lost-pilgrim - Tumblr blog

[lost-pilgrim]

“The self is essentially a social structure that arises out of social experience.

The individual experiences himself as such, not directly, but only indirectly, from the particular standpoint of other individual members of the same social group..... For he enters his own as a self or individual, not directly or immediately.... only insofar as he first becomes an object to himself” -George Herbert Mead

The basics:

Sam

Female, 38, married, mother of 4

I am motley of experiences, thoughts, beliefs, actions, inaction, conversations, perceived slights and favorable interactions. I am the sum of wanderings, wonderings, and companions.

Or as Gwen Stefani says, "Oh, I'm just a girl,..."

[lost-pilgrim]

^from abnormal psych textbook^

Moving from Germany to Colorado was a major life event that landed both of us diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. Family therapy. Individual therapy. CBT. Medication.

Darron and I both felt the stigma associated mental illness, yet recognized we were not managing without seeking help. Our marriage was in tatters. Our kids were worried about divorce.

We needed a place to be supportive and only allow love - it took months. We eventually had a ritual of morning coffee, and a pact to only be honest, open, and love-sharing in our bed.

This is my most important relationship. The most rewarding and most difficult.

It was hilarious to try and capture our morning routine that symbolizes love andcommitment. This time is the closest I come to a “dropped face,” in the presence of another- our morning time

Yes kids are welcome

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Baby hill repeats w my Truly girl

Physical activity is important to me- I want other overweight women to see me- to see it’s okay to be fat and outside “gettin’ it!”

Fat girls can run too!

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It’s always a party in the kitchen, it’s my favorite view while cooking

The video is real life kitchen time of cleaning, singing, cookies, arguing the works!

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The mom hustle- hoping everyone has socks on, trying talk one into wearing coat, teen attitude early in the morning-

These kids see me at my worst- and I’m structuring their idea of self with all these social interactions- for better and for worse

“Appropriates images of himself or herself reflected in others’ treatment of him or her”

Charles Horton Cooley

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This is me with my Becker necker, or tiny defense knife. In case bob cat comes for me. I will never make it....

I am afraid of both wildlife, the unknown and more of the unknown (desperate folks in desperate situations too)

And I'm excited!

This is my path heading out. Clearly this trail is used all the time. It's a great reminder of a saying on the camino.

You are never alone, there are those that came before you, and those that will come after.

Oh Nature! This woodpecker and his noise scared me in a perfectly quiet forest!

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Here I go, just walkin’

Bright happy nervous alone

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5 miles in- breakfast w Nicole and a lovely text- a view through the eyes of a friend

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My friend face! Carol is checking in on me- makes me feel great!

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Is this foreshadowing!?! What’s w the guy and his angry eyebrows sneaking around- wait- am I projecting my fears on a friendly mural- his hat and scarf sure do match well

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Oddities along the way, someone went to a lot of trouble to defile the walk way... the snow man is great by why does he have candles like a shrine

The Bible makes me think of Dante’s inferno, abandon hope all ye who enter...

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That is someone’s boots, purse and backpack- there’s no one around... I’m concerned, do I alert someone? I don’t know, but it’s weird

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Random encounters: wave, nod, simple pleasantries- a few odd looks -

Desperately needed to use a restroom - saw a porta potty - hallelujah!! I opened the door and it looked as though it had caught on fire! Sigh

Awkward experience in a 7-eleven- as I ask for restroom- man says “at your own risk- it hasn’t been cleaned” the store is full of people- I felt desperate, disgusted, and embarrassed, but I thanked him and followed to the bathroom- I though I’ll put hand sanitizer everywhere. He loudly asks if I would like the bathroom door closed, I smile, “uh huh, yes”

When I finally left the store I thought, that is why I chose a walk through unfamiliar areas- for new experiences-

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A great American elm- so beautiful and then the wind picks up and those branches look dangerous

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Enjoying all of nature and my dropped face, my relaxed self

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My background is trash filled, I too am background for many today

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Just to my left a man sleeps on the ground- goose poo everywhere- he only has a backpack

I consider the safety of my house and family that I will go home to tonight