llmrl

[llmrl]

Our Next Chapter

After living our open marriage lifestyle with lovers on the side for over 2 years plus everything changed. My wife which I struggle with using that title had two consistent lovers. She fell in love with the second one and has been in love with him for about one and half years now. I hit my lowest point in this relationship simply because she broke all the rules we established and we lived in a state of mind that the relationship was what we agreed. She fell in love with her lover and now considers him to be her boyfriend. She lied to me about her feelings for a year and a half. I hit a real low point simply because it hurt so much to trust her for 23 years and know she lied. We have since spoke about her feelings for him and I. It has been recent as of April. In our relationship you could say who cares I came out to her. But I never desired to leave her. I was happy with our fantasy and reality lifestyle. She has apologized many times to tears and me the same. I still felt everything in my life was over now. I had a huge breaking point about 3 weeks ago when I told her I was done and did not want to go on. She has been supportive and understands how I feel but the pain is still with me. I try everyday to find a reason to keep going. But I truly struggle with thought of living happy. I guess this is not the ending I would of predicted for our life together and such a happy overall marriage. Not sure how to shake this sadness that consumes me. The thought of her physically with another man does not bother me. The thought she is in love with someone else while making me believe she was in love with me is devastating. Anyway I try daily to keep going. not sure anymore