lord-fedya

[lord-fedya]

the idiot by dostoyevsky: a summary

[lord-fedya]

Anime Fyolai be like😭

[lord-fedya]

Fyodor looked so fucking un-fyodor before looking the most fyodor I’ve ever seen him look this chapter 

[lord-fedya]

[lord-fedya]

“The man who has a conscience suffers whilst acknowledging his sin. That is his punishment.”

[lord-fedya]

Its come to my attention that not a people are overly aware of this chapter of BSD Anthology, and seem to think that certain panels of it are from WAN which they are not! So I'm here to share my favourite chapter of BSD Anthology because its absolutely adorable

Translations are done by @ chibikko_chuuya on twitter!

sharing cause Fyodor is just so cute in it.

Hope you all enjoy

[lord-fedya]

Oh no she's rereading "crime and punishment" oh no looks like her dostoevsky's phase is here again ohhhh no please

[lord-fedya]

PRIEST!FYODOR PRIEST!FYODOR PRIEST!FYODOR

I have a particular obsession with this concept since I watched the dead apple movie and thought that those shibusawa clothes made my rat-man look like a priest (a hot one tho 😮‍💨)

for god's sake, I need this kind of content ASAP!!!!!

believe me, my dear.

#01 一 TYPE : short fic

#02 ニ CONTENT : priest!fyodor, fem!reader, timid!reader, dubcon, manipulation, religious theme, undead theme, mentions of blood

#03 三 NOTES : i may think of a plot of this whole thing already, oops...! this is a continuation from this drabble and is related to vampire!nikolai au, hehe

It was almost night. The sky glimmered with a dark orange hue as the sun was going down to give the way for the moon to shine into the night sky. You were sitting in the church, a little nervous to return to the mansion — especially after you had given up your blood for Nikolai... that mysterious being.

You felt rather sickly after he sucked your blood and you collapsed into a deep sleep against his body. That was the last thing you remembered before you woke up this morning, tucked nicely under the blanket with slight pain in your neck. The maid said Nikolai was out for something and will most likely come back before noon — before the sun was totally out in the sky.

So you left the mansion before he came back, but then you found yourself contemplating whether to return to the mansion or ask the priest of the church you had spent your childhood with for another help.

You were thinking whether you should report about Nikolai and his true identity to the priest, so he could confront the vampire. But as Nikolai said, you didn't have the heart to do so. Furthermore, that white-haired man was just too nice to you.

“My dear, it's been a while.”

Your head jerked up upon hearing that soft voice from the room at the back. A tall man, with an ushanka and white coat, walked towards you. He was smiling ever so mysteriously and his smile never felt like kindness was behind it.

“Father...”

Fyodor, he was a priest at the church that you had growing up in. You didn't know his exact age but the first time you met him when you were a child, he already looked like an adult — a teenager, maybe, serving the church with all his devotion.

And he was the one that gave you the small cross for protection.

“Oh, dear. You don't have to be formal with me. We've known each other for a long time.” Fyodor replied, slightly smirking and you only pressed your lips together. For some reason, his presence and Nikolai's presence were the exact same feeling.

Malice. Wicked.

“Are you pleased with the mansion I've suggested to you to reside? The owner of that mansion is okay with your presence, right?” he asked as he stood in front of you. You did not dare to look up and just played with your fingers.

“He... He is a nice person, yes.”

“Really? I'm glad to hear that he's being nice to you.” Fyodor replied. “But you came here certainly indicated that something had happened. Tell me, dear, what's bothering your mind?” he took your hand and you winced a little by how cold his skin was.

As if... he too...

Trying to shake the thought out of your mind, you looked up to him, gaining the courage to speak.

“Father... I mean, sir. Sir... Are there beings that are not humans?”

Fyodor's eyes were dead on you before he smiled. “Yes, yes they exist. The undead beings. They are there, living with humans too. Many humans remain dead after their last breath but some poor souls wouldn't want to remain dead when they have the will to live for something — be it for any reasons, really.” Fyodor explained.

“I see...”

“But, what I said was just tales told by generations to generations. How they exist, how they were born, how they even work, only the beings themselves know. Ironically, many of the beings do not know the truth of their lives too. Some even wonder how they got to be a blood-sucking monster in the first place.”

You looked at Fyodor suspiciously. It seemed like he knew something else entirely. Now that you think about it, this priest was always mysterious even to the church members.

“Were you asking that because you encountered an undead being, my dear? Is that why I can explain the loss of your cross that was always on your necklace?” Fyodor asked, almost snickering when he saw your shocked face.

“I.. I did. And.. I thought holy symbols can repel them but... I guess it's different from the tales people spread around.” you replied. Fyodor chuckled before he patted your head.

“Well, the fact that you tried to resist him is already proving that you're such a strong girl.”

Him?

You looked away, somehow it felt like Fyodor was mocking you but you had hope that he actually has good intentions beneath this vague persona. Fyodor noticed that reaction and only chuckled, seeming pleased by his action on you.

“There are many reasons why a mere cross won't work, dear. Perhaps the undead had lived a long life and had rather developed some kind of tolerance to it. Perhaps the soul of that undead believed that he is above God and the likes. Or.. perhaps,”

Fyodor leaned down to have his eyes on your level, staring straight into your twitching irises.

“Perhaps, the wielder — you, don't have faith.”

Your eyes widened and you stepped back. Seeming to be offended by his words, you looked at him with worry. “What are you saying, sir? Are you implying that my faith is nothing?”

“It could be. You see, just because you were raised in a church, that doesn't mean you won't doubt your faith and your heart. It's totally normal to think differently about what you had been taught, you know?” Fyodor replied, almost laughing at your frightened face.

“I.. I still believe in God...”

“You think you still believe, but what if your heart wants to not believe anymore? What if your sorrow made your faith waver, my dear? For me, that's not a bad thing as humans are created with feelings and mind to think.” Fyodor said as he stepped towards you. You tried to take a few steps back from him but his hand managed to reach you and rested on your head, gently.

“Sir..?”

Fyodor grinned maliciously as he leaned forward to your figure. His head went down to the crook of your neck. His lips brushed against your skin — on the spot where the bite marks from Nikolai were formed. Your eyes widened when you felt something sharp slightly graze your skin.

This familiar feeling...

“Are.. are you just the same as him too?” you asked, trembling. Fyodor only smirked, not answering your question. His hand moved down to your cheek, thumb rubbing your skin as he speak softly only for you to hear so carefully.

“Dear, oh my precious dear. If you can't have faith in God anymore, you can always believe me as one.”

they are not daddies but they are sirs for me🥰

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[lord-fedya]

Just a sketch.

[lord-fedya]

He needs me.

HE NEEDS ME

[lord-fedya]

Nikolai is not an Absurdist.

I’ve seen people calling Nikolai an absurdist, while he really is not. He has said himself that the comment regarding himself started with “cuz its fun” regarding gruesome murder (which is a very absurdist attitude, to embrace the absurdity of his actions and to do them despite their meaninglessness) is untrue. His character, however, is an example of a very apparent misconception of skepticism, which describes someone who lives their life in denial of all kinds of order and tries to disprove all established doctrines (specifically human feelings and morals).

Fyodor, on the contrary, is an absurdist (and a Lutheran, believing that he has gods ordinance to exercise power over so called evil, but that’s religious and not philosophical so I’ll not go into details here) rather than a nihilist. Nihilism would suggest that since he is so smart and sees no meaning in secular life, he would abandon all pursuits in life and seek an easy death (exactly like dark era Dazai; for this reason we should also not equate Fyodor to teenage Dazai). However, seeing how he enjoyed causing chaos in Yokohama and the world at large, sometimes not even helping his goal of obtaining the book, one could very much say he has an absurdist attitude regarding the meaninglessness of life.

It’s very interesting how on the surface Nikolai is the crazy one and Fyodor’s the calm one, yet at heart Nikolai deprives himself of all things human, very much trapped within the rigidity of his own logic, while Fyodor pursues undistinguished destruction of an existing system, which is by nature wild and illogical. I think this is also why they understand each other so well; they are each an outward manifestation of the other’s innermost self.

[lord-fedya]

A Handy List of Fyodor's Mannerisms (from chpt. 42)

He crosses his hands behind his back sometimes:

He scratches his head:

This hand thing:

His fingers near/in his mouth (usually while he's thinking):

This way of holding a card:

Upset over minor things:

[lord-fedya]

“I say, in earnest, that I should probably have been able to discover even in that a particular sort of enjoyment - the enjoyment, of course, of despair.”

—

Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Notes from Underground”

[lord-fedya]

[lord-fedya]

Animate these or I will riot. 

[lord-fedya]

“Every one who wants the supreme freedom must dare to kill himself. He who dares to kill himself has found out the secret of the deception. There is no freedom beyond; that is all, and there is nothing beyond.”

—

Fyodor Dostoevsky, Demons

[lord-fedya]

“Listen: if everyone must suffer, in order to buy eternal harmony with their suffering, pray tell me what have children got to do with it? It’s quite incomprehensible why they should have to suffer, and why they should buy harmony with their suffering.”

—

Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

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