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me: "i've already cut myself multiple times to force people into staying with me"

therapist: "woah sounds like you just need to do some breathing exercises"

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why am i never enough? will i ever be enough?

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ABANDONMENT

Abandonment issues has you subconsciously sabotaging good bonds and situations with people, because you're already expecting them to leave.

Abandonment issues cause you to push away people who generally cared for you.

Abandonment issues mentally let's you justify ghosting people.

Abandonment issues will have you finding every little reason to not trust someone.

Abandonment issues has you overthinking every sentence someone says, and every action someone does.

Abandonment issues............

Abandonment issues will cause you deep rooted loneliness, that never seems to go away.

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I hate that you just have to trust that your friends really love you and want to be around you like what a predicament

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I had a vision

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Sometimes the trust issues are nuts and we gotta stop and remind ourselves,

It would make no sense for ppl in our lives to waste their time and energy on pretending to care abt us. It would make no sense for them to stay this long and would be much easier for them to just have left by now if they really didn’t love us, be it as partners or friends. If everyone truly didn’t care it would have happened months/years ago and it hasn’t. It would make no sense for ppl to put time and effort into giving us their time and support just to want nothing to do with us

It gets easy to believe that ppl don’t actually care bc u don’t feel like ur doing enough or are enough, because it’s hard to accept that people do love and care about you when you can’t figure out “a good enough reason ppl would stay”

Its harder to have to look at the messes, and the bills, and the lack of energy or health or etc. and accept that ur loved despite ur struggles now, bc then u have to look back and remember how ppl who were supposed to love u despite ur struggles failed to give u the support u needed deserved.

Then u sit and ask urself why, and u ask ur loved ones why, and they give u reasons they love u that u can’t empathize with or struggle to, and it all feels like some incomprehensible scary thing. Things that are unknown can feel scary

That inner child gets easy to get stuck wondering how anyone could ever love u if ur imperfect, bc “even your parents couldn’t do it”

U deserved to be held then. U deserve to be held now. We deserve to have been held then. We deserve to be held now. Nobodies struggles make them unlovable. There’s no such thing as being inherently unlovable

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just thought abt how easy it would be for them to abandon me not ok

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Everyone leaves eventually, but I wish they'd stay for once...

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what is it about me that makes people wanna leave me?

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When the novelty

Of a bad dog

Wears off

You will find another companion

To hold by your side

And I will befriend

The cold concrete

Of the shelter

Once again

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intrusive thoughts are so funny. your brain is like "imagine how fucked up it would be if you pushed that stranger in front of a car lol" and you're like yeah. that would be fucked up. i'm not gonna do that though. and your brain is like "ok. just to make sure i'm gonna make you think of it in graphic detail over and over for the next five minutes just so that you really understand how fucked up it would be." thanks i guess.

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Should I have a cup of coffee or should I...?

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reminder to people with intrusive thoughts that i love you. i love you people with violent intrusive thoughts, with sexual intrusive thoughts, with thoughts too upsetting to write down, with blasphemous intrusive thoughts, with bigoted intrusive thoughts that go against your morals, with "disgusting" or unhygienic intrusive thoughts- i love you, and the kind of thoughts you have don't make me love you any less.

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i love sociopaths i love narcissists i love low/no empathy havers i love people so mentally scarred it makes them generally mean people who push everyone away i love chronically angry people i love people with horrible intrusive thoughts (yes even yours) i love people who want horrible things to happen to the people who hurt them i love people with pervasive feelings of hate i love people who are uncontrollably agitated and irritable i see you i care about you i want you to get better i think you deserve as many chances as it takes for you to pull through i mean it i really really mean it