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Moving Out

About seven years ago, I created this blog. It was more of a hiding place, a wishing well where I can keep my secrets safe. At that time, I just graduated college and was so lost and confused yet hopeful. I had a lot of dreams which, at the time, I thought were perfect for me. I knew the kind of life I wanted to live, the kind of man I wanted to be with, and the place where I wanted to spend the rest of my life in. 

But, of course, I was so young and foolish. For these past years I have seen a lot of my dreams come to ashes. Nothing happened as I had planned, but this didn’t stop me from hoping against hope that things would finally turn around. They didn’t. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve grown a lot as a person. Things weren’t all black. Four years ago I got a job that I loved so much. My brother had two little creatures who brighten up my days. The love of my friends and family keeps me going through most of the days. I was in good health, I managed to get a postgraduate degree, and I worked a job that I loved, so I couldn’t ask for more.

Few days after my last birthday (October last year) things started going down the hill; I lost someone I cared about a lot. A couple of months later I lost my dad, and I’m still trying to realize the whole thing. Few weeks after that I found out that my brother is moving abroad with his little family. I only have one brother, and he, his kids, and my mom are my whole life. So I was in a pretty terrible state when I heard the news. But at least things couldn’t get worse... or could they? Turns out, they could, and they did. A month later, I lost my job (the one I loved).

How am I holding up? Good, I guess. When faced with a lot of misfortunes I started realizing how temporary everything is, and how little time we have. I go through a lot of ups and downs, but, thankfully, the support of those I love helps keep me going. 

So what does all of this have to do with me leaving this blog? Well, I feel like I need a fresh start, and this blog reminds me of all the dreams I have never achieved, and all the things I’ve lost. It makes me feel kinda trapped, and I need to get away from that. I need to recreate my life, to have new goals, and I need a clean, empty page to create it on. So here we go, my new blog: https://theemptypages.tumblr.com

See you on the other side.

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Some days are perfectly beautiful 🧡 . . . . . . . . . #sunset #spring #flowers #clouds #color #perfection #landscape #landscapephotography #springflowers #garden #greenery #green #trees (at Zamalek, Al Qahirah, Egypt) https://www.instagram.com/p/BvE_K6jFSaS/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ttmfqew1zobt

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Rosalind M. Baker, from Woman Prayers: Prayers by Women; “Breakdown,”

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Kindness, kindness, kindness.

I want to make a New Year’s prayer, not a resolution. I’m praying for courage.

Susan Sontag resolves in 1972

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“Millions of people have decided not to be sensitive. They have grown thick skins around themselves just to avoid being hurt by anybody. But it is at great cost. Nobody can hurt them, but nobody can make them happy either.”

— Osho (via goodreadss)

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“If you hold back on the emotions–if you don’t allow yourself to go all the way through them–you can never get to being detached, you’re too busy being afraid. You’re afraid of the pain, you’re afraid of the grief. You’re afraid of the vulnerability that loving entails. But by throwing yourself into these emotions, by allowing yourself to dive in, all the way, over your heard even, you experience them fully and completely”

— Mitch Albom, Tuesdays with Morrie (via the-book-diaries)

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““I don’t dream at night, I dream all day; I dream for a living.””

— Steven Spielberg (via goodreadss)

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Random Thoughts #89

Another new year, another new goodbye.

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Tom Carr HRHA HRUA ARWS (1909 - 1999)

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“It happens to everyone as they grow up. You find out who you are and what you want, and then you realize that people you’ve known forever don’t see things the way you do. So you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on.”

— Nicholas Sparks (via goodreadss)

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“Sometimes, carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement.”

— Albert Camus, The Fall

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“It broke my heart into more pieces than my heart was made of, why can’t people say what they mean at the time?”

— Jonathan Safran Foer (via quotemadness)

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i imagine getting my own place all the time and going down to the grocery store early in the morning before everyone else and to the coffee shop and having a really small place with wide windows and lots of plants and shelves of books and a tiny kitchen where i can make tea and noodles and a bed with a pile of blankets and just a place i can make uniquely my own or maybe a place i could share with someone but i just think about this place a lot idk.

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having an anxiety disorder is like having a dog that barks at intruders but also barks at nothing a lot so you’re always like. what is it boy??? what do you see??? what’s wrong?? like no. it’s nothing. nothing is wrong. my brain’s just a nervous puppy who yaps at the wind.

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““People who use time wisely spend it on activities that advance their overall purpose in life.””

— John C. Maxwell (via goodreadss)

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“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”

— Seneca (via goodreadss)

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Perfectionism is not your friend. It’s rooted in the fear that what you do won’t be good enough. It’s over-valuing others’ opinion of you and your work.

Perfectionism leaves you paralyzed, waiting for the perfect conditions so you know it’s safe to act. Unfortunately, if you’re waiting for the perfect conditions, you may wait for the rest of your life.

If you can learn to fall in love with the process, rather than the product, you’ll be free to chase your passions unrestrained. Don’t let perfectionism keep you from moving. After all, you can’t steer a parked car.