llllayman

[llllayman]

I lowkey forgot I had this account

Star Coral Cookie! Per the request of a good friend. I post more art on my instagram @llllayman so do consider taking a look over there if u like my stuff :)

[llllayman]

Fun Story to Share.

I got my (now 18-year-old) daughter into Ao3 back in 2021. I taught her she should always comment - even if the fic looks old or abandoned or whatever. She did.

Well - she got this email this morning:

The fic was written in 2014 and essentially abandoned.

Bethy read and reviewed in 2021 (and was actually the only person who had commented at all).

Today in 2025 - the final chapter was posted by the author and this was her reply to Bethy’s comment.

———

Never question whether a fic is too old to comment on.

[llllayman]

I spotted a reply to one of my posts:

And my knee-jerk response was "no, you should hear my friends talk about their lives--"

And it made me remember something.

Back in high school, my IB class did a lock-in-- where the group of students gets locked into one part of the school overnight on a weekend-- and after junk food and video games lost their appeal, we got to talking.

Only I didn't really know anything about almost any of them. They were all friendly enough, but I kept to myself for the most part, so we didn't have much to talk about once standard small talk ran out.

So I asked one of the other people sitting with me: "what's your story?"

Your life story.

And he told me. Sixteen years or so condensed into maybe a half hour. And it was the most fascinating life I could have imagined: the places he'd been, the things he'd done, the experiences that defined him. It boggled my mind.

When he finished and turned the question around to me, I thought mine sounded really boring in comparison, but he listened open-mouthed to the entire thing. Other kids were gathering around us by now, listening in. And when I finished mine, I turned to another one of them and asked the question to them.

And just like before, my mind was blown. A completely different life, completely different focal points, defining experiences, goals the likes of which were deserving of an anime. And the same happened with the next person we asked, and the next.

By the time each one of us had finished telling their story, it was time to go home for the morning. The video games had been abandoned hours ago. None of us had slept. We were too caught up in each other's lives.

All of which is to say:

Thank you. I do lead a very interesting life.

So do you.

[llllayman]

What do you all study when you're doing art studies??

[llllayman]

One of the stranger things about training brand new nurses is explaining how to min max small talk. It feels very weird to coach people on how to chat.

[llllayman]

"Which spices go with which foods" lists are of limited value to me because, like, I have functioning taste buds. What I really need is a "spices that need to be added at the start of the cooking time in order to properly develop versus spices that need to be added in the last five minutes because extended heating fucks up the flavour profile" list – that shit is not intuitive.

[llllayman]

burning text gif maker

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minecraft logo font text generator w/assorted textures and pride flags

windows error message maker (win1.0-win11)

FromSoftware image macro generator (elden ring Noun Verbed text)

image to 3d effect gif

vaporwave image generator

microsoft wordart maker (REALLY annoying to use on mobile)

you're welcome

[llllayman]

a twitter thread that actually killed me

[llllayman]

Another List of "Beautiful" Words

to include in your next poem

Avidulous - somewhat greedy.

Breviloquent - marked by brevity of speech.

Compotation - a drinking or tippling together.

Crimpy - of weather; unpleasant; raw and cold.

Desiderium - an ardent desire or longing; especially, a feeling of loss or grief for something lost.

Dyspathy - lack of sympathy.

Ebriosity - habitual intoxication.

Epitasis - the part of a play developing the main action and leading to the catastrophe.

Fantod - a state of irritability and tension.

Graumangere - a great meal.

Grimoire - a magician's manual for invoking demons and the spirits of the dead.

Hiemal - of or relating to winter.

Illaudable - deserving no praise.

Impluvious - wet with rain.

Innominate - having no name; unnamed; also, “anonymous”.

Juberous - doubtful and hesitating.

Noctilucous - shining at night.

Poetaster - an inferior poet.

Psychrophilic - thriving at a relatively low temperature.

Quiddity - the essential nature or ultimate form of something: what makes something to be the type of thing that it is.

Repullulate - to bud or sprout again.

Retrogradation - a backward movement.

Semiustulate - half burnt or consumed by fire.

Tenebrific - causing gloom or darkness.

Unparadiz’d - brought from joy to miserie.

If any of these words make it into your next poem/story, please tag me. Or leave a link in the replies. I'd love to read them!

More: Lists of Beautiful Words

[llllayman]

@roach-works // Melissa Broder, "Problem Area" // Mary Oliver, "The Return" // @annavonsyfert // Koyoharu Gotouge, Demon Slayer // Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance // David Levithan, How They Met and Other Stories // Tennessee Williams, Notebooks

[llllayman]

Hello there all you lovely shining stars.

N here, with some pretty bad news...

(I'll put it behind a cut to avoid triggering anyone)

C is the person who actually runs this blog. He works tirelessly to make sure this blog always, ALWAYS has reasons in the queue in advance, just in case. There's currently over a month prepared, because he loves y'all, loves this blog, and loves to put in the time to help people.

C is a full-time care giver. At work, he care gives for three wonderful elderly ladies. When he gets home, he care gives for me, N, as I am disabled. And then, in his spare time, he care gives for y'all by working hard on this blog.

C is the most wonderful, amazing person I know, and it really baffles me that something like this could happen to someone like him.

Recently, C was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer.

We unfortunately live in America, where getting diagnosed with Cancer means a massive financial burden. Up until this point we've been doing very good financially, which has been a wonderful switch up from years ago, when we had to ask our community for help just to pay rent.

Now, I worry about our ability to afford things like food, basic needs, and rides to and from the hospital (we don't drive). His insurance company is refusing to pay for his treatment (yes, they're refusing to pay for CANCER treatments), and the minimal paid leave he is eligible for has had it's processing delayed.

Basically, we're financially struggling all over again, because C has cancer, and we live in America.

So what does this mean for y'all?

Well, as I mentioned, C always has the blog filled out ahead of time. He will absolutely make sure that the queue doesn't run out, so y'all don't have to worry about that.

I unfortunately do feel the need to reach out and ask for your help. It pains me to be put in this position again after years of not having to ask for help, but the current circumstances have really hit us hard.

So, what can you do to help?

Well,

Here is our Amazon wish list, if you'd like to help that way. We currently have some food and necessities on there;

Amazon Wishlist

Or, our paypal account is teamcibby@gmail.com

Currently, our biggest need is a new mattress, which is where any funds that go to our paypal will be headed.

C's cancer is the worst in his hips and our current mattress is such poor quality that I have to sleep on the floor. His doctors have insisted that good rest is important for him to heal, and he hasn't been getting very good rest on our current mattress. He wakes up every morning in more pain than he would if we had a good mattress, so getting one is our main goal.

I am so, so sorry to tell you all this bad news. C really didn't want to burden any of you with this, which is why I'm the one making this post.

We both love you all so, so much. Thank you to every single one of you for existing, you matter so much to us and to everyone who follows this blog.

~N

[llllayman]

i want to talk about real life villains

Not someone who mugs you, or kills someone while driving drunk, those are just criminals. I mean VILLAINS.

Not like trump or musk, who are... cartoonishly evil. And not sexy villains, not grandiose villains, not even satisfyingly two dimensional villains it is easy to hate unconditionally. The real villains.

I had a client who was a retired executive for one of the big oil companies, i think it was Shell or Chevron. Had a home just outside of San Francisco that was wall to wall floor to ceiling full of expensive art. Literally. I once accidentally knocked a painting off the wall because it was hanging at knee height at the corner of the stairs, and it had a little brass plaque on it, and i looked up the name of the artist and it was Monet's apprentice and son-in-law, who was apparently also a famous painter. He had an original Andy Warhol, which should have been a prize piece for anyone to showcase -- it was hanging in the bathroom. I swear to god this guy was using a Chihuly (famous glass sculptor) as a fruit bowl. And he was like, "idk my wife was the one who liked art"

I was intrigued by this guy, because in the circles i run this dude is The Enemy. right? Wealthy oil executive? But as my client, he was... like a sweet grandpa. A poor widower, a nice old man, anyone who knew him would have called him a sweetheart. He had a slightly bewildered air, a sort of gentle bumbling nature.

And the fact that he was both of these things, a Sweet Little Old Man and The Enemy, at the same time, seemed important and fascinating to me.

He reminded me of some antagonist from fiction, but i couldn't put my finger on who. And when i did it all made sense.

John Hammond.

probably one of the most realistic bad guys ever written.

If you've only ever seen the movie, this will need some explaining.

Michael Crichton wrote Jurassic Park in 1990, and i read it shortly thereafter. In the movie, the dinosaurs are the antagonists, which imo erases 50% of the point of the story.

book spoilers below.

In the book, John Hammond is the villain but it takes the reader like half the book to figure that out. Just like my client, John is a sweet old man who wants lovely things for people. He's a very sympathetic character. But as the book progresses, you start to see something about him.

He has an idea, and he's sure it's a good one. When someone else dies in pursuit of his dream, he doesn't think anything of it. When other people turn out to care about that, he brings in experts to evaluate the safety of his idea, and when they quickly tell him his idea is dangerous and needs to be put on hold, he ignores his own experts that he himself hired, because they are telling him that he is wrong, and he is sure he is right.

In his mind, he's a visionary, and nobody understands his vision. He is surrounded by naysayers. Several things have proven too difficult to do the best and safest way, so he has cut corners and taken shortcuts so he can keep moving forward with his plans, but he's sure it's fine. He refuses to hear any word of caution, because he believes he is being cautious enough, and he knows best, even though he has no background in any of the sciences or professions involved. He sends his own grandchildren out into a life-threatening situation because he is willfully ignorant of the danger he is creating.

THIS is like the real villains of the world. He doesn't want anyone to die. Far from it, he only wants good things for people! He's a sweet old man who loves his grandchildren. But he has money and power and refuses to hear that what he is doing is dangerous for everyone, even his own family.

I think he's possibly one of the most important villains ever written in popular fiction.

In the book, he is killed by a pack of the smallest, cutest, "least dangerous" dinosaurs, because a big part of why we read fiction is to see the villains face thematic justice. But like a cigarette CEO dying of lung cancer, his death does not stop his creation from spreading out into the world to continue to endanger everyone else.

I think it is really important to see and understand this kind of villainy in fiction, so you can recognize it in real life.

Sweetheart of a grandfather. Wanted the best for everyone. Right up until what was best for everyone inconvenienced the pursuit of his own interests.

And my client was like that too. His wife had died, and his dog was now the love of his life, and she was this little old dog with silky hair in a hair cut that left long wispy bits on her lower legs. Certain plant materials were easily entangled in this hair and impossible to get out without pulling her hair which clearly hurt her. When i suggested he ask his groomer to trim her lower leg hair short to avoid this, he refused, saying he really liked her usual hair cut.

I emphasized that she was in pain after every walk due to the plant debris getting caught in her leg hair, and a simple trim could put an end to her daily painful removal of it, and he just frowned like i'd recommended he take a bath in pig shit and said "But she'll be ugly" and refused to talk about it anymore.

Sweet old man though. Everyone loved him.

[llllayman]

this sucks so bad i need to [remembers suicide jokes only worsen my mental health] put on the best talent show this towns ever seen

[llllayman]

Writing tip of the day: whenever you can, plug a plot hole with a character flaw!

Every time you realise that it makes no sense that the characters didn't do some super logical thing in the first place, figure out which character could have prevented it by simply the way they are as a person. You're not only solving the problem of the plot hole, but also the issue of writing flaws into your characters in a way that doesn't feel gratituous and contrived.

Why did the characters not use this weapon they had access to the whole time? - The character who could have told them about it wants to have control over people and had personally decided they shouldn't have it.

Why didn't that one genius character just tell everyone how to dismantle the robots? - They meant to, but being an absent-minded genius, they literally just forgot.

How did nobody notice that this little girl has been hanging out with an actual demon for seven years? - The demon made her pinky-promise not to tell anyone about it, and being naive and overly trusting, she didn't find that sketchy at all.

Why didn't the characters go to The Big Cool Guys for help in the first place? - The character who is stubborn and overly proud wanted to choose death before dishonour and didn't want to ask for help.

Every time there was a perfectly reasonable solution accessible to the characters all along, that could've resolved the whole plot in minutes, always try to find an angle where someone prevented it just by who they are as a person.

[llllayman]

Have you noticed how Aventurine has all the attributes of a proper epic hero?

Special Circumstances Of Birth, for example. If you look at world mythology, the hero is usually a descendant of a god or blessed by a god, and their birth is accompanied by some rare natural phenomena.

A tragic event forcing him to leave his home and shaping his goals.

An exceptional talent that comes naturally to him and separates him from other mortals.

The way he wins allies through skill and cunning. One of the best moments of 2.1 is when you realise IPC colleagues haven't thrown him to the wolves, they are rolling along with his insane plan. They trust him.

(this whole story he is, in fact, surrounded by allies and helped by them)

There's probably something else but I forgot.

Not usually a trait of an epic hero (usually required for a modern one though) but there's an ideal he strives to achieve. I loved his reason for joining the IPC.

Then there is that whole descent to the underworld thing. I'll be surprised if we don't see him again. And this is where it gets interesting.

I could brush this off as a hero's journey trope but, considering the illusory nature of Penacony, maybe he's more of an orphic hero than an epic one. He's also fragile and tragic in a very orphic way, unlike a proper hero.

Orphics believed in a cycle of reincarnation that could be escaped through their rites. The world was seen as a place of suffering and mortal goals as irrelevant.

Characters of Orphic myths do not return triumphantly from the land of the dead to smite those who wronged them. Their deities lose and are forever changed but get to move on in other forms (Persephone, Zagreus), their heroes acquire little apart from knowledge.

These are stories of surrender, acceptance, and transcendence and if any power is gained in the process it's through discovering or establishing different rules for the world and the characters themselves.

(oh, and probable ethymology for Orpheus' name is that it is derived from a hypothetical PIE root *h₃órbʰos — 'orphan, servant, slave'. now where else have I seen these words...)

It's so unlike the Hero's Journey structure described by Campbell and much more popular in modern media, where a hero gains a solution to the problem that pushed them to another world.

So I wonder in which form will Aventurine return. A hero who will set things right or a new genius loci of Penacony. Or an eschatological deity, perhaps.

Or maybe he's Orpheus himself and he'll come back empty-handed.

[llllayman]

something about aventurine being on the path of preservation, and acting as a preservation emanator, and questioning if life is worth living. something about acheron being an emanator of nihility, the literal embodiment of emptiness and meaninglessness and saying that life is worth fighting for. that conversation either broke something in me or fixed something that needed to be fixed.

[llllayman]

PSA: Tumblr/Wordpress is preparing to start selling our user data to Midjourney and OpenAI.

you have to MANUALLY opt out of it as well.

to opt out on desktop, click your blog ➡️ blog settings ➡️ scroll til you see visibility options and it’ll be the last option to toggle.

to opt out on mobile, click your blog ➡️ scroll then click visibility ➡️ toggle opt out option.

if you’ve already opted out of showing up in google searches, it’s preselected for you. if you don’t have the option available, update your app or close your browser/refresh a few times. important to note you also have to opt out for each blog you own separately, so if you’d like to prevent AI scraping your blog i’d really recommend taking the time to opt out. (source)