loudhands

[loudhands]

The humble and beautiful PDF does not deserve to now have the term “PDF file” be a censored version of the word pedophile. She has been nothing but good to us. You all apologize right now

[loudhands]

(X)

[loudhands]

thank your local trans girl for being alive right now

[loudhands]

DECEMBER 24TH, NINE PM, EASTERN STANDARD TIME, FROM HERE ON IN I SHOOT WITHOUT A SCRIPT. SEE IF ANYTHING COMES OF IT INSTEAD OF MY OLD SHIT

[loudhands]

It is time for me to once again infodump about Javert. Javert. JAVERT! JAVERT IS A POOR ROMANI MAN BORN INSIDE A JAIL! He is unhoused otherwise, his only home is a LITERAL PRISON! HE IS NOT A PRIVILEGED ASSHOLE! I love Javert, but I know that a lot of people don’t - that being said, if you wanna hate Javert, you have to hate him for being A CLASS TRAITOR not for being some rich white guy. CUZ HE IS NOT THAT! The main reason why he is the way he is, is because he hates his identity and his past! He HATES his circumstances and he HATES what he was born into so he takes it out on those around him! When he tells Valjean “you know nothing of Javert, i was born inside a jail, i was born with scum like you, i am from the gutter too” that’s SO true and SO sad bc he hates himself SO MUCH for what he was born into AND he hates Valjean bc he SEES HIMSELF IN VALJEAN! It’s such a good portrayal of systematic injustice and internalized racism — that is, when you actually write Javert as the poor Roma man that he is. Javert deserves SO MUCH BETTER. He is not a bad guy and he deserves to be in heaven in the musical epilogue. He hates himself and he hates people like him, and most of all he hates the people that are like him who DONT hate themselves! And THAT’S the most important part of his arc and i just wish he could’ve been able to accept himself and the people in his position. He is so complex and morally grey and so beautifully written!

[loudhands]

Hey, Tumblr. Guess what. Relationships are defined by the people involved in them, and that's that. If people say they're friends, then they're friends. If people say they're dating, then they're dating. If they say it's a secret third thing, then that's what it is. Someone else's relationship isn't for you to decide.

[loudhands]

we are past swifties calling themselves punks and have arrived at swift calling herself punk

[loudhands]

Unbelievably 🤍

[loudhands]

thanks @bmoharrisbankofficial but unfortunately i can’t focus on the very important message here because i’m too busy being confused by the fact that apparently if you send an ask with only one letter tumblr will bold that letter in the “asked you” notification text?? why the fuck would that be the case

[loudhands]

““Mother,” I slowly repeated in Korean. “I am not a boy. I am a girl. I am transgender.” My face reddened, and tears blurred my vision. I braced myself for her rejection and the end to a relationship that had only begun. Silence again filled the room. I searched my mother’s eyes for any signs of shock, disgust or sadness. But a serene expression lined her face as she sat with ease on the couch. I started to worry that my words had been lost in translation. Then my mother began to speak. “Mommy knew,” she said calmly through my friend, who looked just as dumbfounded as I was by her response. “I was waiting for you to tell me.” “What? How?” “Birth dream,” my mother replied. In Korea some pregnant women still believe that dreams offer a hint about the gender of their unborn child. “I had dreams for each of your siblings, but I had no dream for you. Your gender was always a mystery to me.” I wanted to reply but didn’t know where to begin. My mother instead continued to speak for both of us. “Hyun-gi,” she said, stroking my head. “You are beautiful and precious. I thought I gave birth to a son, but it is OK. I have a daughter instead.””

— Andy Marra, The Beautiful Daughter: How My Korean Mother Gave Me the Courage to Transition (via a-witches-brew)

[loudhands]

I can’t speak for anyone else but for me, being autistic is being the one that’s left out of the group every single time

It’s being the wallflower, the ghost, that one unremarkable person that no one would miss if they were gone

Being autistic and interacting with coworkers and friends and supervisors is like trying to solve a puzzle that has no reference picture

It’s like trying to solve a formula with a bunch of different factors such as social cues, tone, body language, eye contact, loudness, etc.

I’m trying to figure out how to solve for x but I can’t even figure out what y is, and I’ve never been good at math

I could read every book on social interactions, and still be unable to know when it’s my turn to talk because my brain isn’t wired that way

My brain was wired to live in my own fantasy land, in my middle earth. It was not meant to handle the stress of work plus socializing

Today I felt like everyone hated me because I cannot figure out what someone’s tone means. Is she joking with me, or is she mad?

My brain makes me feel like people pour poison about me onto other’s ears, behind my back, like how Claudius poisoned Hamlet’s father

I’ve had therapists that would tell me to just simply talk to people and ask them to hang out, as if it were that simple.

Alas, if only they knew that for me that feels like taking a dive into the fires of Mountain Doom! That the mere thought makes me shiver

I am autistic. And I’m proud to be autistic. But it is hard to exist in a world that was not designed for me, and I’m tired

[loudhands]

really rare that you see such a stupendous rainbow capitalism flop so early into the month

[loudhands]

[loudhands]

Being raised by areligious jews with 0 exposure to christianity outside pop culture is so fun. One time I asked my ex-catholic friend why a picture of jesus had a bristle crown and she looked at me like I was insane. One time I heard someone mention the "lance of longinus" and responded, word for word, "Like from Evangelion?" One time during a history lesson my professor described an important monk and scholar as "Dominican" and I spent the rest of class super confused and hung up on it because I was very sure that the Dominican Republic didn't meaningfully exist as an entity back then, maybe she meant he was a native Taino or something but that's a weird way to say that and I'm pretty sure this was pre- European contact? Really fucks people up when they realize I genuinely have no idea.

[loudhands]

really weird when speaking people hide behind nonverbal people with no functional communication and use them to make snarky point. which is really easy they no way to use words to say things yet so you can use them to say anything because they can’t come online and tell you off. don’t pretend you care about those nonverbal people. because whenever they not useful to you you do not do anything for them you do not care you let them be abused and ignored and neglected you leave them to die. you exploit the most vulnerable members of community for self gain you disgusting awful awful.

the moment some of these nonverbal people gain functional communication. you mock them bully them. and say they can’t speak for those without functional communication now that they use words. because now that we can say words we protest we can say things you don’t like and you can’t manipulate it as easily.

so you never have motivation to help people get functional communication. because why willingly take away your power.

this is about both autistics and allistics.

* nonverbal mean all the time

[loudhands]

but then why am i screaming? why am i shaking? oh, god, was there something that i missed? did i squander my divinity? was happiness within me the whole time?

[loudhands]

IDHDHSHDJSLCUKSHDSKNDBWBAJDJWBA OH MY GOD THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT IVE EVER READ