiver, it all started getting too much. You had gone soft here in jackson. Gotten too used to the warmth and the light. You and Joel used to sleep out there, in below freezing temperatures and you had survived. Just fine...

As your fingers and toes were getting numb you decided that you had no choice but to call your ex husband. Because there was really no one else to come and help you.

You picked up your walkie talkie in shame and embarrassment. You had avoided him for months now.

"Hi joel, its me, can you hear me? Over"

To your surprise, he picks up right away. Was he not sleeping at this time of night?

"Yeah, l hear you, what the hell is up that you gotta call me at this time of night? Over"

"My generator's busted... it's a bit cold," she said, trying to sound as calm about it as possible "could you maybe come and take a look at it? Over"

"I'm on my way. Over"

It really surprised you. He didn't even hesitate. He was awake and he was coming right away. No questions asked, no nothing... maybe it shouldn't have surprised you. That's the way he'd always been.

When he arrived at your house you were even colder. You were shivering under all the blankets. It wasn't even possible to hide. You just hoped that maybe he wouldn't comment on it.

He opened the door and the first thing he noticed was you on the couch. He feelt how cold the house was. Maybe a few degrees warmer than it was outside. He closed the door and asked loudly

"How damn long have you gone without power? It's like an ice chamber here! What the hell were you waiting for?"

"Calm down, it's fine, l thought l could wait til morning. Didnt expect it to get this cold this fast..."

"Calm down? You're gonna freeze your damn fingers off woman! You know what the weather's like outside?"

And he was right. You both knew that.

"Can you take a look at it?..."

You ask hesistantly. As if you were afraid of him saying no or leaving you all alone with your problem but you knew you had no reason to fear.

"Of course l can take a look at it, just in the morning! You're gonna freeze to death, idiot! You're coming with me."

His tone was commanding. He wasn't going to take any other answer other than yes. You knew the guy, he'd just drag you with him if you said no. Because he cared. So your answer was simple. No reason to inconvenience either one of you further.

"Alright."

He grabbed you by your arm and yanked you up from the couch without much warning.

The walk to his house was mostly quiet. Him shooting glances at you every ten seconds to make sure you hadn't turned into an ice cube just yet, wrapping his arm around your back casually, to try and keep you warm.

He opened the door for you like he always did and told you to go and sit on the couch. The house was so familiar. Bringing back memories from what had been and what could've been.

But in reality all you could think about was getting warm. You were still shivering as you sat down. Before you could notice, joel was already back with blankets and laying them all over you. He muttered under his breath.

"What the hell were you thinking, huh? Woman what the hell were you thinking?!"

You were still a bit disacociated from the cold, not bothering to talk to him, embarrassed that you had to call him and even more embarrassed of ending up on his couch...

"I'm gonna make you coffee, alright?"

You didn't have time to argue. He was already in the kitchen. As your body slowly started to warm up, he returned with a cup of coffee, handing it to you and sitting down next to you

"Should help you with unfreezing. But seriously! What were you thinking?"

"I told you. I thought it could wait until morning. I would've had someone else take a look at it."

Your tone was still a bit cold. So was his. It had been six months since your last talk. Six months since parting ways and moving out of the house you were sitting in again right now.

You both had known that no contact was the best option. There was no hate between the two of you, couldn't have been after all this time. Just too much time to argue and find issues in eachother that resulted in you walking out on him and taking off your ring after years and years of wearing it.

Because it was for the better. Not just for you but also for him. Thats why you had done it.

"You feeling your fingers and toes and everything alright? Nothing numb?"

"The only thing that's numb is my heart"

Was that supposed to be a joke? You cringed at your own words.

He froze for a second. Looking at you. You just casually sipped your coffee as if you had said nothing just now. He couldn't belive you. And he had no idea what to say to that. You might have been kidding but surely there was an ounce of truth in every joke.

He blurted out

"This ain't the time for your stupid jokes."

You sighed. As you felt the feeling in your fingers return, you decided to take off your jacket. But as you were pulling it off your shoulders you heard something drop to the floor with a quiet clinking noise.

As joel bent down to see what fell and to hand it back to you, you froze.

"Why's that still in your pocket? You carrying it around or something?"

He held up the ring he had given you years ago.

"It's just been there since we ended things, l forgot to take it out"

It was an obvious lie. You both knew it. You tried to change the topic.

"Since it's here already... you want it back?"

He looked at the ring, and then back at you. Did he want it back? There was certainly something he wanted more. Like to know why the ring was there in the first place.

"Are you trying to distract me? I know damn well it wasn't left here. You weren't wearing the damn jacket the day you left, were you? I remember."

"Just tell me if you want it back or not..."

You didn't want to talk about it. Not a word. Not to him, not to anyone.

"Sure, sure l'll take it back. Just tell me why it was in your pocket."

Your heart dropped as he actually agreed to take the ring. You hadn't expected it. He noticed.

"Tell me. We both know you can't lie."

You looked at the floor. You couldn't tell him and that made him even more curious. More concerned. But this time he waited for you to open your mouth yourself. He knew you. He knew that pressuring you wouldn't get him anywhere.

Something made you open your mouth now. You just said it.

"Well l've- l've sorta been having these dreams. Not good ones. Every night since l left... sometimes multiple times a night."

You were still avoiding eye contact, trying to sound casual but now he was looking at you. You felt as if his eyes were burning through your flesh and staring right into your soul. Like he was seeing everything you'd ever want to hide.

"Every night? Since you left?"

You heard that familiar concern in his voice now, his voice quieter. More careful than before.

"What happens?"

You hesitated even more. The two of you sat in silence for a while as you tried to find the right words for it, the right way to explain it, without exposing your feelings further than wanted.

"It's like about the time we were out there... but you ain't there. It's just me all alone."

Your voice broke very slightly. Just a tiny bit but it didn't go unnoticed to joel's trained ear. Silence. Again.

"And then an infected sneaks up on me... and it's got your face. Wakes me up."

Your words were quiet.

"Oh yeah, and the ring. When l finally wake up... l guess it..." you muttered something under your breath, about how stupid you were being "l guess it helps me remember that you're still alive... sometimes."

His eyes were sad. You didn't want him to look at you like that. Never.

"It's stupid. Trust me, l know"

You sighed.

"It ain't stupid. Not at all. It's terrible. Listen to me, you need to talk to someone."

You were quiet for a while until you admitted more.

"And it aint just the dreams either. every time l go out on patrol... l think lm gonna die l get this fucking stupid panic. l feel like no matter who l go with... they dont have my back. I take the ring with me then too..."

"People have your back."

After joel's reply, the silence fills the room once again. You regret admitting as much as you did. He didn't need to know all of it. Any of it.

"Sure. Just take the ring."

You shift your hand towards him, with the ring in your palm.

He doesn't feel like he can take it now. It just feels wrong. Even if you didn't say it directly, he knows it's a comfort to you. Grounding you after the nightmares, reminding you that you weren't all alone in the new world. Because for the whole time until now you had been in it together. In the world of infection and violence you had always had eachother. Even before that, you had always had eachother.

But he needed to take the ring back. The past was past and both of you had to let it go. He wouldn't open up to you about his struggles. Didn't mean he didn't have them.

But six months apart, compared to the years together felt like nothing. Felt like it'd still be alright. It made it hard to get any words out. But it was for the better.

He reached out, taking the ring from your hand, palming it and not only gaining the ring but also immense guilt with it. He felt like he couldn't be around you any longer.

"I'm going to bed, okay? You gonna be alright here?"

"Sure"

He got up from the couch and walked upstairs. You could hear the sound of his bedroom door closing.

You weren't cold anymore. Not in the literal sense at least. You grabbed one of the blankets he'd put over you before and laid down.

You tried to sleep but couldn't. Instead you looked around in the room eyes getting stuck on your coffee cups that were left on the table. Next to eachother.

Eventually your eyes fluttered shut, hoping for a peaceful sleep. You were in the house you used to live in before the nightmares. It should help. It should.

But the night was as bad as any other. Even worse. Multiple dreams. You had to keep quiet and you had no ring to remind you of anything anymore.

It was only downhill from here.

☆☆☆

A/n: Thank you so much if you made it here. This my first (a bit) longer fanfic that l have ever written. All critizism is welcome, definitely have some spelling errors too, english isn't my first language💙💙💙

#joel miller #joel the last of us #joel tlou #the last of us #the last of us hbo #joel x reader #joel x you #joel x y/n

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