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Dominante at submisibo: Posisyon

Naging sirko ng agawan puke ang paboritong posisyon sa bansa. At isang titi ang naging dominante sa sarap ng pagtatalik ng mga sabik sa pagbabago. Tanggapin na natin, heto tayo ngayon, tinitira ng matigas at naghuhumindig ng kaliwa't kanan na kabalintunaan. Marami sa atin ang handang lumunok ng semilya masabi lamang na tama lahat ang kanyang ginagawa. Hindi nga naman siya matatakot dahil nagawa nating sumama sa kwarto kung saan siya ang hari. Hindi nga naman matatawag na panggagahasa kung pumayag naman tayo. Ganito tayo kadesperado maabot lamang ang pinto ng langit. Handang ipagapos ang paa't kamay habang nakayakap ang piring sa ating mga mata, ginusto natin na hindi makakita — submisibo. Tuwang-tuwa pa nga tayo sa kiliti ng kanyang gitnang diliri na ipinapasok sa kipot ng ating pag-iisip. Kasabay nito ay ang pagdapo ng kanyang palad na puno ng puwersa sa bawat hampas ng pagpapatupad. Naging hustisya ang lakas ng ungol natin na laging nagtatanggol sa tuwing tinitikman ang hapdi at kirot sa pag-abot ng sarap.

Hindi na bago sa atin ang kagustuhan na maging alila, laman na ito ng malibog nating kasaysayan. Nagpakasasa sa mga Kastila, nagpakaputa sa mga Amerikano, nagpatira sa Hapon, at nakipagsiping sa diktador. Marami ang tumanggi sa pagiging submisibo pero binalewala, balewala rin naman ang kanilang mga ipinaglaban dahil mas gusto natin ang romansa ng kamay na bakal. At ang disiplina na hanap natin ay ang kawalan ng kakayahan na marinig sapagkat may busal na ang ating bibig habang labas pasok na pinaparausan ang ating karapatang pantao. Sawang-sawa na kasi tayo sa walang humpay na pagsuso ng mga politiko sa kaban ng bayan kahit magang-maga na ang utong ng dinaranas nating kahirapan. Sumusugal tayo na hindi magbubuntis ng pang-aabuso kahit sa loob ng pamahalaan niya ipunuputok ang kawalan ng respeto sa mga alam niyang kontra administration.

Maraming fuccboi sa bayan, lahat sila ay nais tayong parausan. Nakikipaglandian kaya tayo sa tunay na pagbabago? Hindi ko alam.

Gaano kahaba pa ba ang kaya nating isubo?

Words by Gene Marx Guiao Photo by Gelo Montiero

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Alaala

“Binuksan ko ang aking isip sa hubad na katotohanan,

Na wala ka na.

Kung may naiwan man,

Ako iyon

At ang mga alaala—”

Words and Illustration by Gene Marx Guiao

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Libot

Masyadong masikip ang apat na sulok ng ating kwarto upang ibigay sa iyo ang ligaya, Kung kaya't hahagkan kita at gagawin nating kumot ang mundo Hahalikan ka ng sariwang hangin mula sa sumasayaw na dahon at sanga Yayakapin ka ng alon sa tuwing nais mong tuklasin ang nagaabang na lalim Papaligayahin ka gamit ang mga tala't bituin na ngumingiti sa dilim Maaabot mo ang langit sa tuwing mararating ang tuktok nang naiinip na bundok At ang habangbuhay na paglalakbay kasama ka ay ang indayog ng pag-ibig na hindi dadalawin ng antok

Words by Gene Marx Guiao Artwork by Alex Ravana

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Kalawakan ng pagkawala

Nakabilad ang iyong laman sa silong nang nanunuod na buwan At sa paglalim ng gabi ay naiinggit maging ang karagatan Dahan-dahan, ibinuklat ang libro na tila mga bagong pahina Dinama, sinalat, ang mga daliri ay nagawang magbasa

Takbo sa isip ay kung paano ka naging tupa Sa kanya bilang lobo

Takbo ng puso ay hinahabol ang paghinga Singhap, kagat sa natutuyong labi

Ang mga mata ay inaabot ang kisame ng mundo Iyong paa'y naghahanap ng tungtungan sa nipis ng uniberso Mahiwaga ang tinig na sa mga bituin ay ibinabato Bulalakaw sa pagliyab ang katawan na hindi napapaso

At sumapit nga ang umaga, naabot mo na ang rurok Ngunit wala siya, nakamasid ang araw sa lugmok

Pinagod mo lang ang sarili sa inakalang kalawakan Pinagod mo lang ang sarili na maghintay at punan

Illustration by Quennie Labrador

Words by Gene Marx Guiao

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Postponed Gratification

Postponed Gratification

Dearest C,

I plead for you to touch me. Make me ache with the magic of your fingertips. Leave marks on my skin. Red. Your hands on my thighs. Burning.

Kiss me. Put your tongue in my mouth, swirling. Drenched in our saliva, nibbling. Suck the life out, and gently breathe in me again.

Smother me. Hold my neck, pull my hair. Constricting. Tighter. Tie my hands, blindfolded. Hear my body’s response in moans.

Make love to me. Darling, thrust. In and out, to and fro. Don’t stop until I cry your name at the peak of my pleasure.

Then leave. And in the morning, you will be gone. Bidding thanks, a note written with love. So until then we meet, thrill me again. Hard and brute. Gentle and kind.

I ache for you. Will you heal my pain?

My scars are waiting, Your loving N

Words by X Illustration by Gene Marx Guiao

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Take me

Nagtuos ang ating mga yaman Nagpaligsahan ang ating ari arian Noong una’y nagbabad ka sa bukana ng aking bulkan Pababa ay nilakbay mo ang aking kabundukan

Hinayaang matunghayan ang tanawin sa kagubatan Masakit man ay ibinigay sa’yo ang makipot kong daan Winasak ang bakod at pinapasok sa kaharian Parehas nating narating ang lawa nang kasukdulan

Nabasa at lumangoy sa lawak ng karagatan Bumaba ang langit sa aking kapatagan Sa pagnakaw ng pagaari, ikaw ay hinayaan Subalit ang alok kong titulo ay iyong tinanggihan Bagkus ang nais lang pala ay pook pasyalan.

Words and Illustration by Gene Marx Guiao

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Colors

You’re a lucky piece of shit Staple that on your head. For finding a curious little seed A curious girl in distress Willing to open up her legs And kiss you, your dirty skin. Who’d go down on you On any given day Wraps her fingers around Your big, long, throbbing cock that’s choking her to death. Gasping for air On her knees Lips wide open As she swallows you whole, Licks everything clean Including you.

Illustration by Gene Marx Guiao Words by Jandel Uy

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Undress

I wonder how it feels To be naked and vulnerable In front of a person you trust most Yet cannot be trusted enough, that they will stay After this night full of physical longing And just giving in to the feeling

I wonder how it feels To be touched in places you once used to hide From the eyes of strangers and past potential lovers And then let them kiss your tender skin From your throat, to your breast To your navel and thighs To have them suck your nipples as they grab your butt- Tighter, as if you are not even close enough Tighter, as if you are a precious gem they’re too afraid to lose Tighter, as if this bond you are trying create, needs not an inch of space in between

As if you are two kinds of atoms, creating a new compound that would so much matter

I wonder how it feels To have first let someone in to your life, then to your mind, and then soul, and then body; To open your mouth like a fissure in the ground As the earth shakes when you make love- Or spread your legs like it was trying to hug the equator Because every inch of his being feels too big for you, Like he is all the oceans and continents combined And that you should contain him

I wonder how it feels to savor the taste of someone else’s mouth- Share, the same air as they inhale your every pant and gasp and you do the same- Bathe in someone else’s sweat like it was an oasis in the dessert that you just want to drown in its waters And welcome any tidal waves if any Like it was an ocean of goodness And as if the moist is a blessing And that you are being born again into a new life

I wonder how it feels To hear the sound of your hearts Beating together like there’s a huge parade And your moans and aah’s and yeses Were the only lyrics you need To create the best music to your ears And that each word just turns you on even more That you just want to fuck them even harder As if you are running on a race, and you can almost see the finish line so you run even faster, As if you’re hiking the Everest And you can see the sun filtering from above the clouds and you know you’re almost there

I wonder how it feels to be so excited to finish a work you’ve began that when you reach the end, goosebumps spread like wildfire and you shiver- Because it was the best performance yet that you’ve ever witnessed- and have done Like you have split opened like an atom and exploded like a nuclear bomb when his shell touched your ground And the city of sheets and pillows on the floor became the ruins of the battle you both have won

I wonder how it feels like Although I do know how it feels like- To just lay there and cuddle And maybe laugh or giggle or enjoy the silence and share a few more kisses And look forward to the next morning, Thinking which of you will be making the breakfast Or which place you eat brunch or how it feels like to be held-

But I wonder how it feels like, too,

When it’s after the night of having sex; When it’s after a night of exploring different countries and enjoying getting lost in its streets, When it’s after voyaging unknown seas and having been rocked with it’s bipolar waves of small and big as tsunamis

Or

To just not care if it’s the right thing or if he’s the right one Because, that night, it just feels like he is- both the right thing and the right one

I have no idea how it feels like-

I guess I’m just too afraid of losing more than gaining something else; like the freedom from the boxes and chains that has imprisoned me inside this deadly cell of the culture and norms; That once a woman’s body gets soiled with the hands of a man, her value decreases along with everything she gave away

I guess I’m afraid of giving something I’ve kept so long and losing it along with them- If it ever happens that it’s the only thing they wanted and not the whole me- with or without my virginity Or that I am just a box for the jewelry they wanted to get their hands into Or that I could just be an accessory, to brag about and can be put away when they want to

And the thought of it seems more painful than the thought of being explored for the first time And I don’t know how it feels like And right now I don’t think I’m ready to

So tonight, I will hug myself and go to sleep Be naked, just for myself, and for no reason, too Convince myself that I’m used to this And that although I wanted freedom, For now, I also do not want pain- Tell myself that it could wait And one day, I’ll be ready Both to lose and to gain Tell myself, I’ll be ready-

I will

just not today

Illustration by Gene Marx Guiao Words by Karlen Fajardo

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Pick

Sa iyo ko lamang ipapipitas ang namumukadkad kong bulaklak sa sanga ng aking pagkatao kung saan ang lahat ng dagta ay para sa iyo.

Huwag lang sanang humantong na magsawa ka at maghanap ng ibang halaman sa hardin ng mundo at simulang mangolekta na pupuno sa plorera ng iyong kuwarto Words and Illustration by Gene Marx Guiao