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[lovely-little-kay]

BDSM 101: More Common Misconceptions about D/s Relationships that are made by D/s Practitioners

People who pursue power dynamics for dysfunctional reasons have evolved many toxic ideas surrounding the BDSM lifestyle, which are often repeated and imitated by new and less experienced kinksters. Here are more such misconceptions:

1. A dominant can take out their daily anger and frustrations on their submissive by beating them to take the edge off.

Impact activities and punishments should never be delivered in anger. Hitting a partner who doesn’t benefit to “take the edge off” is abuse.

2. Dominants keep submissives so they can make them do unwanted work and chores, allowing them to kick back and enjoy a task free life.

If you are a sub who likes domestic tasks, you may get pleasure and fulfillment in sharing this type of dynamic with someone, but if dishes and laundry isn’t your idea of service, don’t let your dominant partner use your relationship to enable their lazy lifestyle.

3. A kept submissive cannot leave their dominant until the dominant releases them from service.

Submission is a voluntary action. Subs can submit or break their submission at any time, and for any reason.

4. D/s scenes are about constantly pushing a sub’s limits, and encouraging them to overcome them.

While couples may decide to have scenes that are designed to push limits, a typical BDSM scene should play within well established safe zone activities. Limits are personal boundaries, and a dominant who knowingly goes after your limits without discussion should be red flagged for abuse.

5. It’s up to adult kinksters to teach the lifestyle to minors so they are ready to participate by the time they are 18.

Minors should explore vanilla relationships until they have lived long enough (at least 18 years) to earn and be able to defend their own consent. Adults should not expose minors to BDSM and D/s dynamics. If you are a minor who is being taught BDSM and D/s dynamics by an adult, you are being groomed and abused.

6. Pain corrects submissives.

A masochist enjoys pain. Many submissive people are masochistic. Therefore, for many subs, pain is not corrective. Masochistic subs who are punished with pain may act out in order to receive more pain from their dominant. Pain can be a consequence for a non masochistic sub, provided it is not a limit.

7. There is nothing more to being a dominant than saying you’re a dominant.

Words are meaningless without action. Know a dominant by their actions - not their self ascribed title.

8. Once a dominant explores CNC with a submissive, the submissive loses their safe word.

A submissive should always retain their safeword. Having a way to stop scenes is never more important then when you are exploring non-consent/rape. Without a way to express your consent is in danger, exploring the fantasy of rape can quickly become an actual rape.

[lovely-little-kay]

Big bow, little stuffie!

[lovely-little-kay]

It’s always “I wanna see your tits”. It’s never “I wanna see your stuffies” 😒

[lovely-little-kay]

SMH, subs will really sit there and be like "why r u bein so mean 🥺🥺?" As if they're not secretly enjoying every last second of it.

[lovely-little-kay]

[lovely-little-kay]

I haven’t posted in foreverrrr, so here is a little dump of me filled randomness! Cuz I miss y’all so much😁

[lovely-little-kay]

As someone who has been living with severe suicidal ideation my entire life I wanna tell you all something, you don’t have to stay alive for yourself. People will say it’s a bad idea to live for external things because they’re temporary, and it’s true living for yourself is ideal but if you’re not to that point yet that’s ok too. 

I’ve lived for my dog for the past 4 years, before that I lived for my snakes, before that I lived for my cat. You can live for whatever needs you and whatever matters to you. Live for your best friend, live for your plants, live for your pets, live for your animal crossing town. Live for whatever keeps you alive and the day will come when you can live for yourself.

[lovely-little-kay]

so you are interested in bdsm, huh? whether it be because you read a book like fifty shades of grey *shivers* or you are just curious, here are some links to help you start out!

What does bdsm stand for/what is it?

BDSM

What is bdsm?

So what is bdsm?

The difference between bdsm and abuse

Bondage

What is bondage?

Bondage and Restraints 101

Rope bondage 101

Bondage for beginners

Discipline 

BDSM techniques

Discipline v. punishment

are they the same thing?

Discipline

Dominant/Dominance/Dom/Domming

Dominance 101

How to be a dom

How hard can it be?

Everything you could want to know about being dominant

Submissive/Submission/Sub/Subbing

Submissive 101

How to be submissive

Intro to subbing

So you want to be submissive?

Sadism/Sadist

Sexual Sadism

Sadism 101

Sadism in BDSM

Sadism 101

Masochism/Masochist

Sexual Masochism

Understanding Masochism

Processing Pain

The joys of being a masochist

Types of Dom/Sub Relationships

Types of relationships

Dom/Sub types

Different types

A quick beginner’s guide to subs

Is BDSM always sexual?

Asexual and kinky

Asexuality in BDSM

What is non sexual play?

Nonsexual dom/sub

Is the man always dominant and the female submissive?

Sexually Dominant Women and the Men who Desire them

Femdom idea guide

Appeal of a male sub

The good girl’s guide to female dominance

I’m a feminist and submissive. Is that wrong?

What it’s like being submissive and feminist

Why im sexually submissive and feminist

Feminist sex submissive

Being a feminist submissive

Can i be trans/do i have to be straight to be into bdsm? Heck no! bdsm does not discriminate the kink/fetish community is one of the most accepting communities. so go on and be yourself we wont hurt you (unless you want to be)

So what’s wrong with fifty shades of grey?

50 things wrong with 50 shades of grey

What’s wrong with fifty shades of grey?

The troubling list of things wrong with 50 shades of grey

7 realities of bdsm that 50 shades of grey ignores

*please note there is nothing wrong with exploring your sexuality and fetishes. there is nothing wrong with enjoying 50 shades of grey as long as you recognize that Christian Grey is not the role model for a good dom

Sub drop/ Dom drop

Sub space, aftercare, and sub drop

Dom drop

The emotional side of sub drop

To dom space, dom drop, and beyond

Aftercare

Aftercare for dominants

Aftercare

Aftercare 101

Aftercare for submissives

Signs of an abusive bdsm relationship

Can i be abused in a bdsm relationship?

Field guide to the creepy dom

Warning signs of a bad dom

Abusive subs

Places to meet people interested in bdsm

fetlife

bdsm dating sites

fester

bondage pal

Where to get toys

pleasure chest

amazon

etsy

liberator

frisky buisness

adam and eve

babe land

pure romance

amazing

too timid

BDSM on a Budget

BDSM on a budget

Sex toys you can make at home

Budget BDSM

Budget BDSM 101

Misc.

The paradox of dom/sub relationships

Advice to newbie subs on dominants

The relationship between a sadist and masocist

101 ways to make your slave/sub feel owned

Beginner’s guide to d/s

BDSM training academy *for both doms, subs, and switches

[lovely-little-kay]

Not just sex peeps

Although personally it’s a lot of sex 🤫

[lovely-little-kay]

I got a squishmallow!

[lovely-little-kay]

You’re so precious!

Thank you!!!! I love your blog💞

[lovely-little-kay]

Hello 😀 do you wear diapers?

No, but I might try them at some point. Currently not in the headspace to feel comfortable with that.

Hope you have a great day

[lovely-little-kay]

Hi sweetie! Are you feeling smol today? You’re not? That’s okay. I noticed that you haven’t felt smol lately little one. It’s okay if you struggle to regress. It doesn’t mean that you’re not a valid regressor. You will regress again. How do I know? Well, I just know sweetheart. I know that you will regress again and maybe it won’t be today or tomorrow, but you will regress again. Do I pinky promise? Yes baby. I pinky promise. Is it okay if I give you a hug? I think you need a hug. I’ll give you as many hugs you as you want. I’m not going anywhere.

[lovely-little-kay]

Who is Ur best stuffie friend and how long have U had them for?

I’ve taken a hiatus for the longest time from here, but now that I’m back I’ll answer!

My Bestest stuffie friend is my stuffie Hershey. He’s a little teddy bear that I’ve had for 4 years

[lovely-little-kay]

[lovely-little-kay]

Crayon Mood Board🖍