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Can work wait?

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What have you done to me?

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yes girl, u know im witchposting again! no, the weed isn’t part of the bit, bruh! I'm just trying to ration this digital slop stick, dumb bitch. i’m not your ordinary crystal girl…dude!

i’m a real fucking rapscallion. i’m about to bust out a new fucking merkavah ascension ritual on ur rogue looking ass. i smoked the broke bitch paul outta that “jerusalem x gentile” shit. i visited my brothers and sisters in macedonia and they said they didn’t know ur meek ass bitch. gave my brother paul that corinthian camel “bog dwelling” type shit outta the eye of a needle. i’ve been knowing that shit. i chowed down on the scarlet fucking woman while ialdabaoth ate my ass out. i rusty-ventured a fucking demiurge to munch some stank!

rrrraaaaaahhhhhhhhhh i have so much fucking mammon!!!

i’ve got the messiahs foreskin around my ring finger, bitch!

catherine of siena inflamed my fucking bosom, you motherfucker!

i went to the fucking pleroma just to say “i’m lookin’ for a girl who wants to cleave unto each other as babalon incarnate; my scarlet woman x3”!

this shit ain’t nothing to me man!

SMOKED THAT FAT THELEMIC SHIT AND SAID CURSE UPON YE, BITCH: AŌTH ABAŌTH BASYM MELKITZEDEK SABAŌTH IAŌ!

i ate a charcuterie board made of the abrasak’s chicken shit, bitch!

i saw barbēlo’s iconic antecedent vagina clap out the fucking aeons!

tell that stanky ass abramelin coochie that i am her!

feminine divine these nuts, ya bitch! <3

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..…oh, God, hear the words from my mouth’ three times, then rinse”

happy sabbath everypony, this is elyse coming back at ya through the digital wave space via this digital surfboard i’m riding on! the long awaited ocd tumblr blog is here xD

much like matthew h. watson of “SUPERMEGA” fame i, too, have what one might call obsessively compulsive behaviors constricted/fueled by bedridden anxieties, religious upbringings, and a series of unfortunate events. this…thing (hereto i shall now start referring to as “ocd” for convenience) brought me closer to God, while simultaneously making that relationship a lot more circumstantial. which, if you didn’t know, is an *unhealthy relationship*. one of the most unhealthy aspects of this having ocd with religion, among other things, is the practice of prayer. totally personally, the way my brain processes the concept of prayer is as follows:

address your God.

use “thees and thous”, since that’s the most powerful language to use when talking to God…according to this book i found, as everyone has always spoken good king’s english, especially totally verifiable prophets.

repeat words or phrases that have been previously established within widely accepted prayers, which you have observed through life e.g. “no harm or accident will come to them”, and the like. because those are the sorts of prayers God has been proven to understand and grant, so failure for this part of the prayer is unlikely; even if God couldn’t accept the other parts of my prayer. at the very least “no harm accident will come to them” is a tried and true tactic. (as if prayer is a battlefield, and i strategize conversation with an all powerful; all loving being).

definitely-maybe try to have an actual conversation with your God, saying thank u & how much u love Them etc etc…but you’re probably not worthy of conversing with such a great thing—and so u put the actual possibility of a productive and truly nice prayer on hold since you might’ve opened your eyes or not knelt down properly—dropping your worthiness points with Heavenly Father :(

“In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen!” (other variations of this prayer must include “Jesus Christ”, lest it return to sender).

sounds like a pretty fun time, right? also, JEHOVAH totally said that HE *really* wants u to go through this process about as many times a day as u can!

so…i may have felt quite guilty whenever i found myself not enjoying a prayer. and maybe just going to bed without thinking about my eternal existence for a night was alright, but that’s not a holy thought, so—what do i do?—i turn to prayer to make up for it…rinse and repeat for the rest of your life!

oh yeah…there is this other thing though, this ritual, that works 100% of the time in removing 100% of your sin. Jesus called it baptism, and we do the whole thing before you can get into any real trouble…

…oh, you dont remember that? huh…God really boinked us on this one didn’t They? 

…

holy shit, you remember that book i found!? Jesus actually says there’s an official way to pray. and this one is out of the mouth of JC Himself, too, saying…(Mathew 6:7-14) “When you are praying, do not heap up empty phrases as the Gentiles do; for they think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. Pray then in this way: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come. Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And do not bring us to the time of trial, but rescue us from the evil one.’ For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” okay so…Jesus kinda knew what He was talking about…and there is sort of a word or phrase you can follow that guarantees 100% coverage of all possible scenarios your mind could ever conjure up; even the ones that you might have forgotten in some conversational prayer you might’ve had, leading some some sort of ocd…

of course, still pending the fact that you must forgive everybody or else God can’t forgive you, rendering the entire prayer invalid; nonetheless, 100% of this ocd stuff is covered by what might be the most valuable part of this scripture, to me, anyway……"for your Father knows what you need before you ask him”. i feel touched enough by how insane of an actual promise that is to actually believe it. and so, with the assumption that a God who must be all loving knows me pretty well, i tried it out. while i do not have a perfect memory, to the best of my current ability, i have made many amends and have forgiven all who wrong me. wherefore, i’m soooo worthy enough for this “Lord’s Prayer”.

its been about a month since i started frequently trying to memorize and attempt to use the lord’s prayer, and the results are interesting. perhaps this good feeling some might call “joy”, is due to being properly medicated for the first time, but isn’t that an act of God in its own way? in the end, whenever i feel like i need or should be praying, doing the lord’s prayer is a good starting point to actually remove enough of this ocd before considering if i actually need to do a big ol’ prayer. this has opened me up to have much more productive prayers, instead of praying, simply because of anxiety.

so what did we learn? ocd sucks so much ass, and religion rewards the absolute FUCK out of it. but doing the lord’s prayer has kind of helped a lot…so maybe try it out or find something like that for your own stupid lil’ head <3. super easy, right??

(maybe the weird rituals we learn are for the friends we find along the way)

anyway, let me eat u :3

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intro-to-jesus

JESUS 101:

¿really don’t want to do your english essay? take a blinker for me, you, the hoes, yo mama, and God. then get around to starting that cult u always wanted…the ones with vague allusions to a primal feminine rage and faux-cannibalism…

and so i write unto you, my beloved, in hopes i may have love with u 5evah. but i digress…in my experience with one of the many extreme religions, i’d like to wager that any religion that insists on “belonging”, requires an identity from you. this group-assumed identity often lacks the nuances of an actual human being and leads to a lot of, at the deep frustration of gnosis, stagnation…

id like to start this venture off with a little deconstructive exercise in how religion informs one’s sense of identity; therefore, restricting the self. (hows that for a thesis?) personally, i have been informed by christianity and not much else, so forgive me for solely depending on it, but uhhh anyway, in scripture God’s like literal name is pretty much

I AM THAT I AM.         

and that’s, like, a really powerful idea to me. thats the sort of identity i want. hey guy……..we should be like God……..i struggle a lot with identity and i have taken a lot of solace in always depending on the fact that i am that i am. literally works all of the time. try it out on your priest or bishop, or even the folks at home! who are you? I am that I am. what are you? I am that i am? why are you? I am that I am. whats your name? I am that i am. got one of them pronouns? she/they. as easy as pie. shrimple as that! no matter what, we are who we are, and if we learn to accept the fact that a God of all things good has to be infinite in both existence and goodness, then we can actually start believing it. if you wanna listen to Jesus, that really smart and really cool mysterious guy that we’re all somehow best friends with? His God is the God of love and thats pretty cool i think…if you think thats cool then we should be friends, and hang out and love each other so much that we start thinking that love is God. and i found this book that dubiously recorded all that neat stuff Jesus said. but that was like 2024 years ago exactly and so the only stuff thats totally real is that Jesus was just another minority killed by angry romans. i adore the new testament, that shit is peak, and REALLY shoves that whole love wumbo jumbo down your throat. tastes like bread and wine, terrible stuff. anyway, heres what i liked in there.——read em’ and weep liberals——

*PSA: the holy bible i will continually be referring to will be the nrsv edition; the most accurate translation of the original texts according to the academic consensus that i am in possession of. verses may be updated when possible.*

*PSA2: to skip bible lecture: proceed to “end transmission” and continue.* 

2 John 1:5-6 “But now, dear lady, I ask you, not as though I were writing you a new commandment, but one we have had from the beginning, let us love one another. And this is love, that we walk according to his commandments; this is the commandment just as you have heard it from the beginning—you must walk in it”

1 Thessalonians 3:12 “And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, just as we abound in love for you”

1 Thessalonians 4:9-12 “Now concerning love of the brothers and sisters, you do not need to have anyone write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love one another; and indeed you do love all the brothers and sisters throughout Macedonia. But we urge you, beloved, to do so more and more…”

John 15: 12-20 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another”

*END TRANSMISSION*

so God is love and Their Love is so incomprehensibly infinite and eternal that we gotta just trust one of the better men in history?    errrrmm yup! is me having the highest regard for love a coping mechanism for daddy issues? not sure…but bad news buddy, God knows you and loves you so fucking much. u dumb-stupid-cute-ass bitch...God will never stop loving you…bitch…but what about these tips to remember all theosophy? cuz its a lot, and thats really hard to remember…

ENTER: MY BOMB ASS BLOG o3o

tune in next time for the “praying with ocd or a million mr.beast bucks? epic super mega awesome challenge". okay love u bye <3

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(or how i learned to stop worrying and love the bomb)

hello everyone across the internet highways! 

its elyse, long time listener, first time caller…

i’ve decided to share my great wisdoms to you all, because you are my friends :3

have you ever had religious trauma plagued by controlling mental & emotional disorders, but still want to be friends with God? then this is the BLOG 4 U! in it, ill share all the neat little tips and tricks i’ve learned along the way…

*PSA: as a subscriber to the “isms”, i interpret all religious texts with a “mysterious marxist”philosophy. reader beware, you're in for a scare.*