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lovelyrocker · 5 days

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Like Me Part Thirteen

Bones & All AU

Characters: Lee, Reader

Pairings: Lee x Reader

Warnings: Pining, Angst, Language, Intimacy, Self-Loathing

Word Count: 1,962

She woke the following morning before Liam, believe it or not. The sun was barely over the trees as she blinked her eyes open. Turning over she was met by the warmth of Lee. He was lying there in a deep sleep, his eyes moving quickly beneath his eyelids. His eyes were still red rimmed from crying so much the night before. His slim body curled in around itself as he breathed out heavily.

Reaching up she pushed his faded red curls from his face. The long curls were growing out from his last run in with the clippers. She liked his curls long, but she never admitted that to him.

She pressed a kiss to his forehead before climbing out of the bed and heading to the kitchen. She was halfway through her second cup when the lean frame of Lee came from the stairs. Scratching his head with a yawn Lee walked over to the counter, grabbing a mug from the cabinet. He poured the steaming liquid into the cup and leaned against the counter.

He watched her as she looked through the paper in front of her on the table. “How’d you sleep?” He asks finally, his hands gripping the mug.

She looked over her shoulder at him. “Fine. What about you?”

“Okay.” He walked over to the table and sat across from her. “About last night,” She looked up at him and she saw his eyes fill with fear. “I- I know-”

“Lee, It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay but,” She exhales and shakes her head. “Look, I love you, Lee. I don’t think I ever stopped.” She reached, taking his hand. “But you scared me. Do you understand that? You need to give me time to be okay with what you did to me.” She wiped a stray tear from her eye. “I know you love me and I know you didn’t mean it that way but you still scared me. You still did it. There is so much about this that I don’t understand and that's on you leaving. You never gave me to chance to-”

“I know and I’m sorry.” He tells her, wrapping his other hand around hers. “I know I sound like a broken record but I am. Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Just being here is a start.” She tells him with tears in her eyes once more. “After that, I don’t know.”

“I understand. I just-” He looks down at her hand between. His brow is furrowed together in thought.

“What?” She asked, seeing him nibble his lower lip in worry. “What is it, Lee, talk to me.”

“I know I fucked up. I royally fuck up-” He blinks trying to keep his tears from falling. Looking up the tears fall anyway. “I really don't want to lose you and Liam. I'm terrified that I am. Slowly I’m-”

“Stop running.” She tells him sternly. “Act like you don’t want to lose us. Stop running every time you get scared. Show you want this as much as you say you do. Be here, Lee.” She can feel the heat in her face and the warm tears falling down her cheeks. “Even though it’s hard, stay. Work through this with us. Don’t leave us behind because you think it's better. You are what’s best for us. You being here.”

Lee stands and walks over to her and kneels in front of her. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere else. I swear.” He places his hands on either side of her face. “I’m here to stay.”

“I can’t do this without you, Lee.” She sobs as she buries her face in his shoulder, her arms wrapped tight around him.

“I’m here. I swear. I’m here.” He tells her over and over again. “I only left this time to give you time. I knew I’d fucked up and I knew it wasn’t something I could just apologize for.”

“I know, but I need you to stay anyway.” She pulls away, looking at him. His own tears running down his face. “I need you to be here this time. That’s the only way this will work.”

He nods his head as more tears fall. She wraps her arms around him, kissing his head. She tried to fight how she knew she felt. Tried to make herself believe that how she felt was because he was the father of her child. Because Liam needed him. But the reality was that she loved Lee. She never stopped loving Lee. And she needed him there.

“Is Lee leaving again?” The small voice came from the stairs.

Lee and Y/N pulled apart and looked over at the little boy standing there with a pout on his face and big tears in his eyes.

“Why would you think that, buddy?” Lee stood going over to Liam, scooping him up.

“Because you’re sad. Mommy is sad when you leave. And you’re sad.”

“Oh, no, baby.” Y/N walks over to her son. “We were just talking about things. I just missed him a lot when he was gone.”

“So, you’re not leaving?” Liam’s big green eyes go to Lee.

“Nope.” Lee hugs Liam. “ I’m not going anywhere. And even if I do have to go for a bit, I’ll always come back.”

Liam smiles and throws his arms around Lee’s neck, hugging him tightly. “How about some Cheerios?” Lee asks him with a little bounce.

Y/N watched as Lee ate breakfast with him and they laughed. She left for work a while later and felt a breath of relief knowing Lee was with Liam instead of a babysitter. She didn’t have the worry sitting in the back of her head like before. The feeling of dread when she would get him afraid to see blood stains and a missing babysitter.

Lee kept his distance the next few weeks. Knowing she needed to wrap herself around him, having done what he did and his reasons behind it. Sure, she understood and it made complete sense. But that didn’t change the fear from it all.

When Lee came up behind her she would jump. When he would appear in the dark she would gasp. He didn’t do it on purpose, but it still got to her nonetheless. He tried. He would take her hand at night while watching TV. He’d look at her from across the room with daydreaming eyes. She saw it in his eyes how he felt and it settled her heart.

“Liam is asleep.” Lee told her, walking into Y/N bedroom.

“That was quick.” She chuckled, sitting in the bed, rubbing the rest of her lotion into her hands.

“We spent most of the afternoon at the park.” He sat on the edge of the bed near her feet. “Always wears him out.” He smiled.

“You two are such a little team of craziness.” She ran her hand through his wild red curls. “Letting the hair grow?”

“You love it.” He smirked, kissing her hand.

“I do.” Her smile fades a little as she sits back against the pillows.

“What?”

“Did you- did you leave in the middle of the night last night?”

Lee looked down at her hand in his. “Yeah.”

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just, I couldn’t sleep. Needed to clear my head.” He kissed the back of her hand again. “I came back, though.” He gave a tight lipped smile.

She sat up, her face even with his. “What’s going on in your head, Lee?” She runs her hand through his thick faded red curls. She notices his eyes going everywhere but her. “Lee?” She dips her head, finally catching his eyes.

“Why do you love me?”

She was taken aback by the question. She just stared at him for the longest time. His green eyes searching hers, waiting for an answer.

“I- why would you ask that?”

“I just don’t understand how you can love someone- something like me.”

She lets out a sigh. “Lee, you are a good man. Just because you have this…illness, doesn’t make you any less good.”

“I think back-”

“Don’t. Don’t think about what you did. Look at what you are doing.” She takes his face into her hands. “You are taking care of us. You are there for him and you are here for me. It’s been a heel of a few weeks but you stayed. You’re here.” She pulled his face to hers and kissed his lips gently. “You’re where you need to be.”

“Am I?”

“Do you doubt you belong with us?” She asked, dropping her hands, looking him in his eyes.

Lee shrugged his shoulders. “I know I want to be with you and Liam, but-”

“No buts, Lee. If you have any doubt that being with us is right, if you think that you can’t, that you without a doubt can not do this, then walk away.” Lee watched as tears filled her eyes. “But if you do choose to walk, stay gone.” The tears started falling from her eyes. “Because I can not handle this. I can’t-” She shakes her head wiping her tears. “I just can’t.”

Lee lifted his hand to her cheek, the fresh tears were warm as they slid down his fingers. He leans forward pressing his forehead against hers. “I don’t know how to let anyone love me.” He whispers as a tear slides down his cheek. “It scares me how much I need you.”

“Me too, Lee.” She whispers. “But I'm trusting you with my everything.”

Lee lifts his face just a little, his breath ghosting over hers. “You are my everything.”

With their eyes still shut he presses his lips gently against hers. Since he’d bitten her, her usual instinct has been to pull away from him when he is this close. This time it was the last thing she wanted to do. She leaned into his kiss. When Lee parted his lips to break the kiss she leaned into his mouth again, pressing another, more firm kiss to his lips.

He brings his hand to her cheek, pulling her even closer. Heat rushed over his body as he smelled the rose scented body wash she used. She felt his fingers gripping at her. She didn’t push him away or move from his touch. She let him slowly lay her back against the pillows. Although his movements were unsure and scared she could feel the emotion and yearning behind them. She could feel his desperation for her and the raw need to have her. It only made her own feelings and desperation for him grow.

She slipped her hands beneath his shirt, gently gliding up his back. His muscles flexed beneath her fingertips as he steadied himself on top of her. He pulled away breathlessly. “Wait- are you sure?”

“I am.” She tells him, running her fingers through the faded red curls. “I want you, Lee.”

He leans his forehead on hers. “What if-”

“No what ifs.” She leans kissing his lips. “Just now.”

WIth that Lee pressed his body to hers, melting into one another. They undress each other, feeling every inch of one another’s skin. He hadn’t touched her like this since they were teengers. The emotion of having the person you yearned for most and never could have. Lee was surprisingly overcome with emotions he wasn’t sure what to do with. So he held her as he loved her. He moved carefully making sure she felt every bit of his love, every ounce of his need for her. It wasn;t until they were both panting, shaking, sweaty messed between the sheets that they even parted an inch.

“I love you.” Lee whispered to her. “I love you so much.”

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