loveitorleaveit310

[loveitorleaveit310]

“On nights when my tank says empty and I can no longer venture along the oh so familiar highway I know like the back of my hand. I surrender to what ever power at be that has brought me to a slow stop. Instead of fear, worry or anger, I gaze up to the night sky. It shines its bright light upon me. I lay back and gaze a moment longer knowing that the beautiful vast sky is a place of solace. A place born in a violent way, I wonder how it stays so calm and peaceful. The stars shine, twinkle, and put the most virile of men in a trance. Never will you see a more true and stunning site.”

— A.B.

[loveitorleaveit310]

“Forever will I remember our last embrace. You're palms a little sweaty your gaze somewhere else. Moments pass yet the discomfort stays. butterflies made of steel drops and punctures my abdomen. You don’t notice the blood. I think “ Oh man this song is so romantic let's slow dance”. I reach out to grab you with hopes to pull you so close that we melt into one. You pull away. Ouch. The wind is the next thing I notice. I thought ‘ I have no bigger desire than to trade places with the wind…I need to float away and flow wherever I desire to go’ . Snapping out of my little breezy dream. I realize you are sitting right there. You seem farther than before. Why won’t you look at me like you used to? Wait? Now I remember. When we were “in love” you never held me nor gazed into my baby blues. I can finally remember. As if I were in a trance and finally snapped out of it. I never loved you and you never loved me. You are a fraud. You are a nothing. Goodbye, Good Riddance to you, M.P.”

— A.B.

[loveitorleaveit310]

“Chaos just a word to some, however any being that knew her knew the true and pure definition of ‘chaos’. Violent, passion, filled, lost woman. Consumed with the quest to find even only a glimpse of her true meaning in life. Unable and unwilling to settle for anything that didn’t light her spirit on fire. An unstoppable force of nature born out of determination and eagerness to grow with knowledge at every opportunity. Yet somehow she lost the spark that used to light the passion in her soul. She sought out anything everyone anywhere to ignite that spark. Empty handed she turns every time. Truly unable to find herself again. Stuck in limbo she seemed. Until she became truly exhausted by the thought of being stuck in the middle of happiness and numbness. A choice is what was right in front of her. Easy way out or pick herself up put in the work and reclaim her life.”

—

[loveitorleaveit310]

“Purosely Lost. Forever sounds like a lifetime, However sometimes its just a promise at the break of dawn. 2 bottles of Jack deep wondering “ What is going on?" ” What am I doing here?“ "Who is this creature staring back at me in the reflection?” How strange is this. Recognizing only somewhat of whats left of the soul you used to call yours. Finally waking up from the frenzy of loosing yourself after the reflection shows you what is truly happening. The running away from a life you run to every night willingly. One shot, two shot. Things happen. A lot. Sometimes just a little. But never not. This is the true and sad happenings of a soul not lost, just broken. Splitting herself into pieces for each city she ventures too. From La to Chicago To New York. Her favorite. She speaks to these cities. She gives a piece of herself to every city she wanders, wondering where the next party will be that she will shed her skin at.”

— A.B.

[loveitorleaveit310]

“‘Almost’ Should have, Could have, Would have… The oldest tragedy known to man. ‘Almost’. Scars deeper and longer than any other type of heartbreak. The ache of an 'almost’ is dull, deep pulsating and unforgiving. Almost doesn’t know mercy nor does it care. Almost will leave you feeling empty, The kind of empty that feels like someone is scraping you from the inside out until you're unrecognizable even to yourself. 'Almost’ is a piece of shrapnel lodged so close to your heart that the surgeons cannot take it out and you just have to live with it. Everyday the 'almost’ shrapnel could migrate and move into your heart cavity and kill you. Yet it won’t because it is an 'almost’. Almost will always be almost. It won’t kill you but it will sure as the sky is blue make you believe it will.”

— A.B.  (via mylifemyrulesalysway)

[loveitorleaveit310]

“Girl next door has never sat well with her. She is fire she is ice. Every move she makes is a roll of the dice. Empty her cup will never be. She flirts with danger. She dances with masks in Versace suits. She plays with dollar signs dressed as warmth and comfort. She runs away from time, She's running the clock out. Dreams a myth never to be actualized. Blue eyes reflect the shore. Of course she could never see those beautiful blues like others can. I think that's why she never believed it when he said she was the most gorgeous thing he had ever laid his eyes on. She never saw the way the dawn sky reflected off of her crystal blue eyes. She never got to see the shimmer of the rays hitting her just right. She knew one thing. No matter how pretty the boys said her eyes were, no matter how many times they tried to convince her she was stunning and her eyes were like a pond of diamonds and could take any man with just a short glimpse. She never believed it for herself. She always acted as if she was mundane. Just pretty enough t get by. She carried herself like she was just one of the boys and she liked it that way. Humble. Simple. And unwilling to trust anyone else`s opinion of her and her beauty. She didn't care about the compliments. She knew… She knew that the true beauty she embodied was inside of her. She knew the real treasure she had was her soul. She knew they were full of shit.”

— A.B.  (via mylifemyrulesalysway)

[loveitorleaveit310]

She had few decades under her belt, she was no more than 21. Just a girl who flew away from home as quick as the sky is blue. Young girl following her heart.

The man behind the creation of such a creature. Her first love, best friend, protector and biggest fan;

Her Father. He didn't fight or shout. He let her run free and create her own path in this chaotic world. Only thing is, He was the only one living in the world she created. It was better that way he thought. It was better that way for her too. He laughed at all her jokes. When she cried he was her rock however when alone he cried for her heartache too. Just trying to catch a glimpse of the sunlight she can only imagine him doing, awaiting her final arrival as she bid them both adue. Eyes wearing and heart lonesome enough you pack the last of my things and he taillights of your car say the goodbye for you. Your throat dry and chest out of breathe from always picking up my mess. I broke your heart long ago. I knew you would reconcile with me once more like you always seem to do. The nights spent wishing the creak of those wood floors would brace her sullen ear drums once more. Well, they're infinite in fact. Not as infinite as the nightmares that have found residence in her every slumber. The nightmares never cease. Yet, her stomach never quivers. Strong, "Strong like bull." Her father said to amuse her in times of melancholy.

“Pain is just something the mind creates to tell you that your alive. “

Embrace it!

Own it!

Conquer it!

- A.B.

[loveitorleaveit310]

“Some say your twenties are for living free and carelessly, others say its to learn from ever mistake making sure to not repeat them or else it might be detrimental to the result of your life. The only people who actually have an say in the matter are the ones who have passed through the decade necessary to to mold them into “ the serious, settled and content” adults they were always scared they never thought they could be.”

—

[loveitorleaveit310]

Pick Your Poison, Cup Of Tea or Get Drunk On Me…A Shot Of Whiskey.

She is Sunday brunch,

I am the Saturday morning hangover, scraping myself out of the bed of a lover never to be seen again.

She is the woman who fights wars with grace and poise,

I am the woman who fights wars in red lipstick and my weapon of choice is a bottle of Jameson and mistakes I don`t have time to think twice about.

She doesn't say much when she gets upset or hurt.

I will scream and pound on your chest, I will paint my lips deep red and numb the pain under these Hollywood lights.

She will stay home on a Saturday when you have a boys night.

I‘lol tell my girlfriends to come over and we will finish one bottle, two, maybe three. Then decide to hit the town, only to stumble in smelling like a cigarette and a lingering feeling of shame I won’t remember at 8 a.m.

Yet it’s only then when the morning is searing your retinas and your head feels like it’s going to explode that everything’s seems too clear.

I’m Im never going to the one for your dear…

Sincerely,

The girl you fell in love with however also the girl you will inevitably leave. - AB

[loveitorleaveit310]

I will never be anyones. I will get just close enough for the tips of your fingers to touch me only for a moment. The next thing you’ll see is my dress in the wind. The next thing you’ll hear is the sound of my heels and a half drunk promise you know I’ll never keep. You will never remember the color of my eyes or the way my top lip curls when I am enamored with the beauty of the cityscape at night. I will always be there, lingering in the back of your mind. For that is out of my control. -

A.B.

[loveitorleaveit310]

“I can still hear them.“ she said as she gazed at the ocean for the first time in what seemed to be a life time to her. “Hear what?” He said upon catching her silhouette in the moons beacon of white light. She replied to him without looking in the baby blue eyes she knew would send her spiraling. “The waves of course. They send the wind whispering sweet nothings in my ear. blessing or curse, no matter how far away I am from you and this beach. I can hear it. I can hear you promising me the world. I can hear this city promising me the same.”

He looked out at the water and said “ let’s go back.”

She nodded and they spent the rest of night into the morning together. Laughter, crying and closure happened that night…

Two lovers going their separate ways for the greater good.

-

A.B.

[loveitorleaveit310]

“Time is priceless, words cannot begin to describe how frustrating that is to someone so materialistic such as myself. I always say when theres a will theres a way no matter the price if I want it I will come up with a way to pay for it. But time you see has no price tag Time has no barcode the cashier will scan as she reads you the total and you eagerly hand over you card. Time cannot be returned or exchanged. The spent is last sale. So I choose to spend my precious time engaged in the things that are most important to me. I have to remind myself to not stress the small stuff. Its my blood pressure not anyone else`s Its me who will lose my valuable moments that could have been savoring and spending with people who make me smile so much my face hurts or traveling so I can have endless tories to tell my grandchildren and smile when there jaws drop in awe. I thought I craved clothes shoes parties and glamour. I now know that I don’t.. I crave memories, I crave challenging myself to do better. I crave health and wellness of body and soul I crave peace.”

—

[loveitorleaveit310]

“‘Almost’ Should have, Could have, Would have… The oldest tragedy known to man. ‘Almost’. Scars deeper and longer than any other type of heartbreak. The ache of an ‘almost’ is dull, deep pulsating and unforgiving. Almost doesn’t know mercy nor does it care. Almost will leave you feeling empty, The kind of empty that feels like someone is scraping you from the inside out until you’re unrecognizable even to yourself. 'Almost’ is a piece of shrapnel lodged so close to your heart that the surgeons cannot take it out and you just have to live with it. Everyday the 'almost’ shrapnel could migrate and move into your heart cavity and kill you. Yet it won’t because it is an 'almost’. Almost will always be almost. It won’t kill you but it will sure as the sky is blue make you believe it will.”

— A.B.  (via mylifemyrulesalysway)

[loveitorleaveit310]

“They were always parallel. Always running the same race. Always racing at the same speed. Always within arms reach but never destined to intercept. Never destined to cross paths or share a journey, yet they did. Short lived, hard long farewell, and forgotten whispers never meant to be uttered. They were a happening that showed nature they were a force to be reckoned with. However no matter your education, your physical strength or your integrity, when a mistake happens in nature, nature will always balance itself once again.”

— (via mylifemyrulesalysway)

[loveitorleaveit310]

Somewhere in the clouds high enough to sustain an indomitable soul. A world where the clocks always read 5 o’clock. The honky tonk is as perpetual as day and night. That’s home…to…her. With an astute glimpse at this sui generis man, she was hooked. He was already different she never had to try to see him in a loveable way. With him it was easy. The way the beach breeze ran through his blonde locks. The way his smile made her wonder how his golden locks were nothing, then he would take his shades off and truly melt her soul. ' Those eyes.' she thought. ' My heart will never see another soul but him and the way his baby blues say I love you without even saying it'. He looked at her like she has never been looked at before.

Those blue eyes made loving him as easy as pie. He never tried to mend her after he came to the realization, she was forged in a fire that burned hotter than the flame of hell. She was forged from passion, loyalty, and soul crushing honesty. He had every chance to run for the hills. She knows that this is the one. The one that doesn't rip the breath from her lungs and strip her of her identity.

~

A.B

[loveitorleaveit310]

Truth be told of course I have always known I am not the girl that will get the ring, the love, nor the understanding other girls receive while falling in love with their 'person'. Life will be different for me. Life will be what I make of it, mostly chaotic but predictable it will be inevitably written in sand, free to let desire and choices wipe away the fateful summation of my actions only to be rewritten in the very sand it was cleansed of before. I have had my first love long, full of passion however destined to end. Much like a candle stick long in life but when the the flame flickers for the last time seems much too short. For how amazing the flame truly was whilst burning and illuminating its environment around it. The second love was the most pure and genuine love however very short it felt like we fit a lifetime of passion within a timeline so short it seemed as though it was a blink of an eye. For the better I reckon. My third love, I have found quite unnecessary. As vulnerable as I become, blooming if you will. Opening up for love. I know he does not feel the same.

[loveitorleaveit310]

PCH

Ceral box cars

Boys with stars in their eyes