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Logan expected to feel anything but calm today, on his wedding day. Hearing horror stories from friends and some of his coworkers about things that went wrong on their respective wedding days, he expected the worst to happen. For something, anything to go wrong. After all, he grew up seeing the worst in people and never expecting good things to happen for him, so why should today be any different? Faye was much too good for him, and something was bound to happen to prove to them both that she was better off not marrying him. As much as he tried to tell those thoughts to fuck off - and he knew deep down they weren’t valid - they kept creeping back into his mind. He did what he could to think about the good things that are ahead of him and Faye. This wedding, their honeymoon. Buying a bigger home back in Los Angeles. Faye going to school to do what she really loves.
Happy that they decided on an outdoor venue in Venice - the Belmond Hotel Cipriani - Logan takes a deep breath as he stands at the altar with his best men. The warm Italian heat isn’t quite so imposing thanks to the breeze coming off the water, and he’s glad Faye pushed him to decide on a linen suit for the occasion. His leg shaking as he waits to see his bride, Anthony bumps his arm with his own as he tries to get Logan to calm down. “I told you you should have smoked a joint beforehand, calm the fuck down,” he says, prompting an eye roll from Logan. “Faye would kill me if I was high during our wedding ceremony, you know that,” Logan says, laughing lightly.
As cheesy as it sounds, it feels as though time stops the second he locks eyes with his soon-to-be wife. He’s completely calm and focused on her. All the worries he may have had that the day wouldn’t go as planned completely melt away as she walks towards him, a brilliant smile lighting up her face. She’s stunning, with her long blonde hair flowing in waves down her back, her dress hugging her curves perfectly. He’s in awe of her, and feels so fucking lucky to be where he is in that moment. Once she’s standing in front of him, he reaches out to grab her hand, his thumb brushing against her knuckles. “Fuck, you look beautiful,” he tells her, the emotion evident in his voice. He blinks quickly to try and ward the impending tears away, not wanting to stand up here and cry in front of everyone. No one would ever let him live that down.
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As shitty as it was to be away from Faye while she was quarantined a couple of weeks ago, it gave me the opportunity I needed to get the ball rolling on my proposal. After spending weeks - a couple of months, if i’m being honest with myself - trying to think of the perfect way to propose, I finally realized what I was going to do. Faye isn’t a stereotypical girl, i’m pretty sure she’d knee me in the junk if I pulled some huge stunt in public. Not that she’d be embarrassed, no. She just isn’t one for all of the fanfare and having the attention solely on herself, even if I think it should be. Nonetheless, she deserved a grand gesture and I thought I had the perfect way to propose that felt genuine to who we are.
I had always used my hobby of creating graphic novels as a front for my drug business, something to look legit if the police were to ever get involved. I knew I was talented and I made a decent living selling my books. With it being one of the first things Faye and I bonded over when we first met, I knew I wanted to make one for her.
With Faye out of the house I had the perfect opportunity to work on the book without the fear of her finding it. I illustrated everything; meeting her at one of Anthony’s parties in New York City, late night pizza at one of my favorite joints in Queens, flying to LA whenever I got the chance just to see her before finally making the permanent move to the West Coast. I wanted to paint the picture of our entire relationship up to this point. I’ve always prided myself on keeping my emotions in check and not allowing myself to be vulnerable, but I knew with this book I needed to throw that out the window.
I didn’t exactly have any sort of example growing up about what a loving marriage looked like, having been tossed from one foster home to the next. The families I was always placed with were money hungry and selfish, unfazed and disconnected from each other on an emotional level. I knew that what I had with Faye was real and I wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of my life showing her how much she means to me. I wanted to give more than what I was given as a child.
Waking up with my stomach in knots, I couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason for my nerves. I wasn’t worried that she’d say no. We’ve talked about marriage recently a few times and I knew we were on the same page. A part of her was expecting this. Desperately wanting to pop a xanax to calm my nerves I stopped myself and texted Anthony.
How much shit would she give me if I took a couple pills to calm my nerves?
You can’t propose to your girlfriend high, you fucking asshole.
Well.. he had a point. Quietly escaping from our room and leaving my sleeping girlfriend in our bed, I set to work in the kitchen making all of Faye’s favorites. Realizing pretty quickly that i’m absolute shit at cooking - no surprise, really - I cursed myself for not ordering something to be delivered. Too far in now to quit, I set about making possibly the ugliest pancake i’ve ever seen in my life. It’s the thought that counts, right? Quickly plating up the rest of the food - and leaving one downstairs for Astro - I grabbed the finished comic I had stashed in my office and set it all up on a breakfast tray.
Setting the tray on the nightstand, I carefully lean across the bed, caging a sleeping Faye between my arms. Pressing kisses along her naked back and up to the curve of her ear, I whispered for her to wake up. Watching as she carefully sits up, I debate going to get her a shirt. If she going to yell at me if I propose to her while her tits are out? Probably. Will she be suspicious if I throw her a shirt to put on while we’re in bed together? Abso-fucking-lutely. That’s never happened before. This is a lose/lose situation. Thinking quick, I grab my flannel from the “laundry chair” we keep near the bed and wrap it around her. “You look... cold. Goosebumps,” I mutter before turning around and grabbing the tray before setting it on her lap. Knowing Faye sees right through my bullshit, I busy myself with pouring both of us cups of coffee and juice before noticing she’s picked up the comic. I swear I stop breathing once I hear her asking what it is. “Open it,” I murmur, my heart in my throat.
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Going back to New York always makes Logan feel bittersweet. On one hand, it’s where he grew up so a large part of him will always love the city. He has great memories there even though his early childhood years were rough to navigate. The main thing that he’s ashamed to admit that’s keeping him from visiting the city more is the situation with his mom. Though he knows he should make more of an effort to spend time with her before it’s too late, there’s a part of him that will always resent her for what she put him and his sister through. As much as he wanted Faye to meet her, he also wanted to protect Faye from her and keep her away from the negative energy that always seems to hang over his mom like a cloud. All of that aside, they did have a decent visit together and he was glad he got to see his mom since it had been a few months since his last visit.
He’s happy to be home, though. He’s felt different around Faye lately, but not in a bad way. He’s starting to think about the future — their future — which is something he’s never really let himself think too hard about before. Growing up he didn’t have the luxury to think about his future or what he wanted. It was never a guarantee that he’d make it this far. His job has always been unpredictable at best, but it’s finally at a point where he feels content. Like he can make concrete plans. And boy is he coming up with some plans to secure his future with the girl he loves...
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