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my morning
Everything takes me longer in the morning. When the alarm goes off, it takes me ten minutes before I can even sit upright. My body is heavy β not just the weight itself, but the whole feeling of going through the day with this body. My knees often hurt before I even take a first step. I shower sitting down. A normal shower is too narrow. I have a bench in it that can take my weight. I have to think about a lot of things that others just do: drying under my breasts, applying cream between the folds of my stomach to prevent inflammation. I hate it, but I've learned that it has to be done. Breakfast isβ¦ routine. Two rolls, sometimes with Nutella or sausage. A sweet coffee. I know it's not good. But when I eat, I feel safe for a moment. Calm.
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