love-hrts

[love-hrts]

tumblr staff doesn’t want you to know this, but a great way to treat small amounts of granulation tissue to prevent it from becoming hypergranulation inside the canal of your neovagina is to make a hypersaline solution (more in tense version of regular saline) and soak a tampon in it, and then insert that tampon into your vaginal canal

[love-hrts]

Hi!! Thank you for your addition to the post about hypothyroidism in trans femmes

I was wondering if you could link to the article you screen capped about eating disorders in trans people? I want to read more/ potentially show it to my doctor

Thanks!!

[love-hrts]

Story in four parts

Was trying to remember when I chose my name and came across journals from when I had my awakening

So yeah I guess March 10th—17th 2015 was my awakening... So I guess this march will be a decade in girl era.

Anyways this is the closest I found to an answer to my question:

Cuz Camilla was based on Milla, but I didn't think that name was long/nicknameable enough.

earliest art with a name is March 2016 so somewhere between Jan 8 & Mar 22

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Y'know what? I'm mad. I'm mad.

Like I'm assuming the person that reblogged that has met zero fat transgender people, cuz we don't really shapeshift! Being fat is like the fourth gender, a non-gender venn diagram of what the fuck

Like maybe it's cuz I'm drogy, like well before I knew what transgender was, if my hair grew past my ears I'd get ma'amed, and since the beforetime was "well they said you're a boy ergo"

but it's like, the changes I had are

puffy areola

butt upgraded from hank hill to normal

body hair kinda died. badly.

feel like a human being

if I wasn't infertile before, I sure as hell am now probably

I got no hips, I got no breasts, at least not breasts that look like breasts.

I've tried eating more and all that happened is my gut and arms got fatter, no hips, no tits.

and it's just... aunno I'll never be able to afford to shapeshift cuz medicaid doesn't pay for that and Texas hates handicapped people so that'll never change.

I mean I've exercised, lost 30lbs and just nope.

Yeah I don't wanna be topless but I didn't when I was 15, I am just as much aware of breast jiggle as I did back then.

My friend told me fat tends to nerf testosterone and promote estrogen so that might be why my baseline was low E for a woman, low T for a man, normal T for a woman, high E for a man and in my 20s I had phantom periods (all humans have a hormone cycle)

Aunno just like, aunno was it all over in 1999? Was there never a chance for me? I hate my life!

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Following someone who infodumps about intersex stuff has kinda changed my perception of a lot of "genderswap" comics, particularly the "sex-change syndrome"

Like now I'm just "oh so they're intersex, like the kind where puberty is basically "that's literally the opposite of what everyone expected"

I dunno how common or possible gonadal change is post birth tho, like I remember MTV's Underground had an episode featuring some girl called "Teeny" and she was named that cuz she had a tiny penis that eventually fell off.

Tho that's also some obscure-ass cartoon from the late '90s. Yeah people write what they know so that has to have some basis in reality, but how much is beyond me.

Like someone well versed in the subject might be "Naw that's fantasy" but like, aunno my perception on human being is absolutely so radically different from a decade ago, I'm not dismissing anything as "physically impossible" anymore.

Like yeah it might be you can't just have your schlong and scrote morpe into a vagina and grow a uterus and stuff, but I could see someone having chimeraism and having their junk atrophy into schlunk and surprise they had a sneakret uterus.

Like I remember mom telling me about this old man, like 80 or some shit, like he learned he had a sneakret uterus because aunno and she was like "you could've never told him that and he'd've lived his life happy" or whatever.

Which that personally stuck with me, cuz like puberty for me was very slowly growing hair but also growing breasts, or at least brerbs. Like I was very aware of my breasts as a teen and wouldn't go swimming without a shirt and felt super awkward bouncing.

Like I have a very vivid memory of my slightly elder cousin picking me up from high school and her car had shitty shocks so like I just had this deep embarassment like "God please don't let he notice me breasting boobily"

Like I didn't have the words for it cuz I was a shut-in catholic who didn't get online until '99 but like being older I can definitely say I felt like I was supposed to be wearing a bra cuz my breasts were noticeable.

This is also kinda like... why I feel I'll never feel feminine enough, because I never was masculine, just androgynous.

Like my brother during puberty very clearly lost a lot of baby weight, and got way hairier than me and when he wore tight pants I can clearly see he got way more growth than me. Like I think if I knew what puberty was supposed to do I'd realize it way sooner.

Tho I guess he also has perky boobs too, like not as big as me, but he's skinny.

Honestly that and seeing mom topless once as a kid has put a lot of like... self-unconfidence in how I look cuz like I have a good idea of what I'd look like if I was normal one way or another.

I guess this is why I'm unsure if I'm like intersex or if it's just cuz I'm Czech and Mexican like "no shit that's normal, you've just been accustomed to beauty standards made by not-us"

Tho who even fucking knows.

Anyways I guess it'd be cool to see someone have a "genderswap" story that's just intersexuality.

I guess modeseven's Ami is that, but that's not a comic.

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wrapped up my shirt cuz it's 82 in here and I don't look awful?

Also it hurts to shave so I seldom do until it's long enough...

My weird folds make it look like my boobs are hanging out but I assure you they are wrapped XDDDDD

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Yeah, I guess it's been five years and things finally are starting to feel different so that's interesting.

Well I’m going to change from patches to pellet implants next month. It’ll cost almost all mycheck but I just want to try the best I can to just fucking

Like it’s been almost three years where my hips

I know for like 1 ½ I was underdosed but like

ugh

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My friends are hilarious.

Anyways my boobs have been feeling a lot different the past month and I'm getting my hopes up.

You know, I’ll never have a normal rib cage, but I wonder if I’ll ever have normal boobs…

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Part of me wonders if I wore a bra if my tits would look more normal, but the other part would rather buy more pokemon cards and skimpier clothes cuz it's hot as hell.

Fucking 80 degrees

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There was this reddit post asking if neurodivergent lesbians ever found anyone.

Similar to me they don't smoke or drink or party or had the "college experience" and so many people were like them and met the loves of their lives

but it's like they had friends introduce them, met through book clubs, through dating apps...

Like they're still more normal than I am, they're not terrified of situations they have no control in.

It feels like the only time anyone's interested in me, they're polyamorous and I just can't do that, I tried it once and I got played hard so never again.

That and I'm pretty jealous so I had doubts that'd really work.

Aunno I'm fat, ugly, my teeth melted, poor, severe depression, agoraphobia, just like, I'm never going to meet anyone!

That and I'm not horny at all like so many people are so sexual and I just can't do that.

One person was like all the gay life's in the city and I can't fucking deal with city traffic. Like I haven't visited my favorite comic book shop since I was a kid cuz I get too stressed out at Austin traffic. That city is dead to me!

Why the hell couldn't I just be normal? Or abnormal in a way that I'm never ever lonely?

I hate living so much! I just want some Dr pepper ugh I hate everything I just wanna cry but I have no tears to cry

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decided it's weird posting this as a teblig to a stranger but yay thick thigh tuesday

Yeah I'm the damn bitch that lives like this it's called being handicapped with depression

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I've been on E for seven years or so

And while I have an ass where there was none before, my breasts never really grew.

Was looking at my skin tears whatever they're called fat marks? Growth streaks? something.

Anyways I noticed that there were new ones where my boobs and midsection are (previously it was just on my tummy)

So Maybe I have grown, it's just my gut grew too so I look the same shape except bigger....

I dunno it's kinda disheartening when everyone else sees you for the gender you are except yourself, it's like a weird curse.

Why couldn't my breasts've fully grown? I've tried three of the four ways to take E, I eat well, at least I don't lose weight LOL

I dunno, it's just kinda hit me... I guess it's cuz mix all the ethnicities together and you get an animal crossing character.

I hate myself.

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I have $11 until May and I've given up on paying the water bill which is $500 as we've kinda dug a hole to pay the rent, but if anyone can give money for food I'd greatly appreciate it.

Kofi Squarecash

Like we've been using about four dollars a day on water for the ducks and toilets, and more if we try to wash/cook anything. This has been a brutal few months and I really don't know what I'm going to do.

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For some reason after I lost 20lbs without trying it feels like my breasts are more noticeable. Like I can kinda do the boob thing on a table now.

Is nice.

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2005 vs 2024

Felt like joining in, tho I have almost no pre-awakening pics cuz why'd I take a pic of myself?

I guess here's a pic of me, Jun Senoue, and my brother from Sonic Boom 2012

Part of me wished to recreate this but the covid, also my teeth melted so I don't like smiling anymore...

The ironic thing is my brother's hair is short now, just one one of us gets the long hair.

Here's another one of me from 2015, right in my awkward hair growing phase. I kinda find straight hair to be boyish now cuz the estrogen curlied my hair up XDDDDD

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Yeah the one saving grace is that he sold the rights so he could regain the rights to Earthworm Jim the comic book character.

That and far as I can tell he's too irrelevant and doesn't talk about it much to really matter so it's about the same level of the Cthulu guy being insanely racist.

Like there's probably things within his works that are influenced by the queerphobia (honestly what in the '90s wasn't...) and that would be interesting to examine, but I don't think EWJ in 2022 is going to hurt queer folk.

Tho Tenaple ain't no rowling in terms of dangerous influence.

Has Earthworm Jim aged well?

No. Once upon a time I was going to do a video about this, I don't know if it's the right time for a video about Earthworm Jim.

Earthworm Jim is a victim of a lot of things. A lot of Shiny was born out of Virgin Games, right. Guys who worked on Disney games like Aladdin for the Genesis.

Some of those Virgin Games guys have been very forthcoming about the culture back then -- about the rental market being this big scary boogeyman. So developers would deliberately insert difficulty spikes in to their games. Things that were arbitrarily SUPER difficult, just to stump players who were on a rental, to make sure they couldn't finish the game in a weekend.

Because that's how you added length to a game back then. You just made it harder. The harder the game, the longer it took to finish. Once you realize this, it unlocks a lot about why older games were "Nintendo hard." (Sakurai very recently touched on this!)

Earthworm Jim has the unfortunate position of being one of those games. There's a very specific level -- the "Tube Race" segment -- that feels like it was added as one of those rental-blocking difficulty spikes. The idea is that you've been in this underwater facility for a while and there's a glass submarine you can pilot. Since its glass, bumping in to walls cracks it, and too much damage will cause it to implode and kill you. You also have an oxygen meter you have to refill too.

You play a pretty normal level that's a mixture of fighting enemies in the base with a couple of simple submarine segments. Where the level would normally just end, you get this Tube Race segment, which is one very, very, very long submarine maze where you have a minute and a half to make it to the end without running out of oxygen or damaging the submarine so badly that you die. It is ten times harder than everything to come before it, and one of the hardest parts overall.

But that's not enough to spoil the game, no. Earthworm Jim in general is also just... one of those games that is so in love with its own artwork that it kind of hurts the experience. It's one of those games where the animation and the jokes and the character comes before everything else, even at the cost of gameplay.

Video games have something called a "hitbox." Basically, what you see is not what the game actually understands as being your character. When you see this:

What the game is seeing is this:

These are the hitboxes around characters in video games. If blue touches green, that's a floor. If blue touches red, take damage. If blue touches purple, instantly kill the player. If blue touches yellow from below, grant item. That's how the game logic works.

And you may notice that a lot of early games have characters that very easily fit in to a square for this very reason.

From a technical standpoint and a player standpoint, it is extremely easy to read when and how things collide with each other.

Earthworm Jim (and to a lesser extent, Aladdin) is a game that says "Screw that! We've got REAL CARTOON ANIMATION!" And that's the priority: showing off the animation. Not playing well.

What are the hitboxes here?

In practice, it shakes out to something like this. There's no clear line to denote what you can stand on, because the background is drawn like a cartoon show, where characters are placed in a kind of slightly angled view, inside of the floor.

There are margins of empty air on everything -- Earthworm Jim can overlap objects and not actually touch them, and the same happens in reverse. That rigid, readable collision detection from games like Mega Man and Mario don't apply here. There's a little bit of guesswork in every action Jim takes.

Now, of course, with the advent of polygons, a lot of games have more vague hitboxes. It's harder to judge what is touching what, and we've developed a better sense for it, so maybe it's not that important, right?

Well, yes and no. Earthworm Jim was trying to show off, you see. It was one of the first games of its type. It's not doing this because it's a better way of handling collision detection (it isn't), it's doing it because it's trying to look flashy. It's trying to impress you. And that's all its using it for. It is deliberately and intentionally putting itself at a disadvantage in order to say "this is an interactive cartoon."

That thinking sabotages the entire game. I can guarantee almost every idea in Earthworm Jim started with pitching the characters and how they animate with the gameplay being left as the final afterthought. To Earthworm Jim's credit, it's not a total disaster, it's just very loose and unbalanced.

Do you remember The Order: 1886 for the Playstation 4? It was lauded for having beautiful graphics, but in practice there wasn't a whole lot else. It was more like a 5 hour QTE. A lot of great tech and incredible visuals, but not a lot of deep or engaging gameplay.

That is exactly what Earthworm Jim was in 1994. Except in Earthworm Jim was beloved, because nothing really looked or sounded like it did. Aladdin was a big deal for Sega, but Earthworm Jim was a clear and definitive next step, and it was on everything.

Nowadays, after a lot of its more technical ideas have been better solved, its problems stick out more, and more, and more. It's not unplayable (that right is reserved for Earthworm Jim 2), but it isn't great.

[love-hrts]

I love my curly hair