longroadtoparadise - Tumblr blog

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You crazy, beautiful people, I’m about to eat my weight in melted chocolate. My husband looks pained and also won’t stop muttering to himself, “ah shit she fucking did it.” You guys are the best.

I haven’t logged into tumblr in 7 years. The last time I was on here, I was in college. Now I’m married with kids and started watching the PM Seymour videos with my husband on YouTube.

My husband told me if I made a post and PM Seymour featured it in his video he’d take me to Melting Pot.

I resurrected my tumblr account and took it off life support because I really fucking want chocolate fondue, man. Help a girl out.

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I haven’t logged into tumblr in 7 years. The last time I was on here, I was in college. Now I’m married with kids and started watching the PM Seymour videos with my husband on YouTube.

My husband told me if I made a post and PM Seymour featured it in his video he’d take me to Melting Pot.

I resurrected my tumblr account and took it off life support because I really fucking want chocolate fondue, man. Help a girl out.

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…*heavy sigh*

Nurse: Hey, Doc - your patient is GCS 8.

Me: …uh, what?

Nurse: yeah. He’s not responding to me at all, doesn’t follow commands –

Me: He doesn’t speak English, and I think he’s a sexist bag of dicks? He ignored me, too.

Nurse: oh.

Nurse:

Nurse: So. If he stays GCS 8 because he won’t listen to me…?

Me: No, we cannot punitively intubate him.

Me: Being a sexist dick is not an indication for intubation.

Nurse: … lame.

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Ya’ll……. one of my nursing forms posted this.

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what did these penguins do to the scientists to deserve this

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One of my friends shared this on facebook and I just about died lol.

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Petition to change “he looked at her like she was the sun” to “he looked at her like she was the moon” and any other variation bc I look at the moon in wonder and love and amazement while I’ve only ever just squinted angrily at the sun

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bf: babe come over

me: i can’t, i’m having an existential crisis

bf: my parents aren’t home

me: are any of us really, truly….home?

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There was a little girl in church, about 5, and her parents obviously let her get dressed herself that day because she came waddling in with the puffiest coat on in the summer in North Carolina. She comes and sits in the pew in front of us. 15 minutes into mass she turns around and hands my husand an orange. Her parents are mortified.

“Savannah not again!” They sold! (Again kills me)

They appologize and she turns back around. A few moments later she goes to hand me an orange but her parents grab it from her before she can.

Savannah is determined. She reaches her tiny fists into her puffy coat and pulls out two more ornages. She begins to distribute them. Her parents are now beat red and in shock.

This small child proceeds to laugh a laugh I can only call manical (in a Catholic church) unzip the inner line of her coat and releases what had to have been 20-30 of those little kid oranges into the pews.

WE EAT Savannah yells cackeling

The priest can no longer contain his glee

The entire church is dying with laughter

She felt like Jesus on the moutian with the baskets of fish that day I’m sure.

Children are amazing.

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just in case we all forgot how insane the Cards Against Humanity people were

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