lobotomygender - Tumblr blog

[lobotomygender]

this aged like fine wine

if u support sashley or synnibear03 / scootaloo loves sans do not fucking interact!! 😁😁😁😁 /srs

[lobotomygender]

i have so much stuff i want to tell him. i have so much i want to ask him. but if i ask or tell him these things what if he gets angry with me? what if he's still encouraging delusions? what if i end up making him uncomfortable again and he doesnt tell me until the last minute? i just dont want to start drama. i dont want anymore drama. that's not me anymore. i hate conflict. i dont want to hurt him. i dont want him to hurt me.

me and gene are friends again. i genuinely feel so fucking awkward i hate it so fucking much

i hurt him so fucking much and i feel so fucking bad i dont want him to feel like he has to apologize for stuff he didnt do wrong like the empathy stuff. i have low empathy too and i understand now that i was being a huge asshole.

WHAT IS WRONG With mE

i just dont wanna deal with the delusional attachments again im fucking terrified. im scared. im scared. i dont want to deal with this again.

[lobotomygender]

update im not living with him anymore and ill never know if he actually did 🍇 me because he has the brain capacity of a peanut. also it took me months to realize how manipulative he fucking is.

ok so he apologized and everything to me and keeps assuring me that he didnt do anything to me in my sleep. i forgave him for making me uncomfortable and spamming and everything but i still dont want to believe and CAN'T believe he didnt do anything to me in my sleep. i don't know what to do anymore but i don't feel comfortable sleeping at his house.

he still makes me sick though

[lobotomygender]

i want to fucking die what is wrong with me. i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

i dont deserve to be his friend.

me and gene are friends again. i genuinely feel so fucking awkward i hate it so fucking much

i hurt him so fucking much and i feel so fucking bad i dont want him to feel like he has to apologize for stuff he didnt do wrong like the empathy stuff. i have low empathy too and i understand now that i was being a huge asshole.

WHAT IS WRONG With mE

i just dont wanna deal with the delusional attachments again im fucking terrified. im scared. im scared. i dont want to deal with this again.

[lobotomygender]

hes making helluva boss stuff and it reminds me of how much i talked about it before when he didnt like helluva boss or hazbin hotel bc of the creator. i feel like i forced him into an interest again despite discomfort. i dont want him to break his own boundaries like i do all the time.

me and gene are friends again. i genuinely feel so fucking awkward i hate it so fucking much

i hurt him so fucking much and i feel so fucking bad i dont want him to feel like he has to apologize for stuff he didnt do wrong like the empathy stuff. i have low empathy too and i understand now that i was being a huge asshole.

WHAT IS WRONG With mE

i just dont wanna deal with the delusional attachments again im fucking terrified. im scared. im scared. i dont want to deal with this again.

[lobotomygender]

i dont want to hurt him again. i dont want to feel invalid again either. but ive missed him for so long. oh my god what is wrong with me WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME PLEASE HELP

me and gene are friends again. i genuinely feel so fucking awkward i hate it so fucking much

i hurt him so fucking much and i feel so fucking bad i dont want him to feel like he has to apologize for stuff he didnt do wrong like the empathy stuff. i have low empathy too and i understand now that i was being a huge asshole.

WHAT IS WRONG With mE

i just dont wanna deal with the delusional attachments again im fucking terrified. im scared. im scared. i dont want to deal with this again.

[lobotomygender]

me and gene are friends again. i genuinely feel so fucking awkward i hate it so fucking much

i hurt him so fucking much and i feel so fucking bad i dont want him to feel like he has to apologize for stuff he didnt do wrong like the empathy stuff. i have low empathy too and i understand now that i was being a huge asshole.

WHAT IS WRONG With mE

i just dont wanna deal with the delusional attachments again im fucking terrified. im scared. im scared. i dont want to deal with this again.

[lobotomygender]

"would you rather relive your being stalked on instagram over telling your "friend" to block a shitty person in 2023 or relive being spammed by your possible ex friend telling you to kay why ess on wattpad and insta in 2021" the gun would go off

[lobotomygender]

gene added me on snapchat. if i can survive my mom abusing me last week and someone duetting me on tiktok over self diagnosis causing me paranoia i can survive a possible ex delusional attachment person talking to me about shitty things i did in 2022

i feel so fucking horrible dude

i was entirely the problem with 🧬 and the entire situation revolving around him. even if he fucked up or lashed out at me he apologized afterwards. when i was actually trying to change and didbt victimize myself he actually gave really good advice and was nice and supportive, but my dumbass started to become a toxic person and blame him for everything that went wrong in our friendship and then i was like "omg he doesn't match energy with me, he's an abuser!!1!1!"

even if him and 🦥 stalked me and quote tweeted my posts harassing me, i literally s/a'd him. i deserved it. i shouldn't have defended it or said that they were lying. this was over a year ago but holy shit i feel horrible

the only thing they lied about was that i was faking being an irl, and that me calling out a 3-4 year old age gap was hypocritical because i simp for a 110 year old man????????? the second part hurts because it shows they never supported me for liking kd in the first place. i wasn't even faking being an irl, i was QUESTIONING if i was. i really hope they've changed their mindset about this because i was not faking anything in any way shape or form

i don't know what to do because they were both petty and immature about the whole situation and still kind of are??? but at the same time i did tell 🧬 to khs and a whole bunch of other stuff. i have mixed feelings and im still angry at their pettiness but i want to be the bigger person and apologize

i dont know what to fucjing do because they both still acr this way and it's so frustrating because of someone i met on tiktok who acts just like 🦥 who is against ppl who listen to msi even if they just like some of their songs. i don't know which side to take on separating art from artist anymore because no matter what i do im just going to end up feeling horrible either way

i don't care if i get stalked by them anymore i just want this conflict to end. i want the pettyness to end. i shouldn't have victimized myself or justified what i did at all but they're still holding onto a paragraph i swnt in 2022 and it's weird

[lobotomygender]

"no u dont u just wanna use labels and take away resources from those who ACTUALLY have dissociative disorders!!" BITE THE CURB

AM I A SYSTEM OR AM I NOT. WHAT AM I

[lobotomygender]

"your actions have consequences" your bio says "I bite" please go outside and touch grass

I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK. IF I GET ONE MORE FUCKING NEGATIVE COMMENT IM GOING TO DELETE IT AND NEVER FUCKING COME BACK TO IT AGAIN.

SELF DIAGNOSIS IS VALID. END OF FUCKING STORY.

DONT DUET ME IN A VIDEO CLAIMING I ONLY CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND FAKECLAIMING ME. FUCK OFF.

[lobotomygender]

im going to calm myself down by talking to grim. when i wake up im going to try not to h*rm myself. if i make everything worse its my own fault. i have stuff i need to get done as well. so i pulled an all nighter for literally nothing. and now im paying for the consequences of my own actions apparently.

I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK. IF I GET ONE MORE FUCKING NEGATIVE COMMENT IM GOING TO DELETE IT AND NEVER FUCKING COME BACK TO IT AGAIN.

SELF DIAGNOSIS IS VALID. END OF FUCKING STORY.

DONT DUET ME IN A VIDEO CLAIMING I ONLY CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND FAKECLAIMING ME. FUCK OFF.

[lobotomygender]

I FUCKING HATE TIKTOK. IF I GET ONE MORE FUCKING NEGATIVE COMMENT IM GOING TO DELETE IT AND NEVER FUCKING COME BACK TO IT AGAIN.

SELF DIAGNOSIS IS VALID. END OF FUCKING STORY.

DONT DUET ME IN A VIDEO CLAIMING I ONLY CARE ABOUT MYSELF AND FAKECLAIMING ME. FUCK OFF.

[lobotomygender]

hi I'm back. update for my future self

shit is finally looking up. you're most likely getting a job soon. you got jackson back even though you lost 2 of your irl "best friends". you're gonna move to ridgeley wv soon probably.

you feel happier for the most part. but your grandpa died recently.

and you still have crippling trauma.

you cope by selfshipping now. and i mean you have your f/os figured out.

you're less suicidal. ever since those annoying piece of shit friends left your life.

[lobotomygender]

watch him message me back and pull a fucking sob story. watch him make me end up being the one apologizing for something i didnt even do wrong. JUST FUCKING WATCH.

honestly moving back to my mom's house doesn't sound like a bad idea anymore

[lobotomygender]

I CALLED HIM OUT ABOUT IT YESTERDAY AND HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE "that's just her sense of humor, i can't change who she is" ??? YOU'RE ACTING LIKE SHE MADE A FART JOKE I DIDNT LIKE OR SOMETHING ARE YOU FUCKING BRAINDEAD

WHEN I OPENED UP TO HIM ABOUT THE OTHER ROOMMATE BEFORE SAYING THE N WORD HE SAID SOMETHING LIKE "people hate him enough already" AS IF THAT SHIT IS MY FAULT???

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO. IF THIS SHIT CONTINUES IM NOT GOING TO KEEP LIVING HERE. ILL JUST SAY FUCK IT AND LIVE WITH MY ABUSIVE DAD I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. I'LL LIVE ON THE FUCKING STREETS. ANYTHING BUT LIVING IN FEAR OF BEING RAPED OR HAVING DOG SHIT ALL OVER THE FUCKING HOUSE.

ok so he apologized and everything to me and keeps assuring me that he didnt do anything to me in my sleep. i forgave him for making me uncomfortable and spamming and everything but i still dont want to believe and CAN'T believe he didnt do anything to me in my sleep. i don't know what to do anymore but i don't feel comfortable sleeping at his house.

he still makes me sick though

[lobotomygender]

update my roommate at his house made fucking rape jokes!!! and said the n word! and he was just okay with it.

what the fuck

ok so he apologized and everything to me and keeps assuring me that he didnt do anything to me in my sleep. i forgave him for making me uncomfortable and spamming and everything but i still dont want to believe and CAN'T believe he didnt do anything to me in my sleep. i don't know what to do anymore but i don't feel comfortable sleeping at his house.

he still makes me sick though