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Wedding Coordination of Carlo Abaquita (Unique Wedding and Events}

Photo taken by Macky Carcedo 

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im so scared the rest of my life is gonna feel like this

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Too much and not enough at the same time.

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my look today is inspired by sleep deprivation and anxiety

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It is hard for me to be alone with my thoughts. They are not properly thoughts; they are memories which in my weakness haunt me and strangely move me.

— Erich Maria Remarque, All Quiet on the Western Front

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We all have different reasons for forgetting to breathe.

Andrea Gibson (via resqectable)

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My Anxiety Battle

2017 when I felt a flicker in my chest- countless E.R trips and no one can figure out whats wrong. I was so convinced that something is wrong with me physically so Labs were performed and it all came back normal. I was still scared. I tried dismissing the feeling and pretended it was nothing. It worsen. I remember wanting to go to the mall one time, but while shopping I felt strange, like a sense of doom. I just want to go home. 

Panic Attacks became a constant struggle. I had a hard time enjoying the things I used to love. 

Later part of 2018 when I first reached out to a shrink, I was in denial. How can a strong woman like me succumbed to depression? I was full of life. I live for adventures and happiness. I only had 1 session with my shrink and continued living my life the way I know. I fell in love and was distracted with my own head. I thought I was getting better but I wasn’t. 

2019 when I got pregnant and focused my energy in being healthy. I still had panic attacks but it was manageable- I had to be stronger for my kid, I was feeling better than usual and for the first time in such a long time- I was happy. 

2020 When the pandemic affected the whole word and triggered my anxiety. It became worst. I became malnourished, lost the weight I barely have and felt so hopeless. I felt so alone. I had no one to talk to. I also started having suicidal thoughts. 

Just today, I woke up in the wrong side of the bed and bawled my eyes out. I’m sad for no apparent reason- and I have no one who understand. If this post reaches you, and you suffer from any form of mental issue.I’m available for you ANYTIME of the day, I know how it feels when you have no one. 

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Crazier

I closed my eyes and saw a figure

It was-

Dark, Depressing

Scary and Sad

With a flicker of hope I tried opening my eyes but it’s still there-

Darker, Heart-rending

Scarier and Mournful

How can I escape this figure?

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I wish to disappear but all I really hope is to be found.