locoladydukez-blog

[locoladydukez-blog]

[locoladydukez-blog]

for her: a wlw playlist by @satremohn​ and @griffindors

[listen here] + [art credit]

i. strangers halsey ft. lauren jauregui / ii. girls like girls hayley kiyoko / iii. touch shura / iv. telegraph ave + sober daniel andrade / v. girlfriend icona pop / vi. lgbt lowell / vii. marceline willow / viii. daisy zedd / ix. she’s a lady LION BABE / x. nights with you MØ / xi. lowkey dev / xii. let my baby stay amandla stenberg / xiii. sweater weather kina grannis / xiv. distraction kehlani / xv. only a girl gia

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My god isnt your god and that’s alittle scary to you. You cast away demons while i dance in the rain with mine. I make love to Lucifer while you praise Jesus. Yours and mine are equal in the sense the good in mine is bad in yours and the bad in mine good is ours.

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Judgement

Not going to censor myself or explain myself... No clue why I did yesterday? Wasn't in my right mind... But basically Tumblr is my most Raw Blog and I'm not sorry if you see a parts of me you aren't use to. It's all me. Love it. Possibly you could choose to leave me... See how long that lasts. Lol I'm just real 100!

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Can't even say shit... It's fucking DOPE!!!!

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If You Dont

It's good of you don't.

It's ok if you do.

The moment my neck pops, head rush.

Anxiety so bad like I keep weights on my shoulders...

Then sad to say nothing can relax me or take it away .

Except for the one thing that'll kill me.

One hit boom body starts sinking into the chair like I'm a piece of melting butter.

Can't fix it when I meditate.

Can't fix it working out.

My mental state is no help.

Can't even think of a different escape...

I say escape like I'm going somewhere but I'm not.

An escape from this pressure, something to lift the weight.

So sad i keep doing it. Gonna try my hand at other options this week I hope.

I'd love nothing more then to say FUCK DOPE...!!!

But my body hurts and it's my turn to pack a bowl... Only friends and family who come around don't realize it's a social smoke. When I'm alone i don't sit there anymore in the dark.

Everytime my lips on on this pipe ...I takeba second like I'm waiting for some one to tell me stop...but nobody ever does.

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Lately

Lately I been hiding me...

Hiding my words, pictures, self in every sense.

Last time I seen the sun a full day must have been months ago.

All these changes,stresses and mainly my depression.

Birthdays,the holidays and my family.

Missing my daughters driving me insane!

Don't want to look at their pictures, makes me cry.

Only comfort I have is knowing there with their dad.

No better place for them then with him. Phone calls seem to be distant but that's cause of me. I can't control how I feel when I start thinking of them.

Depression is kicking my ass and my surgery. My body and my face are completely disgusting and it's not me!!

I don't even recognize myself some days, showers everyday yet every few weeks I notice how much I'm really neglecting myself.

Maybe my appearance is finally matching my insides...

Can I hope for a butterfly effect on beauty ? Rest and wait till I bloom back to my normal self???

All these medications keep me numb... Do they have anything to do with all this ugly??? Idk!! Just dealing with it day by day.

Don't want to step out side , don't want to take pictures, don't want to meet anyone new, don't want to see anyone I know and don't want to video chat my girls especially looking so fucking ill.

I really feel like death is going to come quick, as bad as it sounds. I really dont see any positives or anything coming my way as in the future?? No plans, no hope, no faith and can't cope for nothing.

I want to self medicate till I can't see straight and hope it shows me any type of path .

I hear everything around me I do but how to agree or reach out, how to let go and trust in something I feel is hiding from me?

I'm not scared I just want to know how this is going to go?

Like having some thing within myself I can learn and know, feels like I'm almost hiding my own talents from myself.

Ain't that fucked up.

I hate technology, I use to know it now I just suck. I want old school signs and can't figure out the steps this way. I need to plug into my intuition and pray for patience.

I accept my blessings.

Open to what is trying to reach me.

whole heartidly I will not mess this up.

I ask for the chance that is being given to me.

I apologise for being slow to understand.

My mind races without me sometimes but slow and steady is what the story tells us right?

Thorough and pay attention to detail is my forte'

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Morning

When you take that big morning hit of the burner and the church bells down the street start ringing 😂 smh

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I see and I believe I know, bigger then me situation but I can't see it clearly... Maybe that's what I need to work on... Clearing it out.

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Know the feeling

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"Death is coming soon love,just hold my hand"

Drippin so pretty- drag you through my hell

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Daily

via weheartit