loveroflifesblog

[loveroflifesblog]

Mavis

It was almost February. You were the first person I saw when I entered the room. Typical guy. Brushed up hair, tattooed arms, wearing that signature green jacket that you have. You were sitting quietly did not even noticed me. 

It was my first day of work. You were the first person I saw in that room, but the very last person that I became close to. You were my superior back then. Rarely talk to you about anything unless it was work related. I used to call you "Sir" or "Kuya" since you were older than me. 

I never imagine that we will ever talk to one another. You were in a relationship that time. I hated you and your partner. She wasn't really nice to me. I did not care that much because I don't have to deal with you all the time. 

It was summer when our team decided to go out of town. You and your partner was not invited. It was one hot summer day when we went to Masasa Beach in Batangas. I was shocked that you were there but your partner isn't. One of our office mates told me that you are having problems with your partner. I never really cared because I thought it was just a simple couple fight.

When we arrived at the place, you immediately talked to me. I can still remember what you told me that time. I can still remember how you looked like. I remember teasing you that time that you guys will all be tipsy but I will still be fine. I think you took that as a challenge. We kept on talking during that time. We were enjoying each others company while you were cooking and me washing the dishes.

We were alone at the beach. We started talking to one another like we knew each other for a long time. We talked about your relationship with your girlfriend. And that is when I found out that you have broken up. I told you to patch things up but you told me that it seems impossible. I was broken hearted too, knowing that you have a child together. I know how it feels growing up with incomplete family because my father died at an early age. You kept on saying things about you and I started to share my story too. I have been single for a year, still trying to move on from a heart break. I was inlove with a guy who was married. We were secretly dating while he was still married. He loves his wife so much and doesn’t have any plans of leaving her. I don’t want him to do that too. I know what I did was wrong but I fell in love with that guy and I can’t stop it. We eventually ended our relationship after almost 3 years. I guess that is what made you interested in me. I can be that girl. I can be that girl for you. A girl who would stay with you even if its wrong. I can be your go-to girl. I can be your secret woman. I can be your fuck buddy. I know you did not said that directly to me but I know you that is what you mean. 

Days passed and we began talking to one another. We work together, we seat beside each other, we became friends, I started hanging out with your friends. I admit it, I had a crush on you the first time I saw you. 

It was one hot afternoon, we just got out of work and our office mates invited us to drink. We drink together and started to be sweet to one another. I guess, it is the beer that is talking. You gave your phone to me and started showing me your gallery and your messages. You started showing me everything and you even gave me the password of your phone. I was teasing you that I might see your girl friends messages and you told me that I can have your phone for a week and still see nothing. I don’t know what to feel. We may be tipsy that time but I know what you said was different. We were about to go home and offered me a ride. I declined because it was out of the way and you were drunk but you insisted. Instead of going home, we stayed in a motel and there we became intimate to one another. You asked me if we can continue doing it, I hesitated but you assured me that is going to stay between us.

It happened once, twice, thrice and I can even remember how many times. The third time we did it, you told me that you want to tell everyone on the office about us but I declined. I told you not to do it because your break up with your EX was still a big thing in the office. I declined but I felt very happy on what I heard. I know you were still trying to move on from your EX but it still made me happy hearing those words.

I fell for you. You were my priority back then. I help you until you got over your ex with the hopes in my heart that we can eventually make our relationship official. 

But things started changing. We barely talk. I saw some girls on your Facebook page liking and commenting on your post. Some of our office mates said that you brought a girl to one of our office events that I did not join. I got hurt but who am I to ask? Who am I to demand? Who am I to you?

I got mad and got an opportunity to hurt you. You and some of our office mates started to use a dating app. I was intrigued. I joined that app and pretended to be a different person. Viola! I got your attention. I did everything so you can fall for me. I succeeded. You fell for me. You fell on that person that I created. 

When I thought have plotted a revenge against you, I was wrong. I was falling for you even more. It was difficult for me to end that make believe relationship. Then the nightmare came to reality. You knew who I was. You knew that it was just me pretending. You got mad and started not talking to me. I thought that will be the end of us. I accepted it because I know sooner or later it will happen.

New years eve. The year was about to change and I told myself that I will be leaving you behind. It was a fucked up year and don’t want to include you or anyone in the past to hurt me again. I guess, destiny isn’t really friendly after all. A few hours before the new year, you sent me a message greeting me happy new year. My heart jump. It was the greatest plot twist of my 2018. 

You started talking to me again like nothing happened. You started sending pictures again. I don’t know what to say. Then you eventually asked me to go out again. Being the stupid I was, I gave in. We started going out again, doing the same things we did before but I got used to it. I did not demand or ask anything. I told myself that I will not be expecting but I know in my heart there is a little hope that you will like me. 

A few months have passed and it is still the same. I got busy with my new work and yours too. You were still the same to me and I realized that I am not getting any younger and I want a serious relationship. I told myself that the next time you will ask me to go out, I will decline and will clarify what we really are. It was destiny again who tricked me. 

We were just chatting that Sunday afternoon. We were planning when to see each other when you suddenly mentioned that you have a girlfriend now. I was shocked but did not show that to you. It seems like your girlfriend was just nothing to you. I told you I don’t wanna do it. I told you not to do to other people what your ex did to you. You told me what we have was far beyond than what you have with your girl now. If that is the case why didn’t you choose me? I knew that this day would come. I knew that you were never gonna choose me but I held into that day that you told me you want us to be official. I still remember everything. The way you looked at me. The way you touch me. The way you cared for me. Some may say that you never really cared but I know deep down inside you, you felt it too.

I have questions in my mind that may not be able to get an answer and that is okay. Sometimes closure is not getting a closure at all. You will always have a special place in my heart. I will be moving on now but please know that I will always be there when you need me. Some people may see you bad but you will always be the sweetest person for me. I wish you all the best in life. I hope that even for a little time I made you happy. I hope that one day if I saw you on the streets I will have the courage to look at you straight in the eye without any ill feelings. Forgive me if I will do this. For now, I will take care of myself first. Once my heart is ready, I will be your friend again.Let me just prioritize myself. I will always love you Wuvwuv. I will miss you. Please take care of yourself while im gone. Smile, soon things will be brighter.

Almost lover,

Wuv